Chuck Norris Facts

Submitted by: greengiant 9 years ago in Funny
/media/85650_ChuckNorrisFacts.flv
Every time you don"t watch this, Chuck Norris punches a baby in the head.
There are 70 comments:
Male 244
lolz at video
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Male 6
oh joy to the world
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Male 6
this is a test of the...
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Male 37
whoops copied the wrong post

"Psh. No bear would ever attack Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris must have been bear hunting." -Matwix_2004

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Male 37
"Chuck Norris once was attacked by a bear in the woods. He then showed the bear his fist. The bear immediately ate itself, thinking it was the less painful way to die." -lyonartime

hunt? i think not. hunting implies the chance of failure. therefore chuck norris does not hunt, he kills.

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Male 36
there is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold so he turned the sun up.
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Female 533
they butchered Pavane =(
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Male 2,113
fail
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Male 897
Dainty doesn`t speak proper English, she Enforces it! *nice one!*

I love the Chuck Norris facts, personally. I was a kid when he was an action hero and the jokes work no matter how you look at them. For the record; Walker Texas Ranger pretty much signified the End of any lingering respect Chuck Norris had left. I mean, the theme song is GodAweful!!

Chuck Norris doesn`t act, he shapes reality to fit his mood.

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Female 209
or maybe wally isn`t a name in america?
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Female 209
who is waldo??? Don`t they mean wally?
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Male 1,136
when chuck noris roundhouse kicks you, you don`t just die once.. you die three times
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Female 368
I still like hearing a good Chuck Norris fact...even the bad ones.
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Female 99
Chuck Norris know the last digit of PI.
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Male 967
OMFG, hilarious sh*t right there! I`ve seen the list before, but it`s good to see something new.
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Male 1,036
THe Chuck rules the net
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Male 3,255
How do people not understand the Chuck Norris jokes? Second grade math is harder to figure out.

Chuck Norris is a washed up loser joke. Implying that he is `badass` is funny as hell. Even more so when, implying that he can do the outrageous things the jokes say he can.

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Male 3,310
Chuck Norris doesn`t sleep, he just waits for 8 hours
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Female 87
First the hoff, then chuck...i`m prediciting MacGuyver for the next wave...

...or has that already been done??

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Male 667
The song is by Gabriel Faure. Pavane, Op.50
I don`t know what the remix version is called though, Pavane, Op.50 REMIX!!! maybe?
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Male 110
can anyone tell me the name of this song?
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Male 148
I liked the his kick broke the speed of light and went back in time one.
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Male 145
lmao try using Rick Astly jokes hahahaha
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Male 145
bruce lee pwns!!!! but chuck norris is a joke cause his movies where so crappy and sooooo cheesy its just worth watching if only for a laugh... try The Sidekick its REALLY stupid
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Male 145
i have heard a lot of them but that had some i have never heard..... gotta love the giving jesus the gift of beard
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Male 60
Bruce Lee is better ^^
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Male 1,244
Are chuck norris jokes just now hitting someplaces? Cause for me, living in michigan, it hit here big at the beginning of 2007
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Male 55
hell....if we keep writing about chuck norris, in thousands of years from now historians will think him some sort of god we worshipped during our time. kids will go to museums to see static exibits of chuck norris in unicycles and punching bears.....
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Male 50
Long live Steven Segal
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Male 50
Chuck Norris CAN beat a dead horse.
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Male 112
omg the whole chuck norris would get owned by three people jet li tod from soldier if u havnt seen the movie ur lame and riddick
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Male 7,933
Wilt Chamberlain says he has slept with 2000 women. Chuck Norris calls it Tuesday
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Male 54
The gift of beard haha
I`ve never watched any Chuck Norris films that I can remember but I still find the jokes stupidly amusing :D
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Male 1,204
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
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Male 690
lol i want that song on my ipod
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Male 90
chuck norris created god.
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Female 415
poo yeah! CHUCK NORRIS IS THE MAN!!!
After a long night of partying Chuck Norris dosnt throw up HE THROWS DOWN!
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Female 1,212
That gave me a chuckle or two.
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Male 28
because of me 3 baby`s got hit in the head.
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Male 651
what annoyed me the most was that the video was titled "random chuck norris facts" when they clearly weren`t random at all by the simple fact that someone had selected them and put them in a video. If it had been titled "chuck norris facts chosen at random" i`d have been cool with it...
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Male 1,003
It is funny, dammnit.
When you make a person something that he`s not, like a God. Take religion for example, hahah those idiots.
If these facts weren`t all so exagerated, I bet it would`ve become a religion 100 years from now. It would help if Chuck Norris wasn`t a celebrity as well.
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Male 486
hahaha im not a huge chuck norris person but wheelie on a unicycle? thats hilarius
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Male 201
Chuck Norris doesn`t read. He just stares down books until he gets the information he wants!
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Male 226
Ahahahhahahhaha! xD Chuck can do a wheelie on a unicycle xD
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Male 188
This is lame. There are loads of funnier Chuck Norris facts and they have the additional benefit of not being delivered, excruciatingly, slowly, in, a, crap, video, clip.
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Male 2,551
Psh. No bear would ever attack Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris must have been bear hunting.
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Male 260
Chuck Norris once was attacked by a bear in the woods. He then showed the bear his fist. The bear immediately ate itself, thinking it was the less painful way to die.
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Male 135
Wow, WHAT IS THAT SONG IT IS AWESOME!
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Male 4
i wonder how it feels to have a lemon jammed up my ass... you guys tell me
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Female 775
Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris
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Male 369
and by the way i do have a good time in life, just not with chuck norris jokes.
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Male 369
"You people that say that these aren`t funny need to lighten up a little and start to have a good time in life." I have ranted long enough.

