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Date: 12/28/06 02:14 AM

83 Responses to A Collection of Letters

  1. Profile photo of buddy
    buddy Male 30-39
    10116 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 1:21 am
    Link: A Collection of Letters - Guy writes letters to companies with odd questions, gets answers, and posts them.
  2. Profile photo of boredchick19
    boredchick19 Female 13-17
    228 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 2:22 am
    ok i stopped reading at the 3rd paragraph. pig milk... :-/
  3. Profile photo of pidwidgeon
    pidwidgeon Female 18-29
    600 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 2:30 am
    Umm wtf? The first letter talks about milking pigs.....Some of the others were mildly amusing.
  4. Profile photo of MagicMoose
    MagicMoose Male 13-17
    623 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 2:36 am
    k weird
  5. Profile photo of __carebear__
    __carebear__ Female 13-17
    688 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 2:39 am
    0_o um....pig.... milk....?
  6. Profile photo of __carebear__
    __carebear__ Female 13-17
    688 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 2:53 am
    Ha. I love the anus one.
  7. Profile photo of bomoman
    bomoman Male 13-17
    216 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 3:15 am
    yes, you would, wouldn`t you ;-)
  8. Profile photo of VictoryRider
    VictoryRider Male 40-49
    1461 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 3:15 am
    Too long to read them all. I guess he has a lot of free time to write all these letters and post them. Unlike us who use our free time wisely on IAB.
  9. Profile photo of KoalaMeatPie
    KoalaMeatPie Male 18-29
    2578 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 3:36 am
    "I guess working as a Pork Quality Assurance intern leaves you with a lot of time on your hands. "

    F°cktard, He knows his Stuff, He knows his job, what he does, its caled dedication and ahrd work, Ever hear of that?
    Typical American Sterotype, Complainning about everything but showing no worth in himself.

  10. Profile photo of KoalaMeatPie
    KoalaMeatPie Male 18-29
    2578 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 3:46 am
    And About You telling the "big bad corperation" that ùThey make Window Cleaner look like Food, Well f°ck, Your not placing any responcibilty in your hands and balmming everybody else for your errors, If you`re STUPID enough to not read the lable and actually gulb down What you thought was Cool Aide (IN SPRAY form? Hello?) Then you deserve to die. (Even thought that was probably said as a joke)

    otherwise use Common sense and place the products where children can`t reach them, like ONTOP of a cubboard (not just in it)

    I don`t care if you have to place ducktape over the F°cking nozel, its not the corperations` fault if You or your child gets poisoned, its yours for being neglegent.

  11. Profile photo of KoalaMeatPie
    KoalaMeatPie Male 18-29
    2578 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 3:52 am
    "So, I suppose this means that if we ever want to reconquer England, all we`d need to do is to poison their soap supply. Easier than water, isn`t it? "


    WTF are you complanning about!? The fact that its safe to not rinse after soaping? no, you are actually calling the british Stupid for not rinsing their dishes dispite the fact thats its perfectly safe.

    While you openly admit you eat large amounts of greassy food. Have your heart attack and die already, you arn`t helping anybody and posting your Asinine letters and then criticising the responses arn`t doing any good, Just proving yourself a Stuck up dumba$$, but you`re too much of a m0r0n to figure it out for yourself so you keep on posting your f°cking letters.

  12. Profile photo of bomoman
    bomoman Male 13-17
    216 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 3:56 am
    well f°cktard everything comes in srpay form these days,

    and also shouldnt only ppl who kill deserve to die?
    in this day and age, jokes = homoside, omfg!

    finally, it`s duct tape, not ducktape

  13. Profile photo of JaySmith15
    JaySmith15 Male 18-29
    106 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 4:02 am
    Good god KoalaMeatPie has some serious anger problems... I wonder what someone who can`t understand a joke has an i-am-bored account for...
  14. Profile photo of KoalaMeatPie
    KoalaMeatPie Male 18-29
    2578 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 4:14 am
    @bonoman
    "and also shouldnt only ppl who kill deserve to die?
    in this day and age, jokes = homoside, omfg!
    finally, it`s duct tape, not ducktape"
    Homoside?
    Don`t you mean Homicide? The Act of taking a Life? Aka Murder? Don`t you mean SUICIDE?

