How to Torment a Telemarketer With One Word

Submitted by: DaPalooka 9 years ago in Funny

Dedicated to those wonderful people who phone us every day.
There are 105 comments:
Female 28
yes :]
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Male 1,718
yeaaa or get 5 girls to ask you to come back to the hot tub and then say that you have your hands full and cant talk anymore
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Male 1,140
oh also a good way to ward off telemarketers is to say that you`re "really busy right now" and throw something at a wall and proceed to scream shut up jimmy i told you not to talk anymore
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Male 38
Not bad.
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Female 1,070
ahahahah

LOVED the ending x]

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Male 1,193
not funny and fake
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Male 1,140
oh also a good way to ward off telemarketers is to say that you`re "really busy right now" and throw something at a wall and proceed to scream shut up jimmy i told you not to talk anymore
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Male 1,140
meh. i just act like im crazy, stupid, and have prisoners in my basement.... oh yeah, never mind i don`t act. but seriously they usually just quickly hang up after saying something about my family under his breath
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Male 1
The ending was awesome, was not expecting that lol
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Male 35
telemarketer are next to the irs for number of people that hate them
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Female 738
Here`s an easy solution:

"I`m not interested, thank you." hang up.

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Male 2,788
yes.
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Female 70
i actually do that!
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Female 4,376
telemarketers are so annoying. STOP CALLING PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!! seriously how do they make money when most people just hang up anyways? Like i saw an ad to be a telemarketer making like 10bucks an hour and i`m thinking where the drat is this money coming from. no one is buying your crap lol
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Female 217
The telemarketers here are REALLY annoying.

They send you an automated call, which is always silent on the other end, about 10 minutes before a real person calls you, probably to make sure you`re home.

But if they don`t do that, I usually just do something stupid like "Yeah, sure, let me just go turn off the stove *puts phone down on couch and watches TV*".

Occasionally, I`ll tell them "Uh, you might want to talk to my parents about that. They`re both at work right now" and they never call back. =P

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Female 217
The telemarketers here are REALLY annoying.

They send you an automated call, which is always silent on the other end, about 10 minutes before a real person calls you, probably to make sure you`re home.

But if they don`t do that, I usually just do something stupid like "Yeah, sure, let me just go turn off the stove *puts phone down on couch and watches TV*".

Occasionally, I`ll tell them "Uh, you might want to talk to my parents about that. They`re both at work right now" and they never call back. =P

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Female 159
Yes!!
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Female 3
that was hilarious
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Male 612
omfgthatwascool,sorrymyspacebarisbroken... ha ha not its nots i fooled you all
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Female 3
that was hilarious
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Female 79
I was learning how to speak Japanese over the phone when a telemarketer called me. It was while I was practicing so it was very set up..
I simply answered the phone in Japanese.
They asked if I spoke english.
I informed them, in Japanese, that I did.
They hung up.
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Female 155
I just like the end! Telemarketer won!
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Male 357
YES AAAH YES
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Male 2,159
Yes
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Female 195
"This was obviously SET UP."

I`m glad I wasn`t the only one who thought this, telemarketers aren`t going to be snarky to you when you refuse to cooperate, they`re going to hang up and move to the next call. I`ve never been a telemarketer though, so don`t take my word for it.

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Female 58
My dad, usually hands my five year old brother the phone. Rather amusing. He TRIES to start a conversation, usually, about absolutely nothing. They usually hang up, and he continues to talk into the phone, as if the other person was still there.
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Female 40
Batmanners
Male, 18-29, Canada
724 Posts
There is a VERY great need for people to go and get an education so that Telemarketing companies don`t have as many employees. I happens to know that they hire retarded jerk offs because they won`t be able to get a new job.

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Ummm wow. I happen to work at a telemarketing place right now because its the best place to make money for college (which I`m in my third year of)and it`s one of the few places that will hire you to work for a seasonal position in this economy. In fact, most people I work with are college students just trying to make money for tuition and books. Just to let you know our company calls people only because they`ve filled out entry forms and initiated the whole thing. On a side note the phone in the video is the same exact one our whole phone room uses to call people. :D

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Male 426
i used to work in telemarketing and actually the best word to use is "no." once i heard that i would hang up and move on to the next call...we were paid by how many calls we made, so it did not benefit us to bother one person relentlessly when we could be making more money making more calls.
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Male 239
telemarketer: Hello sir, I have a terrific offer for you today...
me: Um, can you hang on a second?
telemarketer: Certainly sir
---- 5 minutes later ----
me: Are you still there?
telemarketer: Yes, and I called today to offer you..
me: Sorry, hang on again.
---- 5 minutes later ----
me: Still with me?
telemarketer: *dial tone*

(repeat as needed until the desired affect is reached)

I have a variety of variations, my favorite of which is to carry on talking to whoever happens to be in the house with me at the time - about really inane things.

