33 Simple Sex Tips to Turn Her On

Submitted by: fancylad 8 years ago in
http://www.menshealth.com/mhlists/sex_tips_to_turn_her_on/index.php

Guys, read this. Girls, make sure your guy reads this. Very slightly NSFW, but pretty much OK.
There are 107 comments:
Female 4,376
No to pretty much all of them. Though I wouldn`t mind getting back rubs more often because every time i get them they last a grand total of 30 seconds. Like 5 minutes would really kill you...
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Female 136
1. no
2. yes
3. no - saying it is good, but wearing it??
4. yes/no - whispering is good, but that`s a little awkward
5. yes/no -i cherish anything he gives me
6. meh
7. YES!
8. yes/no - would be nice, but that`s just unlikely
9. yes/no - don`t do this if she lives with her parents
10. yesish - i love it when he brushes my hair
11. yes
12. sure ok
13. depends... food in bed for me equals cat hair in food
14. NO
15. no - stick to hands/tongue
16. no
17. no - tub is too small
18. yes/no - just soapy hands works
19. maybe yes
20. yes sometimes
21. no
22. ouch
23. NO!
24. maybe?
25. yes
26. no
27. meh
28. huh?
29. ouch
30. sometimes
31. yes
32. what?
33. no
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Female 57
someof these were pretty creepy to me like
Embrace Her Until She Makes the Move to Leave or Buy Her a Silk Thong but the "explain why you love her" part was cute.
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Male 2,582
This should be titled, "How to be a testicleless douchebag".
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Female 125
Ok I found most of these stupid, like the chilled gapes for example, wtf? I don`t want cold fruit near my bits ok. But here are the ones I thought were good tips 20,21,22,28 and 29.
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Female 4,028
...Is this a joke?
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Male 1,244
ConverseUK is totally right. In fact, he stole the words out of my mouth
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Male 2,616
"How i see it is....if u dont get slapped on the face for it, then she liked it"

If that`s true, girls LOVE being roofied, in my experience.

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Male 2,510
im shocked.
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Male 2,510
you mean getting totally mortal drunk, yelling and screaming in the front garden for half an hour, pissing in the closet and puking at the foot of the bed with one eye open trying to focus on her does`nt do it for her!?
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Male 1,270
FFS are most men really that helpsless as to need a guide?

Here`s a guide: be yourself and do whatever feels natural.

If a girl really cares about you, then she won`t mind if you don`t buy her things or whisper dirties in her ear at a party.

Its like the `how to know if a girl is faking an orgasm thing`...I mean SERIOUSLY?! It doesn`t MATTER...if she doesn`t like it, she should tell you...thats called BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP.

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Male 2,855
nice way to turn a mexican dish into a bondage session
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Male 306
i agree with AKappy...although like 2 or 3 i can personally say work....but like someone else mentioned...not all girls are the same, dont group them all in one category. How i see it is....if u dont get slapped on the face for it, then she liked it ;-)
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Male 3
What the drat is this?
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Male 250
LOL SO GAY
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Male 326
""Then devour both her and the fruit."
cannibalism, the fastest way to a woman`s heart... literally"

LOL!

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Female 495
My tip would be to ignore those tips and treat women as individuals rather than grouping us all together and assuming that most of us want or like the same things from a man!
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Male 12
turn her on?!
how about using a club to turn her off and than start the party.... kidding.

girls, mind pointing out the exact things from the article that do not work ?

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Male 2,616
I feel like you should do whatever comes to your own head to make the woman you love feel loved. Don`t read somebody else`s list, because your actions lose their sincerity and are no longer genuine.
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Female 1,578
Miakauisan, i totally agree. This article made me laugh my ass off. If a guy did half these things i would just laugh at him.
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Male 1,766
god damn it. :(
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Male 2,245
f*ck sincerity, look at your partner not as an individual, but as a game. if both partners can pleasure each other more than anyone else then that`s what i call love.
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Female 1,963
Oh and one more tip; have a long term relationship. Only after 4 years of being with my boyfriend do I really feel comfortable saying and doing exactly what I like.
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Female 1,963
I think everything in this article is very, very true. I wouldn`t necessarily enjoy having my lipstick applied by my boyfriend, but everything else was good. Especially doing and saying affectionate and sexy things when you`re not expecting sex at that moment; If I`ve been ignored all day, I`m not going to be instantly turned on when he wants sex.
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Female 157
I coulnd`t read all of it....I barely got through the first page without falling out of my chair laughing. Go nuts guys...do these...lemme know how it works out for you. ;-)
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Male 557
"Then devour both her and the fruit."

