The 10 Products Only Douchebags Buy

Submitted by: fancylad 9 years ago in Funny
http://www.toplessrobot.com/2008/03/the_10_products_only_douchebags_buy.php#=rss

These 10 items are so douchey they could take even the most dignified gentleman and make him look like a raging jackass.
There are 82 comments:
Female 21
Good grief...I think almost every guy in my town wears those stupid shell necklaces...
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Male 1,361
have it
have it
have it
have it
have it
have it
have it
have it
have it
have it

i dont really and yes i`ve used this gag before

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Male 227
the funny/sad thing is, I was wearing an "FBI" shirt when reading this.
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Female 93
LMAO 100% correct.
ahahaah everytime i smell axe i want to run and hide. D: D:
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Female 2,927
i agree on the blue tooth head set. i hate those damn things!!! you think some one is talking to you and they get all pissy when you answer them and show you the ear piece. not to mention to those of you who have them. you look like your insane having a conversation with yourself. if you need hands free get on that has a mike coming around to your mouth. at least that way they can see that maybe you talking to someone else.
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Male 1,275
=/
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Male 1,275
Whats wrong with the Spray??
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Male 1,275
Some puny weasly little net nerd obviously made this list.
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Male 1,275
some of them are fine
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Female 2,196
Abercrombie and Fitch should be on here

my friend called someone a douchebag and this girl came and was like whats a douchebag? Is it fashionable? Are they expensive? Where can i get one? so we nodded and she walked away and went up to someone and said I like douchebags

we were considering telling her to go to abercrombie and fitch and asking for one but we didnt wanna be around her

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Male 413
seriously, people who can be bothered to actually do something like this and calling people douchebags are absolute Fuc*^&% douchbags themselves
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Male 7,933
^^^
ARE YOU CALLING FONZI A DOUCHEBAG!!!
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Male 103
This is a great start to an incomplete list...included could be any pre-roughed hats (think A&F merchandise), popped collars, bleached tips, and crotch-rockets (real mean ride hogs!)
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Female 274
One of the youth pastors at my church has balls on his truck. I know, that sounds really bad doesn`t it? His son bought them for him as a joke and attached them. Then he couldn`t figure out how to get them off. At first I thought they were deflated balloons, but then his wife told the youth group what they really were. I don`t know why we were talking about balls in church, though.
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Male 290
axe smells okie
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Male 170
Yeah, I must say I agree with this list 100%. I own none of these items, I`m proud to say.
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Male 7,933
I use axe. I am getting a blutooth headset. And I love those balls on trucks. Okay im a douchebag, I accept.

And axe does work just not exactly how its portrayed in the commercials. But they do get you a "you smell nice"

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Male 2,395
Axe is for douchebags?
My friends are douchebags then.
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Male 2,216
They need to do one of these for Chavs/Scallies/Pikeys in the UK.
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Male 668
Lol IkeRay. Pheonix is the one I use. Just the deodorant though, not the spray. And I wear all those name-brand clothes. I find the fabric more breathable than WalMart clothing. I despise WalMart anyways. Damn secret monopolizer.
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Male 3,296
omg thats so true
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Male 2,703
^^douches typically are the "pretty" guys in high school, but when he opens his mouth, how lame is he?

and to add to the list, anyone who has any abercrombie or american eagle, old navy used to be douchey but they have SOME things that arent.

my brother got a shirt for his birthday from american eagle, it was a plain white t-shirt with the little eagle on the sleeve. he went to the mall to see how much it was and the damn shirt was like $20!?!?!?! wth?

and axe, phoenix is the only good smelling one. basically cologne and perfumes have to combine with the oils from your skin to give a distinct smell, for most people they dont know this and get a terrible smell from the mix, its all about chemistry people...

