The Hardest Metal Known to Man

Submitted by: RussianFire 11 years ago in Funny
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Diamond

Learn all about diamonds.
There are 64 comments:
Male 563
it`s funny how many people don`t know it`s supposed to be a spoof :3
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Female 2
Wow, I`m amazed at "Matwix"`s lack of general knowledge. Sure diamond`s made of carbon, so`s coal and graphite (which is of course wat pencil leads are made of, they used to be lead, but, you know lead poisoning of all the kids who liked to bite their pencils soon stopped that...)
PS. you guys should look up some other stuff on that site it`s pure hilarious...
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Male 377
Cool website!
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Female 38
Sho` nuff!
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Male 2,958
-This guy is a complete idiot. That was not funny at all! I think I might have become stupid after reading that... I work at a jewelry store and I know about diamonds. Diamonds are not a metal, they can be broken by other substances, not just other diamonds if you hit them the right way. The Andes are on the west cost of South America NOT in South Africa. That was the stupidest thing I have ever read!-

Really? Cause what you just typed was the stupidest thing I`ve ever read.

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Male 16
They rammed a wall of metal into a 400 mile per hour made of diamond, and the resulting explosion shifted the earth`s orbit 400 million miles away from the sun, saving the earth from a meteor the size of a small Washington suburb that was hurtling towards midwestern Prussia at 400 billion miles per hour.

They shot a diamond made of iron at a car moving at 400 walls per hour,

GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!

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Male 528
LOL UNCYCLOPEDIA FTW!!
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Female 39
Oh my god, that was so funny! I actually thought that was for real for about two seconds...

"Sharpened diamonds are used mainly to fight porcupines, who are genuinely surprised to get a shard of carbon jammed into their skin. "

Yeah, I bet they get surprised! LOL :-D :-D

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Female 1
This guy is a complete idiot. That was not funny at all! I think I might have become stupid after reading that... I work at a jewelry store and I know about diamonds. Diamonds are not a metal, they can be broken by other substances, not just other diamonds if you hit them the right way. The Andes are on the west cost of South America NOT in South Africa. That was the stupidest thing I have ever read!
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Female 1,158
-yawn-
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Female 38
I only posted to correct a misunderstanding on the properties of diamonds. I know the damn website is a joke. I print out pages and post them on my wall because I find them hilarious.
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Male 98
I didnt realise it was uncyclopedia until I went on here and you guys said it.
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Male 62
Lol, that website has the best stuff, someone look up the ipod articles, they get ridiculous
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Male 365
HEY PEOPLE!! IT`s a JOKE
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Male 1,866
hahaha, ok then.
thanks for melting my brain.
i don`t think diamonds are the hardest substance known to man anymore... i can`t remember reading somthing, ugh. forget it.
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Female 447
um...ok.
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Female 1,944


this is what i see now but like an hour ago it was about not rubbing the diamond on ur lip....weird
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Male 471
First off, gb2/b/. Don`t sully /b/`s good name by letting it loose on people who wouldn`t understand.

And second, it`s "Diamond is one of the hardest metals (If not THE hardest metal) known the man."

It started as a discussion on Gamefaqs about fast cars vs. durible cars, and how they would react if they hit a wall. Then it got into the discussion of a diamond car, then diamond wall, then somebody busted out with the gem "Diamond is one of the hardest metals (If not THE hardest metal) known the man." The web community /b/ took it an ran with it, turning it into one of their memes.

There`s your history lesson for the day. Now stop saying "diamond isn`t a metal". It`s like saying "Hey, owls can`t really say `oh really`", and makes you look stupid.

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Male 1,078
lame
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Male 2,567
Its freaking uncyclopedia not wikipedia you people!
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Male 579
They spun 400 miles at diamond into iron per wall. The results were inconclusive.

makes no sense.

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Male 329
Well, IAB isn`t exactly a breeding ground for anylitical geniuses.
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Male 1,265
^^^I do.

Anyone else or are we all taking retard pills today?

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Male 329
Does no one here get the sarsasm?
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Female 38
Matwix_2004, diamond is the hardest substance known to man because only a diamond can SCRATCH a diamond, not break. I can break a diamond with a hammer. Hardness is actually a rock`s ability to be abraded, or scratched, it`s "scratchability."

Promise, I have a degree in Geology.

