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[Total: 130    Average: 3.5/5]
100 Comments - View/Add
Hits: 21111
Rating: 3.5
Category: Funny
Date: 06/12/07 02:15 AM

100 Responses to CSI: Miami – David Carsuo One-Liners

  1. Profile photo of sporka
    sporka Female 18-29
    818 posts
    June 11, 2007 at 4:55 pm
    Link: CSI: Miami - David Carsuo One-Liners - Best actor in the history of television?
  2. Profile photo of brutalnz
    brutalnz Male 30-39
    1386 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 2:17 am
    I can`t stand him
  3. Profile photo of ICN
    ICN Male 18-29
    336 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 2:18 am
    yeah, boring real quick, just like my wilhelm scream.

    sorry everybody

  4. Profile photo of lestat221
    lestat221 Male 18-29
    213 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 2:19 am
    eh I didn`t even watch it... that guy is like a robot when it comes to acting :P
  5. Profile photo of krazyluv
    krazyluv Female 13-17
    650 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 2:27 am
    hes so annoying! his lil one-liners are always cheesy or there just kinda like "WTF is he talking about" things. its not clever. and those glasses! on,off,on,off,on,off
  6. Profile photo of rattler201
    rattler201 Male 18-29
    79 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 2:29 am
    If you fall three stories and survive, you have something to hide? Maybe your superpowers? Wtf, that doesn`t even make sense.
  7. Profile photo of Doomlike
    Doomlike Male 13-17
    416 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 2:35 am
    LOL, that was funny... it where like all the lame wise talks over and over again. I heard ``miamy`` about a thousand times.
  8. Profile photo of ace_22
    ace_22 Female 13-17
    1 post
    June 12, 2007 at 2:52 am
    The scriptwriters must be very unimaginative.. it`s the same format over and over again.
    Detective-".. she came down to drink mojitos and catch some sun"

    Caruso- "Well it looks like, something caught HER"

  9. Profile photo of ethan3786
    ethan3786 Male 13-17
    75 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 2:54 am
    the one liers is what makes the show great (but not as good as the original);)
  10. Profile photo of chatgirl44
    chatgirl44 Female 18-29
    242 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 3:13 am
    i drating LOVE horatio caine...BEST.
  11. Profile photo of Drizzle
    Drizzle Female 18-29
    199 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 3:35 am
    I only watch that show for the sunglass on/off, dramatic pause, and cheesy oneliners. One the opening credits start I flip to something decent.
  12. Profile photo of rockthearts
    rockthearts Female 13-17
    93 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 3:35 am
    Hes the most concieted, annoying guy on tv.
  13. Profile photo of DeadlyLegion
    DeadlyLegion Male 18-29
    452 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 3:45 am
    pffft not worth watching- he has oneliners in like every episode of Miami CSI I have watched
  14. Profile photo of Exotherm
    Exotherm Male 18-29
    3 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 3:53 am
    "`Til now."
    "Or maybe...he got taken for a ride!"
    "So our accident...is not an accident at all."
    "He started the weekend `big man on campus`, and ended it...`dead on arrival`"

    Those gems, and more, are what makes CSI: Miami an entertainingly bad show.

  15. Profile photo of Suicism
    Suicism Male 18-29
    3625 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 4:30 am
    It really sucks when having your hands full with a gun prevents you from finalizing your clever quip with a spectacle replacement...
  16. Profile photo of speedsta
    speedsta Male 18-29
    609 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 4:46 am
    i hate that guy.. can`t stand him
  17. Profile photo of camonaipo
    camonaipo Male 13-17
    42 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 4:48 am
    comedy inc (the australian one) has an amazing sketch about csi were they`re constantly mocking david caruso because of the one liners and his on/off sunglasses
  18. Profile photo of Rofl_Ryan
    Rofl_Ryan Male 13-17
    185 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 4:54 am
    Can he leave the dodgy glasses alone?
  19. Profile photo of Itsdude56
    Itsdude56 Male 13-17
    888 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 4:59 am
    ....
    that scream thing got preeeety annoying
  20. Profile photo of kaizen_man68
    kaizen_man68 Male 30-39
    52 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 5:05 am
    yeah, needs to be edited better. Lose the scream & shorten then time between one-liners. It`d be much more effective and actually funnier.
  21. Profile photo of kaizen_man68
    kaizen_man68 Male 30-39
    52 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 5:05 am
    yeah, needs to be edited better. Lose the scream & shorten the time between one-liners. It`d be much more effective and actually funnier.
  22. Profile photo of McCormy
    McCormy Male 13-17
    60 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 5:06 am
    How the hell are any of those one liners any good.

