How to write a decent suicide note

Submitted by: LBlues 10 years ago Funny
http://www.axe-s.com/tips/

Try to stay away from cliches.
There are 102 comments:
Female 71
I agree with aftershock, they just need to get over their dumb little problems.

But dude turn off the caps lock.

Oh and while preparing for a cool suicide note, heres some ideas for a more interesting suicide- http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse. net/c.cgi?u=manly_suicide

(take out the spaces I couldn`t post it the other way...)

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Male 2,781
SUICIDE PEOPLE ARE IDIOTS. I HAVE NO RESPECT FOR THEM.

YOUR LIFE SUCKS, TOO GODDAMNED BAD, SUCK IT UP!!!

WEAK-ASS B`TCHES

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Female 471
^^ Man, I totally agree. Holy shït.
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Female 20
Not very funny.

If you want funny in regards to this sort of thing, try this: http://www.pointlesswasteoftime.com/suic...

At least that`s kind of funny. I will NEVER commit suicide after reading that thing...

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Female 144
bad taste.
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Female 329
This wasn`t funny. I don`t think the author ment it as a joke. It made me feel kinda sick. And really sad. Now excuse me while I go find a cute video of a kitten.
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Female 364
what im a-thinkin is this:

its a BRILIANT source of information.
its a FANTASTIC idea.
and this is why:

usually when someone commits suicide, its not really that thought through. it is done in the heat of the moment and whilst the person is full of angst or whichever. after putting this much thought into writing the letter, you arent in the right frame of mind to commit suicide, you`ve calmed down a bit, you`re thinking straighter. possibly.

...im going to be a therapist!!!!!! ><

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Male 2,600
"is overmann being serious here?"

I thought that was understood...?

It`s hard for me to put what I`m trying to say into words, obviously. As soon as I figure out how to word it properly I`ll be sure to do so.

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Male 713
is overmann being serious here?
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Male 98
disturbing
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Male 2,600
I disagree. While suicide is dependent solely on an individual`s will to kill themselves (some may disagree and say the world made them do it), deciding this will is independent from anyone else`s involvement in reaching the decision (think apples and oranges). This decision may not be entirely acceptable to everyone around the suicidal, but they should have long ago accepted that they had no involvement in reaching the decision. Indeed, the pain people feel afterwards is in part due to this realization.

Killing oneself to reduce the global population is actually a selfless act.

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Male 713
Suicide is the most selfish thing anyone can ever do.
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Male 2,600
violingirl77, what do you not understand?
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Female 31
This is stupid,someone might actually follow the guide lines.
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Male 177
you have problems.
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Female 1,426
Don`t reveal your methods.
This is most important when taking poisons and pills. Telling everyone what you took just makes it easier for them to give you the treatments needed to revive you. Alternately, you do not want someone to find the note that details which bridge you`re jumping off of before you get that chance to jump. They might be able to stop you. People will find out how you did it once the autopsy reports come in anyway.

Wtf???

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Male 598
WHy is this marked "Funny". Even I did not think of it as slightly funny.
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Female 471
Yeah, that`s true, the reason it is selfish is because I wouldn`t want to deal with the grieving process after losing them. In the back of my mind I wonder what it is about their life that is so bad and maybe there is some way, or someone out there that could give them hope to go on. If you don`t believe in life after death, then in reality you would never see them again, and that thought is awful. There must be a way to help. Maybe they have a mental disorder that perhaps is making them feel that way, that could be treated, but if the case is that they are suffering physical pain, an uncurable disease, then I see why they would choose to take their life. I guess even sometimes you can`t always treat a mental disorder either. It just freaks me out, just the thought. What if they could get help, but they were to embarrassed to ask? There are positive solutions, but all in all, it is their choice. So sad.
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Male 2,600
I see. I understand why you would feel that way, 0AmY0, though the difference between you and I is that I believe such thinking to be whole-heartedly selfish. Who am I to detain someone on this world when their utmost desire lies elsewhere? Who am I to judge that someone should have to persevere unnecessarily against their very will?

I don`t have a significant other or much of anyone I hold dear, but if I did, I would cherish every day of their company knowing that their presence amd time here is dependent upon innumerable factors and subject to change at any given moment. I would accept their decision to end their life because I know that if life became so excrutiatingly painful or insufferable, I would hope others would accept my own decision to exit or do with my life as I saw fit.

