Americans for Purity

Submitted by: buddy 10 years ago Funny
http://www.americansforpurity.org/

Help stop the insanity.
There are 84 comments:
Female 920
CREEPY SITE! XD
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Female 87
pythonline, isn`t Dihydrogen Monoxide air? It`s been awhile since I took science. If so, that is really funny.
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Male 15
For any doubters to how serious this site is, one of their links is to an anti Dihydrogen Monoxide site. Seeing that site made me know that it is nothing but a joke.
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Female 87
*www.normalbobsmith.com, stupid IAB
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Female 87
Well, there`s about a billion things I could say about religion, but I don`t really have the time so everyone should go to
Go to the hate-mail section and read the crazy emails, and Bob`s responses to them.
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Male 1,866
k why was my post deleted? was it because i asked what pulling on the nugget meant?
or was that in another thread?
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Female 3,574
uh... >_> because obviously your computer is frencg :O
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Male 724
Question...

Why... when I open this site with Fire fox, the site opens up with a French flag on the tab?

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Female 3,574
Oh how true are your words, Mr. R_U_Kidding :3
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Male 4,246
Yeah, when I saw the Twin Towers I kinda figured this site`s a joke. An exceptionally thought-out joke, with an answer for everything, but still a joke.

Dare I join the porn debate? All I`ll say is this: It`s interesting to see that those who like porn are branded pathetic losers, while those who don`t like it are branded uptight prudes. Regardless of how either side (very articulately) justifies thier view, neither is interested in the other`s reasoning.

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Male 49
HALARIOUS! - from the FAQ section

8) How will a ban on Masturbation be enforced?

* Place random Masturbation-checkpoint roadblocks in America`s cities where motorists will be stopped and their cars searched for signs of Masturbation by police with finger-sniffing dogs.

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Male 26
holy poo....
"finally there is someone out there who supports my views! I cut my son`s penis off to prevent masturbation, and I tie my daughter`s arms to her bed.
Thank you!
---John T."
and isnt it drating obvious that is fake? "masturbation brought down the twin towers"
that didnt make it obvious enough
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Female 302
Oooooookiiies ...

1) masturbation isnt bad ... its actually a wonderfull way to learn to know your body ^^ and not only guy masturbate ... girls do too ... and those who dont, you really should girl =P most girl dont know what is a orgasm until they start rubbing themsefl ^^ and rub your clit, vagina is NOT a sensitive part of your body, a bit like a guy trying to cum by rubbing the inside of his mouth with his finger... yes vagina is THAT not sensitive :P

2) its MOST be a joke ^^ but I know some very very disturbed people actually think things like that ^^ A little like "stay virgin! F*ck her in the ass insteed!" Hmmm its because sodomy IS a SEXUAL PRACTICE, you not "virgin" anymore girl. Its sad...

3)I dont think its writing anyway in the Bible in pure letter DONT MASTURBATE! you INTERPRETED that way, or we TOLD YOU it was interpreted that way ^^ but thats YOUR choice and dont say your interpretation is better than any one else interpretation ^^ I respe

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Female 100
It`s a joke, folks.

First of all, there is no Scriptural basis to tell anyone not to pleasure him-/herself sexually. The story to which they referred did not reflect any kind of attitude of God`s about "wasting semen" - the person was supposed to be taking the place of a relative who had passed on so that the woman could have a child, but because he didn`t allow her that chance, he broke the commitment. THAT was the problem.

Secondly, folks...nobody would seriously propose the vast majority of these ideas. NOBODY.

Enough already!

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Female 3,574
hmm I guess I`m not normal then XD;
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Female 3,574
lol, really that is kinda sad, STARTSOMETIN :P

and btw, I`d do most things porn stars would do and I show that in the high quality photos I send to my boyfriend every week. :P He is very very lucky man. Funny, I never hear him complain about a lack of porn.

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Male 78
they forgot cutting of the hands. it`s basically a two strikes and your screwed kinda attitude. unless they`re flexable. then you have alot of perverted torso people lyin around no good to society filling our homes and streets with unbearable stench of failure.
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Male 1
I cant believe someone spent that much time on such a bad joke.