    Moron.
    get back to me when you write in compleat sentences, then we`ll talk.

    @jaySmith15

    I can`t stand idiocy, Why the heck would he be writting to all those companies? "To make a joke" ? No, he is trying to "better the world" he criticises the people for the responses they make.

    Thats not a "joke" even if it may invoke a feeling of joyfull meryment threw written wit.

    Its also called being an Ass, And he is not bettering the world threw those moronic letters.
    Theya re taking time to answer him back, Even When you Wrote to KRAFT for the POST Fruity Pebbles, they wrote him back, and still, he criticises.

    You may call me an Ass, or a jerk, but I`m being honest, which is what eve

  15. Profile photo of rawr_noozle
    rawr_noozle Female 18-29
    211 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 4:20 am
    Koala - Nice job not spelling "complete" correctly while trying to insult someone.

    Anyway, I read all of them. It was pretty entertaining. :)

  16. Profile photo of KoalaMeatPie
    KoalaMeatPie Male 18-29
    2578 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 4:22 am
    http://www.ducktapeclub.com/graphics/dow...

    Called Duck Tape for its ability to repel water.

    Moron. At least know what the f\ck you are talking about.

  17. Profile photo of KoalaMeatPie
    KoalaMeatPie Male 18-29
    2578 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 4:27 am
    @rawr

    http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/c...

    WOW, would you look at that?

    Color= Colour

    There are several different slight varients in the english language, But you, being an egocentric near sighted American can`t accept that, and everything has to be your way or its wrong.

  18. Profile photo of rawr_noozle
    rawr_noozle Female 18-29
    211 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 4:29 am
    Oh. Well then, good job using old origins of words because you`re most likely just being pretentious.

    Maybe you`re just in a bad mood or something, but really there`s no reason to act the way you`re acting.

  19. Profile photo of rawr_noozle
    rawr_noozle Female 18-29
    211 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 4:33 am
    You`re calling me egocentric? Do you bother reading anything you post? And my eye-sight is perfectly fine. Finally, just because I happen to live in the United States does not mean I was born here nor does it mean I grew up here.
  20. Profile photo of KoalaMeatPie
    KoalaMeatPie Male 18-29
    2578 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 4:37 am
    `Oh. Well then, good job using old origins of words because you`re most likely just being pretentious.
    Maybe you`re just in a bad mood or something, but really there`s no reason to act the way you`re acting.`

    I`M just being pretentious?

    Who the hell is pointing out the `spelling mistakes` trying to prove they are better then me? And THINK before you say `No I wasn`t`

    No, I`m not being pretentious.
    Defensive, yes, And if I come out as Superiour by defending myself against those moronic posts of the people in here, Well guess what that makes me?

    Hard time accepting it? Yeah, thought so.

  21. Profile photo of KoalaMeatPie
    KoalaMeatPie Male 18-29
    2578 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 4:42 am
    Sorry, Egocentric was the wrong word.

    Which word would best define `My Way or the highway` and `black and white thinking` other then primitive thinking?

    Ah yes, Close minded and in your case sprinkle a little ignorance ontop.

  22. Profile photo of Devi3000
    Devi3000 Female 18-29
    1497 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 4:59 am
    Im glad the Pork Industry has a sense of humor.

    Anyway, you all suck at spelling so shut up.

