New Mac Laptop Preview: It Has No Keyboard!

Submitted by: smartbomb314 8 years ago in

Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard
Apple, once again, giving their customers products they don"t even realize they want yet.
There are 135 comments:
Male 20
Typing would take AGES. So its a no for me.
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Male 118
the only part that made me laugh

"the sudoku killer will strike again and will kill eather 1, 4, or 9 victims"

and yes, ONION PEOPLE!! ITS NOT CNN ITS (ONION)NN

heh.. onionnn

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Male 3,482
Seriously... Why do so many things from the Onion get through?

They`re NOT funny, and afterwards we have to deal with tons of morons screaming "FAKE!!11!1!1" like noone actually knew it.

Duh, the Onion is fake. That`s half the reason they`re not funny.

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Male 778
Give it a year and this`ll actually come out haha.
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Male 335
Lol, Sudoku killer.
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Male 295
It`s ONION of course it`s fake, if that didn`t give it away, well... lurk moar
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Female 354
i love macs. but this is obviously fake, and the worst possible product idea of anything ive seen
so therefor apple wouldnt attempt it haa
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Male 89
Ya, incase no one payed attention to joe cox4, it`s fake...seriously, it`s the stupidest idea ever. Apple is much smarter than this.
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Male 220
Yea... you calling yourself "gamerdude" yet admitting you got a mac 6 months ago and love it/became a Mac fanboi overnight automatically disqualifies you from having an opinion... and breathing... so please stop or we`ll have to get a court order. -_-
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Male 615
i LOVE this. Sooooo much, lol. The Macbook Air was SUCH A FAIL. True, I am typing this on a mac, but regardless, you have to admit that was a ridiculous idea.
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Male 45
lol
for anyone who hasnt realised yet, its a pisstake
cba trawling through the pages of comments, just thought id bring it to the attention of anyone who thinks its being serious :)
oh and btw
macs are gay
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Male 103
Gamerdude94 get out.
Just get out.

We don`t want your newfag arguments about Mac or PC.

Quit trolling IAB.

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Male 404
"iTunes is crappy because it has default settings for noobs. If you are not careful it will delete all the songs on your ipod if you plug it into someone else`s computer."

Worst. Argument. Ever.

If you didn`t know, when you plug it into someone else computer, you have the OPTION to "Erase and Sync", and if you want iTunes to erase you iPod, don`t click that. Why would iTunes automatically erase your iPod when you plug it in? Do some research. I very highly doubt you`ve ever used iTunes, or a Mac. Personally, I love my Mac. I was a PC used for my whole life until about 6 months ago till I got a Mac. Best choice I ever made.

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Male 404
Windows is seriously the worst operating system ever, to all you PC fanboys :b
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Female 167
Wow... that`d take some getting used to. -_-
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Male 596
im pretty sure i can type faster with my eyes closed than spin a wheel and hope i land on a wammy...
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Male 1,361
"Study finds horseriding is just an expensive way of sitting"

I bid you farewell, i need to change

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Male 161
I wonder how that guy was able to type an email for 45 minutes if the battery only lasts 19 minutes XD it was probably hooked with the charger but its still an interesting point XD
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Female 182
"Gay!!
typing will take like 30 mins for a few sentences.
MAC Fails Once Again... -_-"
I can tell you`re serious because you`re 17 or under (Probably because they don`t have 1-13 on here), use of weaboo face and shouting GAY!!, and that you have a maplestory picture.
Go back to maplestory.
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Male 524
Thought this would be fake, but i wouldn`t be surprised if it wasn`t. I hate how mac over simplifies things like this. The first time i saw one of their 1 buttoned mouses i was like "What this hell is this?" lol.
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Male 17
has anybody noticed that the email the fanboy wrote had at least 5 spelling and grammar errors? lol
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Female 1,231
Haha. The Onion is amazing. =D
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Male 1,232
"Gay!!
typing will take like 30 mins for a few sentences.
MAC Fails Once Again... -_-"

You do know this is fake right...?

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Male 147
Gay!!
typing will take like 30 mins for a few sentences.
MAC Fails Once Again... -_-
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Male 928
Onion: win

Cefca: fail

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Male 307
The sudoku killer will kill either 1, 4 or 9 victims next.

That made me smile

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Female 377
"4 ounces lighter, due to lack of hard drive, screen and wheel." ahhaaa. I love the onion.

-Cefca, it almost upsets me that you`re so ignorant.

