Rockin' in the free world since 2005.

[Total: 126    Average: 3.6/5]
97 Comments - View/Add
Hits: 35031
Rating: 3.6
Category: Weird
Date: 09/30/06 02:03 AM

97 Responses to Instant Hitman

  1. Profile photo of manotee
    manotee Male 18-29
    32 posts
    September 29, 2006 at 10:21 pm
    Link: Instant Hitman - Order a hitman online in 3 easy steps.
  2. Profile photo of SOLDATO
    SOLDATO Male 18-29
    27 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 2:08 am
    ^^^^
    what a loser
  3. Profile photo of haxxorz
    haxxorz Male 13-17
    728 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 2:08 am
    lol "hits" xD
  4. Profile photo of alknick
    alknick Female 18-29
    284 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 2:12 am
    Haha, good thing this isn`t real! *knocking on door* Oh, crap.
  5. Profile photo of Mirnakesh
    Mirnakesh Male 18-29
    60 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 2:54 am
    wow try melting:
    "the newest addition to our service repertoire - the target will be subject to total body immersion in concentrated hydroflouric acid. Because the body is liquefied into nothing more than a thick black sludge, location or identificaion of the body is essentially impossible. A solid aliby is suggested for individuals selecting this method for use on immiediate family members, as the death often turns into a missing person case."
    BTW how does one find this stuff?
  6. Profile photo of BPP4GLC
    BPP4GLC Male 18-29
    36 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 3:00 am
    I love the disclaimer on the bottom, reminding you to drink responsibly.

    triindiglo: el dorko!

  7. Profile photo of drgnfire
    drgnfire Male 18-29
    531 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 3:09 am
    finally!! i got some1 to get rid of that annoying kid down the road XD
  8. Profile photo of Boxtop
    Boxtop Male 18-29
    652 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 3:17 am
    This sucks. You can`t even tell them the name of the person who you want wiped of the face of the earth. Ingrid Newkirk would`ve been my first pick.
  9. Profile photo of Boxtop
    Boxtop Male 18-29
    652 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 3:18 am
    And yes, I realize it`s a joke. Shut up.
  10. Profile photo of Osprey39
    Osprey39 Male 18-29
    1409 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 3:47 am
    I ordered a melting hit on my acquaintance. Let`s see what happens now.
  11. Profile photo of little-lucy
    little-lucy Female 13-17
    4 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 4:09 am
    hm.... i think im gonna remember this website ;)
  12. Profile photo of catcatdog
    catcatdog Female 13-17
    110 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 6:27 am
    heh i like it! gotta say im mildly dissapointed that its not real.. :)
  13. Profile photo of DMDekoth
    DMDekoth Male 70 & Over
    888 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 6:29 am
    How do they tell the difference of person using the computer? Say I put in my mother, what if they think its my father using the computer and whack my gramma?
  14. Profile photo of ten_10
    ten_10 Female 18-29
    607 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 6:39 am
    "Copyright 2007" and "reticulating splines" gave it away as a joke for me...

    Or if it is real, my ex will be dead within days... WATCH OUT SCOTT!

  15. Profile photo of monert
    monert Female 18-29
    799 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 8:04 am
    I did `the works`.
  16. Profile photo of iNVERTED_
    iNVERTED_ Male 13-17
    53 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 8:54 am
    "If you`re reading this fine print, you`re either a search engine, a lawyer, or just really bored."

    Lol.

  17. Profile photo of maxerdo
    maxerdo Male 13-17
    84 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 8:56 am

    If you`re reading this fine print, you`re either a search engine, a lawyer, or just really bored.
    In any event, this site is obviously a joke. Please, don`t kill anyone, and don`t hire anyone to kill anyone. Got it?


    read this

  18. Profile photo of monkey3462
    monkey3462 Female 13-17
    95 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 9:03 am
    I liked the start- "At instanthitman.com, we realised that in todays fast-paced world, planning the murder of a friend or family member can be a daunting task. Thats okay, because we`re here to help!" :-)

    If this were real I can think of quite a few kids at school I would use this on...