  23. Profile photo of bomoman
    bomoman Male 13-17
    216 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 5:32 am
    yea but he said close minded, that irony, not spelling!!!
  24. Profile photo of bomoman
    bomoman Male 13-17
    216 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 5:37 am
    also, can you tell me your opinion of www.somethingawful.com KoalaMeatPie?
  25. Profile photo of tomsss
    tomsss Male 18-29
    403 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 6:17 am
    can you stfu bomoman? bomo, homo, whatever you call yourself
  26. Profile photo of SaintLiberty
    SaintLiberty Male 13-17
    27 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 6:19 am
    Koala you need to step down from your high horse, seems to me like you`re trying too hard to sound smart.
  27. Profile photo of lolakitty72
    lolakitty72 Female 30-39
    1972 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 6:20 am
    I <3 HRH KoalaMeatpie Bananahammock, Emperor of all of Canada!

    Now I know what that hook thingy is for on a Swiss Army Knife

  28. Profile photo of bomoman
    bomoman Male 13-17
    216 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 6:39 am
    tomsssssssss-
    A)no
    B)bomo
    C)can you act mature tomssssssssssssssssssss? calling someone homosexual is not an insult, it is childish.
  29. Profile photo of drworm2002
    drworm2002 Male 30-39
    662 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 7:26 am
    His letters are a joke people. You need to read them all...f*cking funny. The movie theater ones are just great.
  30. Profile photo of snapplemouse
    snapplemouse Female 13-17
    160 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 7:29 am
    Purplesaurus Rex Kool Aid! That stuff is friggen awesome! *spazes and dies from lack of sleep* And Koala needs to chill.
  31. Profile photo of mapleleaf
    mapleleaf Male 13-17
    162 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 9:48 am
    well that whas a waste of time lol :-?
  32. Profile photo of joeyhndc
    joeyhndc Male 18-29
    332 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 10:22 am
    There is a brand of DUCT tape called ducktape though, that might be what he was referring to.
  33. Profile photo of manorrd
    manorrd Male 30-39
    2372 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 11:24 am
    For the record, it is most definitely DUCT tape. Its primary use was for duct work in homes and office buildings.

    For the record, America bashing is stupid (or all mindless bashing period).

  34. Profile photo of Lixa123
    Lixa123 Female 18-29
    579 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 11:28 am
    Okay I`m sorry.

    KoalaMeatPie - THE LETTERS ARE JOKES. You need to stop being such a whingy baby and GROW UP FOR ONCE. You`re making Canada look bad and I know there are some brilliant Canadians out there. Colin Mochrie for one. :)

    He isn`t particularly complaining about anything. He is making humourous comments. YOU, however, are the one complaining.

    There are so many other things I want to say about you, but I can`t remember many of them. Because there are so many.

    On a different subject, the actual website is funny! Pig milk! XD And the one about talking to the guy who thinks he`s jesus. *laughs* :D

  35. Profile photo of wales4eva
    wales4eva Male 13-17
    572 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 12:56 pm
    how sad must his life be
  36. Profile photo of sponjman07
    sponjman07 Male 13-17
    109 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 1:19 pm
    Quit arguing.The fact that someone has taken that much time to attempt to improve the world, however trivial, is admirable.
  37. Profile photo of nicole_xo
    nicole_xo Female 13-17
    2552 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 1:21 pm
    That was intensely boring.
  38. Profile photo of sponjman07
    sponjman07 Male 13-17
    109 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 1:30 pm
    Milking pigs could actually become a multi million dollar/pound/euro/any other currency industry.Would pig milk taste like bacon?Or would it be sweet, and great to put on cereal, coffee or tea?
  39. Profile photo of sponjman07
    sponjman07 Male 13-17
    109 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 1:30 pm
    Or maybe both!
  40. Profile photo of sponjman07
    sponjman07 Male 13-17
    109 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 1:31 pm
    Mmmmmmmmmmmm, bacon cereal!
  41. Profile photo of 2an2makes5
    2an2makes5 Female 18-29
    337 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 1:49 pm
    lmao sponjman07... everyone else is argueing whilst all your concerned about is bacon cereal lol!!
  42. Profile photo of LaChica
    LaChica Female 18-29
    1596 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 1:50 pm
    o.0 very weird letters
  43. Profile photo of VictoryRider
    VictoryRider Male 40-49
    1461 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 2:05 pm
    sponjman07, are you just trying to up your number of posts? I would never (I did that once) do that!
  44. Profile photo of iansquall
    iansquall Female 18-29
    601 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 2:25 pm
    Those were great. I loved the one to the Procter & Gamble Company about the blood in the commercials. Makes you wonder...
  45. Profile photo of MarthFador
    MarthFador Female 18-29
    1004 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 2:34 pm
    Well...leave it to the folks on `I-am-bored` to start an argument over a JOKE. Must be /really/ bored.

