Instant Hitman

Submitted by: manotee 10 years ago in Weird
http://www.instanthitman.com

Order a hitman online in 3 easy steps.
There are 97 comments:
Male 528
"If you`re reading this fine print, you`re either a search engine, a lawyer, or just really bored.
In any event, this site is obviously a joke. Don`t be `that moron` in the news reports soliciting a hitman for hire.
Life is short enough for all of us as it is. Please, don`t kill anyone, and don`t hire anyone to kill anyone. Got it? God bless you."

damn -_-

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Male 1
An actual recent email to instanthitman.com customer support (edited to reduce length):

Hello!
I`m writing to say will you please kindly CANCEL ALL the ORDERS that have
been made via your website, http://www.instanthitman.com/
I believe my friend`s son was on my laptop unsupervised and somehow managed
to find your website. He was searching online for the game Hitman. Anyhow, he played around your website and placed a
few ORDERS. He`s not 100% certain how many ORDERS he placed but he did place a few.

The poor boy didn`t know what he was
doing, etc. So will you please kindly CANCEL ALL the ORDERS made ASAP.
Thanks.

Thank you!
P.S. I`m not exactly sure how the order was placed and how the order
actually works, etc. I asked my friend`s son but he can`t recall and he`s terrified, anyhow.
Poor boy, feel sorry for him. Love him! He does use an AOL associated e-mail
address, though. Hence, I`m menti

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Male 23
Dude..lol...i ordered a hit on myself...and i said surprise me...
....um...bury me with my PS2 and the Wii
...incinerate my gamecube..and xbox....
well this is a load of my mind...yea..no midterms...no more work 13 hours a day and profs not caring about my work...this will be nice...just have kick back and study for my own enjoyment...mmmm nice
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Female 20
i sent a hitman after my who family, my slef included. cant wait! jk
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Male 286
lol
InstantHitman.com - Professional Contract Killings at Prices You Can Afford.
Whether you`re looking to exact revenge on a cheating spouse or to simply quiet that noisy neighbor once and for all, InstantHitman.com can help.
Let our team of experienced contract killers make a bold statement on your behalf!
If you`re reading this fine print, you`re either a search engine, a lawyer, or just really bored.
In any event, this site is obviously a joke. Please, don`t kill anyone, and don`t hire anyone to kill anyone. Got it?
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Female 1
Even thought this site is a joke this is from a real newspaper and it is a weird coincidence:

To enter the Twilight Zone click below. Du du du dum.

[url=http://www.mbpanewstoday.com/stories/09/29/06/db/]http://www.mbpanewstoday.com/stories/09/...[/url]

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Female 82
Darn. Seems like my stalker ex-boyfriend won`t be getting the works. If only Lee knew how lucky he was...
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Female 419
haha the random violence one sounded good lol
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Female 70
odd
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Female 108
OK, this isn`t real, we are lucky
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Male 239
^^^ Well it`s true...
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Male 555
"off-topic: That`s the most emo statement I`ve ever read, Boxtop."
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Male 116
i orderd a hit on myself and pick the suprise me package xD!
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Male 986
god i thought it was real....i freaked ...

where do you find the fine print?

z0mg my sister that i dont have will die soon...

(i only have a brother...)

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Male 13
i hope thats not real
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Male 4,246
Hmm. $142 to have an acquaintance burned to death. Not bad at all!

off-topic: That`s the most emo statement I`ve ever read, Boxtop.

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Male 259
i hope its not real, cuz if it is i just signed my two best friends death warrants!!!!:p
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Male 651
Also, happiness is a weakness. Happy people are losers who are trying to hide the fact that their lives suck. Plus happy people are creepy.
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Male 651
"Do you just repeatedly return to this post because you like arguing?"

I ask the same of you.

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Male 181
"http://www.mbpanewstoday.com/stori...

An old woman used it, and her husband turned up dead!"


oh noes i ordered a dismemberment package on myself

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Female 1,468
Dang. I was hoping this site was real.
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Male 664
"The stories contained herein are fictional. Any similarity to actual persons or events is unintentional. Copyright © 2007 MBPANewsToday.com. All rights reserved."

Good one, Jimbone.

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Female 815
The fact that you consider yourself emo explains why you`re such a failure.

So what if im a failure? At least i can be happy but with you its not so simple. Do you just repeatedly return to this post because you like arguing?