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Female 233
Axe sucks. It does not work when you do not take a bath! I want to scream that at high school now. I have a kid in my class that had on Khakis and a pink button up shirt today with the Puka necklace. No lie. LOL! But he is so pretty, like Greek god pretty. But the spray on tans are ugly on guys and girls. I`m glad I have a year round tan. lol
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Male 2,172
My younger sister would totally wear that "I heart my punis" sweater.
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Male 2,113
whoo! i don`t have any of them
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Male 2,199
how does axe make u a douchebag? also... are u saying that Brian Urlacher is a douchebag for having barbed wire tats? if so... you can go to hell...
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Male 2,159
Btw, meh.
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Male 2,159
Where`s the BMW M3???
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Male 1,078
i hate bluetooth.
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Female 296
Axe smells like ass. That shet permeates the walls. I used to kick my brother out of my room when i was younger for wearing that crap. thank god he has since stopped wearing it. And my husband knows he aint getting laid if he wears it lol.
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Male 271
Hehe, nice. I especially agree with calvin peeing on anything.

OMG! The page had 3333 digs when I came XD

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Male 645
I KNEW the Blue-Tooth would be on there, I f***ing hate that thing. The "verbal fart trail of self-importance" line made me lol.
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Male 3,301
"Unfortunately, just because Calvin is peeing on global warming doesn`t mean it`ll magically reduce the emissions on your beat up Jeep Cherokee."

Haha. Well said.

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Female 2,258
Everyone who hates Axe, I would bet that the reason you do is because a lot of guys who use that stuff spray it on heavily. Some of the scents they have aren`t very good but quite a few smell great when used sparingly... but that`s the same for most colognes.
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Female 2,258
Ok, so I`m a douche because I use Jergens Natural Glow tanning body lotion in the summer. I can`t tan at all; I burn and go straight back to being white so during the summer months I use the lotion to give me a bit of colour. It is actually really subtle and doesn`t turn you orange. At least, not as long as you only use it a couple times a week rather than everyday.
Also, I turn my boyfriend into a douche because I buy him the Axe deodorant (it`s got a stronger antiperspirant than a lot of other products out there) and the spray. I like the way it smells.

I`ve got to say there are plenty of things out there that are more douche-y than this list. Spray on bronzer is worse than spray on tan because bronzer is supposed to make you look tan right away and it always looks orange, and as plenty of people have mentioned those baseball caps with the flat brim and stickers (sometimes even the tags) are super douche-y. The Calvin stickers and truck balls are both pretty horrible though.

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Female 112
extremley accurate list...but what i find most funny is that (mostly) the only people saying axe body spray isnt bad (it is!) are guys..
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Male 7
I heart my penis????? WTF? A person must REALLY be a douchebag.
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Female 1,004
I hate Axe body spray. Not only does it smell horrible, the people that wear it usually have to douse themselves in it!

I wonder what people will think if a girl wore a `I heart my penis` shirt? I`d guess either `she`s not a girl` or `bad boyfriend joke`

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Male 213
my car gotta them BIIIIG cojones
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Male 1,141
hahaha I agree with all of these. Just about everyone I know who wheres Axe is a complete douche!
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Male 203
What about LIVESTRONG wristbands, faded jeans and flathats?
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Male 1,289
HA my father has...almost all of those =]
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Female 876
What about those queer hats with the unbent brim and the stickers still on them? That`s pretty douche-y.
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Female 775
I`ve actually seen balls on a truck before. I laughed and laughed.....
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Female 1,572
Truck balls?! Uh WTF
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Female 2,196
just cause axe commercials suck doesnt nescesarily mean the product sucks but i dont really know since im not a guy so i dont use it

eh this post was alright

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Male 1,111
yeah axe = lynx. Personally I enjoy a light spray of it over cologne during the day. It`s a lot less strong. Because a douche bathes in cologne.

WNLD: Just like the blogger that failed at an attempt to write something funny. You`re trying too hard.


I`ve never gotten the whole problem with blue tooth headsets. People used to use (and still do sometimes) wired headsets with their cell phones. Did people have a problem with it? No. But remove the wire and add a small blue power light....suddenly you`re the bane of everyones` existence. And a douche according to the retarded monkey who wrote the blog.

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Male 946
does axe = lynx? i use lynx
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Female 1,412
I want that penis hoody. Or I love my..nahh :-P
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Female 1,211
I have earbuds for my cell but my glasses would get in the way of a headset.
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Female 1,395
>.o car bollocks.
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Male 658
My dad pinched a nerve with his bluetooth headset. One whole side of his face went numb, and he had to wear an eyepatch. He still uses it, though, because his blackberry is the most difficult phone to use as a phone.
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Male 668
I don`t use Axe Body Spray, but I do use Axe Deodorant. I don`t go all out on my smell, but when I do use cologne, I go for my A&F Ezra cologne(got it as a gift for Christmas). One spray, that`s it.

