The best in arts & entertainment, news, pop culture, and your mom since 2002.

[Total: 76    Average: 3.4/5]
84 Comments - View/Add
Hits: 18570
Rating: 3.4
Category: Weird
Date: 04/01/08 12:05 AM

84 Responses to Man Rapes Picnic Table

  1. Profile photo of JaundiceCake
    JaundiceCake Female 18-29
    674 posts
    March 31, 2008 at 3:00 pm
    Link: Man Rapes Picnic Table - The heart wants what the heart wants ... even if that may be a picnic table.
  2. Profile photo of faefae
    faefae Female 18-29
    24 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 12:10 am
    wow. i wanna see the neighbor`s video.
  3. Profile photo of simcon
    simcon Male 13-17
    254 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 12:14 am
    faefae

    Oh God no, seriously wtf was he thinking :S

  4. Profile photo of MadP
    MadP Female 18-29
    332 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 12:18 am
    LMAO! Damn....what does that say about his wife???
  5. Profile photo of simcon
    simcon Male 13-17
    254 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 12:32 am
    MadP

    OUCH! Thats harsh but funny lol.

  6. Profile photo of LoofahBoy
    LoofahBoy Male 18-29
    3301 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 12:33 am
    Is this the Onion?
  7. Profile photo of unbelievable
    unbelievable Male 18-29
    1154 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 12:34 am
    i cant believe they let him out, he could be raping his couch right now as we speak...
  8. Profile photo of Khast
    Khast Male 30-39
    183 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 12:34 am
    well, they say love at first sight..
  9. Profile photo of Shellie84
    Shellie84 Female 18-29
    4197 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 12:35 am
    He looks like they guy who was raped by bigfoot`s son. I wanna see the neighbours video too. Let`s put it on funniest home videos }-)
  10. Profile photo of LoofahBoy
    LoofahBoy Male 18-29
    3301 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 12:46 am
    I hate April Fools...
  11. Profile photo of Oshidutako
    Oshidutako Male 18-29
    272 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 1:01 am
    Lol so what. Has sex with his picnic table. Weird, but going to jail for doing his table?
  12. Profile photo of staberind
    staberind Female 18-29
    731 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 1:03 am
    some-how.... nah...
  13. Profile photo of simcon
    simcon Male 13-17
    254 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 1:10 am
    "Oshidutako Lol so what. Has sex with his picnic table. Weird, but going to jail for doing his table?"

    You heard of public nudity, run outside naked and tell me if you get arrested, ill be right here. And second he did it next to a childrens playground, thats just messed up.

  14. Profile photo of Sistarose
    Sistarose Female 30-39
    373 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 1:11 am
    Will some one think of the children ;-() Just think of the children.
  15. Profile photo of vilem
    vilem Male 18-29
    372 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 1:16 am
    Wouldnt it hurt?
  16. Profile photo of Kisato
    Kisato Female 18-29
    695 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 1:17 am
    Rapes a picnic table? What makes you think the table wasn`t willing? Maybe the table wanted it.
  17. Profile photo of vilem
    vilem Male 18-29
    372 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 1:25 am
    Kisato i "lol" quite a bit just than, thank you.
  18. Profile photo of Gnarkill07
    Gnarkill07 Male 18-29
    122 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 1:29 am
    i agree with kisato. we have to investigate whether it was consensual. maybe the table enjoyed it. who knows.
  19. Profile photo of aussieguy29
    aussieguy29 Male 18-29
    420 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 1:29 am
    i feel sorry for the man. obviously, he isnt getting any action from his wife, so he has to resort to violating a picnic table. poor guy.

    it wouldnt hurt kids to see that. it would teach them a valuable lesson in life.

  20. Profile photo of Hydrolysate
    Hydrolysate Male 70 & Over
    340 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 1:31 am
    I`m wondering whether or not I should play along with everyone that actually believes this..
  21. Profile photo of aussieguy29
    aussieguy29 Male 18-29
    420 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 1:32 am
    also, i wouldnt classify it as rape as an inanimate object such as a picnic table has no feelings whether the act of love takes place or not.
  22. Profile photo of Gnarkill07
    Gnarkill07 Male 18-29
    122 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 1:33 am
    i hear his wife got in trouble with the umbrella XD
  23. Profile photo of AnwarNova
    AnwarNova Male 18-29
    2076 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 1:34 am
    Fake.

    No such thing as rape.

  24. Profile photo of AnwarNova
    AnwarNova Male 18-29
    2076 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 1:36 am
    Fake.

