CSI: Miami - David Carsuo One-Liners

Submitted by: sporka 9 years ago Funny

Best actor in the history of television?
There are 100 comments:
Female 125
I do think that I.....*puts on sunglasses* hate the editing of this video..
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Female 1,264
or one day he just runs out of one liners

frank: the man was found dead in the dumpster with three bullets wounds in his head.
crapforbrains:well he wound up as dead as a ned in his bed
frank: excuse me?
crapforbrains: you could say that this mystery is no flea porno for conjoined fat babie twins trying to play the bagpipes while riding a unicycle on the 5th of july
frank: .....what?
crapforbrains: i....dont...know
*BYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH*

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Female 1,264
you guys have got it all wrong he puts on the shades when he doesnt want anyone to see him crying. "im sorry honey but there is no santa clau-WOULD YOU TAKE OF THOSE FU.CKING GLASSES"
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Female 1,697
don`t like him!!
hate csi miami, love las vegas!
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Female 27
he reminds me of that fellow from Hawaii Five-o. I wonder if he models himself after him.
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Female 761
Hahaha, I love how there`s that quinticential pause in between words in every single on of them, or he draws out one word. Like "Yeeesss" or "I do believe... we have a mystery on our hands"
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Female 62
i love him he`s awesome.
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Male 366
EEEYEEEEAAAAAHHHH
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Female 226
The scream thing is hilarious. lmao
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Female 63
That was dumb.
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Female 102
These videos of David Caruso gets SO much better after watching this video, where Jim Carry impersonate him:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=glvGfQnx3DI
:D
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Female 52
I always knew there was something wrong with him.
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Male 163
He was npt funny at all, I was just rofling at the scream in the song, like, every five seconds.
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Female 6

he`s such a knobhead.why does he turn his head to the side all the time?does he think he`s cool?
i hope he gets bumped off soon. maybe they could replace "H" with mib`s "K" he`s pretty cool
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Female 74
The fact they they played the opening first 25 seconds or whatever of the show between each clip pissed me off- got old really quick. Another thing that got old real quick- was the sunglasses- once he put the sunglasses on we knew he was on the brink of something- but following each sunglass scene with the "scream" aka intro- get rid of it. I hated it!

I`ve never seen the show, but the first clips got me interested- but the sunglasses and "scream" aka intro- makes me want to never see an episode

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Male 543
that is so cheesy.
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Male 334
"D" to the "O" to the "uchebag"
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Male 21
Those stupid BYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHs got rly annoying.
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Female 105
Couldn`t finish watching. The screaming in between the one-liners was annoying.
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Male 907
Frank: "blah blah blah stab wound and died"
Douch: "Yes Frank, but it.."
*puts on glasses*
*FRANK GRABS GLASSES AND CHUCKS THEM IN OCEAN*
Frank: "ONE MORE OF THOSE CRAPPY ASS LINES YOU HAVE AND THIS WON`T BE THE ONLY MURDER CASE TODAY!!!!"
*BYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH*

^^^That`s the one I would like to see.

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Male 319
lmao he sounds like he`s got a pullstring on his back or something
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Female 239
And this is in the funny section?

This video is about as entertaining as...as...I can`t think of anything less amusing. He`s got the acting skills of a sock puppet without the hand up its rear but lacks the excuse to be so.

And I don`t even like CSI. I don`t know why I ended clicking on this. :-?

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Male 756
Caruso, not Carsuo.

Both Grissom and Chuck Norris can kick his ass.

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Male 200
CSI: Miami was a huge mistake... cant beat the original CSI. Grissom can kick his ass anyday
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Female 458
"This is why Grissom is and always will be the king of CSI."

This will always be 100% true.
GRISSOM >>>> Carsuo

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Female 1,397
oooh he`s witty. not.
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Female 2,220
...

Is... this... meant to be funny?
Or...
Just...

I don`t get it...

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Male 275
Itsdude56 is so right, I got really sick of that KRAAHH scream sound inbetween each gay and cheesy line
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Female 273
GIL GRISSOM FTW
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Female 10
they`re just trying too hard to connect CSI and CSI: Miami cause Grissom was the king of opening oneliners for the first few seasons (not so much anymore...)
fav example: (from season 5)
*after seeing dead bodies of 2 college students*
Grissom: Never was there a tale of more woe. Than that of Juliet and her Romeo..