    What gash.

  23. Profile photo of Devi3000
    Devi3000 Female 18-29
    1497 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 5:14 am
    AND PEOPLE WATCH THIS!!! LOLOLOL I am so in the wrong profession, I should have gone to film school.
  24. Profile photo of notapervert
    notapervert Male 13-17
    2567 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 5:17 am
    lol!
  25. Profile photo of Bajatar
    Bajatar Female 40-49
    345 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 5:30 am
    Wow. This series is one of the few rare TV shows that seem to get better by translating it into another language. It`s like he`s got a totally different character with this voice and strange one liners ;)
  26. Profile photo of ScaryMeadow
    ScaryMeadow Female 18-29
    189 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 5:50 am
    HAHAHA!! I like the show a little, but I LOVE this! Oh god that was so funny..

    "Well it looks like weee.. have ourself a new fav on IAB.."

    PS: Gotta get me those glasses. Even in Norway people would laugh if I did that..

  27. Profile photo of ScaryMeadow
    ScaryMeadow Female 18-29
    189 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 6:01 am
    Oh and he only said Miami trice..
  28. Profile photo of i-am-emo
    i-am-emo Female 70 & Over
    1264 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 6:10 am
    that isnt the begining theme that interupts him. Its the poor vewiers at home all screaming in sync as theyre tortured repeditivly by his make-your-ears-bleed one liners
  29. Profile photo of bordarboy
    bordarboy Male 13-17
    121 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 6:53 am
    it looks like this post is gonna be posted... to the dump! (god damn it why does noone ever laugh, if i put on my sunglasses then noone will be able to see me, sunglasses of invisibility!!!)
  30. Profile photo of HaruHaru
    HaruHaru Female 13-17
    1065 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 6:55 am
    I wanna rip those sunglasses off his face..
  31. Profile photo of ScaryMeadow
    ScaryMeadow Female 18-29
    189 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 7:57 am
    I wanna see his face when I rip `em off and step on `em.. ":O!"
  32. Profile photo of Gn0m3
    Gn0m3 Male 18-29
    421 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 8:22 am
    he made this show suck, hope someone kills him off
  33. Profile photo of midori05
    midori05 Female 18-29
    221 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 8:25 am
    ever notice how in each and every episode of CSI Miami, David Caruso always has his sunglasses? He`s always holding `em, taking them on, taking them off... even while about to shoot someone, he`s still holding the sunglasses! it`s kinda annoying, actually.
  34. Profile photo of LazyMe484
    LazyMe484 Male 18-29
    10441 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 8:38 am
    YEAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
  35. Profile photo of Breena716
    Breena716 Female 18-29
    89 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 8:51 am
    I hate this man so much. It`s why I won`t watch CSI Miami. Horrible.
  36. Profile photo of deaf_woman
    deaf_woman Male 30-39
    2720 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 9:08 am
    LOL What an exquisite douchebag.
  37. Profile photo of tomsss
    tomsss Male 18-29
    403 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 9:49 am
    oh my god... pure gold. PURE GOLD :D
  38. Profile photo of absolutmofo
    absolutmofo Female 18-29
    274 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 9:58 am
    I hate CSI Miami.
  39. Profile photo of WhereDidItGo
    WhereDidItGo Male 13-17
    66 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 9:58 am
    If only we could apply that formula to real life...
    "Mr. Perkins , in sorry to inform you ...... your wife is dead."
  40. Profile photo of WhereDidItGo
    WhereDidItGo Male 13-17
    66 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 9:58 am
    *I`m
  41. Profile photo of muckseen
    muckseen Female 18-29
    137 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 10:40 am
    I hate this guy so much. Grissom from CSI Vegas is so much cooler, what`s with the whole William Shatner dramatic pause thing he`s got going?

    This is reallyy... (dramatic pause) bad acting.

    Lol, after a while he just kind of started reminding me of Agent Smith.

  42. Profile photo of GoldenArms89
    GoldenArms89 Male 18-29
    104 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 10:44 am
    Yeah, After about the first minute this poo got drating annoying anyways *Must put on glasses in order to speak!* these one liners are not so one linery at all *YEAHHHHHHHHH*
  43. Profile photo of alik1986
    alik1986 Male 18-29
    80 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 10:49 am
    that was hilarious... but i could only watch like the first 2 minutes... got a little repetitive at the end... hahaha.. good one though
  44. Profile photo of bumblecock
    bumblecock Male 18-29
    643 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 10:59 am
    I like the cheese.
  45. Profile photo of KMeTG
    KMeTG Male 18-29
    1265 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 11:13 am
    Yeah he was pretty Agent Smith like, except Smith was cool.

