Worst Porn Movie Ever (First 70 Seconds)

Submitted by: Chaos7 8 years ago in Funny NSFW

 
 
 

Check out the editing on this flick and note the sounds effect when the guy gets hit in the head. [Safe for work.]
There are 101 comments:
Male 89
wow, knocked out by a frizbie, and i got hit in the head with a solid steel pipe(age 11) and i didn`t get knocked out, just cried.
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Male 147
"im only a teenager"

:O

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Male 1,371
re-enactment of me watching this

THUNK..."heh heh heh, ha....heh hahahahhahaHAHAHHAHHAHAHA"

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Male 192
you mean they act in pron movies? LMAO!
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Female 19
I`m horny now, lol... jjk

http://www.developmemory.com

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Male 47
That sound effect was priceless.
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Female 317
LOL "I`m only a teenager!"
honey, you aint foolin` no one
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Male 612
hahahahaha terrible
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Male 2,148
This was part of a Cracked list that may or may not have been posted on IAB. Yes, the acting, concept, and production were all horrible in this clip, but do they not still have sex later?
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Male 2,553
"We hit you with a frisbee and thought you might press charges." WTF

"Im only a teenager." The dude: Hrmmmmm

WTShi*

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Male 12
i dont they`re there to act lol
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Male 97
lol, "press charges that aint the being lady your asses are going to jail"
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Male 247
That`s not the worst porn ever made; that distinction goes to `Showgirls` starring Elizabeth Berkley.
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Male 294
sounded like they hit a car with that thing! loved how at the end he suddenly looks down between her legs like a penny just fell there.
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Female 370
Lmao! wow. that was some pretty terrible acting.
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Male 868
DONK!
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Male 330
"Stop right there" ha ha, i died
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Male 610
this will DEFINITELY scare away the aliens
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Female 182
I think a toucan with a strong beak and access to Windows Movie Maker could have done a better editing job than that.

...Wow.

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Male 3,296
where is the original feed, I need to further examinate the evidence to determine whether it lives up to it`s aweful intro
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Male 11,739
Ho-lee crap! I agree, that has to be the worst porn movie ever. Acting is always crap in them but wow. I`m betting that even the sex was bad. EEK!
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Female 1,516
BAM!
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Female 143
lol
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Male 194
HAHAHAHA that sound was amazing
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Male 2,395
That was too horrible, I mean who throws a frisbee when a guy`s walking right right in front of you O_o

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Male 1,182
MOOOOAAARRRRRRRRRR
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Male 78
`I`m only a teenager`
-`Hmmmmmm`

hahahah. Not only did the sound of the Frisbee come way too soon, it also sounded way off. Definitely the worst intro i`ve seen to a porn flick by par.

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Male 1,148
hahaha that looks awfully home-made....
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Male 12,365
"And lady, you look like you`re in your thirties. Last time I checked, they don`t consider sagging salon-tanned thirty-somethings teenagers. =P"

They do in the porn industry. "teen" in pornspeak is 18 to 35 or so. Eighteen, nineteen, twentyteen...thirtyteen...all it takes is a little creative renumbering.

Hmm...would it be, for example, twentyteenfive for twentyfiveteen for 25?

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Female 15
xDDDD
"I can`t go to jail, I`m only a teenager."
"Mmmmmm..."
I love how he started to lean forward as soon as she said teen.
That`s awesome.
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Male 12,365
"Pills... like viagra?"

Yes. A man in porn is mainly about an erection on command for as long as required by the director. Viagra and suchlike obviously helps with that.

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Male 12,365
"is that how all porn start off?? with a bunch of nonsense coincidences??"

Not all, no. A lot just skips any pretence of a plot. The "gonzo" style, for example, usually has a few minutes of the woman being interviewed by the cameraman, giving her (fake) name and probably making the rest up, before sex starts.

Almost any porn that attempts a plot is ridiculous, though. The silliest intro I saw started with a man badly acting waiting in a bus stop shelter. A woman walked up, waited a few seconds, looked at the timetable, badly acted being surprised and badly acted exclaiming that the bus times had changed and the bus had already gone, before turning to the man, supposedly a random stranger at a bus stop, and saying "We`ve missed the bus, so why don`t we <forbidden word>?