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Male 120
"ill buy anything thats shiny and made by apple." pretty much the mentality of all apple users
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Male 904
wow. they put a lot into making this parody right?
and it would take forever to type a paper.
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Female 61
LOL! You gotta love the Onion.
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Male 544
macs do come with keyboards every one cept for the mini and the display
its an option to get a wireless one
read "what`s in the box"
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Male 74
Well, for one, I didnt even notice the Onion at the bottom until a minute and a half in.

Pretty bad I guess.

But was really bad, was I didnt know it was fake until 2 minutes in... Im a bit slow.


I was like wtf? I was going to type something along the lines of: I see this going nowhere far. Or: To faildom away.

But then I realized it was my slowness.

lol.

I now have a new found appreciation for my keyboard.

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Male 75
My teacher showed us this in fullscreen during class earlier today.

I thought it was a real Apple product, because I wouldn`t put it past them to sell crap like this- people would buy it anyway. Oh Apple, you marketing geniuses.

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Male 8,302
Wow, I guessed The Onion after "Apple Introduces", I`m getting better at spotting them! Obviously posted by a PC user, a Mac user would have known that Macs DON`T COME WITH A KEYBOARD ALREADY. It`s an "optional extra"! Check out the Apple website store if you don`t believe me.

I`m more worried about that other major story on the page, the Breaking News about a "Series Of Concentric Circles Emanating From Glowing Red Dot"! That could be nasty if you live in the area and don`t like red...

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Female 131
It`s a giant iPod! With a keyboard! :O
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Male 1,598
Why does this seem like a real Apple product...?
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Male 2,238
Cefca, maybe you shouldnt stay on iab, you might get THE GAY.
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Male 166
oh my god... could you imagine trying to type on that???? that would be horrible... this sentence would`ve taken me like 10 minutes
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Female 354
XD onion is the bomb...
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Male 213
had me going for a second...
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Male 243
"everything is just a few hundred years away"

lol

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Male 130
Apple actually has plans (but don`t get your hopes up) of a touch screen keyboard with no buttons. The plans say it is fully customizable, QWERTY, DVORAK, or any other way you can think of, as well as a customizable num pad were numbers can be replaced by commands such as, save, open, copy, paste, quit, ect... OR commands in a game such as WoW (yell, dance, ect.) Also, when you press command, the letters will disappear and be replaced with their actions. For example, press command, the s key becomes `save`, c key becomes copy. This also allows for customization on what buttons do which commands.
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Male 1,164
lol damn u onion
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Male 503
some1*... let the spelling critiques roll in -.-
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Male 503
Cefca!
your back. i was just wondering when i could start hating on somewhere here. F*ck you and your simple minded hick @ss. its great that Apple put a ton of money to support people against prop 8. if i ever see you one day, i can only hope i have a baseball bat.

that aside, i hate onion news, there so damn convincing. i really believed for a second that this product was real, except its on the onion news lol

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Male 1,497
cefca, you homophobes make me laugh.
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Male 81
The abortion went well. lol
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Male 2,238
"Wow. They are right about mac... always trying to give us stuff that we never realized we wanted (even though we never wanted it). Even though I have an ipod, I hate mac. iTunes is crappy because it has default settings for noobs. If you are not careful it will delete all the songs on your ipod if you plug it into someone else`s computer. Also, Apple donated a ton of cash against prop 8, so now I just think of them as a bunch of gay lovers."

Who pissed in your cereal??

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Male 12
Wow. They are right about mac... always trying to give us stuff that we never realized we wanted (even though we never wanted it). Even though I have an ipod, I hate mac. iTunes is crappy because it has default settings for noobs. If you are not careful it will delete all the songs on your ipod if you plug it into someone else`s computer. Also, Apple donated a ton of cash against prop 8, so now I just think of them as a bunch of gay lovers.
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Male 2,395
Thank goodness it`s the onion, for a while I thought apple really epic failed there.
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Male 12
I didn`t realize it was the onion until the very end
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Male 1,089
is virtually unbreakable. unless dropped or hit.
hilarious
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Male 4,004
Elvi, how can you NOT realize it`s the Onion, when it`s clearly reads, "THE ONION NEWS NETWORK" at the very start of the video.
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Male 63
hahaha i got tricked by the onion... i wouldn`t be surprised if this was a real product though
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Male 97
I WANT ONE...especially the 40 GB which was just under $10.000. lol

the onion is hilarious

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Female 731
Oh man, the Onion pretty much goes into the future, sees what stupidity happens, then makes a `parody` of it so that it doesn`t really happen.

God save the Onion!

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Male 4,793
meh.
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Female 481
Wowwww.

Until the last twenty seconds I actually believed it, I was saying to myself why the hell someone would get that it would take sooo freaking long to type. Then when I heard the guy saying he spent 45 minutes to type the email I was just nahhh this is fake! Damn the Onion!
I feel like an idiot.