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Female 471
^Overman, if you have a wife, or significant other, mother, father or best friend, how would you feel if they commited suicide? Sure, it is my choice, my life, if I want to kill myself I will.

What I`m saying is, if someone I love could get access to this, it might push the idea further. I just wouldnt` want to lose a loved one, that`s all.

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Male 2,600
cnlbell, it should be a person`s right to take their own life, nevermind what others think. I don`t understand why people cannot comprehend that.
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Male 528
Ehhhhh.....no comment.
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Female 420
Extremely poor taste and absolutely NOT humorous. Too many people end their lives tragically and leave behind a wake of despair. Suicide is NOT funny.
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Female 415
well I will just have to keep those tips in mind if I ever decide it bite the bullet.
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Male 713
But seriously dont blame I am bored for posting something so morbid. Not all links are for all people. Paradigms thank you very much

Just look at the bright side of things. Being so pessimistic will only lead to sadness. Really guys..

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Male 713
Its just a differant approach to humor. Sure this is a deep,morbid and touchy subject. Thats what the author likes to do perhaps.

Seriously I hate suicide to the greatest extent. Suicidical friends just worry me.

Yet, there`s actually some really cool advice.

After reading I was thinking of writing a note of my own, hypothetically-to test my writing skills. Kinda like writing your own eulogy or something else that dark-just please. dont take this seriously. The internet is seldom serious

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Male 701
"Note: if you are not actually committing suicide because you want to die but are just looking to get attention, do not bother reading this. Your note will mean nothing once the doctors are done treating the scratches on your wrists or pumping the 2000mg of Advil out of your stomach. There are better ways of getting attention anyway. I suggest you try one of the many services for people who are only crying for help." haha
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Female 130
Not that funny compared to something about the same thing but WAY more cynical and f u n n y!
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Male 701
funny to a point but its kinda sads and disgusting also, obviously its a joike...i hope
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Male 78
These are the guidelines that our LA teacher tells us to write papers.
:-O
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Female 357
Eek not good.
I suffer from hypersensitivity and am suicidal. My mom found out and said that she is getting me help, but she hasn`t yet. Atleast I`m not the crazy type of suicidal , so seeing this wont affect me, but I don`t like this, for what if someone comes along this and...wow. I agree that this should be banned. I am bored is better than this. I`m Athiest, (but raised Christian), and um... no suicide is a bigger deal then religion.It takes someones life, and ruins many others. I dont like this at all.
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Female 142
Wow people chill out. its just something someone wrote.
You wouldnt get all hurt and offended if someone wrote a book about suicide. you dont get all booty-hurt about other more important things...
gah.
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Male 245
I noticed the disclaimer before the advice, unlike most of you.

It gives links to places you could get help.

Probably not going to change your mind.

I`m just pointing it out.


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Male 468
wtf...who would make this website? how sick do you have to be?
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Male 287
Hang about...where was I...? Oh,yeah...Fúck this...I`m off to goregasm.com...
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Female 1,492
I seriously doubt that anyone who wants to kill themselves will really care about all that.
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Male 287
Ok,Overmann.point taken. I was not having a go at you...it`s just that this site seems so...clinical...? WHY can`t we have this particular type of link on here? After all,it`s only supposed to be,well...funny?
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Male 2,600
solidsteel, ask yourself that question. After all, you clicked the link.

dreddloxx, my point is that the webpage and its parent website have the characteristics of a genuine suicide website and that the link, therefore, is no joke. Whoever posted the link didn`t categorize it properly (note the caption doesn`t relate the link`s funny content).

It`s still a great link, all in all. Very good advice.

"Correct me if I`m wrong..."

Certainly, ConverseUK. In what way does this link qualify as "suicide humor"? In what way does it qualify as any humor?