cannibalism, the fastest way to a woman`s heart... literally

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Male 322
ok..ok.. I have shaved my wifes legs...and it did work. She thought I was crazy at first..but she loved it. :) I have a leg thing anyway ;)
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Male 715
I have to agree with Lionhart, also if my wife ever saw that I wrote her name on my shoulder or arm, she wouldn`t laugh and think I`m adorable, she`d likely say wth is wrong with you?!
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Male 4,745
You know what works better?

Communication: Don`t be embarrassed to talk about sex with your partner. Discuss things that you enjoyed or didn`t like. Especially women. Tell your man when he is doing something you don`t like or doing something you do like. This way, he can improve his technique and do everything right for you. Every woman is different.

Foreplay: Women need it and men need to learn to enjoy the anticipation and overall experience. Nothing revs up the engines better then a good long session of stroking, rubbing and licking, from both parties. It makes everyone happier!

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Male 8,300
That lipstick thing - I don`t know a single woman in the many I`ve lived with/partnered with that would EVER allow a man to do her lipstick. That is a very personal thing that has to be perfect. Does ANY man here know of a woman who`s ever let a man do hers?
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Male 1,164
now i think of myself as sexually quite open minded but grapey clitoris? wouldnt it be easier to roll an ice cube on your tongue for a bit? its worked for me in foreplay
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Male 11
OldOllie is pretty close with his list.

Simple Sex Tips to turn him on:

1. Show up.

Oh God I`m lonely.

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Male 2,372
What?? No tips regarding urine and feces?
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Male 426
"34. being me"

so chicks get turned on by Eddie Munster?

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Male 15,832
Simple Sex Tips to Turn HIM On.

1. Show up naked.

2. Bring beer.

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Male 3,296
34. being me
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Male 1,365
If I tried any of this stuff on my wife, she would be turned off. my wife likes me for the guy I am, that`s what turns her on, not fake player acting. Don`t waste your time trying to unthaw a woman who has no chemistry with you, you will miss an opportunity to be with the one that rocks your world.
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Male 926
"How about you just learn the things that SHE likes?"

Opie FTW...

Just because you know what the book`s about, doesn`t mean that you`ve read the book. Assume nothing, properly interpret all the subtext, the trip from A to B will be much shorter. Ignore the subtext and you might not even get to B.

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Male 926
I take it back 6point02.....I actually read the entire list....my bad.
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Male 926
Wow 6point02, you`re no fun at all. If the thought of your boyfriend doing most of these things sounds dumb, than it`s probably already over between you and your boyfriend.
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Male 2,486
Hey, I`m doing pretty good. I`ve done or do like 25 of those things. I dunno about the public sex one, that might jeopardize my bands tour this summer, you know.. getting arrested and all.
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Male 777
Seriously, at least this is giving guys the urge to try and be creative with their relationships, instead of settling for the "well, it`s Tuesday, so I guess we`ll be having sex tonight" approach.
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Female 71
most of these sound dumb. if my boyfriend ever tried the last one (pouring a drink into my belly button) i would be pissed.
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Male 292
Umm... what about just being nice? All the "thoughtful" gifts in the world won`t help you if you`re an non-nice individual.
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Female 15,763
Slain, do not advertise for your own or someone else`s website on IAB please. This is your warning.

Thank you.

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Male 2,125
You need a drating list to know what she likes? Seriously? You can`t think of it yourself? Why do you have her? If you`re relying on this you already drating fail. Go back to your corner and cry.
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Female 78
So I only read the first page, and judging by the few I read... not a single one of these would ever turn me on.
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Female 15,763
How about you just learn the things that SHE likes?
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Male 12,365
"Oh, and the suggestion of shaving her legs....WTF?"

It`s one form of mutual grooming, which they`ve used to fill a few items in the list. Like chimpanzees picking fleas off each other, but more civilised.