    "Naked" is a made up word.

  25. Profile photo of AnwarNova
    AnwarNova Male 18-29
    2076 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 1:37 am
    Triple Fake.

    Children can`t see a man in an imaginary state doing a nonexistent action.

  26. Profile photo of BikerTeen
    BikerTeen Male 13-17
    2113 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 1:42 am
    WTF?!
  27. Profile photo of Hydrolysate
    Hydrolysate Male 70 & Over
    340 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 1:49 am
    Ah, we`re on the 2nd page, so I can tell everyone that this is probably an April Fools joke now.
  28. Profile photo of richoricho
    richoricho Male 40-49
    1036 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 1:52 am
    why oh why
  29. Profile photo of notpluggedin
    notpluggedin Female 60-69
    262 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 2:07 am
    How odd...
  30. Profile photo of fluffyhoob
    fluffyhoob Female 18-29
    195 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 2:45 am
    this was news about a week ago, so i doubt its an aprils fools. im more disturbed that the neighbour took 4 dvds of it than the fact the dude was shagging a table in his own home and garden. hmmmm peeping tom much?
  31. Profile photo of fluffyhoob
    fluffyhoob Female 18-29
    195 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 2:48 am
    just like to add..im not saying there is nothing wrong with shagging a table by a school. lol
  32. Profile photo of Mirnakesh
    Mirnakesh Male 18-29
    60 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 2:54 am
    One word:

    Splinters...

  33. Profile photo of hunneybear
    hunneybear Male 13-17
    396 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 3:26 am
    uhmmm next time bring the table inside then have fun with it
  34. Profile photo of kewldawg
    kewldawg Male 40-49
    182 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 3:29 am
    REAL STORY !!!!--- ROFL
  35. Profile photo of marysevier
    marysevier Female 18-29
    81 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 3:56 am
    Well if having sex with a picnic table in front of an elementary school during school hours is wrong, then I don`t want to be right.
  36. Profile photo of marysevier
    marysevier Female 18-29
    81 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 3:57 am
    But in all seriousness folks, I heard this on the news yesterday (not april fools), so I think it`s probably the truth. At least I hope so because I`m about to forward this to all my friends.
  37. Profile photo of your_majesty
    your_majesty Male 13-17
    147 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 4:01 am
    I think you`re being a little unfair on him with the word "rapes." For all we know, it could have been consensual.
  38. Profile photo of mushie_mush
    mushie_mush Female 18-29
    2249 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 4:08 am
    WHAT?! It`s April Fool`s Day? Damn I forgot.
  39. Profile photo of haxxorz
    haxxorz Male 13-17
    724 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 4:31 am
    His children want to be juuusst like thier daddy when they grow up.
  40. Profile photo of FxyRoxy777
    FxyRoxy777 Female 18-29
    652 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 5:16 am
    wow I`ve heard men say "it`d fu** anything with a hole in it" but this is a little TOO literal...
  41. Profile photo of misstakenID
    misstakenID Female 18-29
    98 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 5:33 am
    April fools. I hate 2day.
  42. Profile photo of badnusty
    badnusty Male 18-29
    60 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 5:44 am
    i think this guy and the raped by bigfoot guy should hook up
  43. Profile photo of staberind
    staberind Female 18-29
    731 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 6:52 am
    Rape is far to strong a word, just because his taste in sextoys is a little exotic, does not make it wrong, now, if the people in the school had been "bothered" by him its a different matter. though, if the table later goes on to rape someone, well, thats news.
  44. Profile photo of Toonoisy
    Toonoisy Female 18-29
    102 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 7:04 am
    The neighbor said she was worried about that guy`s children. I`m worried too. They had their father`s name, picture and home adress posted on the internet, in the news and probably in news papers as well. My guess is all their friends know about it by now and will probably bully them for it.

    Why do American media give out full names, pictures and the adress of criminals when they have children? Shouldn`t the media be more protective towards them? I mean: I wouldn`t want my parents name published because they did something embarrasing...

  45. Profile photo of Myxgyglplx
    Myxgyglplx Male 30-39
    223 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 7:16 am
    "Hey, c`mon in. Have a seat...oh...hey...um....oh my."
  46. Profile photo of McGovern1981
    McGovern1981 Male 30-39
    14268 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 7:34 am
    Imagine if you ate off that table and found this out.
  47. Profile photo of Lauraly
    Lauraly Female 18-29
    2259 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 8:20 am
    Not an April Fool`s joke guys. I heard about this last week. Unfortunately we live in a pretty messed up world where people really do get arrested for having sex with picnic tables (consensual or not).
  48. Profile photo of anGiE_O_o
    anGiE_O_o Female 13-17
    488 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 8:30 am
    it was allready posted yesterday on ug so i dont think its fake.

    splinters?!