  19. Profile photo of Naoscaire
    Naoscaire Male 18-29
    571 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 9:13 am
    Pfff, hitmen...
  20. Profile photo of jimbone
    jimbone Male 13-17
    9 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 9:22 am
    http://www.mbpanewstoday.com/stories/09/...

    An old woman used it, and her husband turned up dead!

  21. Profile photo of ladydarkwind
    ladydarkwind Female 18-29
    106 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 10:13 am
    ???? thats kinda freaky. it better be a joke.
  22. Profile photo of Galileo53
    Galileo53 Male 13-17
    731 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 10:14 am
    YHEY! MY BROTHER IS AS GOOD AS DEAD NOW XD
  23. Profile photo of ladydarkwind
    ladydarkwind Female 18-29
    106 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 10:14 am
    In any event, this site is obviously a joke. Please, don`t kill anyone, and don`t hire anyone to kill anyone. Got it?

    last line of fine print on the site. thank god its a joke. its just freaky. so what is the like posted above thinking?

  24. Profile photo of ladydarkwind
    ladydarkwind Female 18-29
    106 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 10:16 am
    the link, sorry
  25. Profile photo of snapplemouse
    snapplemouse Female 13-17
    160 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 10:17 am
    So...Do we get a "free gift" of a few pictures of the body? Yay!
  26. Profile photo of nicholelibra
    nicholelibra Female 18-29
    663 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 10:17 am
    It did look considerably real. At first I though oh poo what if it`s a trap and I end up on one of those TV shows that catch a-holes putting hits out on people.
  27. Profile photo of IrishRose12
    IrishRose12 Female 18-29
    172 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 10:27 am
    what`s so exciting about it?? ooh..i get to fake kill somebody!
  28. Profile photo of dani_chick
    dani_chick Female 18-29
    290 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 10:29 am
    This could be considered therapy for some people: had a really bad day, coworker being a b!tch, just "kill" them off and have a smile on your face for the rest of the day!
  29. Profile photo of Pitbull3291
    Pitbull3291 Male 13-17
    93 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 11:19 am
    UH OH...i but a hit out on myself....idk y i picked myslef im retarded ;-/
  30. Profile photo of dontlookatme
    dontlookatme Female 13-17
    56 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 11:24 am
    sweet...i out a hit out on myself.let`s see what happens..,
  31. Profile photo of PlatinumKate
    PlatinumKate Female 18-29
    301 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 11:40 am
    Only $178.50 for the works! What a bargain! I could get so much done for so little...
    the surprise me option was great!
  32. Profile photo of mt1045
    mt1045 Male 18-29
    588 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 11:41 am
    lol that was a bit fun
  33. Profile photo of look215
    look215 Male 18-29
    1084 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 12:00 pm
    yay I`m gonna get drugged!!
  34. Profile photo of PunkGirl_123
    PunkGirl_123 Female 13-17
    168 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 12:06 pm
    LMAO. this is hilarious.
  35. Profile photo of nerb
    nerb Female 18-29
    296 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 12:26 pm
    Gods, that scared me for a moment. Lotsa people wanna kill me... *shifty eyes*

    Thankfully I was really bored and I read the fine print:
    InstantHitman.com - Professional Contract Killings at Prices You Can Afford.
    Whether you`re looking to exact revenge on a cheating spouse or to simply quiet that noisy neighbor once and for all, InstantHitman.com can help.
    Let our team of experienced contract killers make a bold statement on your behalf!
    If you`re reading this fine print, you`re either a search engine, a lawyer, or just really bored.
    In any event, this site is obviously a joke. Please, don`t kill anyone, and don`t hire anyone to kill anyone. Got it?

    *wipes sweat from forehead* Phew!