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Male 4,012
*facepalm*
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Female 76
"Today I am going to make you have as many orgasms as possible"
"BWHAHAHA!! What??" would probably be my reaction. I wouldn`t melt or become turned on. I`d laugh
Oh, and the suggestion of shaving her legs....WTF? I would never let another person shave my legs and I can`t think of any man who would want to do that anyway.
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Female 1,984
"aw so many of you hate on this list, but if the guy who ALREADY turned you on tried most of this stuff, you would melt.
Admit it!!!!!!
:)"

I rather punch the guy.

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Male 12,365
"Most of the bath ideas are bizarre and slightly creepy."

I`d go further and say that most of the whole thing is bizarre and slightly creepy.

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Male 12,365
"I don`t want a man applying my lipstick. Wtf."

I used to apply my woman`s lipstick, but she came home early one day and found me with it on.

8-)

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Female 1,984
Silk thong? Gag.
An embracing hug? I hate hugs...
Wear my name?! Pathetic.
The whisper-anticipating thing? Please. So over.
#9: "That much sweetness might make you nauseous, but it`ll make her feel like a lovesick teenager." ... uh, I`d feel nauseous too.
The lipstick thing is just odd.
"Kiss and Lick Her Hinges" I`m too ticklish for this to work.
Most of the bath ideas are bizarre and slightly creepy.
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Male 12,365
"Number 14...Ummm...this may or may not work. A lot of females (myself included) hate making decisions. (Mostly because if we make a wrong decision, the whole situation goes to sh*t.)"

That may be the biggest turn-off for me. I want something less one-sided. You`re only being asked to decide what you want, at least some of the time. I find it too much like work to decide everything for both of us. Not my cup of tea.

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Male 12,365
I think NowPleaseRea has hit the nail on the head.

I`d bet good money that with almost any woman, some of this list would go down well, some would seem strange to her and some would irritate her. Not the same ones for each woman. Not even the same ones for the same woman all the time.

There are no easy answers when everyone is different, but writers need to fill pages with text,

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Female 56
Most of those sound pretty stupid. I don`t think I would want my guy to do 90% of the stuff on that list.
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Male 1,297
btw yo-i-am-luke, that is the most ridiculous thing i have EVER heard. but its cute tho, so good for you! lol
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Male 1,297
aw so many of you hate on this list, but if the guy who ALREADY turned you on tried most of this stuff, you would melt.
Admit it!!!!!!
:)
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Male 626
"Let Her Give You a Pearl Necklace" That one made me pause... It was talking about during sex so I thought it was on about the dirty meaning where Pearl Necklace is when you "finish off" on the girls neck leaving white little pearls.

Anyway my girlfriends turn-on is comedy and maybe some rp. Like one time we tried star wars theme and I never had so much fun in sex! I stood on the other side of the room looking strained while holding up my hands. She asked what I was doing and I said "Trying to use the force to remove your clothing". And finishing with yoda "Finish, I did. Satisfied, I am. Much joy was had!"

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Female 538
""Tonight, I`m going to make you have as many orgasms as possible." " was listed as something to say, but... that sounds awkward to me... I would turn red and never have sex again if someone said that to me.
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Female 1,142
Hey, if this list might help spice up your sex life - good on you.
But personally, a great deal of these suggestions sound annoying as Hell. o___o
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Female 406
I don`t want a man applying my lipstick. Wtf.
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Female 1,082
ugh... lame. people are different, poo like this is always bull. "men are microwaves, women are slow cookers"? puhhh leez.
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Female 208
Number 14...Ummm...this may or may not work. A lot of females (myself included) hate making decisions. (Mostly because if we make a wrong decision, the whole situation goes to sh*t.)
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Male 176
The thing that really turns off the writers of these types of so called expertly advised article writers is the notion that people are people and that both men and women are all different. You can`t write trite articles like this one if you recognize this fact - so you ignore this in order to make copy and get your check and move onto the next trite article you have to write. I was put off by no 1 the instantly hot microwave guy and all day slow cooker gal analogy. What bullsh*t. Everybody is different. Another day another bullsh*t magazine article. Who reads mens health anyway?
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Male 575
I need to keep this.
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Female 379
...Do other women really like these things? The only one I really liked was 13. I <3 hot chocolate.
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Male 436
I`ll do this with my girlfri... oh wait, that`s right!