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Male 1,478
Uncyclopedia kicks ass. It`s not supposed to be right, pillocks.
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Male 2,958
::explains the creation and structure of a diamond because I have no sense of humor and/or am slow::
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Male 2,781
I BET I CAN CRUSH A DIAMOND WITH A HAMMER. UNFORTUNATELY I HAVE DONE IT BEFORE. GODDAMNED EXPENSIVE SH`T TOO. OF COURSE I WAS A LITTLE YOUNG NUMBNUTS BACK THEN.

I SHOULD START INVESTING IN THAT APPOLLO DIAMOND SH`T

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Male 724
Lol, look at the edit history...

19:38, 15 September 2006
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20:33, 12 September 2006
11:10, 10 September 2006
02:59, 24 August 2006

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Male 579
I hope the ppl at uncyclopedia fix when ppl destroy an article becuze jamaljoones has ruined it, just like he is trying to ruin i-am-bored. :-(
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Male 70
For the LAST TIME! Diamond = Carbon = Metalloid! [Geology Major doing his thing here]

I don`t know whether to laugh or wish death upon jamal jones. Where the heck did he get that pic from anyway?

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Male 602
Onoz its been jamaljones-ized!
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Male 730
rofl rofl rofl. everyone on the freaking site edited it. good job whoever posted this link. now i wont ever know about diamonds.
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Female 583
not funny :-|

and i think we clarified that diamonds aren`t metal.

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Female 218
Look at all these people spouting their seemingly vast knowledge on diamonds.

It`s a JOKE people. Fake, not real.

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Male 632
Diamond is compressed carbon
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Male 241
"Diamonds as ammunition
Diamonds arent even that hard. Mr. T eats nails fr breakfast, and they are harder than diamonds! Diamonds have proven to be an expensive but highly useful projectile weapon, as they can be shaped and yet still retain their shape, a condition known as apoplexy. Currently there is no known way to make spherical diamonds, but scientists are working on it as spheres are best at destroying medieval castle towers. Sharpened diamonds are used mainly to fight porcupines, who are genuinely surprised to get a shard of carbon jammed into their skin. "

WTF?

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Male 30
This is from 4chan.
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Female 177
Lol. Did all those things acctually happen? Like the comet and the aeroplane crash?
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Female 177
I don`t get it.
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Male 2,551
Titanium is the hardest metal known to man.
Diamand is the hardest substance known to man, only because the only thing that can break diamond is diamond (used in dentists drill bits, builders drill bits etc)

Diamond is made out of carbon, like people, and the so-called `lead` in pencils. I think it`s pencils, well, diamond and pencil `lead` are made out of the same thing.

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Male 431
That was stupid
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Male 2,057
diamond is carbon not metal
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Male 295
Oh, it`s Uncyclopedia- the content free encyclopedia.
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Male 295
Diamond is not a metal. It is made of carbon.
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Male 121
the text in the bottom doesnt make any sense...

They spun 400 miles at diamond into iron per wall. The results were inconclusive???

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Male 1,225
They got rid of the vagina thing and put "I don`t know how this sentence got there."

And in the disscussion page, someone wrote: "Dimand is a mineral, not a metal." Then I came back to it and it said, "We don`t care mineral man."

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Male 329
thanks for clearing that up keks. it is however the hardest substance known to man (aside from finger nails)... just look at the scientific testing they did at the bottom of the page. conclusive proof.
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Male 588
Diamond is not a metal. It`s compressed coal. And coal is not metal as far as I know.
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Male 329
I call shenanigans.
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Male 403
"Courtney Stephan Gartland eats rebbeca evans vagina.. "

Why is this shown after the first paragraph? :D

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Male 1,354
dumb
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Female 122
...crap...
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Male 121
it`s uncyclopedia. They are the anti-wikipedia, sort of.
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Male 182
LOL that was funny
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Female 1,172
lame. and since when is diamond a metal?
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Male 95
WHAAAAA?!?!?!!? Now how will I plagiarize my report on diamonds?!?!?!?! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!
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Female 208
Stupid
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Male 193
quack_stud...why did you tell people to go here?
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Male 287
Oi,quack stud,is your dad a moderator on this site? When you consider how many potentially good posts get rejected on here,how on earth did this inane crap get accepted?! Words fail me...
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Male 438
i edited it so that it says "quack_stud says to visit www.i-am-bored.com"
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Male 784
I`m lovin`it !


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Male 2,567
Lol
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Male 1
Link: The Hardest Metal Known to Man [Rate Link] - Learn all about diamonds.
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