Best Porn Intro Ever

Submitted by: fancylad 9 years ago in Funny NSFW

 
 
 

They don"t make porn like they used to anymore. Relax, SAFE FOR WORK.
There are 101 comments:
Female 3
dats cute
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Female 1,199
Removed. :(
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Female 375
lmfao. made my day
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Male 242
and to think many a men were holding their junk while watching this...
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Male 1,803
Man, if only it had fallen out of a passing aeroplane, then you could have had a pisstake of snakes on a plane...
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Male 251
eh... uh... er...
How do I reply to such a great performance? I`m awestruck
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Female 194
omg lol.....that was just stupid if pornos were made like the deep throat one they mght actually be worth really watching....
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Female 2,084
haha. wow.
crappy intro.
but i WOULD love to have that snake to scare people. lol.
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Male 42
I like LadyWeasel`s idea...which shows that iab readers should write their own porn scripts.
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Male 10
Woah! That is weird...
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Female 60
lol, that was funny
the snake part looked like me and my friends trying to remake snakes on a plane!
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Female 471
A better story line was if the snake bit his naughty parts and the Hungarian woman had to suck the poison out. But, the question remains, who gets to use the snake puppet and grab his crotch?
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Female 500
LOL classic! The guy sorta looks like Lt. Dangle from Reno 911. :->
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Male 96
Hey I cured cancer;) Personally I would have gone with the line "OMG it bit me!! You will have to suck out the poison."
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Female 662
That really is the best intro ever. I can`t stop laughing.
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Female 179
I wish just ONCE, a guy would use such a clever pick up line as that in real life.
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Female 471
oh. my. god. no words.
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Male 848
You right!


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Male 105
^ Is that supposed to be a mastercard-type ad joke. Like:
Giant Rubber Snake: $5
T-shirt with canada on the front: $10
Coming up with the best line in any porno ever: Priceless
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Male 848
The snake fight was an omen/innuendo(that`s how you spell it, right?):

Snake= penis

Guy grunting with force & rolling on the ground= wild sex

Audience having second thoughts about the so-called snake= Bad sex for her

Snake= $12

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Female 121
LOL.. "let me show you another one."
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Male 3,310
Wow, what a setup. Love how he keeps punching the snake as it is escaping his brutal bashing. Fortunately, not all snakes are scary
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Male 87
That was SO bad hahaha I love how he just did the transition, "They`re not all bad, here, I`ll show ya another one" HAHAHAHA CLASSIC BAR LINE. Did he look retarded to anyone else also?
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Female 40
HAHAHA LMAO
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Male 612
jesus wtf was that
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Female 2,074
Not watching. I already know it`s not funny.
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Male 275
He has ANOTHER ONE!
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Female 173
Wow, so I suppose those rubber snake epidemics in America I`ve been hearing about are true.

.... This video cracked me up badly, I`m almost curious for the rest of it just for the bad acting o.o;.

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Male 1,049
Given the subject matter, post 69 was a wasted opportunity.
There is an australian remake of this. The guys name is steve, and when he jumps on the snake, he yells "CRIKEY"
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Male 2,486
LOL- Why did they use Garter Snakes? Those are the most harmless snakes on Earth.. We have a ton of em at a lake nearby, they`re not very big and the most they can do is piss on you if they get scared.
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Male 615
Lol at loofahboy. But besides, where did that garter snake on steroids come from? And that last line.... ugh.
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Male 384
That`s is literally extraordinary.
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Female 193
hey! wasn`t that Kevin Costner?? LMAO
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Male 73
hahahahaha loofah boy =P
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Male 455
I saw this one! A little better acting and it would`ve sold it for me and I perhaps would`ve seen the good parts. Otherwise I`ll check out a movie with arbitrary situations for massive amounts of sexings.
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Female 340
I knew that was coming up after he wrestled the snake...they are so lame in the acting..
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Male 9,305
Garter snakes...riiiiiight...forget to mention the 12 footer anacondas that happen to live in Miami too huh?
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Male 123
One time I tried to impress a foreign exchange student from Hungary by having my friend throw a rubber python at me and pretending to fight it off. Even though she didn`t speak English she wasn`t mentally handicapped and realized I was rolling around with a fake snake. She didn`t want to have sex with me or learn English from me anymore. And that kids is why we should always do the exact opposite of what we see in porn. It`s actually quite a good social service.
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Female 119
pffftttthaaahaaahaahahaaa

"not all snakes are that scary out here,
let me show you another one"

pfffttttthaaaahahahaaaahahaaaa

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Female 504
That $15 must have all gone towards sourcing the biggest garter snake ever...now this is a picture of a `GIANT garter snake` its approx 162 centimeters..LOL

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Female 264
their budget was probably in the 15$ range somewhere
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Male 23
Someone call Guiness, that has to be the biggest garter snake I`ve ever seen!
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Female 665
the girl looked like a barbie doll right when i first saw her.
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Female 818
I like that he just starts punching the boa constrictor xD
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Female 235
^ I agree. Plus it doesn`t require shoddy actors..just requires a good artist.
You don`t wanna hear the english dubs though...yeeesh.
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Male 650
And this is why I watch hentai
because at least it has a storyline (no matter how bad) and the japanese voice actors sound as if they know how to act
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Male 191
Wow, i`m almost 50% impressed
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Female 2,289
it`s not the best porn intro ever
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Male 2,395
Is the snake supposed to turn us on? >_>
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Female 675
haha that was great...
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Female 34
Wow...