  49. Profile photo of yellowsquare
    yellowsquare Female 18-29
    1545 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 8:30 am
    What I don`t understand is why he decided it was okay to do this weirdness outside.

    And why it was okay to do it in plain sight of the playground.

    THAT`S creepy, my friends.

  50. Profile photo of Camelnoise
    Camelnoise Male 18-29
    260 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 8:51 am
    AHAHHAHAHAHAHHHHH....thats awesome.
  51. Profile photo of green_wrath
    green_wrath Male 18-29
    498 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 8:55 am
    lol
  52. Profile photo of xp
    xp Male 30-39
    522 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 9:36 am
    This guy has to have emotional problems and/or he is stupid a bag of hammers. Everyone knows that you are sposed to f|_|ck patio furniture INSIDE the house where you can be alone with your table. Not only will you not go to jail, the table feels more special and not like a cheap slut.

    It`s just way more romantic that way. Next time he should bring the table into the bedroom, light some candles, maybe have some wine, put on some nice music and feed the table some fresh strawberries. It makes the table feel special and improves the relationship.

  53. Profile photo of Kairobi
    Kairobi Male 13-17
    134 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 9:37 am
    SCORE!

    x.

  54. Profile photo of Ninjakunai2
    Ninjakunai2 Male 13-17
    221 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 9:50 am
    He should have brought the table inside... then he wouldn`t get in trouble! LOL
  55. Profile photo of minjofu
    minjofu Female 18-29
    360 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 10:39 am
    [email protected] .. People keep saying things about `splinters`, but wasn`t that a glass table?? He`s obviously got some kind of mental problem.. The point of doing what he did wasn`t sexual gratification, it was exhibitionism.. He wanted people to see him doing it, hence getting busy with the table outside IN HIS FRONT YARD.. I do feel sorry for his kids though.. They`ll never live that down in school..
  56. Profile photo of ilovetristan
    ilovetristan Female 18-29
    662 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 10:44 am
    It must have been a good looking table..?
    I`m pretty sure its not an April fools joke.
  57. Profile photo of XxXRachael
    XxXRachael Female 13-17
    25 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 10:54 am
    I feel sorry for the table.

    LOL

  58. Profile photo of kairobert
    kairobert Male 18-29
    1623 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 12:16 pm
    Fetish
  59. Profile photo of DarkProdigy
    DarkProdigy Male 18-29
    474 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 12:25 pm
    That is... Weird. Why not do it INSIDE so you wouldn`t get caught lulz? XD
  60. Profile photo of hottiechika5
    hottiechika5 Female 13-17
    128 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 1:08 pm
    "[email protected] .. People keep saying things about `splinters`, but wasn`t that a glass table?? He`s obviously got some kind of mental problem.. The point of doing what he did wasn`t sexual gratification, it was exhibitionism.. He wanted people to see him doing it, hence getting busy with the table outside IN HIS FRONT YARD.. I do feel sorry for his kids though.. They`ll never live that down in school.."

    At the splinters thing-actually I believe they said it was glass, although I could be mistaken. I was thinking the same thing when people kept saying "splinters" though.

    LOL @ XP also :)

  61. Profile photo of VikingGuy
    VikingGuy Male 18-29
    2160 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 1:18 pm
    if hes married and picks the table i dont wanna see his wife
  62. Profile photo of audrey10011
    audrey10011 Female 18-29
    60 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 1:21 pm
    this is like the guy that raped the pinata at work
  63. Profile photo of Olragix
    Olragix Male 18-29
    1080 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 1:35 pm
    That`s really funny. Not rape though.
  64. Profile photo of Skyira
    Skyira Female 18-29
    1134 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 1:37 pm
    I laugh at the fact that adults are trying so hard to not let this kind of information be leaked to the kids, everyone knows that the kids would find out sooner or later. Jesus Christ. one adult talks to another adult and there not aware that a child could be easedroping on there conversation so might as well inform them at a young age and show them that kind of behavior isn’t tolerated to society these days.

    seriously now, i know too much sh*t about my parents,there friends and my aunts and uncle and even my grandparents and my brothers too i know too much personal life as a child from overhearing there conversation and did it stop me? nope.

    so keep trying adults it will get you no wear.

    and yes this is real, its not a april fools joke i heard it on the raidio while going to the doctors.