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Male 536
i like how so many peolpe want to kill an ex.

who dares say love is dead!

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Male 278
woa this is kool.
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Female 600
Heheh love it.
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Female 128
:-O this freaks me out!! In a good way i guess tho!
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Male 651
@LochNess-Abz: If you don`t like me that much, you can *GASP!* IGNORE ME! Wow! Who would`ve thought of that one? Mind your own goddamn business.

"What im basically saying is mellow out -___- You`re even more pissed off at stuff than me and im emo."

So by hoping my balls get chopped off you really mean "mellow out." Oh yeah, that makes sense. Real expert logic there.

The fact that you consider yourself emo explains why you`re such a failure.

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Female 97
thats a rip off price. i could do it myself for free.
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Female 1,403
Mine only costs $166.50. Not too bad.
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Female 815
O_o Qwidjibo, Because Boxtop has his pants on too tight hes probably going to take a raj out on you for saying that.
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Female 501
i chose suprise me!!
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Male 286
^^^yes i know that made no sense
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Male 286
boxtop lost his box!
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Female 815
"oh boxtop she has stated that she`s only twelve before."
That explains a lot.

Yes, but HES the one who should grow up. =/

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Female 815
Wow. You made a comment about how you wish someone would chop off my balls? Very mature of you. Grow up.

What im basically saying is mellow out -___- You`re even more pissed off at stuff than me and im emo.

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Male 651
"oh boxtop she has stated that she`s only twelve before."

That explains a lot.

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Female 22
hahaha i ordered a hit on my neighbor for 8 bucks!!
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Male 245
oh boxtop she has stated that she`s only twelve before.
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Female 80
jimbone*
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Female 80
lolz kimbone you`re right.

well, ok then. i will kill somebody.

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Female 447
I told them to kill my ex and make it look like a suicide. Even if HE feels no remorse for what he did to me, I can at least make it LOOK like he did!
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Male 227
it`s funny cause it`s true
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Male 460
yeah it`s amde really well. I really liked it. Nice range of how to kill `em.
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Female 163
I told them to kill my son.

I DONT HAVE A SON!

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Male 128
I really wished this would have been real...
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Male 277
The stories contained herein are fictional. Any similarity to actual persons or events is unintentional. Copyright © 2007 MBPANewsToday.com. All rights reserved. thats the fine print on the newspaper article i must be really bored cuz i read both fine prints!
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Male 9
^^^^ You should have said, "I`m going to kill somebody."
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Female 80
oh, and yeah i realize its fake, so if anyone replies by telling me so, im going to hurt somebody.
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Female 80
Hahaha that was so fun. I ordered like 8 people dead. oh and to everyone who suxx, shut up. all of you who think they`re cool for pointing out the obvious, just stop. you`re annoying. if i see you do it again ill make your life miserable. no joke, kids.
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Male 5
Funny stuff. Too bad it`s fake.
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Female 2,552
Lol. Obviously it`s a joke.
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Female 533
here`s hoping....hehe ex-husband.
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Male 518
Too bad it isn`t real, I could have used the whole night buying hits
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Female 105
if it really does work GOOD RIDANCE JACOB YOU MUTHA_F$#%*^G A-HOLE
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Male 651
"Aw my comment about Boxtop being annoying and having his balls cut off was deleted...i think."

Wow. You made a comment about how you wish someone would chop off my balls? Very mature of you. Grow up.

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Male 146
kinda freaky choosing yourself and then reading that article, lol.
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Male 239
what about teachers? i wish this was real, but it would be better if you could pay them to never kill you. (safety fee)
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Male 731
InstantHitman.com - Professional Contract Killings at Prices You Can Afford.
Whether you`re looking to exact revenge on a cheating spouse or to simply quiet that noisy neighbor once and for all, InstantHitman.com can help.
Let our team of experienced contract killers make a bold statement on your behalf!
If you`re reading this fine print, you`re either a search engine, a lawyer, or just really bored.
In any event, this site is obviously a joke. Please, don`t kill anyone, and don`t hire anyone to kill anyone. Got it?
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Male 598
WOOH, MY NEIGHBOR IS HISTORY, I HOPE THEY KNOW WHICH ONE!!! I dONT CARE ANYWAY, I HATE THEM ALL!!!
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Male 109
AWWW SH*T I ordered one but I didnt pay..... Rofl..... Detecting exact location.....
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Female 815
Aw my comment about Boxtop being annoying and having his balls cut off was deleted...i think.
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Female 296
Gods, that scared me for a moment. Lotsa people wanna kill me... *shifty eyes*