Wankers..

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Male 561
^well acutally we support porn cause thell do things normal women wont do And B.T.W. i spanked it 3 times by the time you finished reading this
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Female 3,574
and I hate porn BTW. For many reasons. It`s disgusting. And all you guys supporting pornography, you`re just arguing for it because you`re addicted and could never do without it :P weak.
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Female 3,574
I said F*CK. That definitely deserves a f*ck.
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Female 3,574
O M F G!?!?

they want FEMALE CIRCUMSISION!?

drat that. then I`d NEVER have an orgasm >_<

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Male 448
It does to feel good.
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Male 125
Jeeez! if that sites a Joke then they sure have gone to a lot of effort.
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Male 125
Yeah! enough of the master debates. They`re really rubbing me up the wrong way.
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Male 373
"First off as others have noted, the site is a tongue in cheek joke site aimed at rightwing Christian lunatics.

Second, porn is not evil...people are evil. Nor is porn immoral. Sex is sex, love is love and we all have a natural and healthy fascinaton with naked people. You will happily let your children play GTA or watch people being murdered on TV but the minute a tit shows up you turn off the TV? That makes little to no sense. Western society needs to take the stick out of its ass and lighten up.

Third, don`t you dare pay for porn. Those blood suckers don`t need your money. It should be free ;)"

shutup dennis, go find elvis

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Female 190
Lets not bring religion and all that crap onto this site.
It`s best for all.
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Female 32
It`s a joke. Hilarious! I`m all for theological debates, but let`s cool it. Enough is enough.
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Male 2,486
Dont start a religious debate here.. I`m Christian and if you had any capable common sense at all you would instantly pick this up as a joke site.

It`s all in good fun.

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Male 50
"make jesus happy! spank your daughter!" that would sound as if to make jesus happy, you`d have to spank your daughter... )-|
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Male 198
When I masturbate, I think about God naked and lying on a bed with a vibrator in his anus.

Just kidding, I don`t even believe in God!!!

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Male 254
Some christians are crazy, I had one tell em the other day i was going to hell because i had a local band shirt on that said "trucken it coast to coast bitches".
So i asked if they understood sins, then asked if they were proud to be passing judgement to me.
"Yes, I think the lord will agree with me"
"Guess what! Sin of pride, mortal sin #1, then blasphemey for passing your judment as the word of god."
You can read the entire bible 98759785978886362534124 times and still totally miss the point.

I like masturbation, if god didn`t want me too, why the hell would its feel so good?!
God is enocuraging us to masturbate with pleasure.

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Male 418
Come on people...this has got to be a joke site. I mean really, "the banning of all candles", "carrotsand cucumbers must be sold pre-sliced" and "Kleenix can only be sold with a doctors presciption"?? How can anyone take this seriously??
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Male 4,431
oumaverick, I applaud you. Seriously. So few Christians understand the importance of what you said above (...we have no right to judge you. Only God has that right). If we could all live by that tenant, the world`d be a helluva lot better off. Sadly, Christians are famous for not following this thought, as are members of several other religions, believers all that their way of life is the best way of life for everyone. Me, I don`t mind masturbating at all, and could care less whether someone does or doesn`t. So, good on ya for being very cool about this all.
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Male 206
Here`s a website that will explain what I mean (and for non-christians, these site were made for us Christ-followers, and we have no right to judge you. Only God has that right). This website is a tool for you to share your secrets anonymously and see that other people have the same problems

http://www.mysecret.tv

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Male 206
Wow, I guess I`m in the minority by being a Christian...

natkaz was right about the Omar story, Omar was stuck down for directly disobeying God, not because he was masterbating

About the subject of Porn........it may seem fun for a while, but it will come back to bite you in the a$$. you might start to feel dirty and ashamed for it (trust me.....i`ve had my own problems)

GoalieJerry, Christiantity does not promote on sex/gender over the other. Each is created unique by God in their own special way. And no, sex is meant to be enjoyed........by married couples that have committed themselves to each other. And men SHOULD be socially chasticed as well. Both need to stay pure so they will be able to offer their spouse a gift that God will bless. And both men and women

It`s killing me that 90% of all of you seem to think that sex is free and meant to be enjoyed without any sort of commitment.