um just cos i don`t think its funny doesn`t mean i need to lighten up, it just means that i think these jokes aren`t funny. not everyone has to find the same things hilarious, i find things funny that other people wouldn`t, but i would respect their opinion and not tell them what to think.

end of my rant

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Male 203
Chuck Norris forced Chocolate Rain guy to Rick Roll
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Female 52
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
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Male 264
I generally like Chuch Norris jokes, but some of these were a little lame.
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Male 528
Very clever, very funny. Although I thought I was the only one who clogs the toilet when they pee.
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Male 335
seriously....we`re still doing Chuck Norris facts? Why is enything that is any good beaten like a dead horse?
It was funny.........a year ago. Leave it alone already.
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Female 226
Ah, Chuck Norris facts are always good. I`ve read most of them before, but there were a few in there I`d never seen before that made me chuckle.
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Male 50
These things are funny to anyone that is old enough to have seen a few Chuck Norris movies in their day. It takes a sense of humor to get these thigs too. The obscurity of these jokes in relation to somone that has not been the major spotlght in YEARS is also what makes them funny. The same joke would probably work for Jean Claude Van-Damme, Steven Segal, Bruce Cambell(Ash from the Evil Dead series & the newer old spice commercials for you younger people.), and a slew of other people. Just try out these jokes with any B-List action star, and they all still work. You people that say that these aren`t funny need to lighten up a little and start to have a good time in life. I have ranted long enough.
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Male 11,740
The jokes themselves aren`t funny. The whole joke about Chuck Norris being the supreme being is funny in a sad, sad way.
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Female 678
Chuck Norris doesn`t teabag, he potato sacks.
Chuck Norris clogs the toilet when he pees.

i almost forgot about those

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Male 369
god i hate these jokes, as they aren`t funny.


liked the music though....

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Male 24
Chuck Norris` tears cure cancer, though causes AIDs.
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Male 970
chuck norris can divide through zero
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Male 193
Chuck Norris was bitten by a cobra. After three days of agonizing pain, the cobra died.
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Male 970
chuck norris can cheer up emos
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Male 1,788
I thought this was dead. Unfortunately I was wrong.
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Male 464
I never got the whole "Chuck Norris" thing.
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Female 118
Wow, never read those before. B-|
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Male 686
Link: Chuck Norris Facts [Rate Link] - Every time you don`t watch this, Chuck Norris punches a baby in the head.
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