As for Bluetooth, a study`s been done saying that it`s more dangerous to use bluetooth then just to talk on the phone itself. Or something like that.

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Male 348
Hahaha. Love it. Especially #2.
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Female 263
axe smells like crap.
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Male 149
and axe sucks
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Male 149
"If I saw a decal of Calvin pissing on Calvin, I think the universe would devour itself." hahaha
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Male 2,703
nothing wrong with axe or bluetooth headphone IF the headset serves a purpose. like my dad who is constantly on the phone for car sales cars while he is driving, or for me when im at the gym so i dont have a cord connecting me to my phone.

i use axe body wash for the smell, i like it and apparently SOME girls do, but i only use the spray for right after the gym on my gym shorts.

and the balls, yeah i like to keep a pair of scissors in my car to cut them off when i see them, whats more emasculating then to come out to the truck to realize youve been neutered.

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Male 112
the i love my penis thing was douche bagy but axe isnt unless u buy it cuz u actually thing women will flock to u and balls under the truck is just retarded so is spray on tan and blue tooth isnt anyworse than ppl who walk around on thier cellfones all day and calvin peeing on things doesnt make u a douchebag it just means u feel strongly about sumthing and to be comedic about it and barbwire tatoo shows wanna be not douche bag and yes the FBI: female body inspector makes u a total douchebag and the watch and necklace r just ugly
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Male 199
what about iBooks, iPods or any Apple - dm2754

They already have a name, mactards.

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Female 268
Umm.. I see nothing wrong with some of those things.

Maybe except for the balls on the truck (though its funny in a way) and people who fake tan. Whether be a guy or girl. Oh and the i heart penis merchandise.

So, 7 out of those ten things i see nothing wrong with.

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Male 4,310
what about iBooks, iPods or any Apple
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Male 1,039
LOL, I was behind a black truck with a set of those balls just 2 days ago.

What`s crazy is I thought this exact thing "What a douche".

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Male 4,680
Testicles for a truck? Weird.
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Female 2,074
I hate those stupid balls.

Good list, though! Very accurate.

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Male 944
hmmm i have most of those things
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Female 283
^ I agree, although the car balls were hilarious. And I am allergic to Axe. :/
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Female 243
And bionicRod, please write down your list of "other more douchey things out there." I`m listening :)
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Female 243
I`m giving this entry a rare "4" for its value as a Public Service Announcement. Too bad it`s not going to get the publicity of a Britney or a Paris, because that`s what it really needs. The world would be noticably better that way.

And, NO, Axe body spray is NOT okay. Not unless you`re a hermit and promise to live exclusively on private property (and caves do not count unless they`re on private property and some tourist is not in danger of accidentally meeting you). I don`t even wish for prison inmates to have to put up with Axe.

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Male 1,014
Meh, there`s other more douchey things out there.
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Male 4,393
wow....
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Female 235
meh.
why has the world `douchebag; suddenly come into use more often than last week?
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Female 313
funny link, but I didn`t really think all of those were for douchbags... I mean, some were funny, and others just... usual, i don`t know...
And I don`t think AXE is too bad... yeah, the adverts are for douchebags, but the spray actually smells okay...
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Female 48
Cambboi.
You`re so getting that deleted, and if you don`t, I still hate you with a passion. Along with all the rest of the first posters.
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Female 48
Truck Balls. Heh.
I`d kick them in front of the truck`s owner.
Just for giggles.
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Male 396
lol interesting
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Female 105
LOL...why have a fake tan when you can get the real thing? Oh yah, you don`t want skin cancer...
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Male 1,365
I hate those Clavin rip-off stickers. That kind of merchandising is why the artist quit making that cartoon.
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Male 4,246
Speaking of douchebags: Congrats on getting your `first` deleted, cambboi.
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Male 567
aaahahahahah that i love my penis thing is funny.

i mean the funny that its so poo funny

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Female 85
Is it weird that I want balls for my car now?...
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Male 21,000
Link: The 10 Products Only Douchebags Buy [Rate Link] - These 10 items are so douchey they could take even the most dignified gentleman and make him look like a raging jackass.
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