Thankfully I was really bored and I read the fine print:
InstantHitman.com - Professional Contract Killings at Prices You Can Afford.
Whether you`re looking to exact revenge on a cheating spouse or to simply quiet that noisy neighbor once and for all, InstantHitman.com can help.
Let our team of experienced contract killers make a bold statement on your behalf!
If you`re reading this fine print, you`re either a search engine, a lawyer, or just really bored.
In any event, this site is obviously a joke. Please, don`t kill anyone, and don`t hire anyone to kill anyone. Got it?

*wipes sweat from forehead* Phew!

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Female 168
LMAO. this is hilarious.
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Male 1,083
yay I`m gonna get drugged!!
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Male 587
lol that was a bit fun
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Female 301
Only $178.50 for the works! What a bargain! I could get so much done for so little...
the surprise me option was great!
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Female 56
sweet...i out a hit out on myself.let`s see what happens..,
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Male 93
UH OH...i but a hit out on myself....idk y i picked myslef im retarded ;-/
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Female 289
This could be considered therapy for some people: had a really bad day, coworker being a b!tch, just "kill" them off and have a smile on your face for the rest of the day!
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Female 172
what`s so exciting about it?? ooh..i get to fake kill somebody!
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Female 663
It did look considerably real. At first I though oh poo what if it`s a trap and I end up on one of those TV shows that catch a-holes putting hits out on people.
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Female 160
So...Do we get a "free gift" of a few pictures of the body? Yay!
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Female 106
the link, sorry
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Female 106
In any event, this site is obviously a joke. Please, don`t kill anyone, and don`t hire anyone to kill anyone. Got it?

last line of fine print on the site. thank god its a joke. its just freaky. so what is the like posted above thinking?

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Male 731
YHEY! MY BROTHER IS AS GOOD AS DEAD NOW XD
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Female 106
???? thats kinda freaky. it better be a joke.
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Male 9
http://www.mbpanewstoday.com/stories/09/...

An old woman used it, and her husband turned up dead!

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Male 571
Pfff, hitmen...
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Female 95
I liked the start- "At instanthitman.com, we realised that in todays fast-paced world, planning the murder of a friend or family member can be a daunting task. Thats okay, because we`re here to help!" :-)

If this were real I can think of quite a few kids at school I would use this on...

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Male 84

If you`re reading this fine print, you`re either a search engine, a lawyer, or just really bored.
In any event, this site is obviously a joke. Please, don`t kill anyone, and don`t hire anyone to kill anyone. Got it?


read this

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Male 53
"If you`re reading this fine print, you`re either a search engine, a lawyer, or just really bored."

Lol.

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Female 799
I did `the works`.
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Female 607
"Copyright 2007" and "reticulating splines" gave it away as a joke for me...

Or if it is real, my ex will be dead within days... WATCH OUT SCOTT!

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Male 888
How do they tell the difference of person using the computer? Say I put in my mother, what if they think its my father using the computer and whack my gramma?
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Female 110
heh i like it! gotta say im mildly dissapointed that its not real.. :)
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Female 4
hm.... i think im gonna remember this website ;)
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Male 1,407
I ordered a melting hit on my acquaintance. Let`s see what happens now.
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Male 651
And yes, I realize it`s a joke. Shut up.
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Male 651
This sucks. You can`t even tell them the name of the person who you want wiped of the face of the earth. Ingrid Newkirk would`ve been my first pick.
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Male 531
finally!! i got some1 to get rid of that annoying kid down the road XD
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Male 36
I love the disclaimer on the bottom, reminding you to drink responsibly.

triindiglo: el dorko!

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Male 60
wow try melting:
"the newest addition to our service repertoire - the target will be subject to total body immersion in concentrated hydroflouric acid. Because the body is liquefied into nothing more than a thick black sludge, location or identificaion of the body is essentially impossible. A solid aliby is suggested for individuals selecting this method for use on immiediate family members, as the death often turns into a missing person case."
BTW how does one find this stuff?
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Female 284
Haha, good thing this isn`t real! *knocking on door* Oh, crap.
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Male 724
lol "hits" xD
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Male 27
^^^^
what a loser
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Male 32
Link: Instant Hitman [Rate Link] - Order a hitman online in 3 easy steps.
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