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Female 811
I think this link is awful! So yeah I should have known better but seriously IAB is supposed to be something to brighten up my day not make me want to kill myself. A kid did kill himself not so long ago because of crap like this (not IAB!). I`m not just saying that because someone I knew killed themselves either!
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Male 251
Why would I need to know this, and also, read the small print.
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Male 287
I guess this particular link is now reaching the point of offensive...time to put it to bed,eh?
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Male 287
Ok, Overmann...what`s your point...? I just clicked your link...YOU tell me what I found.
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Female 2
This is disgusting. My brother commited suicide last year and it was the most horrible thing i ever had to go through. Im not impressed by this.
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Female 797
Good advice for an emo.
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Male 130
That is cool, I am not afraid to die, and I am not going to to kill myself either. I thought it was funny and clever.
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Male 1,866
great tips, i`m just not planning on trying them.
they make a lot of sense. gawd how does he know about them?
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Male 93
dude... this aint cool...
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Female 1,463
thts not funny it seems rly serios
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Male 731
that whas very disturbing
i bet the guy who wrote this used all that in his suicide note and killed himself soon after :P
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Female 152
Not...funny?
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Female 1,262
Amusingly morbid for a while.
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Female 2,552
Is this supposed to be funny? Because it`s actully quite sad.
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Female 963
That`s sick...
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Male 2
I`ve been looking for that. See u never.
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Male 664
Let`s have some dead baby jokes now. Lighten the mood.
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Male 664
"I though it was amusing, and it achieved the purpose of unboring me. I think it`s stupid to get all worked up over this. People make fun of all sorts of things, religion, family, heritage. Everything and so how is suicide any different? Religion can be a very hurtful topic... yet people still make fun of it all the time. SUCK IT UP."

Absolutely. Lighten up. If it`s not happening to you, it`s funny. If it is, hurry up, for God`s sake.

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Male 724
Keep going superbitch19! I know you still have some left inside of you!

... not that i actually read what you posted...

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Male 1,270
Correct me if I`m wrong...but this was under the FUNNY section (See the icon next to it on the main page)...and the title clearly gives away the content of where the link leads to.
All in all, you should have known what to expect and if suicide humor isn`t for you, then you shouldn`t have clicked in the first place.

Looks like the more frequent posters on IAB have moved on from the whole `emo` thing...thank god!!

They missed something off the list by the way...

Tip #16
Don`t blame your misfortune on anything which other kid`s enjoy, as it will probably end up getting banned forever. E.g. `...and this was all because of myspace...` could easily lead to riots of all the little kids wanting to blog their little lives away but being banned from doing so. Be considerate.

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Female 21
arghhh dnt mind haha lmao
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Female 21
owww i cnt spl now dratd waz spose 2 b dratd hehe
dnt no how that happnd lol
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Female 21
omg y r peeps gettin all petheticly wound up...its kinda funny in a way
and...i think in some ways this thing cld stop people from killin themslfs think bout it they mock it...people hu read will think twice ...and wen you do somthing a few days befor thinkin it over always makes you change ur mind

think one day ur dratd up an depressd 1 day l8er you win the lottery...now if they ddnt read that they wld have one peeps ded an a scruffy suicide note....
jus think happy thoughts :)

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Male 50
well, after all, we should finally start considering death as another fact of life.
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Female 486
It seemed quite serious.
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Male 2,600
Dreddloxx, you say it`s a joke although I`m not convinced. Pro-choice suicide sites often frown on people merely gesturing towards suicide for attention and accordingly direct them to more appropriate sites. This link in particular does just that.

Also, the designers of the parent website, http://www.axe-s.com/, apparently wished it to seem inaccessible and uninviting to the general public. This is a trait common to pro-choice suicide sites.

It`s certainly not a joke, but it`s not morbid, either. I consider it helpful and informative and it does humanity a service.

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Male 287
Oh,and if any of you took the time to notice,there is a link to several different suicide-prevention sites within the text near the top section of the page...
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Female 26
This is kinda... Sick
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Male 287
To those `disgusted` by this particular post: Look,this is the internet and if you go take a quick look around it,I guarantee that you are going to find FAR,FAR worse things than this little tongue-in-cheek item. There are a plethora of sites which will happily tell you HOW to commit suicide in the most efficient way possible,never mind how to write a bloody letter!
Ok, so there are going to be the odd unstable individual that reads jokey stuff like this and react negatively,but on the whole,the average balanced person will see this for exactly what it is:a joke. Lighten up,people!
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Female 583
...meh....not very funny...
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Male 724
When commiting suicide ... dont go for anything flashy!

Like turning on your gas oven stove and letting the gas flood your room while you slowly die from the lack of oxygen...

And more importantly dont go for something stupid like ODing on tylenols. Go for something nice, clean, and painless.