Greg:*popping up w/ evidence in hand*
condom wrapper!

Grissom: so much for safe sex.

*cue theme music*

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Male 274
i just love that horrific scream
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Male 87
This is so very relevant. A parody of CSI miami`s one liners by none other than Weebl!
Watch it , it`s brillianthttp://www.weebls-stuff.com/wab/CSI/
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Female 119
My nan calls him:

`Mr `ands on `ips`

I think hes cool, though, and he does seem to have a one liner prepared for every situation

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Female 36
and people forgot to mention the head tilt. does david caruso have a crink i wonder?

and ProzakJunkie:
CSI:Miami David Caruso One Liners II: Sunglasses Edition

hehe.

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Female 52
I hate that guy SO much. He has the camera hit him at a certain angle because he thinks he looks better.
He`s conceited, and he sucks at acting.
...BLEH!
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Male 163
Now all we need are clips of him putting on his glasses then taking them off again over and over.
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Female 36
csi: miami is the worst out of the csi franchise. they have TWO monotonous and in all likelihood dead inside characters-horatio and callie? is it? the coroner chick might count as three. ugh.
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Male 967
That sucked major A$$!
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Female 205
This is why Grissom is and always will be the king of CSI.
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Male 177
That`s bad.
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Female 27
i give keanu reeves just [ ] that much more credit, for being a poo actor. this is almost painful to see that hes ACTUALLY MAKING MONEY FROM THIS AND PEOPLE ARE WATCHING! in any case this would be an awesome drinking game...
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Male 154
My god, its so hilariously poor. someone should encoporate him into a film where those are his only lines.
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Male 2,781
AGENT SMITH IS DEFINITELY BETTER!

THOUGH I PREFER TO WATCH HOUSE

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Female 359
LMFAO. They aren`t so bad once or twice an episode watched once or twice a week, but... AGH! Once you put them all together and watch them straight, JEEZUS you just want to SHOOT something!

F*cking ginger. :D

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Female 781
Oh WOW, these are lame.
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Female 84
So, as much as I hate him, mainly for his annoying habit of standing up from crouch and/ or putting on sunglasses as he delivers horrible lines, I decided to count how many of the clips he did the above in.

26/ 40 was the end result. I was suprised it wasnt higher, but that`s still freaking pathetic.

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Male 549
Idk how CSI Miami gets the best ratings, the writers try to get too artsy sometimes, and the scripting is terrible. CSI NY is the best 8-).
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Male 382
Poor David Caruso - who writes that awful dialogue?
We know he can act, we`ve seen him proper films - why oh why must he suffer such a lousy role?
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Male 111
start of generic line.......pause to put on sunglasses............end of generic line....HUGE SCREAM!
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Male 156
Yes muckseen because William Shatner invented the dramatic pause. >_>
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Female 1,832
I LOVE CSI but not the Miami version.
*YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH*
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Female 4
I hate that show. CSI, CSI Miami, CSI NY, w/e. This vid is so cool. Haha That jackass sounds so stupid.
HATE that show. HATE IT. There`s so many things that are wrong with it. Don`t get me started.

Great vid, again

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Male 129
He walks off to his right after every line. Even when he shoots that guy he always walks away and too his right in every scene.
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Female 269
lol. he`s *SO* awesome.
It plays out like this pretty much everytime:
blah blah blah *pauses & puts on sunglasses* blah blah
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Male 1,364
that was annoying
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Male 1,265
Yeah he was pretty Agent Smith like, except Smith was cool.

So is he, in his own way. I don`t watch it much but it entertains me when I do.

Oh, and, The Who, Won`t Get Fooled Again is easily one of the best songs ever.

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Male 643
I like the cheese.
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Male 80
that was hilarious... but i could only watch like the first 2 minutes... got a little repetitive at the end... hahaha.. good one though
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Male 104
Yeah, After about the first minute this poo got drating annoying anyways *Must put on glasses in order to speak!* these one liners are not so one linery at all *YEAHHHHHHHHH*
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Female 137
I hate this guy so much. Grissom from CSI Vegas is so much cooler, what`s with the whole William Shatner dramatic pause thing he`s got going?

This is reallyy... (dramatic pause) bad acting.

Lol, after a while he just kind of started reminding me of Agent Smith.