    Anyhow....Things like this amuse me. When someone does a joke acting completely serious and the people they`re joking thinks it`s for real...Never gets old. =P What`s sad is how the man pointed out that some of his `ideas` took effect...

  46. Profile photo of KoalaMeatPie
    KoalaMeatPie Male 18-29
    2578 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 2:49 pm
    Lixa, "Saint Liberty", Your No better.
    "trying to hard to sound smart"? I don`t need to TRY. You need to TRY. I Don`t.
  47. Profile photo of shizzamX
    shizzamX Female 18-29
    2695 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 2:57 pm
    the one about ty pebble-smelling bathrooms made me laugh.
  48. Profile photo of VictoryRider
    VictoryRider Male 40-49
    1461 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 3:24 pm
    KoalaMeatPie, aka Prince Birmingham BananaHammock (all hail the Prince), you seem rather grumpy today. Did you not get your Bentley? Hope things go better tomorrow.
  49. Profile photo of SaintLiberty
    SaintLiberty Male 13-17
    27 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 3:46 pm
    Ok Koala, would you like to share your IQ with everyone because i can bet its not higher than mine.
    Don`t judge someone before you know them. Oh yeah and if you`re going to quote me, make sure you get the spelling right. How hard is it to copy and paste genius?
  50. Profile photo of steerpike_
    steerpike_ Male 18-29
    157 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 4:30 pm
    You two need to grow up, honestly.
    Koala, don`t get your panties in a bunch because the man had a little too much fun writing somewhat entertaining letters to companies to see what they`d do.
    SaintLiberty, just ignore him.
    Enough said. -shakes head-
  51. Profile photo of Jats
    Jats Male 18-29
    242 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 4:34 pm
    lol that was bloody hilarious
  52. Profile photo of shemoose713
    shemoose713 Female 13-17
    29 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 4:46 pm
    good lord,the page didnt even load for me but these comments have been facinating...NOT!!!koala-you are a bitchy little boy and i dont like you

    and all of you who argued with him are just as dumb as him


    in conclusion


    STFU!!!!!

  53. Profile photo of Overmann
    Overmann Male 18-29
    2600 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 4:54 pm
    KoalaMeatPie, you may want to spend more time on your grammar as opposed to spelling; your spelling can be saved, but I do fear for your grammar.
  54. Profile photo of Volaverunt
    Volaverunt Male 13-17
    160 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 5:11 pm
    I`m going to write a letter to that guy too :p
  55. Profile photo of kevinz
    kevinz Male 13-17
    99 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 6:17 pm
    @Koala: you say: what are you trying to do, insulting me for my spelling mistakes, in page 1.
    About 5 posts before that you insult someone else for spelling something wrong. Hypocrite?
    I havn`t gotten that page to load. It sounds ok.
  56. Profile photo of kevinz
    kevinz Male 13-17
    99 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 6:20 pm
    KoalaMeatPie: Who the hell is pointing out the `spelling mistakes` trying to prove they are better then me? And THINK before you say `No I wasn`t`

    5 posts ago...

    KoalaMeatPie: Moron.
    get back to me when you write in COMPLEAT sentences, then we`ll talk.

    Proof.

  57. Profile photo of sims2luver
    sims2luver Female 13-17
    797 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 6:36 pm
    Doesn`t work for me.
  58. Profile photo of WiseGuyUK102
    WiseGuyUK102 Male 18-29
    1 post
    December 28, 2006 at 6:40 pm
    I`ve just spent the last five minutes registering purely to say how pissed I am about the `Reconquer England` part.