    So is he, in his own way. I don`t watch it much but it entertains me when I do.

    Oh, and, The Who, Won`t Get Fooled Again is easily one of the best songs ever.

  46. Profile photo of JAK-STEEL
    JAK-STEEL Male 13-17
    1364 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 11:52 am
    that was annoying
  47. Profile photo of ARC123
    ARC123 Female 13-17
    269 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 12:44 pm
    lol. he`s *SO* awesome.
    It plays out like this pretty much everytime:
    blah blah blah *pauses & puts on sunglasses* blah blah
  48. Profile photo of kendrickwall
    kendrickwall Male 18-29
    129 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 12:50 pm
    He walks off to his right after every line. Even when he shoots that guy he always walks away and too his right in every scene.
  49. Profile photo of SystemFailed
    SystemFailed Female 13-17
    4 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 1:23 pm
    I hate that show. CSI, CSI Miami, CSI NY, w/e. This vid is so cool. Haha That jackass sounds so stupid.
    HATE that show. HATE IT. There`s so many things that are wrong with it. Don`t get me started.

    Great vid, again

  50. Profile photo of larajunky
    larajunky Female 40-49
    1832 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 1:23 pm
    I LOVE CSI but not the Miami version.
    *YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH*
  51. Profile photo of Bloigen
    Bloigen Male 18-29
    156 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 1:26 pm
    Yes muckseen because William Shatner invented the dramatic pause. >_>
  52. Profile photo of Nintendohnut
    Nintendohnut Male 18-29
    111 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 2:08 pm
    start of generic line.......pause to put on sunglasses............end of generic line....HUGE SCREAM!
  53. Profile photo of Foob
    Foob Male 40-49
    382 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 2:15 pm
    Poor David Caruso - who writes that awful dialogue?
    We know he can act, we`ve seen him proper films - why oh why must he suffer such a lousy role?
  54. Profile photo of Rise23Up
    Rise23Up Male 18-29
    549 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 2:27 pm
    Idk how CSI Miami gets the best ratings, the writers try to get too artsy sometimes, and the scripting is terrible. CSI NY is the best 8-).
  55. Profile photo of discordany
    discordany Female 13-17
    84 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 2:29 pm
    So, as much as I hate him, mainly for his annoying habit of standing up from crouch and/ or putting on sunglasses as he delivers horrible lines, I decided to count how many of the clips he did the above in.

    26/ 40 was the end result. I was suprised it wasnt higher, but that`s still freaking pathetic.

  56. Profile photo of AlfishKK
    AlfishKK Female 18-29
    782 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 2:45 pm
    Oh WOW, these are lame.
  57. Profile photo of Kanashii
    Kanashii Female 13-17
    359 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 2:56 pm
    LMFAO. They aren`t so bad once or twice an episode watched once or twice a week, but... AGH! Once you put them all together and watch them straight, JEEZUS you just want to SHOOT something!

    F*cking ginger. :D

  58. Profile photo of AFTERSHOCK
    AFTERSHOCK Male 18-29
    2782 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 3:13 pm
    AGENT SMITH IS DEFINITELY BETTER!

    THOUGH I PREFER TO WATCH HOUSE

  59. Profile photo of Kragoth
    Kragoth Male 13-17
    154 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 3:21 pm
    My god, its so hilariously poor. someone should encoporate him into a film where those are his only lines.
  60. Profile photo of blackebony
    blackebony Female 13-17
    27 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 3:25 pm
    i give keanu reeves just that much more credit, for being a poo actor. this is almost painful to see that hes ACTUALLY MAKING MONEY FROM THIS AND PEOPLE ARE WATCHING! in any case this would be an awesome drinking game...
  61. Profile photo of ZoKtorR
    ZoKtorR Male 18-29
    177 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 3:25 pm
    That`s bad.
  62. Profile photo of celticzaida
    celticzaida Female 13-17
    205 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 3:30 pm
    This is why Grissom is and always will be the king of CSI.
  63. Profile photo of hagane
    hagane Male 30-39
    967 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 3:34 pm
    That sucked major A$$!
  64. Profile photo of aone
    aone Female 18-29
    36 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 3:36 pm
    csi: miami is the worst out of the csi franchise. they have TWO monotonous and in all likelihood dead inside characters-horatio and callie? is it? the coroner chick might count as three. ugh.
  65. Profile photo of ProzakJunkie
    ProzakJunkie Male 18-29
    163 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 3:42 pm
    Now all we need are clips of him putting on his glasses then taking them off again over and over.
  66. Profile photo of mindy_rawrr
    mindy_rawrr Female 13-17
    52 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 3:48 pm
    I hate that guy SO much. He has the camera hit him at a certain angle because he thinks he looks better.
    He`s conceited, and he sucks at acting.
    ...BLEH!
  67. Profile photo of aone
    aone Female 18-29
    36 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 3:49 pm
    and people forgot to mention the head tilt. does david caruso have a crink i wonder?

