Man Rapes Picnic Table

Submitted by: JaundiceCake 9 years ago in Weird
/media/55188_ManRapesPicnicTable.flv
The heart wants what the heart wants ... even if that may be a picnic table.
There are 84 comments:
Male 1,231
Ha ha ha ha ha. I hope he cleaned the table before they next used it for a picknic.
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Female 37
Holy damn...

This was just a few miles from my house...

God, we are corrupted.

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Male 98
omg its fine!!! i hate how people r so uptight f*ck ur c*nt kids
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Male 73
this is a new definition of lonely
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Male 98
He probably couldn`t get any wood elsewhere...I feel for this horny soul.
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Female 673
*bicycle
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Female 673
There was this guy in Australia who kept having sex with his bycicle who was in some crappy newspaper. I remember reading it and thinking, "Who bloody cares?"

I suppose being near a school is an issue, though.

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Female 420
OMG. The comments on this thing are killing me.
1. Never, not once, did the word "rape" come up during the new report. He was never charged with rape.
2. He was charged with indecent exposure, and the charge was elevated because it was in view of children, which, exposing yourself to minors: BIG no no.
3. The guy is a fecking freak and obviously mentally ill. Hopefully his children will be removed from his home.
4. Glass table. Not wood. I suppose if it was a crappy table, you could get glass slivers... eww... sorry I even thought of that!
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Male 1
Wow this poo is crazy. I live like 10 min away from this town. Talk about close to home.
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Male 68
Ok, Im mad that picnic table is my wife!!!!!!!!
Damn slut, I gave you everything and this is what I get!!!
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Female 1,004
furnature porn anybody?
That guy in the car looked like a complete dork. The collar and sleeves showing on the outside of his Blue`s Clues sweater was really silly. In my view, anyhow.
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Male 250
These people have obviously never felt the unmatchable feeling of the umbrella hole!
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Male 101
Lmao what a very very strange guy. I dont think he should be let out :/ Or atleast take the table away from him.
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Female 128
I wonder if he got splinters...
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Male 9,305
You know...when people act like that, doesn`t it usually mean they just want attention? Isn`t this problem usually dealt with ignoring them?
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Male 25
The table was clearly asking for it by flaunting off its umberela hole like that. That table has no shame.
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Male 81
Did he take precautions? Or is the picnic table now expecting a small set of patio furniture?
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Male 2,199
i would try and find some skin burning liquid and line the hole of his table with it...
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Male 132
I wonder if they ate on the table between the first occurrence and the time he was caught O_o
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Male 686
Who says the table didn`t rape him?
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Female 1,134
I laugh at the fact that adults are trying so hard to not let this kind of information be leaked to the kids, everyone knows that the kids would find out sooner or later. Jesus Christ. one adult talks to another adult and there not aware that a child could be easedroping on there conversation so might as well inform them at a young age and show them that kind of behavior isn’t tolerated to society these days.

seriously now, i know too much sh*t about my parents,there friends and my aunts and uncle and even my grandparents and my brothers too i know too much personal life as a child from overhearing there conversation and did it stop me? nope.

so keep trying adults it will get you no wear.

and yes this is real, its not a april fools joke i heard it on the raidio while going to the doctors.

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Male 1,079
That`s really funny. Not rape though.
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Female 60
this is like the guy that raped the pinata at work
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Male 2,160
if hes married and picks the table i dont wanna see his wife
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Female 128
"[email protected] .. People keep saying things about `splinters`, but wasn`t that a glass table?? He`s obviously got some kind of mental problem.. The point of doing what he did wasn`t sexual gratification, it was exhibitionism.. He wanted people to see him doing it, hence getting busy with the table outside IN HIS FRONT YARD.. I do feel sorry for his kids though.. They`ll never live that down in school.."

At the splinters thing-actually I believe they said it was glass, although I could be mistaken. I was thinking the same thing when people kept saying "splinters" though.

LOL @ XP also :)

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Male 474
That is... Weird. Why not do it INSIDE so you wouldn`t get caught lulz? XD
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Male 1,623
Fetish
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Female 25
I feel sorry for the table.

LOL

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Female 662
It must have been a good looking table..?
I`m pretty sure its not an April fools joke.
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Female 360
[email protected] .. People keep saying things about `splinters`, but wasn`t that a glass table?? He`s obviously got some kind of mental problem.. The point of doing what he did wasn`t sexual gratification, it was exhibitionism.. He wanted people to see him doing it, hence getting busy with the table outside IN HIS FRONT YARD.. I do feel sorry for his kids though.. They`ll never live that down in school..
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Male 221
He should have brought the table inside... then he wouldn`t get in trouble! LOL
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Male 134
SCORE!

x.

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Male 522
This guy has to have emotional problems and/or he is stupid a bag of hammers. Everyone knows that you are sposed to f|_|ck patio furniture INSIDE the house where you can be alone with your table. Not only will you not go to jail, the table feels more special and not like a cheap slut.

It`s just way more romantic that way. Next time he should bring the table into the bedroom, light some candles, maybe have some wine, put on some nice music and feed the table some fresh strawberries. It makes the table feel special and improves the relationship.

