Guidelines for Cats

Submitted by: buddy 10 years ago in Funny
http://www.jamesshuggins.com/h/hum1/guidelines_for_cats.htm

The rules that cats follow.
There are 62 comments:
Female 416
Then again, my cat is a retard...
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Female 416
"Sharpening your claws on a human is not recommended." My cat does that. OUCH!!

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Female 76
This is SSSOOOOOO FUNNY!!!!! Although my cat`s favorite place to lay is places the SAME color as her fur, so she gets sat on and then picked up and comforted.
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Male 1,478
That is so true... i have a cat. the whole section on doors describes my cat so perfectly.

here`s some piccies of him!!!
http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/6308/...
http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/6308/...
http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/6308/...

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Female 344
haha so true and king of the hill i get three cats playin` ;P
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Female 706
This. is so. mother. f*cking. true.
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Male 278
lol that was some funny and cute stuff =).
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Female 420
ah, my cats don`t act like that!
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Female 1,262
As mentioned above, in order to have enough energy for playing, a cat must get plenty of sleep. It is generally not difficult to find a comfortable place to curl up. Any place a human likes to sit is good, especially if it contrasts with your fur color. If it`s in a sunbeam or near a heating duct or radiator, so much the better. Of course, good places also exist outdoors, but have the disadvantages of being seasonal and dependent on current and previous weather conditions such as rain. Open windows are a good compromise.

That IS my cat. I`ll come to sit at the computer and he will be in the chair and refuses to move. Then I cant close the windows because he`s sleeping in them.

I completely understand this. Half these things my Kouga does and the other half he tries his best to do.

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Female 165
"When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted."

I just got down house-sitting two cats, and damn, if this isn`t the truest statement I`ve ever read...

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Male 216
try the pencil gleeballs
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Female 16
My cat happens to do almost all of this.
Stupid thing. xD I love him.
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Male 1,289
i hate cats...and those are some of the reasons.....
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Female 26
Very boring and not funny. Who ever wrote this wasn`t very good, I had to re-read some parts to understand what they trying to say.
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Male 123
The only human guideline is we have guns. Use on cats at all costs.
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Female 850
I wish a cat would figure out to shoot itself in the head, then there`d be one less cat
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Female 4
well i know totally how to become a cat!
i will be the GREATEST cat in the history of the world!!
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Male 598
wow, thats funny for people that own cats. But I dont, so... that sucked!
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Female 46
my cat`s favorite trick is to sniff at her full bowl of cat food, then walk in front of me and my computer, refusing to eat from the bowl unless I, myself, reach over and shake the bowl for her.

This link is so damn true.

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Male 47
these are all true. its scary.
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Female 582
i think mitzi, maverick and molly have read this before
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Male 2,057
my cat could only figure out how to meow, and he has trouble with THAT, mainly just sounding like a broken lawnmower
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Female 214
^^^ ha ha...i`m glad my cat hasn`t figured out how to order pay-per-view.....i might have to get rid of her then....
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Female 3
They forget to mention that if a cat figures out how to turn on your tv, beware. My sister`s cat Pedro figured it out. He also figured out how to turn on the lights. He enjoyed doing that at night right after we got into bed. (There was also an article in the paper about how one cat kept buying pay-per-view videos, but that wasn`t Pedro.)
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Male 2,781
MAN WHEN THEY DART UNDER YOUR FEET AND YOU HAVE TO LIKE MAKE A CRAZY ASS JUMP SO AS NOT TO STEP ON THEM
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Female 163
Ha! Bed mice!
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Male 177
and the oriental rug thing...completely true
cat thinking* tile or rug? yea ill take the rug
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Female 552
this is so true
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Male 506
LMFAO!!!

*COUGH*That is far by one of the least funniest links i`ve ever read.*COUGH*

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Female 101
"I still can`t get over how gay you people are. HAWHAW SOOO TRUE!!! CAT OWNERS WILL UNDERSTAND! SO FUNNEEE."

Dammit, I knew all cat lovers were homosexual.

My cat follows most of the rules, esp. bed mice. Now I know what he`s been up to when I catch him at the computer at 3am.

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Male 889
I`m American I`m not going to read that..
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Female 815
My cat believes in the Bed Mouse :-| It hurts.
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Male 2,600
Not as funny or cute as the e-mail forward I received listing the methodology cats employ in controlling humans.
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Male 1,014
I hate cats.
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Female 850
I still can`t get over how gay you people are. HAWHAW SOOO TRUE!!! CAT OWNERS WILL UNDERSTAND! SO FUNNEEE.
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Female 58
"Always sleep on the human at night so s/he cannot move around."

My cats always do this...

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Male 70
Yeah, all cat owners will understand this one.
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Female 3,001
hahahaha lmao...tht was funny and painfuly true all at the same time :-/
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Female 1,944
i tried to make my cat read this...but i guess she already knows this stuff....
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Female 45
meow! *stares at humans hungrily, immediately after eating several cans of cat food* yep, that`s my cat
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Female 340
lol Isn`t this the truth?? My cat followes me everywhere!
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Male 77
the kig of the hill one has happened to me a few times. dam the cats and their "rules".
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Female 504
hehe true, the bed mice bit is hilarious my cat never seems to understand
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Female 302
so frikkin true its not even funny, lmao
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Female 811
Aww, I want a kitten.
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Female 52
Some of these were actually pretty accurate, especially the ones about standing in the doorway and lying across the book.
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Female 57
Did anyone else notice that in the Humans section there were four primary functions for humans instead of the stated three? Otherwise, it was very true. Gleeballs, I have one cat and I`m not...Ok well maybe I am creepy, but moving on, one cat is enough to know that most of the listed things are what cats do all of the time.
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Female 2,144
I Loved This Link, It`s Very True. Cute!
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Female 850
this is drating stupid. we`re not ALL creepy people who have ten cats. What`s with the lame animal posts lately? Let`s all eat the animals. I would look at a link that was dedicating to eating cats.
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Female 88
that was a cute post and cat owners will understand 100 percent!! I loved the part about convincing the owner that you are starving to death bit.. thats totally my cat.. probably why he gets fed 10 times a day lol
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Female 4
All of those...SO TRUE.
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Female 583
For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself.

LOL hilarious..and so true

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Female 660
uhm
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Female 1,382
Swinging doors are to be avoided at all costs.

BWAHAHA that is so true, only my puppy uses the catdoor :P

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Male 908
I really dont like cats...
They are always outside my window meowing...
So i spray them with hoses
muahha
im evil
yes
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Male 623
lmao chestertheje wth?
and when am i EVER going to need these? EVER?
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Male 379
why do the links suck?
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Male 9
is it caturday yet?
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Male 1,496
QUADPOST!! ^^

haha that was the least funniest things i`ve seen in a long time. by the way i just beat SUPER MARIO 64 ALL 120 STARS IN A COUPLE OF HOURS!

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Male 605
kinda like this...


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Male 605
"When a string is dragged under a newspaper or throw rug, it magically becomes the Paper/Rug Mouse and should be killed at all costs. Take care, though. Humans are sneaky and will try to make you lose your dignity. "


Hehe...stupid, simple things make me laugh...

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Male 10,115
Link: Guidelines for Cats [Rate Link] - The rules that cats follow.
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