Rock Beats Everything

Submitted by: JihadAllah 9 years ago in Funny

He does make a good point. Warning: adult language.
There are 70 comments:
Male 1,440
from now on, im always picking rock
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Male 516
Hahaha! He´s so right!
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Female 2,084
that was pretty funny.
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Female 1,299
good point
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Male 53
hey! dont talk to paper that way! someday it will kick your ass and slit your throat!!! Well fine maybe not kick you ass but you know.
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Male 1,704
funy how he`s written it on paper..

haha it is funny tho.

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Female 203
i have this as my away message (minus the colorful language). i completely support this. everytime i play rock paper scissors with somebody and the rock/paper combo comes up i make my arguement and they say im dumb because the paper suffocates the rock. wtf?! rocks dont have lungs dimwits!
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Male 447
hahahahahaha thats how i think of rock to!
rock ftw@@!!!!
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Female 1,299
good point
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Male 16
yeah I think this is from one of Dane Cooks Stand ups
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Male 994
hey did they steal this form Seinfeld and just added a dumbass explanation with it?
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Male 742
poo other people did it already.sorry
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Male 742
it says;i understand how scissors can beat paper,and i get how a rock can beat scissors but theres no fudgeking way paper can beat rock.Is paper supposed to wrap around the rock and leave it immobile?Why the hell cant paper do this to scissors,screwq scissors why cant paper do this to people?Why arent there sheets of college ruled note book paper constantly suffocating students as they take notes in class?ill tel you why because paper cant beat anybody.A rock would tear that shi/t up in two seconds.When i play rock,paper,scissors,i always choose rock.Then when someone claims to have beaten me with their paper i can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say,oh poo, im sorry i thought paper would protect you" for those of tou who couldn`t get all of it.
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Male 15,510
A common timing-based tactic on a throw of paper or scissors is to wait until the last possible moment to dupe an opponent into believing that one may actually be throwing a scissors or rock. This is usually regarded as a foul at competitive RPS matches. In competitive RPS, however, a foul can be called on any throw that is revealed after thrower`s arm swings past the perpendicular to his torso. In this case, the referee may then assign a throw of rock, or a "forced rock".

Priming is the number of bounces one does before revealing the throw. Another way to cheat is to prime three times to an opponent`s twice, so that one sees his opponent`s throw without revealing his own. In most such cases, though, the round will be most likely replayed.

To prevent timing-based cheating, the players may be asked to hold their throwing hands behind their backs and reveal their already-formed throws after the count of three.

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Male 1,289
awesome
and agreed.
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Male 468
this was actually stolen from Dane Cook`s stand up comedy
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Male 16
This is definitely Demetri Martin. <.<
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Female 150
well now that i can read it, i`m not so angry. i used to play one called "foot, atom bomb, roach" foot squshed roach, bomb killed foot, roach lived through bomb and so on. it`s much better than rock paper scissors...
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Male 376
okay, so it`s a stupid game to begin with, but i`d like to know what the hand signals would be for fire, sponge, water
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Female 364
lmfao, that was great. I don`t care what you all say. Punching people in the face and then laughing at them is fun.
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Female 322
That`s funny, but really old.
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Male 15
Or something like that
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Male 15
The guy who wrote this (assuming its a guy and an actual opinion and not made up) is a moron. The real reason for paper beating rock is from the custom (I forget if it`s African or Asian) of wrapping a rock in a peace treaty to show your side gives in.
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Female 350
MY FRIEND SO WROTE THIS YEARS AGO AND POSTED IT ON HER WEBSITE YEARS AGO.... And this is word for word what she wrote.. and she wrote it on her own, she didn`t take it from something else. wow..... wow.
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Male 115
aww that was genious
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Male 59
Tank beats Ghost. Tank beats Hunter. Tank beats EVERYTHING.

For anyone who`s played Halo 3.

Pretty funny paragraph, BTW.

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Male 559
While paper doesn`t make sense, something like "Rock, Scissors, Dynamite with a cuttable fuse" doesn`t exactly roll of the tongue.
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Male 28
lame...this is so gay
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Male 1,162
actually... If you go to punch someone, and they blick you with an open hand (paper), then technically paper did protect them

Paper doesnt confine scissors because they are sharp. A rock can not pierce paper, thus, paper beats the rock.

This rant is full of epic fail.

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Male 238
you can kill a person from far far away with some nice aim, and a not so big rock. just make sure u hit them in the temple.
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Male 3,619
haha, trhats what i`ve been thinking... i dont want to punch people in the face but, still...
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Female 582
omg thats amazing

testing censor:
non-nice individual

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Male 907
I HAVE ALWAYS SAID THEY SHOULD HAVE FIRE, SPOUNGE, WATER!!! :-O

Fire burns spounge (and if it is just the spounge, it must be dry)

Spounge absorbs the water

Water puts out the fire

It makes much more sense.