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Female 15,763
Wow.. that was SCARILY accurate to what Apple would do.
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Female 7
hahah, so good.
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Female 9,558
"that has to be fake"

That`s why they call it onion.

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Male 2,238
"I`ll buy almost anything if its shiny and made by apple."

Also jesus and dawg, ITS A JOKE.

(unless you`re joking, and then i look like a dick)

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Female 9,558
That made me laugh.
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Male 233
that has to be fake
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Male 210
You know what the sad thing is?
All the Mactards would buy it, and brag about how they have one.
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Male 386
And then they will advertise it, and it will sell better than an actual laptop simple because no one knows sh*t about computers.

I`m not angry at humanity, i`m just thouroughly disappointed.

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Female 362
I can see Apple making a product like this D:.
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Male 486
Gotta love The Onion.
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Male 4,867
haha onion cracks me up
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Female 917
Haha that`s funny
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Male 367
We laugh now, but the Onion just gave Apple it`s next big idea and just inspired the Sudoku killer, probably Ken Jennings...God help us all.
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Male 1,837
this would be the world`s most retarded product. i dont know why, but i feel so infuriated. then again, i love onion news.

and omg i hope the sudoku killer makes a note of how much hes gonna kill first D=

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Female 15
wow. im lame. i totally thought this was real until she talked about the sudoku killer
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Female 289
"spent 45 minutes typing an email (i forgot whom)"

soooooooooooooooo i can type that in 10 minutes with a keyboard

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Male 240
Sigh. I hate computers, but I hate macs less than windows. Even so, apple`s going overboard with the whole simplification thing. Urgh. Power mac G5, last good computer they made.
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Male 1,497
It would be so sad, but not unexpected, if apple really did this...
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Male 301
lol "i`ll buy anything if it`s shiny and made by apple"
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Male 2,506
lmfao onion kicks ass!
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Female 393
lmao. i hate macs so much.
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Male 1,266
Thought it was real until 5 seconds in... onion news...
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Male 544
every things just a few hundred clicks away
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Male 544
nice try opinion fail
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Female 139
haha 45 minutes to type an email to a friend
at first I thought it was serious then i saw how to "type" the email lol pretty good
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Male 1,788
Wow, please be kidding me...
Playing a game like CSS or WoW or HL2 on that would be hell in it`s worst form.

"Look! A headcrab! Gotta move to the left... Damn! Died again!"

Huh...you`re stupid.

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Female 15
i wont break unless dropped or hit...?
if you just dont touch it it wont break!
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Male 31
wow, mac r teh lamzorz!!! lolololol. teh typing r done on keybordzzzz!
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Male 54
Really good parody needs to be very close to the truth and that was very close to the truth in a lot of ways.


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Male 305
Wow, there`s some scary stupid folk commenting today.
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Male 10,440
bahahahaha! Apple sucks. ONN agrees.
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Female 488
As an Apple whore I must say... this is quite hilarious.
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Male 7,933
wow... even if you dont know the onion. You have to be able to tell this is obviously fake.


"Will come out in 3 to 15 months"

Hilarious


Although I can`t mention how many times I`ve wanted to type messages about aardvarks

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Male 886
"I`ll buy almost anything if it`s shiny and made by apple."
lol, that was one of my favorite lines.
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Female 876
>.> It worries me when some people still don`t know what The Onion is.
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Male 1,718
`it couldn`t be simpler`. Oh wait it could, we need a set of letters on seperate buttons. I will call it the mac-board.
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Male 95
Wow, please be kidding me...

Playing a game like CSS or WoW or HL2 on that would be hell in it`s worst form.

"Look! A headcrab! Gotta move to the left... Damn! Died again!" X-(

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Male 453
Lol i love the last sentance

"whether this will catch on in the business world where people actualy do some work, rather than dicking around"

Onion news actualy presenting some facts there lol.

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Female 1,299
"Everything is just a few hundred clicks away"
nicely done (:
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Female 1,095
lol i like the predicted sentence part. the sudoku killer ahhh XD I usually hate onion stuff but this was entertaining.
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Male 3,296
haha this was halarious....
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Female 1,653
That would take FOREVER just to type "hello"
I mean, 2-odd seconds to 5-minutes... I think I value my time more than that.
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Male 39
I thought this was funny before I saw the comments section, but after seeing how many people think its real its 10 times funnier.
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Male 513
The guy that said "I love anything shiny and made by Apple" pretty much sums it up for most Apple customers.
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Male 285
I own one and i love it! and if u dont believe me jus look below.
but it did take twenty min to type this .. also i have carpal tunel

-SENT FROM A MACBOOK WHEEL-

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Male 11,739
The aardvark asked for a ride. GENIUS! I can`t tell you how many times I use that sentence every day.

