Tech Support FAQ for Idiots

Submitted by: RonSijm 11 years ago in Funny
http://www29.compaq.com/falco/detail.asp?FAQnum=FAQ2859

Compaq even answers the really dumb questions.
There are 51 comments:
Female 54
my father got that confused the first time he used a computer also.

i just cant believe its on the compiece of poo website FAQ`s

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Male 664
"Just because we obviously know how to use computers doesn`t mean the whole world should be able to. Elderly people may not be able to understand the computer concepts we find simple. Or how about people in third world countries who have never been exposed to computer technology. Sure, most people asking that question aren`t the brightest, but that may not always be the case."

Someone smart enough to contact Compaq online should be able to know what "any key" means.

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Male 145
haha all these tech support jokes are hilarious
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Male 45
To see this kind of idiocy more often, all you have to do is play Counterstrike. The morons on those servers set new records for asshat-ery.
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Female 1,972
I think it is time that tech support hotlines should also be equipped with a zapper device coming from the phone. Everytime a stupid question is asked-ZZAAPP!
It would make my job sooooooo much more satisfying.
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Male 36
I don`t get the any key joke, unfortunately
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Male 1,265
I know it`s nothing to do with computers, but here`s an illustration of the stupidity I see all the time at work:

Customer walks into the building and finds a person behind the counter, facing the entrance. Everything is set up for service, and the customer asks, "Are you open?"

To which the only plausible response is, "No, I live here" but you have to grit your teeth and just say Yes.

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Female 1,426
Customer: Can you download the internet onto this floppy disk for me?
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Female 1,492
That couldn`t have been serious...I mean... )-|
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Male 799
simpsons moment
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Female 663
If you`re willing to spend hundreds or even thousands of dollars on a computer then why the hell can`t you spend $29.99 on a damn how to book?
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Male 651
"this had to be a joke"

Hardly. There`s idiots who actually ask these kinds of questions. This is why I`m never working in tech support.

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Male 1,406
Back to the simpsons, "which one is the any key"? Good times, good times.
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Female 10
like homer simpson --- try the "tab" key and wait for a soda!!!
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Female 236
Oh my God I just read every single comment and I want to scream.

I completely agree with karfoogle. If you`re gonna spend out a bloody lot of your wage on a piece of technology that you can`t even use then you`re a complete moron.

Additionally, whoever made the self-righteous comment about wah wah old people shouldn`t be expected to use computers and people in third world countries can`t. HELLO. People in third world countries can`t AFFORD computers. You`re an idiot.

It also scares me that someone who can`t work out what "any key" means is allowed to venture onto the internet to look it up. >.<

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Male 561
this had to be a joke
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Male 1,370
how to find the "any" key

1.get a large blunt object
2.strike it aginst your computer
3.get a gun*
4.put the barrel** aginst your head
5.pull trigger***

*make sure theres a bullet inside
**you know,that thing that the bullet comes out of
***that little part you have to pull to launch the bullet

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Male 167
- Close all of your windows

- Even the one in the kitchen?

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Female 21
erm...that ddnt help me wotsoeva i still cant find the "any" key...can ne1 help me please will b 4eva gr8ful....
haha lmfao....XD
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Female 1,004
my grandmother isnt allowed on the comp for this sort of reason...
"Hey! Lemme on!....Okay, i wanna go online and look something up....*types* Where`s the `dot` button for, like, something dot com?"
.....oh....my lovely, clueless grannie...
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Male 37
Frequently Asked Question? That? Oh Lord.
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Female 2,552
LMAO!! Any key.
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Male 28
Lol reminds me of my mom who didn`t even know how to open Microsoft Word.
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Male 3
Quote from the Diablo II manual

"Throughout this manual there are some terms with which you might be unfamiliar. Since your interaction in the game is accomplished by using your mouse, you should be fluent with some mouse-specific expressions. The phrases "click" or "left-click" refer to quickly pressing and releasing the button on the top, left side of your mouse. The phrase "right-click" refer to quickly pressing and releasing the button on the top, right side of your mouse."

