Chuck Norris Punched His Way Out Of The Womb Today

Submitted by: fancylad 8 years ago in

Happy 69th Birthday, Chuck. Fact: No other birthdays exist today, only Chucks. What your favorite Chuck Norris fact?
There are 117 comments:
Male 76
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. there were no survivors and the pilot episode tape has been burned.
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Female 299
Wehn chuck norris falls in water, chuck norris doesnt get wet.

water gets chuck norris.

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Female 21
ITS BRUTAL. STOP PINCHING THE BEAR.
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Male 29
every dinosaur skull ever found has the imprint of a size 15 cowboy boot on it
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Male 51
Chuck Norris does sleep he waits.
Jesus can walk on water Chuck Norris can swim through land.
Under Chuck Norris` beard isn`t a chin but another fist.
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Female 4
Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight. Not because Chuck Norris is araid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
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Female 251
Chuck Norris was bored one day so he decided to make a time machine and go back in time to save various historical figures.
He first went back to the kennedy assasination to save the president.
The only problem was, when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the bullet, the president`s head exploded out of the sheer awesomeness
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Male 233
Lol I have a Chuck Norris calender, but I didn`t find this one in it. "Chuck Norris had a boner, the were no survivors"
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Female 173
Before Chuck Norris was born, the martial arts weapons with two pieces of wood connected by a chain were called NunBarrys. No one ever did find out what happened to Barry.

chuck norris can count from 0 to infinity..TWICE!

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Male 50
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door
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Female 134
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
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Female 134
Chuck Norris doesn`t actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
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Male 2,788
When chuck norris jacks off, every woman in the world gets pregnant.
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Male 2,788
Chuck norris CAN believe it`s not butter.
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Male 976
Chuck Norris clogs the toilet with his piss.
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Male 291
Chuck Norris has actually been for 5 years, death is just too afaid to take his soul.

Chuck Norris` home has no corners, for only he can appreciate the pure supremenss of the round-house

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Male 291
In the morning, Chuck Norris grinds coffee beans with his teeth and boils the coffee with his own rage.
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Male 562
If you have 1 Dollar and Chuck Norris has 1 Dollar, he has more money then you.
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Male 562
Chuck norris for President of Earth!
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Male 10
jesus walks on water, chuck norris walks on jesus hahha
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Male 4,680
Chuck Norris actually tore the bear in half when he fought it, but it was too awesome for TV so it was edited.

Also I find it weird when I remember my grandma`s the same age as Chuck...

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Male 134
flashback to 2006, when this stuff wasn`t old. now it`s just dumb.
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Male 37
who`d win in a fight between chuck norris and god

trick question, chuck norris IS god

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Female 54
When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he doesnt push up, he pushes the earth down.
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Male 2,510
Two wrongs don`t make a right. Unless you`re Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face.

When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.

Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.

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Female 528
Chuck Norris can find the square root of -1
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Male 139
Chuck Norris is always on top, mainly because he never F**ks up!

When Chuck Norris jumps into a river, he doesn`t get wet... The water gets Chuck Norrised.

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Male 103
chuck norris was fighting a bear once... then it left.


thats the best i got =P

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Male 680
Chuck Norris` left testicle was so big, that it detached from his body and started orbiting the Sun. Today, it is known as `Jupiter`.


Also, another testicle grew in its place, so he still has two attached to him..

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Male 8,302
> DuckBoy87
> My nephew was born this morning at 1AM...
> He shares a birthday with Chuck freaking Norris!!!

AND an IQ!!!

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Male 285
when babies are born, they cry not because they are spanked, but because they have the innate fear that chuck norris still roams the earth
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Male 198
i was hoping he would roundhouse kick the bear in the face!!
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Female 6
CHUCK NORRIS got into a fight with a very poisonous snake and the snake bit him and after 5 minutes of horrible pain the snake died
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Male 3,431
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
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Male 50
punch it in the uvula!
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Male 4,793
when the boogeyman goes to bed at night, it checks under its bed for chuck norris.
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Male 3,625
My nephew was born this morning at 1AM...

He shares a birthday with Chuck freaking Norris!!!

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Male 386
Chuck Norris was originally meant to star in the show 24, but was cut because the producers realized the show would only last seventeen minutes.
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Male 31
Chuck Norris is the only man who can wear a fanny pack, and look cool, sexy, and intimidating at the same time.