Very realistic. It`s why I don`t get buses - I got tired of all the women propositioning me :)

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Female 1,578
"No, I couldn`t do the job. Well, I suppose I could with pills, but I wouldn`t want it. I do, however, know a couple of men who have worked in porn and I`ve read interviews and articles on what porn is really like."


Pills... like viagra?

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Male 12,365
"Angilion -- you seem to know what you`re talking about all too well. Be honest...are you the guy in that video?"

No, I couldn`t do the job. Well, I suppose I could with pills, but I wouldn`t want it. I do, however, know a couple of men who have worked in porn and I`ve read interviews and articles on what porn is really like.

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Male 12,365
"exactly how much did they get paid for this???????"

It varies a lot, depending on how well known they are and what they do. The women generally get 2-3 times as much as the men, but the big deal is how well known you are. A famous woman = more sales, simple as that. So they get paid more. A quick look around porn sites indicates straight sex pays £100-$300 for new men and $400-$1200 for new women. Ron Jeremy, who should know, says annual pay averages out at about $40K for men and $100K-$250K for women.

Marilyn Chambers is the best known - she was charismatic and good at business and negotiated a percentage instead of a flat fee. She made millions in the 70s - $3M for one film alone.

Jenna Jameson sold her own porn company for $14M quite recently, so there`s still big money for the women who are big names.

See the *references* in the wiki article on "pornographic actor" for details and a good interview with Ron Jeremy.

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Male 1,718
Okay this was from the Cracked list of Worst non porn moments in a porn film. And I know my cracked sex section. Read the article because i couldn`t breathe for laughing!
http://www.cracked.com/blog/i-have-brain-cancer-the-cracked-guide-to-porno-no-nos/
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Male 339
Angilion -- you seem to know what you`re talking about all too well. Be honest...are you the guy in that video?
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Male 12,365
"i wish i was that guy"

Keith2, You wouldn`t if you saw what the job is really like. Men in porn usually have a much lower status than women in porn, get paid far less and must perform on command. The women can fake it, the men can`t. You must get an erection when you`re told to. You must ejaculate when you`re told to. Not before. Not after. You must ejaculate enough, when you`re told to. You also have to start and stop on command, for whatever reason the director decides. It really isn`t a very desirable job unless you get to be a big name and therefore have some say in things.

You`re thinking of it as being like normal sex. It isn`t. That`s why porn workers call it "working".

One porn director bluntly and honestly summed up the role of men in porn as "...animated dildoes. They`re there to make the girls look good."

Nowadays, you have to look good too. More people are realising that many women watch porn and want eye candy.

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Male 358
Really, why do they bother? I`ve seen more talent in an elementary school play. "excuse me, can we f*@$ you?" would have done just fine.
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Male 2,422
"Oh my God! We have to chop up the body and toss it in the lake!"
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Male 928
BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Why don`t they skip the bullpoo with the frisbee and just show the fu cking?
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Male 118
this should be on IMDB`s top 250.
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Male 2,591
come on we don`t watch porn for the acting... i wish i was that guy
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Female 39
oh my GOD
editing crap, sound effects crap...i mean, how could you knock someone out with a frisbee, especially with that kind of throw. and WHY would you drag the guy home?? AND you guys only watched this for the porn, so you didn`t read the title.
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Female 609
oh man. those actors...just.... freaking amazingg. ...NAAAT. exactly how much did they get paid for this???????
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Male 3,431
Meh, Great so I actually get to watch only the WORST PART of the Porn Flick?! WAREZ TEH POON!
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Female 497
that was not a porno i did not see boobies D:

and ive seen porn it just starts up with rough dratings because theres actually a fat guy with a gun taping it Dx

p.s. dont reply `IVE BEEN THERE`

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Female 587
is that how all porn start off?? with a bunch of nonsense coincidences??
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Male 4,867
i don`t think he could speak english before this video.

and yh that was really bad even by porn standards

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Male 138
Is he drating australian or something?
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Male 285
so they almost kill a man with a very weak skull .. and try to dispose the body .. then engage in felatial acts wit one another .. seems like a typical day to me ..
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Female 721
Wow, that was a pooty editing job. And did anyone else notice how bad the focus was?

