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Date: 07/13/06 02:15 AM

74 Responses to Funny Metaphors

  1. Profile photo of pinkblinkink
    pinkblinkink Female 30-39
    4 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 12:32 am
    Link: Funny Metaphors - Very bad yet amusing student writing submitted by English teachers.
  2. Profile photo of [ta]uk
    [ta]uk Male 13-17
    88 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 2:17 am
    fp! na, just kidding. but still they were preety good
  3. Profile photo of MrEman
    MrEman Male 18-29
    329 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 2:24 am
    agreed, the title did not lie.
  4. Profile photo of suicideboy
    suicideboy Male 18-29
    77 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 2:25 am
    nah the joke does get old your just nasty cause you think the cactus looks like a Giant wang.
  5. Profile photo of sugarhigh83
    sugarhigh83 Female 18-29
    1034 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 2:26 am
    6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
    haha i like that
  6. Profile photo of Smokin92
    Smokin92 Male 13-17
    82 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 2:44 am
    16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

    lol That was my fav.

  7. Profile photo of EmanEn05
    EmanEn05 Male 18-29
    239 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 3:03 am
    lol most of them were pretty funny... like the boat and the bowling ball..
  8. Profile photo of R_U_Kidding
    R_U_Kidding Male 18-29
    4246 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 3:04 am
    Umm...I think SuicideBoy is rather confused.

    Back on topic, since when do garbage trucks have bells on them? (referring to # 25, of course)

  9. Profile photo of BULLdOGG310
    BULLdOGG310 Male 18-29
    125 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 3:35 am
    LOL
    9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
    bowling ball wouldn`t.
  10. Profile photo of aloha10951
    aloha10951 Female 13-17
    284 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 3:38 am
    wow reminds me of the kids in my english class
  11. Profile photo of Bruneau
    Bruneau Female 18-29
    50 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 3:55 am
    Wow. How is it that I`m just now finding out about this website. This is priceless.
  12. Profile photo of Dizzy_K
    Dizzy_K Male 13-17
    425 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 4:02 am
    sexual metaphors are the only funny ones, these weren`t that good (but i guess the title says it all)
  13. Profile photo of NeverAiling
    NeverAiling Male 18-29
    213 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 4:03 am
    OMG

    This is officialy THE OLDEST LINK EVER.

    I remember hearing these (well, only about half of them, I`ll admit) when I was like, 12. That`s what? Seven years ago? SEVEN YEARS? SWEET GIBBLY GIBBLETS!!!!


    Still, I LOVE so many of them. GOD, wow. Laughter. Laughter that makes your sides ache, like when you fart so hard your ass hurts. Except in your sides. And from laughing. Yeah, just like that.

    HAH!

    You thought I was seriously trying to be funny!

    Jokes on you, cause that was TOTALLY photoshopped!

    n00b PWNAGE!!!!!!

  14. Profile photo of BigBonny
    BigBonny Male 18-29
    2216 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 4:05 am
    5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

    Superb.

  15. Profile photo of heidavey
    heidavey Male 18-29
    26 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 4:13 am
    Hate to be a pedant, but the title did lie. There wasn`t a single metaphor in sight, they were all similes.

    1. Simile
    2. Simile
    3. Simile
    4. Simile
    5. Simile
    6. Ironic
    7. Simile
    8. Simile
    9. Simile
    10. Simile
    11. Simile
    12. Simile
    13. Simile
    14. Simile
    15. Simile
    16. Simile
    17. Simile
    18. Simile
    19. Neither simile nor metaphor
    20. Simile
    21. Neither simile nor metaphor
    22. Simile
    23. Simile
    24. Simile
    25. Simile

    "The snow WAS a blanket over the earth" - Metaphor
    "The snow was LIKE a blanket" - simile

    Wow, American teachers kick ass. It was pretty funny though. The bowling ball one really reminds of something Douglas Adams might have written.

