Sci-Fi Inventions That Would Suck in Real Life

Submitted by: fancylad 9 years ago Entertainment
http://www.cracked.com/article_15655_5-Awesome-Sci-Fi-Inventions-That-Would-Actually-Suck.html

Remember all those sci-fi gadgets that looked so cool? Turns out looking cool is all they"d be good for.
There are 80 comments:
Male 23
The holodeck would not be perfect, it could never be, have you seen the AI on even the best systems we have now? They are terrible, even if you were in a room with people that looked like Hawking and Jessica or whoever, it might look like that person, and seem kind of like them, but it wouldn`t be perfect. Just pre programmed responses, "You like that baby?" "Oh yes I do" "How about this!?" "Oh yes I do" I mean, we`d never perfect it, also, we barely understand how the five senses work to put everything together, so we could never "fool them". Life would still be more real, although the holodecks would attract people, they would never be perfect. Except maybe for some kind of communication, being able to hold your sweetie away to war over seas, so on and so forth. I think the network idea may have a lot of potential for things.
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Male 81
Might as well enjoy life now, eat all the crap I want, and die soon, cause there is nothing to look forward to
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Female 41
"Your children will go through the same process starting with their first teleport..."

The idea of me going thru the teleporter was creepy enough but the thought of friends and family going thru and coming out as copies bothers me way to much.

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Female 2,695
i think the replicator would be good for fast food or whatever.
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Female 600
I lol`d the whole time. I`d also like to place my order for a replicator because that`s just friggen sweet.
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Male 1,497
If we did connect our holodecks, i would have to kill every RuneScape player... or smack the living poo out of them untill they run out of the holo deck crying their asses off to their mothers...
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Male 405
You were thinking of prestige with hugh jackman were he teleported making a copy of himself then he would actually kill the orginal or the old one however you would think of it
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Male 563
"That would be awesome if you could link other peoples holodecks with your own and you could play as your warcraft character. Im so lame!"
omg.... MMORPGs via a network of linked holodecks....
I agree that there would be... consequences, but methinks it`d still be worth it >>
and not just for that MMORPG idea, that`s just scraping the bottom of the possibilities
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Male 957
What we believe greatly depends on our point of view.

Somehow, still, I WANT EVERY ONE OF THESE THINGS! yeah im that hardcore/diehard!

5. I saw Star Wars Ep. 2 and 5th Element did that NOT occur to me? I`m not a lame-o I wouldn`t use autopilot, except for my flying limo, I don`t care about any of that.

4. Similar arguments can discourage skydiving, except jetpacks are actually safer.

3. Similar arguments can be used against WoW, Everquest, and other MMO`s or even conventional computer/video games. No holodeck would be perfect thus this entire scenario would be unthinkable. Even if it was theres something to be said for *ahem* THE REAL WORLD!!!!

2. For once, this is indeed troubling, and horrible. Harry Potter solved the problem with Floo, but we can try for wormholes or inter-dimensional travel.

1. Replicators wouldn`t be 100% perfect, and nothing can replace the "imperfect" human touch. Atomic factories can be fatally flawed and we have to get material

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Male 778
Lol i`m glad i wasn`t the only one who thought about the teleporter in that same way. The only thing i can think that would go against all said there is the replicator. Money (if there were jobs) would have to become electronic. Much like you see in video games with `Credits`
Oh and Regardless I still want a Holodeck.
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Male 4,246
Also, another problem with the copying-part of molecular transport is the fact that if it`s used too much, `you` will be a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy, etc etc & so forth, and just like a photograph: Excessive copying will create SERIOUS flaws. Personality changes, mental/physical mutation/degradation. No thanks.
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Male 196
"Teleporter... assuming that what was said is true, it wouldn`t matter. You`re a copy of yourself, with the same thoughts, memories, life, everything. If you don`t know that the original you died, then it essentially never happened to you. You`d be completely unaware, and you`d live on like nothing ever happened."

Not exactly. It is not me that is a copy of me. Is the copy that is a copy of me. I would die, end of story, the end, finito. The copy would then go around with my face doing everything i would have done. I would not know about it however because i would be dead. To the copy it might not matter, to you on the other hand it would matter a lot.

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Male 106
Also: screw holodeck scarlett johansen, why the hell would you want her when you could have Jessica Alba or Shanna the She-Devil or something?
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Male 106
Replicators wouldn`t eliminate money, they can`t replicate latinum, the mineral that Ferengi plate in gold and use as currency. And anyways, in the 23rd century the Federation doesn`t use money, everyone just works for a sense of fulfillment and bettering themselves.
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Male 4,246
Wow, thanks Legacy15. I like to think that I rock. :-) As for Hawking playing poker, in the episode of ST:TNG which he guest-starred, he had a little device to sit on the table and hold the cards for him. Here it is!
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Male 9,306
Damn...so much for daydreaming...
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Female 41
"i agree with the holo thing tho, that already happens, and not even in a fully holo environment, just warcraft"

lol no kidding.
That would be awesome if you could link other peoples holodecks with your own and you could play as your warcraft character. Im so lame!
I thought the article was funny. Cool post I enjoyed it. Thanks!