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Male 66
*I`m
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Female 274
I hate CSI Miami.
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Male 66
If only we could apply that formula to real life...
"Mr. Perkins [glasses on], in sorry to inform you ...[dramatic pause]... your wife is dead."
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Male 403
oh my god... pure gold. PURE GOLD :D
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Male 2,720
LOL What an exquisite douchebag.
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Female 89
I hate this man so much. It`s why I won`t watch CSI Miami. Horrible.
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Male 10,440
YEAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
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Female 221
ever notice how in each and every episode of CSI Miami, David Caruso always has his sunglasses? He`s always holding `em, taking them on, taking them off... even while about to shoot someone, he`s still holding the sunglasses! it`s kinda annoying, actually.
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Male 420
he made this show suck, hope someone kills him off
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Female 189
I wanna see his face when I rip `em off and step on `em.. ":O!"
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Female 1,065
I wanna rip those sunglasses off his face..
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Male 121
it looks like this post is gonna be posted... to the dump! (god damn it why does noone ever laugh, if i put on my sunglasses then noone will be able to see me, sunglasses of invisibility!!!)
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Female 1,264
that isnt the begining theme that interupts him. Its the poor vewiers at home all screaming in sync as theyre tortured repeditivly by his make-your-ears-bleed one liners
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Female 189
Oh and he only said Miami trice..
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Female 189
HAHAHA!! I like the show a little, but I LOVE this! Oh god that was so funny..

"Well it looks like weee.. [puts on glasses and pause] have ourself a new fav on IAB.."

PS: Gotta get me those glasses. Even in Norway people would laugh if I did that..

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Female 345
Wow. This series is one of the few rare TV shows that seem to get better by translating it into another language. It`s like he`s got a totally different character with this voice and strange one liners ;)
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Male 2,567
lol!
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Female 1,496
AND PEOPLE WATCH THIS!!! LOLOLOL I am so in the wrong profession, I should have gone to film school.
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Male 60
How the hell are any of those one liners any good.

What gash.

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Male 52
yeah, needs to be edited better. Lose the scream & shorten the time between one-liners. It`d be much more effective and actually funnier.
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Male 52
yeah, needs to be edited better. Lose the scream & shorten then time between one-liners. It`d be much more effective and actually funnier.
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Male 888
....
that scream thing got preeeety annoying
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Male 185
Can he leave the dodgy glasses alone?
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Male 42
comedy inc (the australian one) has an amazing sketch about csi were they`re constantly mocking david caruso because of the one liners and his on/off sunglasses
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Male 609
i hate that guy.. can`t stand him
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Male 3,631
It really sucks when having your hands full with a gun prevents you from finalizing your clever quip with a spectacle replacement...
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Male 3
"`Til now."
"Or maybe...he got taken for a ride!"
"So our accident...is not an accident at all."
"He started the weekend `big man on campus`, and ended it...`dead on arrival`"

Those gems, and more, are what makes CSI: Miami an entertainingly bad show.

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Male 452
pffft not worth watching- he has oneliners in like every episode of Miami CSI I have watched
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Female 93
Hes the most concieted, annoying guy on tv.
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Female 199
I only watch that show for the sunglass on/off, dramatic pause, and cheesy oneliners. One the opening credits start I flip to something decent.
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Female 242
i drating LOVE horatio caine...BEST.
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Male 74
the one liers is what makes the show great (but not as good as the original);)
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Female 1
The scriptwriters must be very unimaginative.. it`s the same format over and over again.
Detective-".. she came down to drink mojitos and catch some sun"

Caruso- "Well it looks like, [puts on glasses] something [dramatic pause] caught HER"

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Male 416
LOL, that was funny... it where like all the lame wise talks over and over again. I heard ``miamy`` about a thousand times.
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Male 79
If you fall three stories and survive, you have something to hide? Maybe your superpowers? Wtf, that doesn`t even make sense.
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Female 650
hes so annoying! his lil one-liners are always cheesy or there just kinda like "WTF is he talking about" things. its not clever. and those glasses! on,off,on,off,on,off
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Male 213
eh I didn`t even watch it... that guy is like a robot when it comes to acting :P
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Male 336
yeah, boring real quick, just like my wilhelm scream.

sorry everybody

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Male 1,385
I can`t stand him
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Female 818
Link: CSI: Miami - David Carsuo One-Liners [Rate Link] - Best actor in the history of television?
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