And before you flame me... I know that my hatred for, and treatment of, telemarketers is unjust. They are, after all, just stupid unskilled people who can`t get real jobs. But I`m just a cruel and callous person who doesn`t give a damn about their problems, and likes to amuse himself at their expense.

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Male 474
When a telemarketer comes, and no one is there, I go sometimes nuts and sometimes I scream out "WHY?!!
?!!?!!!!"

God, I love their reactions.

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Male 1,361
or try and sell them something, waffles,toast waffle irons, toasters etc
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Male 1,361
the best way to end a telemarket call goes

tele"salespitch"
you"oh that sounds...NO! PUT DOWN THE KNIF*hang up*

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Female 1,231
""I once told a telemarketer calling about phone service that I didn`t have a phone. He replied "Okay," and hung up. o_o""

Telemarketer fail! XD

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Male 327
Well I work for a Opinon Research Firm and I call tons of people asking them if they want to take part in a political survey. BEFORE YOU YELL AT SOMEONE WHO CALLS YOU, MAKE SURE THIER NOT SELLING ANYTHING TO YOU. Its amazing how many poeple tell me to take them off the list. I DONT HAVE A LIST. Others just blow up about me calling them past 8pm. Some nice poeple dont mind taking 10 minutes of your time to help me get paid, but to all the people who explode if someone you dont know calls you, make sure they get to read their little introduction paragraph first thats on their computer screen.

My PMS is over now. I feeeel good.

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Female 61
Haha...Telemarketer 1.........guy 0

You are also a moron....YES!

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Male 493
When will businesses understand that it`s actually more costly to use the dead horse cold calling system of marketing a product. Prospecting for clients should be a transitional way of building a relationship before closing a sale, not a chore.
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Male 2,160
ahhhh yes...the strategy i used was act like a raving psychopath who wanted to be their friend the last time one called here, quite good fun.
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Male 46
The telemarketer spun that round!

I`m a member of the TPS and if people ring you, you just tell them that and they hang up straight away. We had a massive problem with BT who refused to hang up all the time, so we told TPS to slap their wrist.

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Male 222
With all the yes, it got me thinking of this video.
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Male 817
Anish: "No need to be an asshat. It`s not like most of these people love calling you up and talking to you!"

True, but when you get the same telemarketers calling you day after day even though you tell them to stop calling like I do... well, then it`s justified.

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Male 1,557
I must point out that I`ve worked at call centres, its just a job, dont take it out on the people calling you, they`re just doing their job, if you have a problem, contact the company itself. However at some point you must`ve given your number out.
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Male 69
The telemarketer won. No contest.
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Female 345
I know this is going to sound like I`m playing Devil`s Advocate here but my mother was a telemarketer for several years. People would threaten to kill her/her family, call her names and just generally be horrible. This was a harmless prank and I do think it was funny but I just hope a lot of people will remember that they`re just doing their jobs and in most cases they aren`t allowed to hang up unless it gets really bad. Telemarketers aren`t calling you because they want to or just because they thought you might like to hear about a great deal, they`re just trying to make a living. I know this sounds like a bad PSA but please be polite with any telemarketers that call you, no person should be treated badly for just doing their job. Now that I`m done with my little PSA, that was a pretty funny prank, it wasn`t evil horrible to the telemarketer
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Male 12,365
Er, TPS in the UK, not the USA. I was still thinking about those damned annoying pre-recorded pieces of crap, the only purpose of which is to annoy people.

Ask for the telemarketer`s home phone number. They won`t give it to you, of course. Why not? Because they don`t want you to phone them at home. Hey! Something you both agree on! <hang up>

If person A said to me that they were a telemarketer and person B said to me that they crapped on people`s gardens for a living and I had to spend time with one of those people, I`d chose person B.