As for the site, I thought it was HILARIOUS!!!

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Male 724
http://www.americansforpurity.org/parent...

"Make Jesus happy! Spank your daughter!"

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Female 511
HAHA!!! What a funny joke site! That`s amusing as hell!
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Male 724
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As a parent concerned about the possibilty of our son masterbating, I offer this help. If you and your "signigant other" can wake your boy every few hours they tend to loose the "morning erection". After months of this they become quite docile and are quite receptive to any suggestion the parent makes.
---Frank M.

You`re on the right track there, Frank! When I was a homicide detective for the Austin Police Department, I discovered that keeping a Liberal awake for a few days is an excellent way to get him to sign a confession (or anything else you want him to do)!
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0.o ...

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Male 724
Jesus... the Hate mail section is a comedy gold mine...

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finally there is someone out there who supports my views! I cut my son`s penis off to prevent masturbation, and I tie my daughter`s arms to her bed.
Thank you!
---John T.

If you happen to get prosecuted for any of that by some overzealous demagogue of a District Attorney, just give us a holler and we`ll gladly send you some Bible verses that support what you did!
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I wonder if they sent help to that woman who choped her husbands penis off.

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Male 724
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Thank you alot for the laugh. I couldnt belive the bullpoo you must be a dumb drat to belive all this poo. You dont base anything on fact and your drating jerk. You must be gay for all the drating roosters you suck I am a racist!.
---Bongboy2600

It should come as no surprise to right-thinking people that ignorant racist hatred and support for Masturbation are inseparable. We at Americans For Purity, like all Republicans, abhor all forms of prejudice and are working hard towards the day when we will have a colorblind society, without bias, quotas or special treatment for minorities.
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"We at Americans For Purity, like all Republicans, abhor all forms of prejudice and are working hard towards the day when we will have a colorblind society, without bias, quotas or special treatment for minorities."

Once we get rid of all the masturbators we can live in equality!

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Male 724
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at least get some poo that makes sence your bible quote doesnt even have anything to do with it and crime thing lmao and property sesior haah imprisoned for fornication you guys are drating cool never left your churh did you welcome to the real world first off god dosent exist get over get a life
---Ryan E.

Here`s something that "makes sence," Ryan: If you could recieve e-mail from people in Hell (You never will. I happen to know that they don`t have Internet access there.), you would see that none of them would ever use the vulgar slang "LMAO." And you know why? Because burning in the Lake of Fire ISN`T FUNNY!
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LMAO!

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Male 724
UR DEMANDS ARE IMPOSSIBLE AND AGIANST EVERYTHING GOOD PEOPLE STAND FOR. ITS IDIOTS LIKE U THAT MAKE THIS PLANET AND THE INTERPRETATION OF GOD EVEN MORE dratED THAN IT NEEDS TO BE. I GUESS THERES A GOD IM CHRISTIAN BUT TO SAY THAT UR GOING TO HELL FOR IT IS JUST WRONG non-nice individual. U WILL BE SENT TO HELL FOR TAKING BULL FROM THE BIBLE SAYIN GOD SAID SOMETHING HE DIDN`T AND TELLIN PEOPLE THEY`LL GO TO A FIRE LAKE READ AN INTERPRETATION OF HELL SOMETIME I`M SURE IT`LL BE MUCH DIFFERENT I HOPE UR HELL IS WHERE PEOPLE JIZZ ON UR FACE THEN STICK A PLUMGER UP UR ASS..... SEE YA IN A FIRE LAKE ASS RAMMER
---[removed]@aol.com

I want alll you people on AOL to read this carefully! Look on the LEFT side of your keyboard (LEFT is THIS way: <-----). Do you see a button that looks like this picture?