That`s all I can say about that.

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Male 79
i hear this is based on a real story
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Male 315
Who wears short shorts? HE wears short shorts!
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Male 1,788
I hate when large rubber snakes attack me in my back yard.
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Male 47
wow, just wow.
"not all snakes are bad, I`ll show you another one"... damn, i should use that line.
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Female 128
HAHAHA
that was hilarious!
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Male 410
So .... in essence, that snake was her brother.
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Male 410
Hungarians are made of plastic and are manufactured in Taiwan.
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Male 294
wth this is a real porno according to some of the youtube comments.
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Male 132
there was a trouser snake joke there that never came to fruition.


wow.. been a member for quite a while and finally i see something i need to post on!

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Female 836
I`m in awe
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Female 471
I-AM-BORED.COM owes me a new keyboard. I was eating ice cream when I watched that!

My cats could concoct a better script than that! It would go something like this:

Queen: Meow
Sire: Meow-wow!
Queen: Prrrr-prrrowr!
Sire: HISSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!
Queen: Meow?
Sire: Oooh!! A mouse!
Queen: Meow? Oooooh! Shiney object!!

The end.

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Male 5,620
lol
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Male 292
he almost got ate!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111!!1!!
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Male 1,265
[email protected]"I`ll show you another one." :D:D:D
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Male 2,159
Re-re-re-repost!!!

Still bad tho. Why teach English to someone who understands exactly what he`s saying and replies back?

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Male 493
So that`s how you wrestle a garter snake. By ground and pounding it like Mark Coleman. I like how the camera`s epileptic pace made it really seem like he was wrestling with a snake. Just like in Resident Evil. I guess sniffing trees is an aphrodisiac as well.
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Female 143
That is beyond hilarious. I applaud their acting skills, they are both truly fabulous. And the editing skills, as well as the props were just priceless. I hope this one some sort of award.

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Female 486
I have to ask...why are people watching these videos at work?
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Male 4,012
Actually *especially* if it`s porn. I watch porn because I`m unable to do the real thing, so watching it helps with the imagination.
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Male 4,012
L2act. Please. Even if it`s porn.
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Male 342
*SPOILER ALERT*
It ends with the girl smoking a cigerette and the guy crying, turns out the fake garden snake wasn`t the only limp thing around.
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Male 445
This should be marked as "AD"
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Female 4,197
loofah your comment made me lol so hard XD

My neighbour worked in a porn shop and gave me some vids. Best porn with really lame acting I saw was one that parodied a bunch of reality shows. some guy had sex with a hot chick but when he sobered up it was some fat hairy guy in a blonde wig! :O

HE also offered me midget porn... I couldn`t bring myself to look

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Male 475
i thought that snake was real at first! *sarcasim* but i lmaoed so badly when he said "let me show you another snake"
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Male 39
Them Canadians are fantastic at wrestling them there snakes :P haha
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Female 29
lol that was too funny
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Female 118
Where can I watch the rest?
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Male 2,788
*fap*
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Male 45
LOL... my god thats low even for a porno
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Male 2,586
Why are all hungarian girls I know called anita?!
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Male 614
Porn videos always had bad acting... not that I watch them or anything...
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Female 1,006
He flat out said "Welcome to America" so... I don`t understand the Canada shirt. And while he was wrestling the "garter snake" I started to wonder if it was a gay porno...
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Female 251
why was she smelling the tree
is that some sort of hungarian custom to get used to the surroundings?
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Male 7,933
"LOL at the Canada shirt. XD Obviously NOT located in Canada...no palm trees over here. ^-^"

So there are no palm trees located over there, eh?

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Female 1,142
I feel dirty. >.>

She looked like she wanted to sex that tree for a second there...

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Male 1,526
.....what was the name of that movie. im sure many males are wondering.
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Female 1,441
Oh god wait till you get to the last line. It`s almost too bad for words
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Female 1,589
I`m sure it sounded AWESOME in the script. :P
LOL at the Canada shirt. XD Obviously NOT located in Canada...no palm trees over here. ^-^
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Female 408
HA HA HA HA HA HA
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Female 1,065
That snake almost kind of looked real, I`m semi- almost impressed.
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Male 904
yeah u gotta watch out for those garden snakes...er giant rubber anacondas
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Female 761
You got to think someone actually wrote this on either a paper bag or a napkin and called it their masterpiece.
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Male 77
LOL
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Male 1,766
you got to think someone actually wrote this
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Male 3,301
Uhhh...

...

...


Er...?


<.<

>.>

...

*fapfapfapfapfapfap*...

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Male 1,766
are you sure this is a porno because i think i saw this on the sci fi channel
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Male 483
the last porn film "actual film not just little clips" i saw was of a lady who ran into some guys balls with a bike (extremely fake looking) then she proceeds to "soothe his pain" and asks if her mouth would make it feel better...

great one btw

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Male 15
haha the snake wrestling bit is so awesome...
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Male 20,917
[Ugh, because someone will point out that "it`s not the best porn intro ever," let it be known now that it was a sarcastic comment. Depressing that some moron will wrongly bring it up anyway.]
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Male 20,917
Link: Best Porn Intro Ever [Rate Link] - They don`t make porn like they used to anymore. Relax, SAFE FOR WORK.
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