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Male 12,365
Like Maddog, I registered with the Telephone Preference Service in the UK. I work shifts and I was frequently woken up by people phoning to try to sell me some stuff. It blighted my days and it was sometimes a challenge to remain polite. For a while, I made sure to get the name of the company and inform them that I had made a note of it and would never buy anything from that company again and would they please pass that message on.

Then I found the TPS. Two days was all it took before the calls stopped. Absolutely stopped. I get the occasional call:

Telemarketer: <Starts scripted blurb.>
Me: Excuse me. I am registered with the telephone preference service and you are not allowed to phone me.
Telemarketer. Sorry. Goodbye.

All I get now are recorded calls from the USA, always from the USA. I live thousands of miles away. Why phone me? Why have their machine leave a message on my machine? Gits.

If you`re in the USA, call the TPS today.

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Female 84
this guy`s my hero LOL
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Male 1,404
Wrong word. The word is Amway!
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Male 22
Classic! I`ve got to try this sometime!
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Female 1,441
"And you are also a Moron?"

That was brilliant.

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Female 850
elkingo someone was probably pranking you with a soundboard.
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Female 10
I enjoyed that. (=
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Male 544
That line from the original Willy Wonka movie works just as well --

Telemarketer: Hello there, would you be interested in our new deal?

You: No thanks, I`m not interested. Good day.

Telemarketer: Are you sure, because for a limited time we offer a--

You: I SAID GOOD DAY! *hang up*

I used it once, good way to brighten your day. :DD

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Female 2,695
hahahaahah
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Female 1,211
Three words: No Call Registry.
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Male 5,620
The best was when Cleo the Psychic called me.
"Hello, this is Cleo!"

Wow, your really psychic?

"Yes, how can Cleo help you today!"

"If you was psychic, you should have seen this coming, and not have called"
*hang up*

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Female 182
"We didn`t get your phone number from the tooth fairy. You gave it out at one point or another, and that story about someone buying it is crap. If you don`t want us calling you, don`t give out your number!"
Some people give out random residential numbers from the area off the top of their head, or their friend uses their number, while registering on something or the like.
This is why people keep calling my house. |: I didn`t give out my number, so I just pick up the phone say a quick "no" before they even can say anything then just hang up.
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Female 61
YES!!!!!!!! I lol`d!!
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Male 38
This was obviously SET UP.
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Male 4,004
Anish
Male, 13-17, Canada
351 Posts Wednesday, August 20, 2008 3:42:43 PM
No need to be an asshat. It`s not like most of these people love calling you up and talking to you!

===============================

There is a VERY great need for people to go and get an education so that Telemarketing companies don`t have as many employees. I happens to know that they hire retarded jerk offs because they won`t be able to get a new job.

Either that or the telemarketing company is based out of India. India is buying call center companies from USA and Canada which is why :
XBox Tech Support Effing SUCKS!!!!!!!

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Male 7,933
"We didn`t get your phone number from the tooth fairy. You gave it out at one point or another, and that story about someone buying it is crap. If you don`t want us calling you, don`t give out your number! Things just work a lot better if you either express genuine interest, or politely turn callers down."

Yes

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Female 855
No.
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Female 68
hahaha nyceeee
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Male 416
Yes.
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Female 140
YES!
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Male 170
umm, why is this funny?
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Male 1,468
Yes! Yes! Yes! There. That`s the video I was thinking of. xD
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Male 1,468
Was I the ONLY one thinking Captain Falcon through the whole thing?
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Male 101
lol Anish, you`re probably a telemarketer =P
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Female 943
hmm woulda been better with some subtitles.
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Female 507
Yes.
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Male 44
last four digits of your social security number...

YES!