  16. Profile photo of heidavey
    heidavey Male 18-29
    26 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 4:15 am
    “It hung in the air in exactly the way that bricks don’t” - Douglas Adams
  17. Profile photo of cruxshadows
    cruxshadows Female 18-29
    2144 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 4:24 am
    Haha. Priceless!
  18. Profile photo of wtflunk
    wtflunk Female 70 & Over
    123 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 5:02 am
    heidavey, number 19 was a simile
    simile`s can have "like" or "as" not just like.
    oh smart one.
  19. Profile photo of Vittoria
    Vittoria Female 13-17
    24 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 6:13 am
    20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike
    Phil, this plan just might work.

    haha.

  20. Profile photo of heidavey
    heidavey Male 18-29
    26 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 6:23 am
    @wtflunk: I am aware that you can use `as`, but I don`t believe that the description is really a simile because it doesn`t compare the subject (shots) to anything.
  21. Profile photo of pixika
    pixika Female 18-29
    39 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 7:23 am
    hehehe i like it, its funny! then it becomes unfunny when people bitch about it don`t it? whatever :-D
  22. Profile photo of brutalnz
    brutalnz Male 30-39
    1386 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 7:24 am
    I lmao at this one:

    24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
    with power tools.

  23. Profile photo of Hansbo
    Hansbo Male 18-29
    901 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 7:29 am
    It was a warm summer night, like a winter night when you are sitting inside your warm house close to six heat sources placed like a cube around you so the heat comes from all directions at the same time.
  24. Profile photo of mee_like_pie
    mee_like_pie Female 13-17
    71 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 8:01 am
    lmao these are great
  25. Profile photo of SomeMonkey
    SomeMonkey Male 18-29
    3 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 8:27 am
    heidavey: I was thinking exactly the same...SIMILES!!!!! Also I agree that 19 is not either metaphor or simile. Many people took a pop at him for bringing it up but if it was someone mixing up IE and Firefox people would care.
  26. Profile photo of guapodude
    guapodude Male 13-17
    329 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 8:29 am
    6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

    ROFL!!!

  27. Profile photo of wauwa1983x
    wauwa1983x Female 18-29
    811 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 8:56 am
    Since when is it tradition to chase kids around with power tools? Quite funny, makes you wonder if they failed in English.
  28. Profile photo of IndieChic
    IndieChic Female 13-17
    81 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 9:28 am
    3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience,
    like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse
    without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around
    the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking
    at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

    That guys been to my school lol

  29. Profile photo of flourchild29
    flourchild29 Female 30-39
    269 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 9:51 am
    freekin hilarious!!!
    my tummy hurts
  30. Profile photo of TopperHey
    TopperHey Male 18-29
    1930 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 9:56 am
    That was class.
  31. Profile photo of teeny0584
    teeny0584 Female 18-29
    192 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 9:58 am
    oh...and I liked this one:

    The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated
    because of his wife`s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a
    surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

  32. Profile photo of your_majesty
    your_majesty Male 13-17
    147 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 9:59 am
    its good to see someone other than brits laughing at irony.
  33. Profile photo of teeny0584
    teeny0584 Female 18-29
    192 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 10:01 am
    didn`t anyone read the blog? he knows they aren`t metaphors. the guy that titled the link got it wrong, not the guy that posted that blog.

    "What I’ve reprinted below (including the intro paragraph) came into my mail today: these are NOT from my students (can also be found HERE--thanks, Femmebot). Note that most of these are really analogies."

  34. Profile photo of madrain
    madrain Female 18-29
    52 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 10:01 am
    "The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while"
    oh, THAT hungry!
  35. Profile photo of dull_moore
    dull_moore Female 13-17
    228 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 10:07 am
    I thought for a simile, you had to say "as ___ as." Like...
    "Her face was as dumb as this sentence."
  36. Profile photo of deaf_woman
    deaf_woman Male 30-39
    2721 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 10:43 am
    Reminds me vaguely of http://bulwer-lytton.com/

    Terrible website, but some "great" writing. You gotta dig.