(Picture of Caps Lock Key)

It`s right above the button that says "Shift." See it? Now try pressing it, then typing something. See what happens? Pretty cool, huh

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Male 724
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You people make me sick!
How in the hell you gona make that disgusting sunrgery to a little child?? That`s mutilation!!!!!!You people are the creation of SATAN!!!!!!! you are the most imbecil!Masturbation is something natural, i accept that some people abuse, but is something natural, destroying pornography or cancelling naked paintings or whatever you propose to do you will not stop masturbation, people masturbate just for seeing a girl, ar imaginating things, flows naturaly in the human brain.So dont be so ridiculous!!
---Dr. Jaymz M.

When you call someone an imbecile, it means a lot more if you spell it right.
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Oh snapz!

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Male 381
Surveys have repeatedly shown that up to 5% of Americans don`t Masturbate.

Haha 95% of american`s are wankers

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Male 724
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If this is a joke. it`s very funny. thank you. If you are serious, I am spanking it right now and thinking of you. all three of you. thank you, and goodnight.
---Ian.

I don`t get it. Spanking what?
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"Spanking... what?"

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Male 1,882
"In fact, practically all rapists, Sodomites, child molesters and pornography addicts started out as Masturbators."

We`re f***ed.

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Male 4,431
I have a dream, ladies and gentlemen. I have a dream that one day soon masturbators and non-masturbators can live in peace and harmony with one another. That masturbators will spend their days masturbating to their heart`s content and non-masturbators will do a lot of jogging and house cleaning--a lot of jogging and house cleaning. I know it`s just a dream, but hell, it has sorta worked from Dr. King, so why not give it a try here? :-)
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Male 23
Shopped..

..?..

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Male 1,478
"Myth: Masturbation is not immoral.
Reality: Read your Bible. God was so offended when Onan spilled his seed upon the ground that God struck Onan dead! God hates it when men waste sperm, no matter what the reason."
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Waste sperm? you have about 5000 billion in there already! ejaculation\sex expels over 50,000 and no more than one will ever make it to the egg anyway. this whole article is crap.

Fine, you want to threaten me with burning in hell when i die? i`ll die in a damn fire engine then!

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Female 345
I don`t agree with porn that degrades people.
And things like that.
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Male 1,478
[url=http://www.americansforpurity.org/pornpaid.gif]http://www.americansforpurity.org/pornpa...[/url]
you think you need flying lessons to crash a plane?

[url=http://www.americansforpurity.org/pornweaker.gif]http://www.americansforpurity.org/pornwe...[/url]
because osama bin laden absorbs supernatural energy from your masturbation.

[url=http://www.americansforpurity.org/bringdown.gif]http://www.americansforpurity.org/bringd...[/url]
the pilot must have been masturbating. keep your eyes on where you`re flying, damn you!

[url=http://www.americansforpurity.org/realgraph.gif]http://www.americansforpurity.org/realgr...[/url]
i suppose you took a masturbation survey then?

"Myth: Masturbation is not immoral.
Reality: Read your Bible. God was so offended when Onan spilled his seed upon the ground that God struck Onan dead! God hates it when men waste sperm, no matter what the reason."
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Waste sperm? you have about 5000 billion in there already! ejaculat

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Female 345
Some people believed that?
God, relax you weirdos.
If you want to masturbate, do it, no one`s going to stop you.
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Female 11
goaliejerry, you`re my hero for the day.

And, Bwahaha. This site is fantastic. XD Bloody Hilarious.
I know it`s fake, but it sort of scares me that these people actually do exist. >.>
I know some of them.
... They make me laugh.
They don`t know what they`re missing. XD

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Female 158
11. Put boxing gloves on your children`s hands at bedtime. Boxing gloves are pretty hard to take off without someone`s help. If you do this you can sleep soundly, knowing that your children aren`t touching themselves in an impure way.


Hahahahahahahahaha

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Female 1,984
mwahahaha...
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Female 1,984
Hey, did you know ALL CHILDREN are born atheist? You may "teach" them about this God thing that`s been going on for a while now, but they
decide if it`s real to them or not. BTW: Every year now 1% of a religious person becomes an atheist. And Sweden is the most atheistic
country in the world (that includes agnostics).