  65. Profile photo of greengiant
    greengiant Male 13-17
    686 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 1:49 pm
    Who says the table didn`t rape him?
  66. Profile photo of awesomeloser
    awesomeloser Male 13-17
    132 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 1:59 pm
    I wonder if they ate on the table between the first occurrence and the time he was caught O_o
  67. Profile photo of Mantistador
    Mantistador Male 18-29
    2200 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 2:08 pm
    i would try and find some skin burning liquid and line the hole of his table with it...
  68. Profile photo of HardRox
    HardRox Male 40-49
    81 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 2:08 pm
    Did he take precautions? Or is the picnic table now expecting a small set of patio furniture?
  69. Profile photo of SGC2C
    SGC2C Male 18-29
    25 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 3:29 pm
    The table was clearly asking for it by flaunting off its umberela hole like that. That table has no shame.
  70. Profile photo of Nidonemo
    Nidonemo Male 18-29
    9308 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 3:36 pm
    You know...when people act like that, doesn`t it usually mean they just want attention? Isn`t this problem usually dealt with ignoring them?
  71. Profile photo of ladyleo_666
    ladyleo_666 Female 18-29
    128 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 5:16 pm
    I wonder if he got splinters...
  72. Profile photo of Noobfruit
    Noobfruit Male 13-17
    101 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 5:22 pm
    Lmao what a very very strange guy. I dont think he should be let out :/ Or atleast take the table away from him.
  73. Profile photo of Moopgasm
    Moopgasm Male 18-29
    250 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 5:24 pm
    These people have obviously never felt the unmatchable feeling of the umbrella hole!
  74. Profile photo of MarthFador
    MarthFador Female 18-29
    1004 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 5:31 pm
    furnature porn anybody?
    That guy in the car looked like a complete dork. The collar and sleeves showing on the outside of his Blue`s Clues sweater was really silly. In my view, anyhow.
  75. Profile photo of PJF1313
    PJF1313 Male 40-49
    68 posts
    April 1, 2008 at 7:11 pm
    Ok, Im mad that picnic table is my wife!!!!!!!!
    Damn slut, I gave you everything and this is what I get!!!
  76. Profile photo of elementicon
    elementicon Male 18-29
    1 post
    April 1, 2008 at 10:32 pm
    Wow this poo is crazy. I live like 10 min away from this town. Talk about close to home.
  77. Profile photo of cnlbell
    cnlbell Female 18-29
    420 posts
    April 2, 2008 at 1:40 am
    OMG. The comments on this thing are killing me.
    1. Never, not once, did the word "rape" come up during the new report. He was never charged with rape.
    2. He was charged with indecent exposure, and the charge was elevated because it was in view of children, which, exposing yourself to minors: BIG no no.
    3. The guy is a fecking freak and obviously mentally ill. Hopefully his children will be removed from his home.
    4. Glass table. Not wood. I suppose if it was a crappy table, you could get glass slivers... eww... sorry I even thought of that!
  78. Profile photo of teiso
    teiso Female 18-29
    674 posts
    April 2, 2008 at 2:43 am
    There was this guy in Australia who kept having sex with his bycicle who was in some crappy newspaper. I remember reading it and thinking, "Who bloody cares?"

    I suppose being near a school is an issue, though.

  79. Profile photo of teiso
    teiso Female 18-29
    674 posts
    April 2, 2008 at 2:44 am
    *bicycle
  80. Profile photo of horseyplay
    horseyplay Male 18-29
    98 posts
    April 2, 2008 at 2:57 am
    He probably couldn`t get any wood elsewhere...I feel for this horny soul.
  81. Profile photo of famousguitar
    famousguitar Male 18-29
    73 posts
    April 2, 2008 at 5:58 am
    this is a new definition of lonely
  82. Profile photo of bmoz628
    bmoz628 Male 18-29
    98 posts
    April 2, 2008 at 11:38 am
    omg its fine!!! i hate how people r so uptight f*ck ur c*nt kids
  83. Profile photo of ADevil4LostB
    ADevil4LostB Female 13-17
    37 posts
    April 2, 2008 at 12:43 pm
    Holy damn...

    This was just a few miles from my house...

    God, we are corrupted.

  84. Profile photo of mal_BB
    mal_BB Male 18-29
    1231 posts
    May 6, 2008 at 7:08 pm
    Ha ha ha ha ha. I hope he cleaned the table before they next used it for a picknic.

Leave a Reply