  36. Profile photo of LochNess-Abz
    LochNess-Abz Female 13-17
    815 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 12:33 pm
    Aw my comment about Boxtop being annoying and having his balls cut off was deleted...i think.
  37. Profile photo of Salkraps
    Salkraps Male 13-17
    110 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 12:52 pm
    AWWW SH*T I ordered one but I didnt pay..... Rofl..... Detecting exact location.....
  38. Profile photo of Schooler90
    Schooler90 Male 18-29
    598 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 1:13 pm
    WOOH, MY NEIGHBOR IS HISTORY, I HOPE THEY KNOW WHICH ONE!!! I dONT CARE ANYWAY, I HATE THEM ALL!!!
  39. Profile photo of Galileo53
    Galileo53 Male 13-17
    731 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 1:17 pm
    InstantHitman.com - Professional Contract Killings at Prices You Can Afford.
    Whether you`re looking to exact revenge on a cheating spouse or to simply quiet that noisy neighbor once and for all, InstantHitman.com can help.
    Let our team of experienced contract killers make a bold statement on your behalf!
    If you`re reading this fine print, you`re either a search engine, a lawyer, or just really bored.
    In any event, this site is obviously a joke. Please, don`t kill anyone, and don`t hire anyone to kill anyone. Got it?
  40. Profile photo of hexagog
    hexagog Male 13-17
    239 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 1:22 pm
    what about teachers? i wish this was real, but it would be better if you could pay them to never kill you. (safety fee)
  41. Profile photo of Danceaholic
    Danceaholic Male 18-29
    146 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 1:48 pm
    kinda freaky choosing yourself and then reading that article, lol.
  42. Profile photo of Boxtop
    Boxtop Male 18-29
    652 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 2:05 pm
    "Aw my comment about Boxtop being annoying and having his balls cut off was deleted...i think."

    Wow. You made a comment about how you wish someone would chop off my balls? Very mature of you. Grow up.

  43. Profile photo of chelsea10011
    chelsea10011 Female 13-17
    105 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 2:11 pm
    if it really does work GOOD RIDANCE JACOB YOU MUTHA_F$#%*^G A-HOLE
  44. Profile photo of 5577
    5577 Male 13-17
    519 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 3:19 pm
    Too bad it isn`t real, I could have used the whole night buying hits
  45. Profile photo of TokenBabe
    TokenBabe Female 30-39
    533 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 3:45 pm
    here`s hoping....hehe ex-husband.
  46. Profile photo of nicole_xo
    nicole_xo Female 13-17
    2552 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 4:32 pm
    Lol. Obviously it`s a joke.
  47. Profile photo of Friedprocess
    Friedprocess Male 18-29
    5 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 5:04 pm
    Funny stuff. Too bad it`s fake.
  48. Profile photo of NYCGIRLS
    NYCGIRLS Female 13-17
    80 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 6:20 pm
    Hahaha that was so fun. I ordered like 8 people dead. oh and to everyone who suxx, shut up. all of you who think they`re cool for pointing out the obvious, just stop. you`re annoying. if i see you do it again ill make your life miserable. no joke, kids.
  49. Profile photo of NYCGIRLS
    NYCGIRLS Female 13-17
    80 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 6:22 pm
    oh, and yeah i realize its fake, so if anyone replies by telling me so, im going to hurt somebody.
  50. Profile photo of jimbone
    jimbone Male 13-17
    9 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 6:25 pm
    ^^^^ You should have said, "I`m going to kill somebody."
  51. Profile photo of Raisin_Hell
    Raisin_Hell Male 18-29
    277 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 6:35 pm
    The stories contained herein are fictional. Any similarity to actual persons or events is unintentional. Copyright © 2007 MBPANewsToday.com. All rights reserved. thats the fine print on the newspaper article i must be really bored cuz i read both fine prints!
  52. Profile photo of DarthKarnage
    DarthKarnage Male 18-29
    128 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 6:52 pm
    I really wished this would have been real...
  53. Profile photo of Honeybaby626
    Honeybaby626 Female 13-17
    163 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 6:59 pm
    I told them to kill my son.

