A Collection of Letters

Submitted by: buddy 10 years ago in
http://www.jalanjalan.com/letters/pages%20and%20menus/industry.html#pork

Guy writes letters to companies with odd questions, gets answers, and posts them.
There are 83 comments:
Male 870
Of course "reconquer England" was a joke. He`s a good writer; I found the site pretty amusing. (The best one that I read was the one where the guy wrote back to him explaining in detail why milking pigs is impractical. I actually found that sorta interesting.)

It was weird, though; when I clicked "remove frame", the page was "not found". I`ve never seen that before.

Oh, and it`s "duct tape".

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Female 412
I don`t know what was more interesting the letters, or the forum.

Though I think it`s pretty sad that someone can be so worked up in a forum over a debate not even worth mentioning.

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Female 19
This is totally a rip off of "Letters from a Nut"

*Sigh*

There`s nothing new under the sun, eh?

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Female 182
I want to write Guy Petzall a letter and tell him I admire his letters. Do you think that`s his real address?
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Male 1,231
I found the argument in this forum funnier than the post itself! Oh and i don`t understand the `re conquer England` bit either, i reckon he must have put it in to p1ss people off for a laugh. It didn`t piss me off because i know the US has never, and could never conquer England in the first place :)

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Female 266
^^Amen!


As for the letters . .

That book sounds liek it might be pretty interesting if it`s anything like the letters . . .

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Female 442
I disagree with those who say we shouldn`t argue on the coments. I found reading this a good way to laugh at dumbasses.
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Male 23
wow thats pretty cool, he actually got a company to change a slogan, i wish i could do that.
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Male 1,270
Robin Cook`s genius books...

Here ya go one and all...the real deal.

That is all.

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Male 134
Oh i`ve alway wondered what that hook thing was supposed to on the vixroiroifhdfblabla (How you spell it) knife
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Female 32
hahahaha these were awesome! hehehe poor grimace :P

~Wont you please visit pengky? she`s oh so lonely...she would love a visit!~ Pengky!

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Female 426
Hey Koala, stop complaining about other peoples apparent `complaining`
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Female 82
What does he mean "reconquer England"? You can`t reconquer something you never lost in the first place :/
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Male 170
I enjoyed watching Koala and other IAB members eat each other alive. Get some arger classes and if you don`t like people being idiotic then suicide.
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Female 268
i love that they switched there signs so u could not make the mistake that is was expert-free.
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Male 132
I love the Formula 409 one, "I tell them it`s dangerous, they give me some free. I feel hunted." Lol...
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Female 221
I`m going to bring wisdom to this thread: If you don`t want to get your panties in a bunch, don`t wear a thong. Or something like that. Or how about: If you don`t want to get your panties in a bunch, take your head out of your ass. I like that one.

This post was hilarious, I`d love to read the book that ConverseUK is suggesting. Any ideas where to get it?

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Male 38
^what he said
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Male 90
Ok.....I see someone who needs to go to stress management classes....Seriously dude, This is only a posting forum in which people come to look at jokes and maybe possibly learn something....Not a gramatically correct follow the rules type place.

As for the post itself I enjoyed it and thanks for the great laughs as I haven`t had a good one lately.

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Female 171
Okay. So far we`ve got American bashing, European bashing, IAB members being illiterate (incapable of spelling and reading books), age bashing, and general bashing. Let`s move onto gender bashing! I think I spend too much time in the bathroom and I have more shoes than I should.

I don`t know if I like pigs enough to warrant piggy cereal.

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Male 1,265
"So, I suppose this means that if we ever want to reconquer England, all we`d need to do is to poison their soap supply. Easier than water, isn`t it?"

When was the first time England was conquered by the Americans?

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Female 422
Ha, Expert-free medical service. I am glad that he caught that.
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Male 280
i always HAVE wondered about those swiss army knife hooks! now I know, yay!
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Male 1,270
This has been done before by a guy named Robin Cook. He`s published 2 books- `The Timewaster Letters`, and `The return of The Timewaster Letters`...

This is clearly just a copy on that...but then again, most people on here wouldnt know where to start with picking up a book...
The books have some much better material than this...often aiming for much bigger organisations...ones that people can relate to. For example, a letter to the Prime Minister with a theory of having a second Prime Minister to take over at night time when Tony Blair is in his `beddy bed`.

Also, a letter to Tennis `Whales` asking how they get the whales to play tennis...then a simple reply saying `We`re tennis WALES...the organisation for tennis in the country, not the animals`.

Funny stuff, try reading and and forget this copycat garbage.

That is all.

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Female 920
They`re all worth reading. This guy is a genius... who hasn`t realized it lmao!
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Male 1
I`ve just spent the last five minutes registering purely to say how pissed I am about the `Reconquer England` part.

I am unaware of anytime throughout the history of the UK in which we or England were conquered by the US in the first place. Therefore, there can be no chance of REconquering.

Stupid arrogant f00k!ng yank. How long is your country`s history? We`ve only ever been conquered by people better than the natives, hence US > UK wont happen.

Anyway, funny letters up until then...