Also his fanny pack is where he keeps the souls of all of his roundhouse victims.

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Female 4,447
Happy birthday?
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Female 7
todays MY birthday!!!!!!! hahahahah!!!
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Male 144
Chuck Norris does not age. Every birthday, it`s just another year added to his existence, which sucks for you.

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he`d kick your ass.

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Male 249
oh and today is one of my friend`s 15th birthdays lol
sorry chuck norris.
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Male 606
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
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Male 249
In honor of Chuck Norris, the mayor of Dallas decided to name a street after him. The only thing is, that street was the #1 dangerous road for pedestrians.
Nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives
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Male 2,582
Jesus has a bumper sticker that says "WWCND?".
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Female 4,028
Seriously, what the hell is with this Chuck Norris frenzy? I must admit, it is getting to be a little annoying.
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Male 72
Chuck Norris doesn`t do push-ups. He pushes the earth down.
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Male 30
Chuck Norris has a vacation home deep within the Carrabean Sea, today this is know to us as the Burmuda Triangle--Chuck Norris doesn`t allow trespassers.
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Male 629
Chuck Norris once took a vacation in the Virgin Islands. From then on they were just called the Islands.
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Male 364
There is no list of extinct animals, only a list of animals that Chuck allows to live.
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Male 364
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wise Man in the Nativity. He brought the gift of beard. Jesus loved the gift so much that he wore it constantly from that day forward. The other three Wide Men were so jealous that they had Chuck written out of the bible. Soon afterwards, however, it transpired that all three Wise Men had died with mysterious round-house-kick-to-the-face type injuries.
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Male 533
chuck norris` calendar goes from march 31 to april second: nobody fools chuck norris
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Male 533
chuck norris killed two stones with one bird

chuck norris knows what scroll lock does

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Female 741
chuck norris is a pisces!

HA

He`s at the top of his game

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Male 1
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse, horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
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Male 1,064
my freind`s b-day is today. and i`m not lying.
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Female 107
Before the Boogie Man goes to bed at night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

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Male 3
isnt it bin ladens birthday today? he`s 52, happy birthday to him
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Male 259
Chuck Norris had sex in a semi truck once, a bit of his s*m*n got in the engine. Now we have Optimus Prime.
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Female 9,562
Jesus walks on water, Chuck Norris swims on land.

If a tree falls in the forest, does it make a sound? Yes, Chuck Norris can. Chuck Norris hears everything...

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Female 470
The quickest way to a man`s heart is with Chuck Norris` fist.

Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken`s famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.

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Female 695
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
God didn`t hurl Satan into hell. Chuck Norris did.
Chuck Norris doesn`t breathe. He holds air hostage.
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Male 192
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that`s why there are no signs of life there.
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Male 3,327
Happy Chuck`s Birthday to you, Pallal!
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Male 3,327
Chuck Norris is not old, merely much more experienced than you.
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Male 1,220
Chuck Norris can divide by 0.
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Male 363
chuck norris is not short. your eyes merely fail to comprehend his height. xD
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Male 364
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris`s beard, only another fist.
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Female 15,763
I heard he`s actually kinda short in person...
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Male 30
Chuck Norris beat the sun at a staring contest
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Male 17
Your sources fail man... It`s my friends birthday today.
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Female 63
Then I am the one who is lacking in comprehension. I apologize.

Unless your joke just sucks :P

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Male 76
I know of the jokes >.> and i was making one too.
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Female 63
Pallal: Actually its my birthday today. Your sources fail you.


And your comprehension of Chuck Norris jokes FAILS you.

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Male 76
Actually its my birthday today. Your sources fail you.
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Male 678
crop circles.........Chuck Norris`s way of telling corn to lay the f*@k down.
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Male 41
my favorite: Chuck Norris puts the laughter in slaughter.
my 2nd favorite: Chuck Norris died 10 years ago, but death is too scared to get him
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Female 525
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren`t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
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Male 109
chuck norris` tears can cure cancer...
too bad he never cried
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Male 3,014
Did you know that the 69 was invented as a present for Chuck Norris` 69th birthday?
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Male 5
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
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Female 1,690
AHEM.... my fave:
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands, now they`re just Islands.