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Male 133
Rdamsel, you are the idiot. You didn`t even consider that MAYBE it`s just another picture that doesn`t load.
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Male 1
"You can kill a person with a piece of paper by using the edge on their neck. I`d say paper is pretty powerful."

Stupidest thing I`ve heard someone say. Do you know how think your skin is? A paper cut on your neck would not kill you. -_-; Please, think before you post.

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Male 1,023
i could do without the cursing but good.
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Male 1,497
oui, this is so old...
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Male 94
Lol I should try that when I lose... which I always seem to do :-\
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Female 1,158
I`ve ALWAYS thought this.

When someone claims to beat my rock with their paper, I say, nuh uh, I used my rock as a paper-weight. :D

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Male 80
I LOVE this kind of things.
Satire is the most beautiful thing ever
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Male 1,072
stupid!
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Male 576
Thanks Buddy. You`re the best :-)
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Male 10,115
Image file was corrupted, is now fixed.
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Male 988
who cares? who thinks the use of expletives to desribe a normal game is unnecessary? who thinks that even making an internet thing about it was even necesaary? My God.
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Female 815
Meh I feel inclined to uncensor it for the stupid people.

I understand how scissors can beat paper, and i get how a rock can beat scissors, but there’s no fu`cking way paper can beat rock. Is paper supposed to magically wrap around rock and leave it immobile? Why the hell can’t paper do this to scissors? screw scissors, why can’t paper do this to people? Why aren’t sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they take notes in class? I’ll tell you why, because paper can’t beat anybody. A rock would tear that sh`it up in two seconds. When I play rock paper scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, oh sh`it i’m sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you ass hole.

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Male 144
You can kill a person with a piece of paper by using the edge on their neck. I`d say paper is pretty powerful.
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Female 8
i once made up my own version of rock paper scissors with stuff like food.. i think it was crisps, chocolate, fruit, tea and hmmm ther was one more :( lol.. tea soggied crisps haha.. n it melted chocolate :) fun
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Male 24
In swedish, it`s called "Sten, sax, påse" which translates to "Stone, scissors, bag". And it actually makes more sense. You put the stone in the bag, and the bag won. :)
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Male 773
lol, thats funny. ill try it one day. like tomorrow
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Male 756
Maybe the game should be changed for today`s technology... maybe

Copy / Cut / Paste :-D

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Male 946
mehhh
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Female 525
its supposed to show the whole thing...and ive seen the argument already....why does IAB have lame stuff now? =[
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Male 1,623
they did this lame joke some time ago. it was retarded.
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Male 1,348
No Rdamsel it is corrupted. Thats how a computer graphic looks when it gets corrupted. You must be new to pictures on computers.
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Female 694
I`ll be the first to say Thanks, Oggleboppite. But the censorship kind of f*cks it up.... Evil IAB censorship!
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Male 623
^^Yeah that`s it... and Oggleboppite just randomly made up that entire paragraph.

...if you`re going to post, try reading others` first.

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Male 1
you guys are idiots. the person talking is in the rocks perspective, and he suddenly cant see cause of the paper wrapping around him. its not messed or corrupted. jeez ppl.
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Female 1,572
....it only shows 1/3 of the page
with the whole context...
I wish I only knew the 1/3 of the paper
because the whole thing is super lame
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Female 74
broken link...
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Male 180
Heres the full text:

"i understand how scissors can beat paper, and i get how a rock can beat scissors, but there’s no drating way paper can beat rock. is paper supposed to magically wrap around rock and leave it immobile? why the hell can’t paper do this to scissors? screw scissors, why can’t paper do this to people? why aren’t sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they take notes in class? i’ll tell you why, because paper can’t beat anybody. a rock would tear that poo up in two seconds. when i play rock paper scissors, i always choose rock. then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper i punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, oh poo i’m sorry, i thought paper would protect you, you non-nice individual."

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Male 2,616
^ Sorry, I probably shouldn`t have touched you there.
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Male 174
There MUST be more...I feel violated
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Female 299
It might have been good if it didnt cut off 2/3 of the picture. Now Im curious to know what the other part said!
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Male 4
well that royally sucked
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Male 7
why does it not show the whole thing. laaaaaame
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Male 181
I guess it is only supposed to show that small bit....that was pretty stupid.
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Male 223
Same for me catapilrgirl
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Female 150
umm was it only supposed to show like 1/3 of the paper or have i just been awake too lomg?
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Male 274
nice
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Male 372
Link: Rock Beats Everything [Rate Link] - He does make a good point. Warning: adult language.
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