    I am unaware of anytime throughout the history of the UK in which we or England were conquered by the US in the first place. Therefore, there can be no chance of REconquering.

    Stupid arrogant f00k!ng yank. How long is your country`s history? We`ve only ever been conquered by people better than the natives, hence US > UK wont happen.

    Anyway, funny letters up until then...

  59. Profile photo of Mbirdgurl
    Mbirdgurl Female 13-17
    920 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 7:56 pm
    They`re all worth reading. This guy is a genius... who hasn`t realized it lmao!
  60. Profile photo of ConverseUK
    ConverseUK Male 18-29
    1270 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 8:19 pm
    This has been done before by a guy named Robin Cook. He`s published 2 books- `The Timewaster Letters`, and `The return of The Timewaster Letters`...

    This is clearly just a copy on that...but then again, most people on here wouldnt know where to start with picking up a book...
    The books have some much better material than this...often aiming for much bigger organisations...ones that people can relate to. For example, a letter to the Prime Minister with a theory of having a second Prime Minister to take over at night time when Tony Blair is in his `beddy bed`.

    Also, a letter to Tennis `Whales` asking how they get the whales to play tennis...then a simple reply saying `We`re tennis WALES...the organisation for tennis in the country, not the animals`.

    Funny stuff, try reading and and forget this copycat garbage.

    That is all.

  61. Profile photo of flarg
    flarg Male 13-17
    280 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 8:52 pm
    i always HAVE wondered about those swiss army knife hooks! now I know, yay!
  62. Profile photo of canaryellow
    canaryellow Female 13-17
    422 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 9:00 pm
    Ha, Expert-free medical service. I am glad that he caught that.
  63. Profile photo of KMeTG
    KMeTG Male 18-29
    1265 posts
    December 28, 2006 at 9:26 pm
    "So, I suppose this means that if we ever want to reconquer England, all we`d need to do is to poison their soap supply. Easier than water, isn`t it?"

    When was the first time England was conquered by the Americans?

  64. Profile photo of Bored_Turkey
    Bored_Turkey Female 13-17
    171 posts
    December 29, 2006 at 12:11 am
    Okay. So far we`ve got American bashing, European bashing, IAB members being illiterate (incapable of spelling and reading books), age bashing, and general bashing. Let`s move onto gender bashing! I think I spend too much time in the bathroom and I have more shoes than I should.

    I don`t know if I like pigs enough to warrant piggy cereal.

  65. Profile photo of acehigh
    acehigh Male 30-39
    90 posts
    December 29, 2006 at 1:23 am
    Ok.....I see someone who needs to go to stress management classes....Seriously dude, This is only a posting forum in which people come to look at jokes and maybe possibly learn something....Not a gramatically correct follow the rules type place.

    As for the post itself I enjoyed it and thanks for the great laughs as I haven`t had a good one lately.

  66. Profile photo of prontastic
    prontastic Male 13-17
    38 posts
    December 29, 2006 at 6:46 am
    ^what he said
  67. Profile photo of SassySweet05
    SassySweet05 Female 18-29
    221 posts
    December 29, 2006 at 1:55 pm
    I`m going to bring wisdom to this thread: If you don`t want to get your panties in a bunch, don`t wear a thong. Or something like that. Or how about: If you don`t want to get your panties in a bunch, take your head out of your ass. I like that one.

    This post was hilarious, I`d love to read the book that ConverseUK is suggesting. Any ideas where to get it?