XD

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Female 14
after typing in "find chuck norris" on google and clicking "im feeling lucky".

Google won`t search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don`t find Chuck Norris, he finds you.


No standard web pages containing all your search terms were found.

Your search - Chuck Norris - did not match any documents.

Suggestions:

Run, before he finds you
Try a different person

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Male 7,933
"Chuck Norris is a complete prick. He`s a peice of sh*t neo-con who PRETENDED top beat people up on a TV show. F*ck you Chuck Norris. The world will be a better place when you are gone."

HES JUST KIDDING CHUCK!

(and in case he isn`t then his views don`t represent this website)

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Male 260
Chuck Norris is a complete prick. He`s a peice of sh*t neo-con who PRETENDED top beat people up on a TV show. F*ck you Chuck Norris. The world will be a better place when you are gone.
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Female 1,653
Lee Harvey Oswald didn`t kill JFK.
Chuck Norris went back in time and caught the bullet. JFK`s head just exploded with the shock XD
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Male 418
When chuck walks, he doesnt move, the earth moves at his pace .... ( i had to get permission from chuck to mention his name, and to exist )
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Male 2,159
He does not sleep, he waits - just like the main character from the new GTA IV extension...

I actually have a book of 400 CN facts. Hey, don`t look at me like that, I was in a book shop - it was the most interesting thing there...

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Male 189
"F*ck Chuck.
*checks self for any Chuck Norris related injuries*

Nope, still here."

chuck norris is killing you from the inside

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Female 761
He`s almost 70?!!! what the...how the bear gonna walk away,lol, that`s a g.
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Male 4,807
Champions are the Breakfast for Chuck Norris
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Male 4,867
i love how his shirt never came untucked lol
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Male 1,788
That video was so fake! If he had really been fighting a bear, the fight would have only lasted 3 seconds until Chuck Norris won.
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Female 362
Chuck Norris doesn`t sleep...he waits.
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Male 13
The second Chuck Norris was born the nurse said "OMG THATS CHUCK NORRIS" and drated him right there on the spot. It was the third time he had had sex
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Male 817
F*ck Chuck.

*checks self for any Chuck Norris related injuries*

Nope, still here.

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Male 242
You could see that bear finally realizing: oh f*** me, I just messed with Chuck Norris.

What they did not show though was right after this clip ends, Chuck Norris turns this bear into a barbeque feast, a fur coat, a skull paper weight and fine bone tooth picks with only using his pinkies...

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Female 4,039
Chuck Norris never throws up - he throws down.

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Female 1,006
When Chuck Norris falls into a river, he doesn`t get wet. The water gets Chuck Norrised.
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Male 374
chuck norris lost his virginity before his dad
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Male 201
Today is also my grandfather`s birthday.

He died of alcoholism 14 years ago.

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Female 455
When the Bogeyman goes to bed, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

If you have 5 dollars and Chuck Norris has 5 dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

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Male 1,270
Chuck Norris once lost a fight to the death...

He called for a rematch.

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Female 706
Chuck Norris doesn`t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

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Male 1,270
Chuck Norris won the World series of Poker...

...with a hand consisting of: 2 of Clubs, 7 of Diamonds, Mr Bun the Baker, a `get out of jail free` card, and a passport photo of himself.

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Female 9
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.
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Male 45
Chuck Norris is so fast he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris can win a game of connect 4 in 3 moves.

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Male 2,388
chuck norris cheated death

Theres some things you can`t buy for everything else there`s chuck norris

chuck norris doesn`t sleep he waits

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Male 45
there is no theory of evolution, only a list of creatures chuck norris allowed to live
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Male 45
chuck norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage
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Male 45
chuck norris can slam a revolving door
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Female 44
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can`t, you may be seconds away from death.

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Male 1,148
Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin he built with his bare hands...

nice wrestling chuck :P

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Male 924
chuck norris can kill two stones with one bird. he also won connect 4 in 3 moves.
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Male 18
DEATHMATCH!
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Male 20,830
Link: Chuck Norris Punched His Way Out Of The Womb Today [Rate Link] - Happy 69th Birthday, Chuck. Fact: No other birthdays exist today, only Chucks. What your favorite Chuck Norris fact?
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