Also, from that quote, you are saying our genitals are NOT for entertainment/masturbation.

From http://www.soc.ucsb.edu/sexinfo/?article... I give you this: "The clitoris is the part of the female genitals that is most sensitive: ITS SOLE PURPOSE IS FOR PLEASURE."

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Female 1,984
"Read your Bible. God was so offended when Onan spilled his seed upon the ground that God struck Onan dead! God hates it when men waste
sperm, no matter what the reason."

Don`t have a Bible. Wow... I should be afraid of someone who doesn`t exist? I`m trembling. (Note the sarcasm in the latter thing I said.)

"Is five seconds worth of imaginary pleasure really worth an Eternity in Hell?"

Oops... that needs to be re-written. "Is five seconds worth of pleasure really worth an Eternity in an imaginary Hell?" There you go!

"We will teach our children that God did not give us genitals for entertainment."

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Female 1,984
I think this site is a joke. Nevertheless, I sent my thoughts on this treating it seriously for the heck of it. This is whatI emailed (I would love to know what the response is from the guy who made that site):
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Male 40
This site is a Photoshop job.

I bet the author of this site was whacking off and laughing at all the people that would take it seriously.

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Female 173
There`s a war on masturbation? Since dratin when?

The only porn that`s immoral if it`s with kids in it or it`s an actual rape video or something. But, if everyone`s having a good time, then porn is moral.

PORN FOR EVERYONE!

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Female 125
I truelly hope this is a fake site. But the church they mentioned (Full-Gospel Fire-Baptized Holiness Association of God) does exist and it sounds like a doozy. Well, nothing like a nice cult to brighten my morning :-<
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Male 287
HAHAHA! This site is hilarious! You just gotta feel sorry for the `jerkoffs` in the hatemail section who actually take this site SERIOUSLY!
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Male 16
First off as others have noted, the site is a tongue in cheek joke site aimed at rightwing Christian lunatics.

Second, porn is not evil...people are evil. Nor is porn immoral. Sex is sex, love is love and we all have a natural and healthy fascinaton with naked people. You will happily let your children play GTA or watch people being murdered on TV but the minute a tit shows up you turn off the TV? That makes little to no sense. Western society needs to take the stick out of its ass and lighten up.

Third, don`t you dare pay for porn. Those blood suckers don`t need your money. It should be free ;)

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Male 188
Well done goaliejerry, you have succeeded in restoring my faith in humanity.

I agree with pretty much everything you said. Yay for utilitarinism and common sense!

And yes, it is really a joke site.

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Male 295
Is it really a joke site? there should be at least one page that says that it is a joke site. It`s becoming hard to differentiate the joke sited from the fanatics, though I would say that this seems to be a joke site.
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Male 4,014
And WTFidunno, you are my kinda girl.
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Male 251
Funny, there have been instances of animals masturbating as well. Does that mean all animals are unnatural and should be outlawed, too?

Just another way for Christians (and other ethnic ya-hoos) to try and enforce control upon the weak-willed.

They can shove their high and mighty posturing up their high and mighty arses.

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Male 211
mmm.... I totally agree with this guy! He rules! I think next time I masturbate I will even think about it and just skip to another one of my 600 porn videos on my hard drive.

I was wondering why God makes men throw millions of sperm when one ejaculates just to make one little winner to get into an ovula (and that`s if the girl is in ovulation). Isn`t that a genocide?

Anyway... this guy is just one of those pathetic religious moron who just are a shame for humanity.

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Male 4,014
Damn, I just have to add at last, that’s it is people like natkaz_99 who convince women that sex is dirty and wrong and not to be enjoyed. Yes, the rebuttal will be "sex is to be enjoyed only in the context of a committed marriage of man and wife." Then why are men not socially chastised for promiscuity the way a woman will be? Why is womanly virtue to be cultivated and protected, yet manly virtue is spoken of in terms of conquest?