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Male 651
"Nobody`s that thick, surely."

Have you ever set foot outside your house? There`s stupid people all over the place.

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Male 32
I work in tech support right now, and I can easily believe people are this dumb. And rockerbunny I don`t expect everyone to know things about computers, but it`s my opinion that if you are going to own one you should know at least the BASICS of how to use it. You shouldn`t own something you don`t know how to take care of.
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Female 363
Pfft. Stupid question.

But they need more than one.

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Female 811
He he, the any key!!
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Male 731
oh my god.... B-|
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Male 143
Ive always wanted to know where the all illusive any key was.
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Female 345
Nobody`s that thick, surely.
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Male 4,431
Okay, first of all, they didn`t clearly answer my question about the "any" key--what do they mean just "strike any key on the" keyboard? Strike it?! With what? What if I break the keyboard? I have no idea how hitting my keyboard will expose the any key? Please help me. :-(
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Female 818
XD Fuuuuuuuuunny.
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Female 173
My mom`s a smart woman... unless it comes to computers. She`s extremely non-computer savvy. She barely knows how to use hotmail, let alone simple computer tricks I`ve grown up with. Like control alt delete. I had to explain that to her for a while before she realized the consept. Why? Because when she was my age, all she had was the huge computers with punch cards.

It all depends on how well people have kept up with technology. Some people just don`t understand things we take for granted. When we`re elderly, some of us won`t be able to understand the technology young people are masters of.

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Female 1,984
HILARIOUS:

# Customer: "I can`t seem to connect to the Internet."
# Tech Support: "Ah, right. What operating system are you running?"
# Customer: "Netscape."
# Tech Support: "No, what version of Windows are you using?"
# Customer: "Uhhh...Hewlett Packard?"
# Tech Support: "No, Right click on `My Computer,` and select properties on the menu."
# Customer: "Your computer? It`s my computer!"
# Tech Support: "No sir, I mean the little picture called `My Computer` on your desktop."
# Customer: "I don`t see an icon called that on my desktop. I do see one called that on my screen."
# Tech Support: "Right, just right click that, and choose Properties from the menu."
# Customer: "Right click?"
# Tech Support: "Just a moment, sir." (mutes phone) "AAAAAAAARGH."

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Female 797
Frequently asked questions. WTF?
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Male 374
not serious, is it?
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Male 93
oooooooooooooooo ok finally sum1 awnsers me ;)
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Female 289
Just because we obviously know how to use computers doesn`t mean the whole world should be able to. Elderly people may not be able to understand the computer concepts we find simple. Or how about people in third world countries who have never been exposed to computer technology. Sure, most people asking that question aren`t the brightest, but that may not always be the case.
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Male 3,014
http://snopes.com/humor/business/wordperf.htm#add

The bottom of the page will link you to three computer user humor sites.

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Female 160
Any key? What that? Is it that big glowing button on the side of the screen that says turn monitor off? Well, well, lemme try... AGHHH! My data! It`s gone! Nooooo! What? Press it again? Well I don`t see where this is going...
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Male 498
LOL
some ppl ar real idiots even ma mom
knows that there is no such hing as an any key lol
:->
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Male 741
Its sad how dumb the question is
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Male 2,057
what an idiot. Then again it could have just been a joke. Its on the simpsons as well
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Male 1
I worked in tech support for, well, to long. I have on several occasions been asked this question. There are some seriously stupid people out there.
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Male 888
Wow, everyone that Ive known that asked that says it as an obvious joke.
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Female 2,144
Har-Har.
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Male 651
Retards who ask that question shouldn`t even be using computers.

Triindiglo, shut the hell up and GTFO.

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Female 68
wow. I didn`t think it was possible for people to REALLY get this dumb.


pretty damn funny.

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Male 162
lol
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Male 28
Link: Tech Support FAQ for Idiots [Rate Link] - Compaq even answers the really dumb questions.
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