    I DONT HAVE A SON!

  54. Profile photo of mcnaial1
    mcnaial1 Male 18-29
    460 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 7:33 pm
    yeah it`s amde really well. I really liked it. Nice range of how to kill `em.
  55. Profile photo of fire_frog
    fire_frog Male 18-29
    228 posts
    September 30, 2006 at 9:31 pm
    it`s funny cause it`s true
  56. Profile photo of flippant
    flippant Female 18-29
    447 posts
    October 1, 2006 at 12:04 am
    I told them to kill my ex and make it look like a suicide. Even if HE feels no remorse for what he did to me, I can at least make it LOOK like he did!
  57. Profile photo of NYCGIRLS
    NYCGIRLS Female 13-17
    80 posts
    October 1, 2006 at 1:57 am
    lolz kimbone you`re right.

    well, ok then. i will kill somebody.

  58. Profile photo of NYCGIRLS
    NYCGIRLS Female 13-17
    80 posts
    October 1, 2006 at 1:58 am
    jimbone*
  59. Profile photo of PeaceFrog71
    PeaceFrog71 Male 13-17
    245 posts
    October 1, 2006 at 2:03 am
    oh boxtop she has stated that she`s only twelve before.
  60. Profile photo of mindyminus
    mindyminus Female 18-29
    22 posts
    October 1, 2006 at 2:28 am
    hahaha i ordered a hit on my neighbor for 8 bucks!!
  61. Profile photo of Boxtop
    Boxtop Male 18-29
    652 posts
    October 1, 2006 at 2:32 am
    "oh boxtop she has stated that she`s only twelve before."

    That explains a lot.

  62. Profile photo of LochNess-Abz
    LochNess-Abz Female 13-17
    815 posts
    October 1, 2006 at 7:40 am
    Wow. You made a comment about how you wish someone would chop off my balls? Very mature of you. Grow up.

    What im basically saying is mellow out -___- You`re even more pissed off at stuff than me and im emo.

  63. Profile photo of LochNess-Abz
    LochNess-Abz Female 13-17
    815 posts
    October 1, 2006 at 7:42 am
    "oh boxtop she has stated that she`s only twelve before."
    That explains a lot.

    Yes, but HES the one who should grow up. =/

  64. Profile photo of qwidjibo
    qwidjibo Male 30-39
    286 posts
    October 1, 2006 at 8:10 am
    boxtop lost his box!
  65. Profile photo of qwidjibo
    qwidjibo Male 30-39
    286 posts
    October 1, 2006 at 8:11 am
    ^^^yes i know that made no sense
  66. Profile photo of charlie026
    charlie026 Female 18-29
    501 posts
    October 1, 2006 at 9:10 am
    i chose suprise me!!
  67. Profile photo of LochNess-Abz
    LochNess-Abz Female 13-17
    815 posts
    October 1, 2006 at 10:08 am
    O_o Qwidjibo, Because Boxtop has his pants on too tight hes probably going to take a raj out on you for saying that.
  68. Profile photo of for_serious?
    for_serious? Female 13-17
    1403 posts
    October 1, 2006 at 11:04 am
    Mine only costs $166.50. Not too bad.
  69. Profile photo of live2breathe
    live2breathe Female 13-17
    97 posts
    October 1, 2006 at 1:06 pm
    thats a rip off price. i could do it myself for free.
  70. Profile photo of Boxtop
    Boxtop Male 18-29
    652 posts
    October 1, 2006 at 2:29 pm
    @LochNess-Abz: If you don`t like me that much, you can *GASP!* IGNORE ME! Wow! Who would`ve thought of that one? Mind your own goddamn business.

    "What im basically saying is mellow out -___- You`re even more pissed off at stuff than me and im emo."

