Funny Metaphors

Submitted by: pinkblinkink 11 years ago in
http://www.english-blog.com/archives/2006/06/really_bad_metaphors.php

Very bad yet amusing student writing submitted by English teachers.
There are 77 comments:
Female 1
He was as lame as a duck. And not the metaphorical lame duck,
either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping
on a land mine or something. brilliant
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Male 1,815
Notice how there were a load of guys just hanging out not paying attention?
I would have thought that the US Navy would have their troops staying a little more alert when a goddamn plane is landing on their boat. A lot of poo can go wrong.
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Female 5
Those were absolutely hilarious. I laughed so hard at some of them that I thought that I`d die laughing.
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Female 1,603
My favorite was always, "His eyes look just like two big blue circles with little black circles in the middle of them."
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Female 7
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
eating for a while. lol that one is kind of messed up of course its like not eating in a while
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Female 40
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree. hahaha
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Female 400
Those didn’t seem poorly written to me. They seemed clever. The kids in my English class are more “i liked the girl. the girl was nice 2 me. the girl had red hare."

... I dunno.


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Female 458
hahahaha omg i thought those were classic
i loved them
some of them were so random though
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Female 80
I read some of them. Some made me laugh.
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Male 284
pretty funny...like the one legged waiter at the Ihop,
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Female 42
those were SO funny! Good stuff *marking link in favorites* mmmmhmmmm
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Male 601
The text is to small for me to read.
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Male 1,406
Hilarious stuff. Reminds me of Cleavland`s "You`re the white version of a black guy who`s not good with money."
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Male 3,060
a simile is not a type of metaphor. a simile is a comparison where tow things are compared by being similar.."as fast as a speeding bullet", "as high as a kite", "dropped like a rock"
a metaphor is a comparison that says that one thing IS another. "she`s a pig"

also, these are not from high school students. there is a contest in which people try to write the worst analogies, etc.

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Female 98
That made me laugh so hard...
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Male 321
English teachers are a bunch of pot smoking hippies with pony tails and beards.
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Female 297
I like the E.coli on the beef one. lol
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Male 9
^^^^^sounds like it came straight from the daily show`s Rob Corddry IMO
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Female 420
He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck,
either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping
on a land mine or something.

haha...great!

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Male 3,014
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
with power tools.

That kid probably only thinks he lives in America.

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Female 33
I read this and thought the same thing heidavey! They are ALL similes..and all those "teachers" that left comments about what funny "metaphors" they were..
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Female 184
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

lmao

Though yeah, they`re similes. Just thought I`d point that out in case no one noticed. :D

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Female 112
Reminded me of Douglas Adams...
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Male 1,523
Reminded me of Lemony Snicket...
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Male 20
Man, I love these. Makes you wonder about the youth of America. Either they are comedic geniuses or just... well... Not so bright?

My favorite: John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds
who had also never met.

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Male 1,866
a simile is a TYPE of metaphor, heidavey.
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Male 16
omg this is really funny!
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Male 180
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds
who had also never met.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck,
either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping
on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one
slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant
^ those 3 were the best ones lmao
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Male 281
These similies were as funny as a guy getting his balls cut off and a fat woman falling down a long flight of stairs, except a guy getting his balls cut off isn`t funny.
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Female 879
Some of those wre actually well written, though, I enjoyed it
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Male 2,781
THE `METAPHORS` LOST ME FOR A WHILE THERE.
BUT THE SIMILIES WERE HILARIOUS!!!
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Female 43
i liked 4. thats as far as i went
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Male 578
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck,
either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping
on a land mine or something.
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Male 163
I like the solar eclipse one
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Female 1,071
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
eating for a while.

my fav!

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Male 88

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling ball wouldn`t.

RIPOFF FROM GUIDE TO HITCHIKE THE GALAXY

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Female 395
I`m glad some one noticed that they weren`t metaphors. Though I didn`t notice that it said they were anologies... Thanks teeny. :)
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Female 411
ahh i`m gonna show my friends some of these :-)
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Male 2,720
Reminds me vaguely of http://bulwer-lytton.com/

Terrible website, but some "great" writing. You gotta dig.