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Male 498
lol
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Male 260
AHAHHAHAHAHAHHHHH....thats awesome.
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Female 1,545
What I don`t understand is why he decided it was okay to do this weirdness outside.

And why it was okay to do it in plain sight of the playground.

THAT`S creepy, my friends.

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Female 488
it was allready posted yesterday on ug so i dont think its fake.

splinters?!

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Female 2,258
Not an April Fool`s joke guys. I heard about this last week. Unfortunately we live in a pretty messed up world where people really do get arrested for having sex with picnic tables (consensual or not).
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Male 14,331
Imagine if you ate off that table and found this out.
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Male 223
"Hey, c`mon in. Have a seat...oh...hey...um....oh my."
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Female 102
The neighbor said she was worried about that guy`s children. I`m worried too. They had their father`s name, picture and home adress posted on the internet, in the news and probably in news papers as well. My guess is all their friends know about it by now and will probably bully them for it.

Why do American media give out full names, pictures and the adress of criminals when they have children? Shouldn`t the media be more protective towards them? I mean: I wouldn`t want my parents name published because they did something embarrasing...

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Female 731
Rape is far to strong a word, just because his taste in sextoys is a little exotic, does not make it wrong, now, if the people in the school had been "bothered" by him its a different matter. though, if the table later goes on to rape someone, well, thats news.
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Male 60
i think this guy and the raped by bigfoot guy should hook up
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Female 98
April fools. I hate 2day.
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Female 652
wow I`ve heard men say "it`d fu** anything with a hole in it" but this is a little TOO literal...
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Male 724
His children want to be juuusst like thier daddy when they grow up.
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Female 2,249
WHAT?! It`s April Fool`s Day? Damn I forgot.
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Male 147
I think you`re being a little unfair on him with the word "rapes." For all we know, it could have been consensual.
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Female 81
But in all seriousness folks, I heard this on the news yesterday (not april fools), so I think it`s probably the truth. At least I hope so because I`m about to forward this to all my friends.
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Female 81
Well if having sex with a picnic table in front of an elementary school during school hours is wrong, then I don`t want to be right.
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Male 182
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Male 396
uhmmm next time bring the table inside then have fun with it
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Male 60
One word:

Splinters...

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Female 195
just like to add..im not saying there is nothing wrong with shagging a table by a school. lol
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Female 195
this was news about a week ago, so i doubt its an aprils fools. im more disturbed that the neighbour took 4 dvds of it than the fact the dude was shagging a table in his own home and garden. hmmmm peeping tom much?
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Female 262
How odd...
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Male 1,036
why oh why
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Male 340
Ah, we`re on the 2nd page, so I can tell everyone that this is probably an April Fools joke now.
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Male 2,113
WTF?!
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Male 2,076
Triple Fake.

Children can`t see a man in an imaginary state doing a nonexistent action.

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Male 2,076
Fake.

"Naked" is a made up word.

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Male 2,076
Fake.

No such thing as rape.

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Male 122
i hear his wife got in trouble with the umbrella XD
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Male 420
also, i wouldnt classify it as rape as an inanimate object such as a picnic table has no feelings whether the act of love takes place or not.
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Male 340
I`m wondering whether or not I should play along with everyone that actually believes this..
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Male 420
i feel sorry for the man. obviously, he isnt getting any action from his wife, so he has to resort to violating a picnic table. poor guy.

it wouldnt hurt kids to see that. it would teach them a valuable lesson in life.

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Male 122
i agree with kisato. we have to investigate whether it was consensual. maybe the table enjoyed it. who knows.
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Male 372
Kisato i "lol" quite a bit just than, thank you.
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Female 694
Rapes a picnic table? What makes you think the table wasn`t willing? Maybe the table wanted it.
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Male 372
Wouldnt it hurt?
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Female 373
Will some one think of the children ;-() Just think of the children.
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Male 254
"Oshidutako Lol so what. Has sex with his picnic table. Weird, but going to jail for doing his table?"

You heard of public nudity, run outside naked and tell me if you get arrested, ill be right here. And second he did it next to a childrens playground, thats just messed up.

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Female 731
some-how.... nah...
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Male 272
Lol so what. Has sex with his picnic table. Weird, but going to jail for doing his table?
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Male 3,301
I hate April Fools...
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Female 4,197
He looks like they guy who was raped by bigfoot`s son. I wanna see the neighbours video too. Let`s put it on funniest home videos }-)
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Male 182
well, they say love at first sight..
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Male 1,152
i cant believe they let him out, he could be raping his couch right now as we speak...
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Male 3,301
Is this the Onion?
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Male 254
MadP

OUCH! Thats harsh but funny lol.

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Female 332
LMAO! Damn....what does that say about his wife???
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Male 254
faefae

Oh God no, seriously wtf was he thinking :S

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Female 24
wow. i wanna see the neighbor`s video.
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Female 674
Link: Man Rapes Picnic Table [Rate Link] - The heart wants what the heart wants ... even if that may be a picnic table.
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