Plus it`s virtually indestructible unless dropped or hit!

I loved the line at the end questioning how it will go over in the business world where they do actual work, not just dicking around.

This is the best Onion spot I`ve seen in years. That`s what I used to expect from the Onion, maybe they`re back. The Sudoku line at the end was good too. 5 stars.

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Female 72
It wud take for fu.cking ever to write even something as simple as this message...
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Male 172
ROFL! They had me goin.
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Male 352
I`m going to assume Fairspirit isn`t familiar with The Onion..

Anyway, actually pretty funny, for The Onion.

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Male 201
What makes this believable is that it`s actually the kind of bull Mac would put out!
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Male 9,305
lmao, hummingbird battery
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Male 901
"No way, this sucks. I love my keyboard. I`m fast with it and it`d take me forEVER to type an e-mail with that thing. The people did look like they were having a slow time with the typing aspect of it. Def not for me. "

Interesting comment.....I can;t tell if your joking.

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Male 107
FairSpirit ... do you seriously not realize this is fake?
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Male 158
As a recent Apple convertee I find this type of disregard for the Macbook range disgraceful.... not really, best laugh i`ve had for ages....!
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Male 273
Naz14, here you go, the AMEK TSK-VX7 Touch-Sensitive Keyboard-- no keys, just areas.:

http://www.gearlog.com/2007/03/amex_tskv...

and I want one, too.

Onion strikes once again! I was introduced to them from IAB, and I love them! So, thanks!

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Male 211
I like that you can upgrade to a 40 GB model! That`s awesome! Please note the sarchasm. If you don`t know the Onion is a joke site, you need to die now.
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Male 1,039
Oh, it`s The Onion, LOL

I could see Apple doing this...and the sad thing is millions of idiots would buy it.

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Female 100
"Virtuality unbreakable unless dropped or hit". Best quote ever.
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Female 115
No way, this sucks. I love my keyboard. I`m fast with it and it`d take me forEVER to type an e-mail with that thing. The people did look like they were having a slow time with the typing aspect of it. Def not for me.
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Male 715
lol I love it. "Everything is just a few hundred clicks away." Genius!
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Male 2
I`ve seen a lot of things suck in my life; school, my job heck even my life itself sucks. But this laptop my friends, now this sucks big hairy balls. They make it sound as if a lack of a keyboard is something to be proud about!! lol, denial is a bliss
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Female 1,564
WOW who the hell would want that? i could type 700 times faster, for sure, with my keyboard

thats plain obvious though haha.. it`d be cooler if there were no keys to push down..just touch sensored areas for "keys"

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Female 118
Godamnit I hate the Onion so much they raise my hopes and then CRASH THEM DOWN INTO THE DEPTHS OF HELL.
But I don`t care about this because I`m a Microsoft bitch, anyway.
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Male 889
you already had to do this when you wanted to make a note on the old ipods
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Male 376
Lol it wouldn`t surprise me if Apple really created this. Gimmicky computers for morons.
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Male 180
Hehe, all round brilliant. As usual, watched it twice so I could read the ticker.
I`m not getting into any Appl3 sux0rz debate.

4*

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Female 587
lol and this is why i love the onion

the sudoku killer ^.^

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Male 2,004
wouldnt supprise me if apple created something like that
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Male 2,388
This was good one.
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Male 23
Ha, that`s just pure gold. And quite subtle too, seeing how people`ve started bitching about it as if it`s true - right from the second comment.
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Female 83
Don`t mind me I`ma noob for thinin` it`s real, but my statement stands. ;p

wtf.

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Male 427
haha the sudoku killer, made me giggle.
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Male 211
the onion bothers me...its not funny and it confuses me for a while and then i see that it was in fact a parody.

Feylynn...you honestly thought that was real?

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Female 83
Call me crazy but that seems like the most ridiculously useless Idea ever.

Innovation is only it`s own merit if it IMPROVES the way it performs. The keyboard works, works faster, works easier and no one would have to relearn how to type.
I`ll save replacing the keyboard for the guys working on Thought to Computer technology cause the reason a keyboard as more then one button is because someone smarter then a board designed it.

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Male 701
Wow that`s just stupid, and it looked like the people trying it out were having a lot of trouble with writing stuff.
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Male 6
Ha, gotta love the onion...
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Male 1,220
Link: New Mac Laptop Preview: It Has No Keyboard! [Rate Link] - Apple, once again, giving their customers products they don`t even realize they want yet.
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