  68. Profile photo of dashrendar98
    dashrendar98 Male 13-17
    132 posts
    December 29, 2006 at 3:35 pm
    I love the Formula 409 one, "I tell them it`s dangerous, they give me some free. I feel hunted." Lol...
  69. Profile photo of skating247
    skating247 Female 13-17
    268 posts
    December 29, 2006 at 4:29 pm
    i love that they switched there signs so u could not make the mistake that is was expert-free.
  70. Profile photo of Nuke555
    Nuke555 Male 30-39
    170 posts
    December 29, 2006 at 4:39 pm
    I enjoyed watching Koala and other IAB members eat each other alive. Get some arger classes and if you don`t like people being idiotic then suicide.
  71. Profile photo of Ebony_Angel
    Ebony_Angel Female 13-17
    82 posts
    December 29, 2006 at 5:36 pm
    What does he mean "reconquer England"? You can`t reconquer something you never lost in the first place :/
  72. Profile photo of Goldfishgal
    Goldfishgal Female 18-29
    426 posts
    December 29, 2006 at 9:14 pm
    Hey Koala, stop complaining about other peoples apparent `complaining`
  73. Profile photo of Mudcake_2
    Mudcake_2 Female 13-17
    32 posts
    December 30, 2006 at 5:32 am
    hahahaha these were awesome! hehehe poor grimace :P

    ~Wont you please visit pengky? she`s oh so lonely...she would love a visit!~ Pengky!

  74. Profile photo of Mxa
    Mxa Male 13-17
    134 posts
    December 30, 2006 at 7:14 pm
    Oh i`ve alway wondered what that hook thing was supposed to on the vixroiroifhdfblabla (How you spell it) knife
  75. Profile photo of ConverseUK
    ConverseUK Male 18-29
    1270 posts
    December 30, 2006 at 7:48 pm
    Robin Cook`s genius books...

    Here ya go one and all...the real deal.

    That is all.

  76. Profile photo of eDgE-hEaD4Li
    eDgE-hEaD4Li Male 13-17
    23 posts
    December 30, 2006 at 11:30 pm
    wow thats pretty cool, he actually got a company to change a slogan, i wish i could do that.
  77. Profile photo of EvilSock737
    EvilSock737 Female 13-17
    442 posts
    December 31, 2006 at 7:19 pm
    I disagree with those who say we shouldn`t argue on the coments. I found reading this a good way to laugh at dumbasses.
  78. Profile photo of xDDitsmee
    xDDitsmee Female 18-29
    266 posts
    December 31, 2006 at 7:55 pm
    ^^Amen!


    As for the letters . .

    That book sounds liek it might be pretty interesting if it`s anything like the letters . . .

  79. Profile photo of mal_BB
    mal_BB Male 18-29
    1231 posts
    January 2, 2007 at 7:51 pm
    I found the argument in this forum funnier than the post itself! Oh and i don`t understand the `re conquer England` bit either, i reckon he must have put it in to p1ss people off for a laugh. It didn`t piss me off because i know the US has never, and could never conquer England in the first place :)

  80. Profile photo of Cricket11
    Cricket11 Female 18-29
    182 posts
    January 3, 2007 at 7:32 pm
    I want to write Guy Petzall a letter and tell him I admire his letters. Do you think that`s his real address?
  81. Profile photo of Musings
    Musings Female 13-17
    19 posts
    January 8, 2007 at 10:14 pm
    This is totally a rip off of "Letters from a Nut"

    *Sigh*

    There`s nothing new under the sun, eh?

  82. Profile photo of stephie1954
    stephie1954 Female 18-29
    412 posts
    January 10, 2007 at 10:10 pm
    I don`t know what was more interesting the letters, or the forum.

    Though I think it`s pretty sad that someone can be so worked up in a forum over a debate not even worth mentioning.

  83. Profile photo of Cy
    Cy Male 18-29
    870 posts
    January 12, 2007 at 4:38 am
    Of course "reconquer England" was a joke. He`s a good writer; I found the site pretty amusing. (The best one that I read was the one where the guy wrote back to him explaining in detail why milking pigs is impractical. I actually found that sorta interesting.)

    It was weird, though; when I clicked "remove frame", the page was "not found". I`ve never seen that before.

    Oh, and it`s "duct tape".

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