I feel the ultimate answer is what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. NO ONE should be a slut. NO ONE should whore themselves out. EVERYONE is entitled to gratification as they personally legislate. Women love a good orgasm so long as the pressures of social ridicule are removed. And it is sheer tragedy that countless women have been taught to be afraid of their bodies by MEN who don`t want them to explore their own existence out of fear of a LOSS OF CONTROL.

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Male 4,014
natkaz_99 said: "Porn, on the other hand, is the least natural thing imaginable."

Um, no it isn`t. Now I imagine a three headed, eight tentacle octopus like creature with intelligence far superseding a human`s capability. I picture that being landing on earth not in some tangible space-craft, but through an inter-dimensional vortex through which only those carrying hyper-atomic generators can pass. Now I picture said being handing out what seem to be dixie cups filled with a pseudo-liquid that, once consumed by humans, instills within them infinite knowledge and understanding.

A man and a women having hot dirty sex on film, seems, by comparison, downright natural. So porn is not the least natural thing imaginable after all, is it?

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Male 4,014
natkaz_99, do you not realize that the view point you presented was completely male centric? Your underlying assumption is that every women shown on film was somehow degraded, as if they are fragile flowers to be tended by the hand of man. Do you not admit that the MEN in the movies are also degraded? If you don`t admit that, just ask - how would you feel if you were in a publically available porno? Of course it is not a good thing to have a video of yourself having sex on the internet.

Your assumption is that women are objects. Aren`t men objects? Can`t women express their own power and desire? Its all about power. See, it is christianity that promotes the man as primary. (note the hierarchy of catholicism) That being the case, because men are the only beings capable of rational moral reasoning, woe be to the poor woman. How helpless a creature, to be protected with manly strength!

Here is my point. What of WOMEN who enjoy porn? How might that fit into your world view?

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Female 70
I 100% agree.


^_^

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Female 1,972
Did anyone click on thhe candle link? Apparently candles are phallic doorways to the netherworld...and sausage, cucumbers & zuchinni need to be sold pre-sliced.
Man I hope this is a joke site.
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Male 285
Its a joke site

You people freak me out sometimes.

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Male 1,354
Dude. Porn tirades. U.N.cool. I can go for a run and still look at porn and still be more morally functional than any Christian or Muslim. And they`re right that chronic jacking off makes you weak.. .for fuc|<ing.
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Female 395
I like to masturbate. I also like to smoke marijuana, like many other people. Even if it was illegal, people would still do it...lol
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Male 101
With porn, dishonesty, and immorality so prevalent, it is little wonder this world is such a deplorable dump.
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Male 285
Oh man, you have got to read the e-mail people send to these guys

http://www.americansforpurity.org/feedba...

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Male 101
As a committed Christian, I have to say that masturbation is a normal, natural thing when used in a natural, honest, minimalist environment. Porn is the problem.

The story Onan, that this site used, was out of context. God told Onan to continue his race, Onan disobeyed, God smote him. See Genesis 38:7-9 and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Onan.

Porn, on the other hand, is the least natural thing imaginable. It promotes sexual abuse, as people are presented with an image in their minds that women are objects, ready at any moment to submit to the sick desires of whom they sleep with on camera. It tells the viewer that real women also think like that. Which is not true.

I don`t want to appear high and mighty. I`ve looked at porn. But it`s wrong. It`s not a healthy relief of stress. You want a good stress release? Go for a run. Solve two problems at once; porn and obesity.

With porn, dishonesty, and immorality so prevalent,

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Male 189
I never realized it before... Sperm are potential terrorists. They get my vote.
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Male 4,014
hehe, now THATS irony.

www.americansforpurity.org/terrorism.htm

Seriously, who pays for porn? Its so widely available and free, by the time I find my wallet I could have "mission accomplished" several times.

DON`T BE STUPID AND PAY FOR PORN. Osama wants you to spank it to pay sites.

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Male 150
i agree with this as far as i can jerk one out. not that very far...sadly.
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Male 10,115
Link: Americans for Purity [Rate Link] - Help stop the insanity.
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