    and ProzakJunkie:
    CSI:Miami David Caruso One Liners II: Sunglasses Edition

    hehe.

  68. Profile photo of crazyrendeer
    crazyrendeer Female 13-17
    119 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 3:54 pm
    My nan calls him:

    `Mr `ands on `ips`

    I think hes cool, though, and he does seem to have a one liner prepared for every situation

  69. Profile photo of blipflip
    blipflip Male 13-17
    87 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 4:00 pm
    This is so very relevant. A parody of CSI miami`s one liners by none other than Weebl!
    Watch it , it`s brillianthttp://www.weebls-stuff.com/wab/CSI/
  70. Profile photo of XxSpeedy
    XxSpeedy Male 13-17
    274 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 4:17 pm
    i just love that horrific scream
  71. Profile photo of fancipantz13
    fancipantz13 Female 18-29
    10 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 4:23 pm
    they`re just trying too hard to connect CSI and CSI: Miami cause Grissom was the king of opening oneliners for the first few seasons (not so much anymore...)
    fav example: (from season 5)
    *after seeing dead bodies of 2 college students*
    Grissom: Never was there a tale of more woe. Than that of Juliet and her Romeo..

    Greg:*popping up w/ evidence in hand*
    condom wrapper!

    Grissom: so much for safe sex.

    *cue theme music*

  72. Profile photo of HoneyBaby62
    HoneyBaby62 Female 13-17
    273 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 4:23 pm
    GIL GRISSOM FTW
  73. Profile photo of GeN_Ex
    GeN_Ex Male 13-17
    276 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 4:30 pm
    Itsdude56 is so right, I got really sick of that KRAAHH scream sound inbetween each gay and cheesy line
  74. Profile photo of Willowpuff
    Willowpuff Female 18-29
    2220 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 6:04 pm
    ...

    Is... this... meant to be funny?
    Or...
    Just...

    I don`t get it...

  75. Profile photo of Aqausixio
    Aqausixio Female 18-29
    1397 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 6:29 pm
    oooh he`s witty. not.
  76. Profile photo of lieunym
    lieunym Female 18-29
    458 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 6:36 pm
    "This is why Grissom is and always will be the king of CSI."

    This will always be 100% true.
    GRISSOM >>>> Carsuo

  77. Profile photo of innergoth
    innergoth Male 13-17
    200 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 6:57 pm
    CSI: Miami was a huge mistake... cant beat the original CSI. Grissom can kick his ass anyday
  78. Profile photo of patriotpappy
    patriotpappy Male 50-59
    756 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 7:17 pm
    Caruso, not Carsuo.

    Both Grissom and Chuck Norris can kick his ass.

  79. Profile photo of Varifael
    Varifael Female 18-29
    239 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 7:36 pm
    And this is in the funny section?

    This video is about as entertaining as...as...I can`t think of anything less amusing. He`s got the acting skills of a sock puppet without the hand up its rear but lacks the excuse to be so.

    And I don`t even like CSI. I don`t know why I ended clicking on this. :-?

  80. Profile photo of WickedSteak
    WickedSteak Male 18-29
    319 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 7:37 pm
    lmao he sounds like he`s got a pullstring on his back or something
  81. Profile photo of PayN8tention
    PayN8tention Male 18-29
    907 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 7:43 pm
    Frank: "blah blah blah stab wound and died"
    Douch: "Yes Frank, but it.."
    *puts on glasses*
    *FRANK GRABS GLASSES AND CHUCKS THEM IN OCEAN*
    Frank: "ONE MORE OF THOSE CRAPPY ASS LINES YOU HAVE AND THIS WON`T BE THE ONLY MURDER CASE TODAY!!!!"
    *BYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH*

    ^^^That`s the one I would like to see.