  37. Profile photo of SH0WERdance
    SH0WERdance Female 13-17
    411 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 10:47 am
    ahh i`m gonna show my friends some of these :-)
  38. Profile photo of freakyppl
    freakyppl Female 18-29
    395 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 10:55 am
    I`m glad some one noticed that they weren`t metaphors. Though I didn`t notice that it said they were anologies... Thanks teeny. :)
  39. Profile photo of Fluffe
    Fluffe Male 13-17
    88 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 12:27 pm

    9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
    bowling ball wouldn`t.

    RIPOFF FROM GUIDE TO HITCHIKE THE GALAXY

  40. Profile photo of gingernut333
    gingernut333 Female 18-29
    1071 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 1:18 pm
    The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
    eating for a while.

    my fav!

  41. Profile photo of Almighty77
    Almighty77 Male 13-17
    163 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 1:18 pm
    I like the solar eclipse one
  42. Profile photo of VONLINE
    VONLINE Male 18-29
    578 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 1:43 pm
    22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck,
    either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping
    on a land mine or something.
  43. Profile photo of xlothwenx
    xlothwenx Female 13-17
    43 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 2:19 pm
    i liked 4. thats as far as i went
  44. Profile photo of AFTERSHOCK
    AFTERSHOCK Male 18-29
    2783 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 2:19 pm
    THE `METAPHORS` LOST ME FOR A WHILE THERE.
    BUT THE SIMILIES WERE HILARIOUS!!!
  45. Profile photo of GypsyCassie
    GypsyCassie Female 18-29
    880 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 2:57 pm
    Some of those wre actually well written, though, I enjoyed it
  46. Profile photo of mrcristo
    mrcristo Male 18-29
    281 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 3:02 pm
    These similies were as funny as a guy getting his balls cut off and a fat woman falling down a long flight of stairs, except a guy getting his balls cut off isn`t funny.
  47. Profile photo of shishkabob
    shishkabob Male 13-17
    180 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 3:21 pm
    16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds
    who had also never met.
    22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck,
    either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping
    on a land mine or something.
    23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one
    slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant
    ^ those 3 were the best ones lmao
  48. Profile photo of joe_bored
    joe_bored Male 18-29
    16 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 3:34 pm
    omg this is really funny!
  49. Profile photo of shizzaster
    shizzaster Male 13-17
    1866 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 3:41 pm
    a simile is a TYPE of metaphor, heidavey.
  50. Profile photo of KarnJSW
    KarnJSW Male 18-29
    20 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 3:48 pm
    Man, I love these. Makes you wonder about the youth of America. Either they are comedic geniuses or just... well... Not so bright?

    My favorite: John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds
    who had also never met.

  51. Profile photo of Mat
    Mat Male 13-17
    1524 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 3:55 pm
    Reminded me of Lemony Snicket...
  52. Profile photo of deuterium
    deuterium Female 13-17
    112 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 4:04 pm
    Reminded me of Douglas Adams...
  53. Profile photo of Pyreamagic
    Pyreamagic Female 13-17
    185 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 4:10 pm
    16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

    lmao

    Though yeah, they`re similes. Just thought I`d point that out in case no one noticed. :D

  54. Profile photo of bekahlynne
    bekahlynne Female 18-29
    33 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 4:10 pm
    I read this and thought the same thing heidavey! They are ALL similes..and all those "teachers" that left comments about what funny "metaphors" they were..
  55. Profile photo of videogamer
    videogamer Male 18-29
    3016 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 5:09 pm
    24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
    with power tools.

    That kid probably only thinks he lives in America.

  56. Profile photo of Viktorija
    Viktorija Female 18-29
    420 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 5:25 pm
    He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck,
    either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping
    on a land mine or something.

    haha...great!