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Female 797
Doesn`t work for me.
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Male 99
KoalaMeatPie: Who the hell is pointing out the `spelling mistakes` trying to prove they are better then me? And THINK before you say `No I wasn`t`

5 posts ago...

KoalaMeatPie: Moron.
get back to me when you write in COMPLEAT sentences, then we`ll talk.

Proof.

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Male 99
@Koala: you say: what are you trying to do, insulting me for my spelling mistakes, in page 1.
About 5 posts before that you insult someone else for spelling something wrong. Hypocrite?
I havn`t gotten that page to load. It sounds ok.
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Male 160
I`m going to write a letter to that guy too :p
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Male 2,605
KoalaMeatPie, you may want to spend more time on your grammar as opposed to spelling; your spelling can be saved, but I do fear for your grammar.
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Female 29
good lord,the page didnt even load for me but these comments have been facinating...NOT!!!koala-you are a bitchy little boy and i dont like you

and all of you who argued with him are just as dumb as him


in conclusion


STFU!!!!!

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Male 242
lol that was bloody hilarious
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Male 157
You two need to grow up, honestly.
Koala, don`t get your panties in a bunch because the man had a little too much fun writing somewhat entertaining letters to companies to see what they`d do.
SaintLiberty, just ignore him.
Enough said. -shakes head-
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Male 27
Ok Koala, would you like to share your IQ with everyone because i can bet its not higher than mine.
Don`t judge someone before you know them. Oh yeah and if you`re going to quote me, make sure you get the spelling right. How hard is it to copy and paste genius?
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Male 1,461
KoalaMeatPie, aka Prince Birmingham BananaHammock (all hail the Prince), you seem rather grumpy today. Did you not get your Bentley? Hope things go better tomorrow.
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Female 2,695
the one about ty pebble-smelling bathrooms made me laugh.
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Male 2,576
Lixa, "Saint Liberty", Your No better.
"trying to hard to sound smart"? I don`t need to TRY. You need to TRY. I Don`t.
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Female 1,004
Well...leave it to the folks on `I-am-bored` to start an argument over a JOKE. Must be /really/ bored.

Anyhow....Things like this amuse me. When someone does a joke acting completely serious and the people they`re joking thinks it`s for real...Never gets old. =P What`s sad is how the man pointed out that some of his `ideas` took effect...

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Female 601
Those were great. I loved the one to the Procter & Gamble Company about the blood in the commercials. Makes you wonder...
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Male 1,461
sponjman07, are you just trying to up your number of posts? I would never (I did that once) do that!
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Female 1,596
o.0 very weird letters
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Female 337
lmao sponjman07... everyone else is argueing whilst all your concerned about is bacon cereal lol!!
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Male 109
Mmmmmmmmmmmm, bacon cereal!
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Male 109
Or maybe both!
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Male 109
Milking pigs could actually become a multi million dollar/pound/euro/any other currency industry.Would pig milk taste like bacon?Or would it be sweet, and great to put on cereal, coffee or tea?
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Female 2,552
That was intensely boring.
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Male 109
Quit arguing.The fact that someone has taken that much time to attempt to improve the world, however trivial, is admirable.
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Male 572
how sad must his life be
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Female 579
Okay I`m sorry.

KoalaMeatPie - THE LETTERS ARE JOKES. You need to stop being such a whingy baby and GROW UP FOR ONCE. You`re making Canada look bad and I know there are some brilliant Canadians out there. Colin Mochrie for one. :)

He isn`t particularly complaining about anything. He is making humourous comments. YOU, however, are the one complaining.

There are so many other things I want to say about you, but I can`t remember many of them. Because there are so many.

On a different subject, the actual website is funny! Pig milk! XD And the one about talking to the guy who thinks he`s jesus. *laughs* :D

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Male 2,372
For the record, it is most definitely DUCT tape. Its primary use was for duct work in homes and office buildings.

For the record, America bashing is stupid (or all mindless bashing period).

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Male 332
There is a brand of DUCT tape called ducktape though, that might be what he was referring to.
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Male 162
well that whas a waste of time lol :-?
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Female 160
Purplesaurus Rex Kool Aid! That stuff is friggen awesome! *spazes and dies from lack of sleep* And Koala needs to chill.
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Male 662
His letters are a joke people. You need to read them all...f*cking funny. The movie theater ones are just great.
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Male 216
tomsssssssss-
A)no
B)bomo
C)can you act mature tomssssssssssssssssssss? calling someone homosexual is not an insult, it is childish.
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Female 1,972
I <3 HRH KoalaMeatpie Bananahammock, Emperor of all of Canada!

Now I know what that hook thingy is for on a Swiss Army Knife

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Male 27
Koala you need to step down from your high horse, seems to me like you`re trying too hard to sound smart.
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Male 403
can you stfu bomoman? bomo, homo, whatever you call yourself
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Male 216
also, can you tell me your opinion of www.somethingawful.com KoalaMeatPie?
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Male 216
yea but he said close minded, that irony, not spelling!!!
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Female 1,496
Im glad the Pork Industry has a sense of humor.

Anyway, you all suck at spelling so shut up.

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Male 2,576
Sorry, Egocentric was the wrong word.