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Female 228
I thought for a simile, you had to say "as ___ as." Like...
"Her face was as dumb as this sentence."
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Female 52
"The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while"
oh, THAT hungry!
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Female 192
didn`t anyone read the blog? he knows they aren`t metaphors. the guy that titled the link got it wrong, not the guy that posted that blog.

"What I’ve reprinted below (including the intro paragraph) came into my mail today: these are NOT from my students (can also be found HERE--thanks, Femmebot). Note that most of these are really analogies."

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Male 147
its good to see someone other than brits laughing at irony.
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Female 192
oh...and I liked this one:

The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated
because of his wife`s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a
surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

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Male 1,929
That was class.
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Female 268
freekin hilarious!!!
my tummy hurts
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Female 81
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience,
like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse
without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around
the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking
at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

That guys been to my school lol

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Female 811
Since when is it tradition to chase kids around with power tools? Quite funny, makes you wonder if they failed in English.
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Male 329
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

ROFL!!!

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Male 3
heidavey: I was thinking exactly the same...SIMILES!!!!! Also I agree that 19 is not either metaphor or simile. Many people took a pop at him for bringing it up but if it was someone mixing up IE and Firefox people would care.
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Female 71
lmao these are great
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Male 901
It was a warm summer night, like a winter night when you are sitting inside your warm house close to six heat sources placed like a cube around you so the heat comes from all directions at the same time.
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Male 1,385
I lmao at this one:

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
with power tools.

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Female 39
hehehe i like it, its funny! then it becomes unfunny when people bitch about it don`t it? whatever :-D
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Male 26
@wtflunk: I am aware that you can use `as`, but I don`t believe that the description is really a simile because it doesn`t compare the subject (shots) to anything.
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Female 24
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike
Phil, this plan just might work.

haha.

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Female 123
heidavey, number 19 was a simile
simile`s can have "like" or "as" not just like.
oh smart one.
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Female 2,144
Haha. Priceless!
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Male 26
“It hung in the air in exactly the way that bricks don’t” - Douglas Adams
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Male 26
Hate to be a pedant, but the title did lie. There wasn`t a single metaphor in sight, they were all similes.

1. Simile
2. Simile
3. Simile
4. Simile
5. Simile
6. Ironic
7. Simile
8. Simile
9. Simile
10. Simile
11. Simile
12. Simile
13. Simile
14. Simile
15. Simile
16. Simile
17. Simile
18. Simile
19. Neither simile nor metaphor
20. Simile
21. Neither simile nor metaphor
22. Simile
23. Simile
24. Simile
25. Simile

"The snow WAS a blanket over the earth" - Metaphor
"The snow was LIKE a blanket" - simile

Wow, American teachers kick ass. It was pretty funny though. The bowling ball one really reminds of something Douglas Adams might have written.

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Male 2,216
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

Superb.

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Male 213
OMG

This is officialy THE OLDEST LINK EVER.

I remember hearing these (well, only about half of them, I`ll admit) when I was like, 12. That`s what? Seven years ago? SEVEN YEARS? SWEET GIBBLY GIBBLETS!!!!


Still, I LOVE so many of them. GOD, wow. Laughter. Laughter that makes your sides ache, like when you fart so hard your ass hurts. Except in your sides. And from laughing. Yeah, just like that.

HAH!

You thought I was seriously trying to be funny!

Jokes on you, cause that was TOTALLY photoshopped!

n00b PWNAGE!!!!!!

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Male 425
sexual metaphors are the only funny ones, these weren`t that good (but i guess the title says it all)
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Female 50
Wow. How is it that I`m just now finding out about this website. This is priceless.
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Female 284
wow reminds me of the kids in my english class
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Male 125
LOL
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling ball wouldn`t.
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Male 4,246
Umm...I think SuicideBoy is rather confused.

Back on topic, since when do garbage trucks have bells on them? (referring to # 25, of course)

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Male 239
lol most of them were pretty funny... like the boat and the bowling ball..
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Male 82
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

lol That was my fav.

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Female 1,033
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
haha i like that
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Male 77
nah the joke does get old your just nasty cause you think the cactus looks like a Giant wang.
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Male 329
agreed, the title did not lie.
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Male 88
fp! na, just kidding. but still they were preety good
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Female 4
Link: Funny Metaphors [Rate Link] - Very bad yet amusing student writing submitted by English teachers.
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