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Male 475
are you a moron? ....yes
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Female 5,139
YES

sorry i had to ^-^

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Female 519
Yes.
Yes.
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Female 52
That`s too funny, I love it!
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Female 4,197
nice. Ive heard from people who have registered that they still recive about ten calls a day so I havent bothered
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Male 8,300
Shellie84 - The government-run donotcall Register DOES work, you need to register a complaint on the website when you receive a call if you`re registered. They will ask the time and date etc of the call, trace it, and prosecute. I was getting one particular mongrel company who refused to give out their ABN to me (a legal requirement if asked) and I complained. I was very impressed with the efforts donotcall went to, they had received many complaints about this company, and they fined them $250K.
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Female 4,197
I havent given my number to anyone :/ Also, the call looking for "John Smith" and do not call doesn`t work, you still get calls
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Male 3,369
Shellie84
Female, 18-29, Australia
952 Posts
[ Delete Post "> Wednesday, August 20, 2008 3:59:37 PM
From India, not england *sigh* I need to go back to bed
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I was gonna say..Most of our telemarketers / call centers are in India too.

Though..we brits can register for
The telephone preference service

After that..if a company repeat calls (and you tell them your registered) they can get fines and you get compensated.

i reistered years ago..I never get any sales calls now. they are a HUGE pet hate of mine..And Aramil..I have no idea how they obtain your number in the sates but here in the UK they just pull it out of the phone directory...but not mine..bwa hahahah!

Oh and...YES!

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Male 1,894
^^^____This would also make him eligible for handicapped parking
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Male 4,393
yes
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Male 8,300
1. > You gave it out at one point or another
Absolute BS. Amaril is implying that telemarketers don`t buy lists of phone numbers. Yes they do. Google `telemarketing list buy` sometime.

2.
In Australia, you can register at donotcall and that makes it illegal for telemarkets to call your number ever again. And yes, donotcall DO prosecute if you receive a call after your number is registered.

3.
Interesting legal point, they `just wanted to get that on record` that he was a moron. He should have then apologised and co-operated after that, and got as many credit cards as he could from them then spent every dollar of it. Having legally established on record that he was a moron, he would not be obliged to pay back any money since according to their own records now, he is legally incapable of entering into a contract and can`t be expected to pay it back.

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Female 4,197
From India, not england *sigh* I need to go back to bed
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Female 4,197
ALl our telemarketers are from england trying to make us use Aussie companies and I can barely understand them :( They call every 30 mins and ALWAYS during dinner. I am SO doing that next time
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Male 1,894
Yes, FTW!!1!!1!
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Male 614
Hahahaha! That was awesome.
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Male 648
all the telemarketing calls I get are pre-recorded messages, so that doesn`t really work.
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Female 15,763
"Ahh, okay. Just want to make sure that we have that on record."

SO saying "yes" to everything the telemarketer says next time. :`D

My cousin once told a telemarketer when she asked were her parents were that they were, :In the bedroom together... and I don`t think you want to disturb them..."

THAT was one hell of an awkward pause.

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Male 1,270
I had someone trying to seel me a new kitchen.

I told him I was having a heart attack and hung up...

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Male 142
Telemarketing seems like fun.. Legal prank calling almost
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Male 3,369
akijade
Female, 18-29, Western US
110 Posts
[ Delete Post ] Wednesday, August 20, 2008 3:50:44 PM
Dude, the telemarketer won that one
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yes
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Male 2,395
YESS!!
Those darn people just called me like 50 times this morning...
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Female 1,006
Dude, the telemarketer won that one.
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Female 857
Yes.

I once told a telemarketer calling about phone service that I didn`t have a phone. He replied "Okay," and hung up. o_o

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Female 331
No.


Didn`t expect the ending, though. Haha. Pretty clever.

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Female 5,139
lmao that was brillint!
"your also a moron?"
"......yes!"
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Male 182
"Why?" works fairly well too.
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Female 627
Some telemarketing is done by prisoners. Those aren`t the kind of people I want to piss off.


yes

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Male 315
As someone who does a lot of calling for political campaigns, I have this to say.

We didn`t get your phone number from the tooth fairy. You gave it out at one point or another, and that story about someone buying it is crap. If you don`t want us calling you, don`t give out your number! Things just work a lot better if you either express genuine interest, or politely turn callers down.

The preceding is a point of view you may never hear from again.

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Male 3,369
Yes!
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Female 2,084
p.s. the ending was priceless.
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Female 221
Haha I liked that the telemarketer was snarky right back at him. :P
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Female 2,084
yes.

yes.

yes.

hahaha.

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Male 509
No need to be an asshat. It`s not like most of these people love calling you up and talking to you!
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Female 360
Link: How to Torment a Telemarketer With One Word [Rate Link] - Dedicated to those wonderful people who phone us every day.
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