And lady, you look like you`re in your thirties. Last time I checked, they don`t consider sagging salon-tanned thirty-somethings teenagers. =P

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Female 239
I cant go to jail im only a teenager...
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Male 191
I was gonna say he looks like one of chuck norris`s sons...
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Male 14
I`ve seen bad porn movies...this one takes the cake. By far.
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Male 259
If he IS a South African, I reckon `Dick van Dyke` would be a good stage name - it`s regional, informative and possibly factually correct. Oh wait, that`s already being used.....
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Male 44
Am I the only one that wants a link to the rest of it?
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Male 13
So they are hot, I understand.
And they want cool off by playing frisbee (read: engaging in physical activity?)
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Male 4,745
Worst porn ever?!? You obviously haven`t seen much porn... ;)
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Female 738
Wow. That is horrible.

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Female 3
HAHA I love the noise and the look he gives her chest at the end. Creep.
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Male 901
So she hit him in the head with a plastic frisbee. And then they want to get rid of the body? Exciting.
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Male 76
`Is that Brooke hogan?`

No she`s Brooke Banner.

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Male 4,012
And that is supposed to warm up my genitals how?
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Male 995
Ladies, when you reach 40, use the teenage relation to jail line, hmmmmmmm guaranteed!
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Male 274
hahah the old "please mr, we`ll do anything"...its a classic.
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Male 17
Is that really supposed to turn people on? I can`t imagine it doing anything else than making people feel (more) ashamed of what they`re doing.
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Female 58
Is that Brooke hogan?
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Female 960
AHAHAHHA.

This is from Brazzers.com, too. Their porn is always this terrible.

As for South African accents...mmmm.

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Male 1,049
Definately South African. It`s easy to tell, south africans sound like an Australian with a cleft palate chewing on moth balls. :-)
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Male 4,546
Say what you like about porn, I love a happy ending.
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Male 2,582
That was the worst 1.10 min of my life.
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Male 895
teenager? OMFG LOL
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Female 4,197
Anything ehhhhhhhhhhhhh???

*wiggles eyebrows*

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Male 3,819
I thought it sounded Austrian but I`m horrible with accents. I`ll take tyrice`s word for it.
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Female 72
omg!n u guys he`s not british he`s definitely definitely south african. i`m south african and that accent is unmistakable
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Male 2,586
He`s not british!!! come on, learn the difference!

Let me guess though, now he expects to be repayed with favours :-)

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Male 1,178
"*thunk*
oh no! we hit a british guy!"

he was most definitely not british, Australian I`d say, unless it was just a terrible fake accent.

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Male 216
*thunk*
oh no! we hit a british guy!
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Male 563
I CAN NOT STOP WATCHING THIS!

The thud is amazing.

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Male 8,302
> Worst Porn Movie Ever

Congrats to the Judges for their hard work in a category where there was certainly no shortage of entries...

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Male 42
what is the name of that porno. sounds almost as good as pirates
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Male 4,793
lmfao...oh the porn industry, you make me giggle.
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Female 15,763
Yeah, she looks like a teenager like I look like Barack Obama.

Mmmmmmmhm.

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Male 1,815
That guys accent was RIDICULOUS
(btw, teenager my ass you ugly piece of slut)
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Male 3,619
*Lalala, I`m running, I can clearly see two people throwing a Frisbee, I`ll run in between them*

KABOOOOOOM!!!!

*Falls on ground, unconscious*

Wow that woman must be the Shulk if she knocked out a guy with a plastic disc.

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Male 3,819
Not only was that sound effect horrible but they cued it about a half second too early.

...and that teenager looked about 40.

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Male 626
"I can`t go to jail I`m only a teenager"

LOL

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Male 1,053
rofl!!!
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Male 167
you can also see the shadow of the camera man
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Male 3,301
Judging by the sound, I`d guess that the impact would be enough to make his skull cave in.

Hawt.

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Male 543
lmao.
genius script.
if only...


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Male 437
and who in the drat cares about acting in pornos?
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Male 437
the guy sounds like hes actually trying to act
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Male 2,076
*bonk frisbee to the head*

ah..priceless.

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Male 2,076
ROFLMAO.
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Male 848
Link: Worst Porn Movie Ever (First 70 Seconds) [Rate Link] - Check out the editing on this flick and note the sounds effect when the guy gets hit in the head. [Safe for work.]
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