15 Absurd Police Reports

Submitted by: sfeagles 8 years ago in Funny
http://www.oddee.com/item_96447.aspx

Straight off the desk"s of police blotters. More proof that civilization will die out sooner than later.
There are 50 comments:
Male 486
seriously i must ask is americas head up its arse? seriously could we be any stupider land of the free and land of the morons seriously it sickens me
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Male 1,725
thats gotta be a good report.
yeah, my wife is missing.
ok sir, how long has she been missing for?
oh you know...about 18 months XD
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Male 528
Also, to all yall who seem confused, mushrooms and acid are two totally different things.
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Male 528
LMAO @ the breaking and entering voyeuristic porn director who loves to OD dogs on magic mushrooms.
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Male 615
I loled at the whole thing about the guy masturbating. He films him then feeds his dog mushrooms... Just wow xD
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Female 1,120
now, why didn`t i think of holding up a convenience store with some snowballs..
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Female 194
lol.....the guy was filmed masturbating and his dog was fed mushrooms and died......it was gross that a victim had a used condom thrown in his face....
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Male 11
LOL "the man fed his dog some mushrooms and the dog later died" talk about some epic acid.

also if i was in the burglars shoes i totaly couldent resist saying polo LOL.

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Female 316
the marco polo thing should really be standard procedure when performing searches
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Female 22
the one about the man in the diaper inspired me....if only we could all be that ignorant.
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Female 4,225
ahg, already read, funny stuff
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Female 1,002
"Two man came into the store, loaded birthday bags with "Have a nice day" yellow faces on them with 52 tubes of vaginal anti-fungal cream..."

o_o

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Male 2,395
Those were funny!! I`d consider naming my Dog "Help" now.
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Male 58
That`s got to be one of the funniest things I`ve ever seen.

"Dispatch, report of Swanson chicken pot-pie running east on Clay Street"

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Male 58
Domisgood, I have that same poster on my bedroom door.
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Male 58
That`s got to be one of the funniest things I`ve ever seen.

"Dispatch, report of Swanson chicken pot-pie running east on Clay Street"

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Male 11,740
"Dispatch, report of Swanson chicken pot-pie running east on Clay Street"

That had me laughing, there were other good ones too.

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Male 4,867
thats some funny poo
how do u kill someone legally?...
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Male 16
I heard about the Marco, Polo one on the radio. I laughed so hard I almost pissed myself.
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Male 4,393
Police receive a report of a newborn infant found in a trash can. Upon investigation, officers discover it was only a burrito

lolz

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Male 93
Straight off of leno. Even the comments
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Male 498
Ahhh wheres ma burito baby?!?!!?
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Female 731
bravo, who was that strange man
and why am i naked, and why is my dog dead?
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Female 465
Where have I seen these before? Someone help me out, it`s annoying me.
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Female 526
AHHH 666 imunna dieeee but its okay now
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Female 526
"Police receive a report of a newborn infant found in a trash can. Upon investigation, officers discover it was only a burrito."


i dont think i have ever laughed that hard.

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Male 194
hahaha this was hilarious! "the ducks refused medical treatment" and "man in diaper directs traffic"
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Male 221
qwaszxjz: Thats not all that unusual. In fact it happened all the time in my dorm room when I would leave the door open. People would randomly throw condoms on my couch. Turns out the RAs found a box of 2000 condoms that were still good so they decided to give them to people
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Male 42
LOL getting a condom thrown at you by a random guy...
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Male 637
Eighteen months?! He`s either really slow, or really guilty. I laughed at the pot-pie one the most... Also, whoever it was who was talking about the Kitty rectum, if you look closely, you can tell the last, and final word is `problems`. So the report just said that a random kitten has rectal issues.
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Male 7,933
^^^^Is that each one?
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Male 490
Vaginal anti-fungal cream should be made more affordable for the good of our society as a whole!

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Female 531
poor puppy :(
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Male 459
police: "Marco"
burglar: "Polo...DOH!"
hahahaha
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Female 40
LMAO hahahahhahahah those were funny
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Male 42
wow.. where can I get a cardboard cutout of Arnold??? I`d just love to try that one.. oh man.. cardboard.. heh... cardboard.. mann...
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Female 168
I wish I had an Ahnuld cutout..
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Female 4
these made me lol
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Female 4,447
And the report directly below the Arnold cutout starts out "3:18 PM A kitten on Shaw Drive apparently has `rectum..." The last word is cut off. Oddly, I`m curious as to what it is exactly that the cat has and why it ended up in the police blotter.
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Female 204
Something similair to the Arnold Schwarzenegger one happened around here, except it was a cutout of homer simpson. dumb kids.
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Female 16
lol that was great. A Cat named Help?? Weird.
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Male 3,301

You can`t make this poo up. Talk about some seriously good Acid...

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Male 7,933
^^^^^
Not a single RiteAid by my house. All eckerds were changes to CVS
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Male 1,584
haha i loved those
i saw the burrito one before but all the others were new to me.
also, the one about the vag cream in eckerd`s this is random, but all the eckerd`s where i lived got turned into RiteAids, did that happen to anyone else?
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Male 2,422
Lol those were classic!
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Male 44
^ maybe not :P
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Male 44
repost?
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Male 1,091
`the duck refused medical help` hhahahahahahhaahahahahahah
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Male 7,933
Never liked civilization.
And who the hell names their cat help?
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Male 215
Link: 15 Absurd Police Reports [Rate Link] - Straight off the desk`s of police blotters. More proof that civilization will die out sooner than later.
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