The bitch drated me over!

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Female 660
haha why would it randomly turn a woman on with nr 32?(sounds more fun for him though)
Sex tip that works for me: Wash the dishes,make the bed,put on the heaters and Tell me when you`re in the mood! lol
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Female 102
I`m a woman and I approve of this message. :)
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Male 10,440
That looks like too much work.
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Female 1,516
Fairly good list... but nothing my man doesn`t already know and do.
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Male 181
The naysayers here would be surprised what you`d try in a long-term relationship where love and trust are involved, I`d say. Sure, some of this seems silly, or embarassing - but not with someone you really trust. That`s a big turn-on by itself, right there.
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Female 529
I hate thongs. It`s like getting a wedgie.
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Male 189
Seriously? If you need to read these tips on a website in order to realise this then you`d better stick to social ostracization.
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Female 688
the last one is a little random, and they all seem a bit... i dont know. strange.
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Female 694
Most of this stuff I just found to be very ... odd...
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Male 362
Double post? I don`t know how that happened.
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Male 362
Haha, what is this garbage? If I have to play flirty grab-ass games like these JUST to turn my woman on, sorry babe, there`s the door. I don`t play servant. Besides, all men need to turn a women on is a slick beard, a sweet hat, and some Bay Rum cologne. A massive bulge in your pants is optional.
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Male 362
Haha, what is this garbage? If I have to play flirty grab-ass games like these JUST to turn my woman on, sorry babe, there`s the door. I don`t play servant. Besides, all men need to turn a women on is a slick beard, a sweet hat, and some Bay Rum cologne. A massive bulge in your pants is optional.
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Male 588
Anytime JimmyPhet! Make sure you watch it on vimeo though, youtube compression sucks.
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Male 4,867
yeah Vhreio - i thought that too
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Female 590
I can think of so many ways that the "Silk Thong" one could go wrong.
#5 is dumb too: I`m pretty sure most women would prefer flowers to a card.
#14 sounds frustrating.
#21 sounds annoying.
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Male 1,148
Quite a nice list, I`ll have to remember some of these :P
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Male 3
OMGGG yaaa thats it!!! once i read ur comment it clicked in my head like wow. thanks Robert soooo much
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Male 506
Shave her legs for her?

Does anyone else find that too weird?

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Male 588
JimmyPhet842, it wasn`t Sideways Ponytail by Natalie Portman`s Shaved Head, was it? It doesn`t exactly fit your description...but maybe?
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Male 76
I like the one about the washing machine, I think i`ll try it.
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Male 3
heyyyy can someone help me im looking for a music video that was posted on here a long time ago. it was a techno song with really bright colors going all over the background and the lead singer was a sexy punky girl. ive been looking all over for it but cant find it. does anybody know what video im talking about?? thanksss
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Male 845
i can vouch for 32. thats a whole new feeling.

this list is nice. i think imma try some of the more creative ones.

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Male 3,014
@SuperJesus: DUR HUR HUR HUR. :B
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Male 90
IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT!!

actually im not

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Female 735
oh goshhhhhhhh i wish i had a guy that`d do this stuff. *drooling*
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Male 4,680
Good idea not to try 4 on a first date either. That would probably get you arrested.
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Male 386
They should extend the list to 69 ways.
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Female 120
Mmmm....chilled grapes
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Male 777
Damn right! Do some men seriously not know any of these tricks?
I pity their girlfriends/spouses.
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Male 516
By the Gods.

I`m speechless.

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Male 8,300
Who cares if SHE`S turned on!?!?!?
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Male 689
i lol`d at number 4, and i couldnt make it past the first page.
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Female 1,427
Haha, oh, my boyfriend is getting this link.
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Male 354
hmmm very nice guide... any lady wanna try some of these out with me? ;-) lol i kid
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Male 328
i will try some of these tonight. do not fail me IAB
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Male 107
10. Apply Her Lipstick

Ok, now it just get weird.

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Male 21,000
Link: 33 Simple Sex Tips to Turn Her On [Rate Link] - Guys, read this. Girls, make sure your guy reads this. Very slightly NSFW, but pretty much OK.
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