Like buy a gun and shootyourself
Slit your wrists! But make sure your cutting them right!
Jump off a really high place!

Things not to do!

Stab yourself in the chest! - PAINFUL!
Over dose on medecine! - PAINFUL! and generarly an ugly scene
ANYthing related to fire! - Fugling PAINFUL! and may be seen as an acident.

Just trying to be helpful :P

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Female 648
Don`t worry Mani-Jac... IIII got it. HAHA. Anyways, yeah, this is a little oddddd.
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Female 207
... Well... it`s not amusing, yet... Hm...
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Male 145
ok that was just wrong. if we have to resort to this as humour, it`s just sad. one kind of sick twisted world we live in man.
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Female 1,784
This is just sick. I am disapointed in IAB
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Male 2,600
For all of you who are wondering why this link was categorized as funny: it`s not, and you know that. The poster clearly made a mistake.

Personally I like this link. If someone wants help writing their suicide note, they should be able to obtain that information. As far as suicide goes I`m very pro-choice - everyone should have the right to take their *own* life. It`s a pity you don`t share that view, 0AmY0.

This link reminds me of something that would be on alt.suicide.holiday, actually.

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Male 1,406
I would like to tell you that this is IAB, you shouldn`t be going to this for suicide advice. And if you are, I doubt a joke about how to write a suicide note would push you over the edge to commit suicide. Seriously, I`ve had thoughts of suicide, and go to a therapist, and I still find this funny.
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Female 1,984
Morbid humor! Mwahahaha!
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Male 181
horrible and sad that it`s actually posted here.

Some poor depressed teenager or even adult is going to come across this and rather than trying to get help they find the best way to write their suicide letter.

just sad if you ask me

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Male 39
Oooh this is just what I needed. Thanks LBlues.
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Female 35
I though it was amusing, and it achieved the purpose of unboring me. I think it`s stupid to get all worked up over this. People make fun of all sorts of things, religion, family, heritage. Everything and so how is suicide any different? Religion can be a very hurtful topic... yet people still make fun of it all the time. SUCK IT UP.
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Male 223
Was this like taken from "Suicide for Dummies"?
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Male 287
``Had Enough. I`m Gone. Bye Bye...``
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Male 111
dak8n: you are the most profound and intellectual person i have met on this website. and i applaude you for that.

R_U_kidding: I agree with you there.

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Female 471
That was interesting to read, but it was very depressing. It shouldn`t be easy to access, or should be banned because it`s helping people take their own lives.
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Male 4,246
Then again, maybe it isn`t supposed to be homourous at all. The author could be very serious about making sure suicidal people leave succinct and easily readable notes, perhaps because he/she read too many that were poorly written.
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Male 36
I dig all types of humor: sophomoric humor, uncalled-for humor and most surely controversial humor, but how can there be humor derived from something that causes such pain? The collapse of seemingly happy families. The severe reaction to a uncompromising situation. So what is this humor, then? Is it merely a coy method of dealing with this suffering? A way to mock a real situation that effects our ideas of the human condition? I`m not taken aback, I`m just disappointed in the author...
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Female 67
^^agreed
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Female 399
Not very amusing.
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Male 4,246
I`m not totally certain why this is in the "funny" category, unless one is into gallows humour. Speaking of: Good one, Mani-Jac.

"Tip #14
Check your note for flow." Yeesh.

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Female 7
a little too messed up, I don`t find it very entertaining.
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Male 295
People actually make how-to`s for things like this??
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Female 1,211
Meh, I`ll think I`ll go and watch the Free Hugs thing again...
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Male 2,216
Unpleasant reading.
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Male 888
Eck, thats not funny.
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Male 129
What a messed up world we live in.
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Female 1,972
Some of the guidelines are helpful for other means of serious communication...like ransom notes, resignations, manifestos & stalker rants.
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Male 278
^^^ how the hell is this good advice?... oh cmon everyone lets write suicide notes and go down a bottle of tylenol.
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Male 1,354
I don`t find this funny one bit. Aside from that it`s good advice.
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Female 284
Word to live by. Or..wait, that`s not right.
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Male 144
There`s some advice you can only use once
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Male 401
hehe
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Male 2,567
Lol I`m not gonna suicide anytime soon though.
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Male 713
Link: How to write a decent suicide note [Rate Link] - Try to stay away from cliches.
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