  82. Profile photo of missknox
    missknox Female 18-29
    105 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 10:15 pm
    Couldn`t finish watching. The screaming in between the one-liners was annoying.
  83. Profile photo of Sh4d0w
    Sh4d0w Male 70 & Over
    21 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 11:12 pm
    Those stupid BYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHs got rly annoying.
  84. Profile photo of plowerd
    plowerd Male 18-29
    334 posts
    June 12, 2007 at 11:53 pm
    "D" to the "O" to the "uchebag"
  85. Profile photo of unreedemed
    unreedemed Male 13-17
    544 posts
    June 13, 2007 at 1:31 am
    that is so cheesy.
  86. Profile photo of luvinangel03
    luvinangel03 Female 18-29
    74 posts
    June 13, 2007 at 2:10 am
    The fact they they played the opening first 25 seconds or whatever of the show between each clip pissed me off- got old really quick. Another thing that got old real quick- was the sunglasses- once he put the sunglasses on we knew he was on the brink of something- but following each sunglass scene with the "scream" aka intro- get rid of it. I hated it!

    I`ve never seen the show, but the first clips got me interested- but the sunglasses and "scream" aka intro- makes me want to never see an episode

  87. Profile photo of justmek
    justmek Female 30-39
    6 posts
    June 13, 2007 at 3:13 am

    he`s such a knobhead.why does he turn his head to the side all the time?does he think he`s cool?
    i hope he gets bumped off soon. maybe they could replace "H" with mib`s "K" he`s pretty cool
  88. Profile photo of SnazzyBanana
    SnazzyBanana Male 13-17
    163 posts
    June 13, 2007 at 7:22 am
    He was npt funny at all, I was just rofling at the scream in the song, like, every five seconds.
  89. Profile photo of gumgoespop
    gumgoespop Female 13-17
    52 posts
    June 13, 2007 at 8:30 am
    I always knew there was something wrong with him.
  90. Profile photo of Toonoisy
    Toonoisy Female 18-29
    102 posts
    June 13, 2007 at 12:21 pm
    These videos of David Caruso gets SO much better after watching this video, where Jim Carry impersonate him:
    http://youtube.com/watch?v=glvGfQnx3DI
    :D
  91. Profile photo of Moseberth
    Moseberth Female 13-17
    63 posts
    June 13, 2007 at 2:40 pm
    That was dumb.
  92. Profile photo of jess_izzle
    jess_izzle Female 18-29
    226 posts
    June 13, 2007 at 3:24 pm
    The scream thing is hilarious. lmao
  93. Profile photo of thewabbit
    thewabbit Male 13-17
    366 posts
    June 13, 2007 at 4:17 pm
    EEEYEEEEAAAAAHHHH
  94. Profile photo of boisenberry
    boisenberry Female 18-29
    62 posts
    June 13, 2007 at 5:20 pm
    i love him he`s awesome.
  95. Profile photo of xxminglexx
    xxminglexx Female 18-29
    761 posts
    June 14, 2007 at 1:04 am
    Hahaha, I love how there`s that quinticential pause in between words in every single on of them, or he draws out one word. Like "Yeeesss" or "I do believe... we have a mystery on our hands"
  96. Profile photo of KrazyKenny
    KrazyKenny Female 13-17
    27 posts
    June 14, 2007 at 8:51 pm
    he reminds me of that fellow from Hawaii Five-o. I wonder if he models himself after him.
  97. Profile photo of natakalt
    natakalt Female 18-29
    1697 posts
    June 16, 2007 at 7:34 pm
    don`t like him!!
    hate csi miami, love las vegas!
  98. Profile photo of i-am-emo
    i-am-emo Female 70 & Over
    1264 posts
    July 4, 2007 at 12:17 am
    you guys have got it all wrong he puts on the shades when he doesnt want anyone to see him crying. "im sorry honey but there is no santa clau-WOULD YOU TAKE OF THOSE FU.CKING GLASSES"
  99. Profile photo of i-am-emo
    i-am-emo Female 70 & Over
    1264 posts
    July 4, 2007 at 12:30 am
    or one day he just runs out of one liners

    frank: the man was found dead in the dumpster with three bullets wounds in his head.
    crapforbrains:well he wound up as dead as a ned in his bed
    frank: excuse me?
    crapforbrains: you could say that this mystery is no flea porno for conjoined fat babie twins trying to play the bagpipes while riding a unicycle on the 5th of july
    frank: .....what?
    crapforbrains: i....dont...know
    *BYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH*

  100. Profile photo of Courtney158
    Courtney158 Female 13-17
    125 posts
    December 5, 2008 at 3:29 am
    I do think that I.....*puts on sunglasses* hate the editing of this video..

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