Which word would best define `My Way or the highway` and `black and white thinking` other then primitive thinking?

Ah yes, Close minded and in your case sprinkle a little ignorance ontop.

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Male 2,576
`Oh. Well then, good job using old origins of words because you`re most likely just being pretentious.
Maybe you`re just in a bad mood or something, but really there`s no reason to act the way you`re acting.`

I`M just being pretentious?

Who the hell is pointing out the `spelling mistakes` trying to prove they are better then me? And THINK before you say `No I wasn`t`

No, I`m not being pretentious.
Defensive, yes, And if I come out as Superiour by defending myself against those moronic posts of the people in here, Well guess what that makes me?

Hard time accepting it? Yeah, thought so.

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Female 211
You`re calling me egocentric? Do you bother reading anything you post? And my eye-sight is perfectly fine. Finally, just because I happen to live in the United States does not mean I was born here nor does it mean I grew up here.
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Female 211
Oh. Well then, good job using old origins of words because you`re most likely just being pretentious.

Maybe you`re just in a bad mood or something, but really there`s no reason to act the way you`re acting.

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Male 2,576
@rawr

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/c...

WOW, would you look at that?

Color= Colour

There are several different slight varients in the english language, But you, being an egocentric near sighted American can`t accept that, and everything has to be your way or its wrong.

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Male 2,576
http://www.ducktapeclub.com/graphics/dow...

Called Duck Tape for its ability to repel water.

Moron. At least know what the f\ck you are talking about.

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Female 211
Koala - Nice job not spelling "complete" correctly while trying to insult someone.

Anyway, I read all of them. It was pretty entertaining. :)

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Male 2,576
@bonoman
"and also shouldnt only ppl who kill deserve to die?
in this day and age, jokes = homoside, omfg!
finally, it`s duct tape, not ducktape"
Homoside?
Don`t you mean Homicide? The Act of taking a Life? Aka Murder? Don`t you mean SUICIDE?

Moron.
get back to me when you write in compleat sentences, then we`ll talk.

@jaySmith15

I can`t stand idiocy, Why the heck would he be writting to all those companies? "To make a joke" ? No, he is trying to "better the world" he criticises the people for the responses they make.

Thats not a "joke" even if it may invoke a feeling of joyfull meryment threw written wit.

Its also called being an Ass, And he is not bettering the world threw those moronic letters.
Theya re taking time to answer him back, Even When you Wrote to KRAFT for the POST Fruity Pebbles, they wrote him back, and still, he criticises.

You may call me an Ass, or a jerk, but I`m being honest, which is what eve

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Male 106
Good god KoalaMeatPie has some serious anger problems... I wonder what someone who can`t understand a joke has an i-am-bored account for...
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Male 216
well f°cktard everything comes in srpay form these days,

and also shouldnt only ppl who kill deserve to die?
in this day and age, jokes = homoside, omfg!

finally, it`s duct tape, not ducktape

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Male 2,576
"So, I suppose this means that if we ever want to reconquer England, all we`d need to do is to poison their soap supply. Easier than water, isn`t it? "


WTF are you complanning about!? The fact that its safe to not rinse after soaping? no, you are actually calling the british Stupid for not rinsing their dishes dispite the fact thats its perfectly safe.

While you openly admit you eat large amounts of greassy food. Have your heart attack and die already, you arn`t helping anybody and posting your Asinine letters and then criticising the responses arn`t doing any good, Just proving yourself a Stuck up dumba$$, but you`re too much of a m0r0n to figure it out for yourself so you keep on posting your f°cking letters.

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Male 2,576
And About You telling the "big bad corperation" that ùThey make Window Cleaner look like Food, Well f°ck, Your not placing any responcibilty in your hands and balmming everybody else for your errors, If you`re STUPID enough to not read the lable and actually gulb down What you thought was Cool Aide (IN SPRAY form? Hello?) Then you deserve to die. (Even thought that was probably said as a joke)

otherwise use Common sense and place the products where children can`t reach them, like ONTOP of a cubboard (not just in it)

I don`t care if you have to place ducktape over the F°cking nozel, its not the corperations` fault if You or your child gets poisoned, its yours for being neglegent.

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Male 2,576
"I guess working as a Pork Quality Assurance intern leaves you with a lot of time on your hands. "

F°cktard, He knows his Stuff, He knows his job, what he does, its caled dedication and ahrd work, Ever hear of that?
Typical American Sterotype, Complainning about everything but showing no worth in himself.

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Male 1,461
Too long to read them all. I guess he has a lot of free time to write all these letters and post them. Unlike us who use our free time wisely on IAB.
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Male 216
yes, you would, wouldn`t you ;-)
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Female 687
Ha. I love the anus one.
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Female 687
0_o um....pig.... milk....?
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Male 623
k weird
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Female 600
Umm wtf? The first letter talks about milking pigs.....Some of the others were mildly amusing.
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Female 228
ok i stopped reading at the 3rd paragraph. pig milk... :-/
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Male 10,115
Link: A Collection of Letters [Rate Link] - Guy writes letters to companies with odd questions, gets answers, and posts them.
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