    So by hoping my balls get chopped off you really mean "mellow out." Oh yeah, that makes sense. Real expert logic there.

    The fact that you consider yourself emo explains why you`re such a failure.

  71. Profile photo of emmabatty
    emmabatty Female 18-29
    128 posts
    October 1, 2006 at 2:55 pm
    :-O this freaks me out!! In a good way i guess tho!
  72. Profile photo of pidwidgeon
    pidwidgeon Female 18-29
    600 posts
    October 2, 2006 at 1:41 am
    Heheh love it.
  73. Profile photo of bubba_gum
    bubba_gum Male 13-17
    278 posts
    October 2, 2006 at 3:58 am
    woa this is kool.
  74. Profile photo of realblender
    realblender Male 18-29
    536 posts
    October 2, 2006 at 8:45 am
    i like how so many peolpe want to kill an ex.

    who dares say love is dead!

  75. Profile photo of LochNess-Abz
    LochNess-Abz Female 13-17
    815 posts
    October 2, 2006 at 10:44 am
    The fact that you consider yourself emo explains why you`re such a failure.

    So what if im a failure? At least i can be happy but with you its not so simple. Do you just repeatedly return to this post because you like arguing?

  76. Profile photo of Mo0k
    Mo0k Male 18-29
    664 posts
    October 2, 2006 at 12:15 pm
    "The stories contained herein are fictional. Any similarity to actual persons or events is unintentional. Copyright © 2007 MBPANewsToday.com. All rights reserved."

    Good one, Jimbone.

  77. Profile photo of slinky0
    slinky0 Female 30-39
    1468 posts
    October 2, 2006 at 2:58 pm
    Dang. I was hoping this site was real.
  78. Profile photo of jmbrch4507
    jmbrch4507 Male 18-29
    181 posts
    October 2, 2006 at 4:56 pm
    "http://www.mbpanewstoday.com/stori...

    An old woman used it, and her husband turned up dead!"


    oh noes i ordered a dismemberment package on myself

  79. Profile photo of Boxtop
    Boxtop Male 18-29
    652 posts
    October 2, 2006 at 6:36 pm
    "Do you just repeatedly return to this post because you like arguing?"

    I ask the same of you.

  80. Profile photo of Boxtop
    Boxtop Male 18-29
    652 posts
    October 2, 2006 at 6:38 pm
    Also, happiness is a weakness. Happy people are losers who are trying to hide the fact that their lives suck. Plus happy people are creepy.
  81. Profile photo of dre5922
    dre5922 Male 18-29
    259 posts
    October 3, 2006 at 8:00 pm
    i hope its not real, cuz if it is i just signed my two best friends death warrants!!!!:p
  82. Profile photo of R_U_Kidding
    R_U_Kidding Male 18-29
    4246 posts
    October 4, 2006 at 3:51 am
    Hmm. $142 to have an acquaintance burned to death. Not bad at all!

    off-topic: That`s the most emo statement I`ve ever read, Boxtop.

  83. Profile photo of ilvgame
    ilvgame Male 13-17
    13 posts
    October 4, 2006 at 6:27 pm
    i hope thats not real
  84. Profile photo of pea_ooter
    pea_ooter Male 13-17
    986 posts
    October 6, 2006 at 4:02 pm
    god i thought it was real....i freaked ...

    where do you find the fine print?

    z0mg my sister that i dont have will die soon...

    (i only have a brother...)

