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And that`s exactly what I was thinking of, Rendin. xD
"Why, son, that`s Mercury! The planet closest to the sun. What it`s doing down here by the wharf I haven`t an idea... Maybe we should ask a scientist."
"I`m a guy, you jerk!"
Scene from Family Guy depicting the EXACT same situation.
Well, the bullet would most likely rebound off of your flabbyness, So that foils that plan.
And because they have nothing better to do then haul a big fat guy around, kairobert ^.^