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Female 1,407
I always liked the idea of a teleporter (no more airline waits and delays ^_^)
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Male 18
For the site, lame, im not gonna let sum guy that overanalyzes things and take it too far ruin my childhood.
On another note
Chuck Norris doesn`t get wet..
The water gets Chuck Norris`d.
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Male 2,076
too subjective. lot of his stuff is debatable.
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Male 179
some are obvious, and they failed to mention that #3 was in X-men as well. Other than that, pretty good
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Male 64
That was the most witty thing I`ve read all week.
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Male 1,162
great read.
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Male 1,497
i wants a replicator.... i can make anything i wanted... maybe even a not so slutty looking virgin paris holton, wait thats impossible, she was never a virgin...
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Female 441
I luv Cracked!!!!! <3
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Male 4,246
I still say a holodeck would be the best. Moderation would be key, of course, but still...a game of poker with Newton, Einstein, and Hawking? Jell-O wrestling with as many Jessicas as you can handle? Blasting the hell out of the Covenant, using (almost) REAL needlers & plasma swords? Come on!
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Male 196
I have thought a bit about the teleporter problem though and think there just might be a solution. If the teleporter is very slow and very exact, then it can delete/recreate parts of your brain and still keep it whole. It will need to send every impulse that the brain sends, back and forth between the old brain and the new to keep them as a single object until all of the old brain is gone and the new one is fully created. Then what is in the new body ought to still be you, i think.
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Male 196
@NoGoodIdeas

If you step through the teleporter then on the other side a copy of you will emerge with your looks, thought, personality and everything that can be copied from you. However it would not be you. You would already have been dismantled atom by atom. You will not see what that copy sees, because there are no link from him to you, and no brain left on you to process the image. The only thing you will see is a long tunnel, and a white light. (perhaps, if you belive in that stuff)

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Male 272
But would a flying car truly be useless if everyone but you thinks they are? They`d all be on the ground, and you`d be up in the air. Screw them.
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Male 2,781
I WANT A BADASS LIGHTSABER!!!
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Male 1,386
rofl!
"The end of everything will come on the day when anyone can make anything. Except a flying car, those will still be useless"
poor useless flying car :(
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Female 679
I want that virtual room! Not sure bout the teleport and flying cars though.
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Male 384
i still want them
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Male 125
@fuzzygreen

If it`s an exact copy of you, it copies your brain. If your brain is copied, your personality is copied.

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Male 3,619

okey then derangedingo...

when Chuck Norris junps into the water, he dosn`t get wet. the water gets Chuck Norris!

back to the link.
I`ve been thinking about most of these things, and their realy just super duper true!

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Male 13
Awesome Awesome article. Cracked.com comes through again :-)
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Male 1,237
i find this interesting and disheartening

am i the only one who cringes a bit when someone says `wallah`? ..

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Male 274
it works now
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Male 22
Can anyone say "thinking too much"?
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Male 2,703
finally (yes i promise), the replicator would create a utopia, which is the human race`s goal anyways, right? no need for money, thus no need for theft. and if you combined the holodeck with the replicator, who needs a "virtual simulation" of scarlet johanson if you can have your own replication of her? someone has a failing liver, replicate a healthy one.

the only reason that none of these things will never happen, especially the replicator, is because humans are greedy bastards. someone would rather create something to make money than to help society, hence why drugs dont cure things, just put them in a dormant state.

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Male 2,703
i would much rather be a passenger in a self driving car than have to worry about people hitting me. driving would then be solely replaced by go cart places or hell, holodecks where you can race to your hearts desire. imagine having to drive from new york to philidelphia, would you rather sit behind a wheel and concentrate on what you`re doing, or take a nap/watch a movie/read a book/finish a work project? a self driving car would be like taking an airplane, except the pilot would be a computer, and you would be on the ground, also, you dont have to deal with airport security.

the teleporter made me think of the movie "the illusionist" (i think thats the one, or the prestige) where the guy has a teleporter that creates a copy of him. it makes you worried for your life, but then again, who cares, once we die of old age anyways, our existance is over....

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Male 2,703
[quote]I disagree with pretty much everything on that page. Especially the teleporters. He is going merely on the atom teleporters but what if we could somehow make a wormhole, wallah, problem solved.

Then the flying car is stupid because if it were running souly off of auto pilot there wouldn`t be any accidents or traffic jams because it`s a computer and knows exactly what to do. Of course the auto-pilot I am thinking of isn`t the same as the ones planes use, it`s more advance.[/quote]

i actually agree with you, on both accounts. we will actually need to discover wormholes eventually so as to travel across the universe, so why not use them in our own backyard (as one would say).

and i have been telling people for years about how GPS systems will eventually produce self driving car. once everyone has one, THEN we can talk about flying cars.