  85. Profile photo of EliteMike
    EliteMike Male 13-17
    116 posts
    October 7, 2006 at 4:20 pm
    i orderd a hit on myself and pick the suprise me package xD!
  86. Profile photo of reb0rn4never
    reb0rn4never Male 18-29
    555 posts
    October 8, 2006 at 7:21 pm
    "off-topic: That`s the most emo statement I`ve ever read, Boxtop."
  87. Profile photo of hexagog
    hexagog Male 13-17
    239 posts
    October 9, 2006 at 11:27 pm
    ^^^ Well it`s true...
  88. Profile photo of justone
    justone Female 18-29
    108 posts
    October 10, 2006 at 10:54 am
    OK, this isn`t real, we are lucky
  89. Profile photo of camille123
    camille123 Female 13-17
    70 posts
    October 10, 2006 at 8:44 pm
    odd
  90. Profile photo of xRevengex
    xRevengex Female 18-29
    419 posts
    October 18, 2006 at 5:41 pm
    haha the random violence one sounded good lol
  91. Profile photo of jdelaney
    jdelaney Female 18-29
    82 posts
    October 20, 2006 at 8:14 pm
    Darn. Seems like my stalker ex-boyfriend won`t be getting the works. If only Lee knew how lucky he was...
  92. Profile photo of dylansmom
    dylansmom Female 18-29
    1 post
    October 29, 2006 at 1:35 am
    Even thought this site is a joke this is from a real newspaper and it is a weird coincidence:

    To enter the Twilight Zone click below. Du du du dum.

    http://www.mbpanewstoday.com/stories/09/...

  93. Profile photo of qwidjibo
    qwidjibo Male 30-39
    286 posts
    November 19, 2006 at 9:01 am
    lol
    InstantHitman.com - Professional Contract Killings at Prices You Can Afford.
    Whether you`re looking to exact revenge on a cheating spouse or to simply quiet that noisy neighbor once and for all, InstantHitman.com can help.
    Let our team of experienced contract killers make a bold statement on your behalf!
    If you`re reading this fine print, you`re either a search engine, a lawyer, or just really bored.
    In any event, this site is obviously a joke. Please, don`t kill anyone, and don`t hire anyone to kill anyone. Got it?
  94. Profile photo of Shikyoko
    Shikyoko Female 18-29
    20 posts
    December 15, 2006 at 4:05 pm
    i sent a hitman after my who family, my slef included. cant wait! jk
  95. Profile photo of Sotesf
    Sotesf Male 18-29
    23 posts
    February 22, 2007 at 10:25 am
    Dude..lol...i ordered a hit on myself...and i said surprise me...
    ....um...bury me with my PS2 and the Wii
    ...incinerate my gamecube..and xbox....
    well this is a load of my mind...yea..no midterms...no more work 13 hours a day and profs not caring about my work...this will be nice...just have kick back and study for my own enjoyment...mmmm nice
  96. Profile photo of instant
    instant Male 30-39
    1 post
    July 27, 2007 at 2:03 am
    An actual recent email to instanthitman.com customer support (edited to reduce length):

    Hello!
    I`m writing to say will you please kindly CANCEL ALL the ORDERS that have
    been made via your website, http://www.instanthitman.com/
    I believe my friend`s son was on my laptop unsupervised and somehow managed
    to find your website. He was searching online for the game Hitman. Anyhow, he played around your website and placed a
    few ORDERS. He`s not 100% certain how many ORDERS he placed but he did place a few.

    The poor boy didn`t know what he was
    doing, etc. So will you please kindly CANCEL ALL the ORDERS made ASAP.
    Thanks.

    Thank you!
    P.S. I`m not exactly sure how the order was placed and how the order
    actually works, etc. I asked my friend`s son but he can`t recall and he`s terrified, anyhow.
    Poor boy, feel sorry for him. Love him! He does use an AOL associated e-mail
    address, though. Hence, I`m menti

  97. Profile photo of funnehkitteh
    funnehkitteh Male 18-29
    528 posts
    June 16, 2011 at 4:17 am
    "If you`re reading this fine print, you`re either a search engine, a lawyer, or just really bored.
    In any event, this site is obviously a joke. Don`t be `that moron` in the news reports soliciting a hitman for hire.
    Life is short enough for all of us as it is. Please, don`t kill anyone, and don`t hire anyone to kill anyone. Got it? God bless you."

    damn -_-

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