  57. Profile photo of DAGman27
    DAGman27 Male 13-17
    9 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 5:45 pm
    ^^^^^sounds like it came straight from the daily show`s Rob Corddry IMO
  58. Profile photo of kimmylearose
    kimmylearose Female 18-29
    297 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 6:56 pm
    I like the E.coli on the beef one. lol
  59. Profile photo of beanboy
    beanboy Male 13-17
    321 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 7:03 pm
    English teachers are a bunch of pot smoking hippies with pony tails and beards.
  60. Profile photo of julieee
    julieee Female 13-17
    98 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 7:04 pm
    That made me laugh so hard...
  61. Profile photo of HOBYandy
    HOBYandy Male 18-29
    3060 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 8:18 pm
    a simile is not a type of metaphor. a simile is a comparison where tow things are compared by being similar.."as fast as a speeding bullet", "as high as a kite", "dropped like a rock"
    a metaphor is a comparison that says that one thing IS another. "she`s a pig"

    also, these are not from high school students. there is a contest in which people try to write the worst analogies, etc.

  62. Profile photo of CheeseMan1
    CheeseMan1 Male 18-29
    1409 posts
    July 13, 2006 at 10:22 pm
    Hilarious stuff. Reminds me of Cleavland`s "You`re the white version of a black guy who`s not good with money."
  63. Profile photo of kylethehappy
    kylethehappy Male 13-17
    601 posts
    July 14, 2006 at 12:22 am
    The text is to small for me to read.
  64. Profile photo of Ms_Behave
    Ms_Behave Female 18-29
    42 posts
    July 14, 2006 at 1:07 am
    those were SO funny! Good stuff *marking link in favorites* mmmmhmmmm
  65. Profile photo of Pyro_Raver
    Pyro_Raver Male 18-29
    284 posts
    July 15, 2006 at 6:43 pm
    pretty funny...like the one legged waiter at the Ihop,
  66. Profile photo of animalover
    animalover Female 13-17
    80 posts
    July 15, 2006 at 6:47 pm
    I read some of them. Some made me laugh.
  67. Profile photo of lexmex
    lexmex Female 18-29
    458 posts
    July 15, 2006 at 10:59 pm
    hahahaha omg i thought those were classic
    i loved them
    some of them were so random though
  68. Profile photo of zekumi
    zekumi Female 18-29
    400 posts
    July 16, 2006 at 9:36 pm
    Those didn’t seem poorly written to me. They seemed clever. The kids in my English class are more “i liked the girl. the girl was nice 2 me. the girl had red hare."

    ... I dunno.


  69. Profile photo of tennischica7
    tennischica7 Female 13-17
    40 posts
    July 20, 2006 at 11:17 pm
    7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree. hahaha
  70. Profile photo of Yuna511
    Yuna511 Female 13-17
    7 posts
    July 21, 2006 at 9:13 am
    The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
    eating for a while. lol that one is kind of messed up of course its like not eating in a while
  71. Profile photo of MidoriBug
    MidoriBug Female 18-29
    1607 posts
    July 23, 2006 at 12:43 am
    My favorite was always, "His eyes look just like two big blue circles with little black circles in the middle of them."
  72. Profile photo of dragonfan2k8
    dragonfan2k8 Female 13-17
    5 posts
    October 7, 2006 at 5:01 pm
    Those were absolutely hilarious. I laughed so hard at some of them that I thought that I`d die laughing.
  73. Profile photo of Crucible
    Crucible Male 18-29
    1817 posts
    October 13, 2008 at 8:38 pm
    Notice how there were a load of guys just hanging out not paying attention?
    I would have thought that the US Navy would have their troops staying a little more alert when a goddamn plane is landing on their boat. A lot of poo can go wrong.
  74. Profile photo of SprgirlLizey
    SprgirlLizey Female 13-17
    1 post
    March 7, 2010 at 10:41 pm
    He was as lame as a duck. And not the metaphorical lame duck,
    either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping
    on a land mine or something. brilliant

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