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Female 21
"i think its a good idea
and with the teleporter.. as long as i works, who cares if you technically died, youre the same person at the other end"

But you`re not. He`s saying that when you step into that thing, you die, and then something that looks exactly like you with all your memories steps out of the other end, a completely new life. It`s not you personally, just a copy of you.

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Male 134
i understand the problem with the matter replicator, but if we can make anything, why would we need jobs?
so who cares if all jobs are lost
doctors wont even need to charge, because they dont need money, no one does... i think its a good idea
and with the teleporter.. as long as i works, who cares if you technically died, youre the same person at the other end
and as long as the auto pilot on the flying cars is effecient, then why not
and who cares about jet packs when you have a flying car?
i agree with the holo thing tho, that already happens, and not even in a fully holo environment, just warcraft
but i suppose if it were limited or something
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Female 2,074
The writer was awesome. Great article.
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Male 410
Kyur . . . . it`s called satire. Please, please go out and do something!
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Female 151
I want to cry.
My Trekkie-ness is hurt. -_-

I want Teleporter. I want Replicator. I want Holodeck.

Keep your damned Flying Cars and Jetpacks. They reek of suck anyway.

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Male 773
i still want a holodeck and a jet pack. ill make one if i have to
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Male 888
its funny cause its true!
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Male 1,526
i remember a few years ago when people though the internet would just be a fad and "whats it suposed to be good for?". there have always ben dumb backwards people talking trash about usefull things.
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Male 313
hahaha, a beautiful representation of the futile attempts of humans to make life easier
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Male 155
I disagree with most except holodecks, they would indeed make ppl with no lives even worse. But mostly i disaggree with replicators, can make everything u need, all the food u want w/o worrying about calories/fat/sugar since it can pretty much take out the harmful stuff.

That would be best invention. Create hydrogen for fuel cars, tree`s, water, that site is totally off.

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Male 636
^^^HAHA... Exactly!!!... if someone wanted to "off you" they wouldn`t need a car bomb... just a computer virus.
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Male 196
"Then the flying car is stupid because if it were running souly off of auto pilot there wouldn`t be any accidents or traffic jams because it`s a computer and knows exactly what to do. "

You do realise that most of its software would be programmed by Microsoft as soon as they realise there is a market. It will give the words `your computer just crashed` a whole new meaning.

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Female 66
i actually quite enjoyed that...
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Male 96
I still want them all....

They`d all still be cool if only a few people had them.

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Male 138
Oh, and. I own all of these things. Three jetpacks, actually.

And a ray gun...

And a vivid imagination.

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Male 138
And it worked for this guy...

Anyone else notice that was off of Cracked Magazine?

And Viking Guy? Clone your girlfriend. No, no, no. You got it all wrong. You simply have to find a girlfriend -for- your girlfriend.

It`s so much easier that way.

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Male 2,160
hmmm...i´d just break my transporter and make me a few copies of my gf}-)
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Male 896
No you`re boring blue ranger!
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Male 4,012
Awww goddamit. I was so looking forward to jetpacks :(
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Male 259
Boring.
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Male 896
I disagree with pretty much everything on that page. Especially the teleporters. He is going merely on the atom teleporters but what if we could somehow make a wormhole, wallah, problem solved.

Then the flying car is stupid because if it were running souly off of auto pilot there wouldn`t be any accidents or traffic jams because it`s a computer and knows exactly what to do. Of course the auto-pilot I am thinking of isn`t the same as the ones planes use, it`s more advance.

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Female 226
worked for me too, but i wish i didnt. All my daydreams have just gone down the drain...
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Male 572
hahahahahahha that was sooooo funny i literaly loled xD!!!!!
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Male 1,265
Worked for me.
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Male 317
^ How about no.
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Male 810
Look at the bright side, everyone, we could make the comments non-boring if everyone said a Chuck Norris joke!

Chuck Norris has two keys on his keyboard, 1 and 0

When God said "Let there be light!", Chuck Norris said "Say Please"

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Male 810


Poop!


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Male 97
Epic Fail
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Male 2,076
fail, dead link
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Female 1,211
That was so cool.
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Male 777
Yes, 404 pages do indeed suck in real life.
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Male 270
Blarg bad link!
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Male 568
You Fail. Get out. :-P
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Male 411
turns out this link looking cool is all its good for.
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Male 2,616
Is the sci-fi gadget in question here... the internet?
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Female 1
Please check this page. I didn`t find anything there.
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Male 280
Yay 404!
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Male 19,879
Link: Sci-Fi Inventions That Would Suck in Real Life [Rate Link] - Remember all those sci-fi gadgets that looked so cool? Turns out looking cool is all they`d be good for.
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