Women`s Rules for Men

Submitted by: phroedoux 10 years ago Funny
http://www.anvari.org/shortjoke/Funny3/1399.html

Not as funny as the guy"s rules, but there you have them.
There are 64 comments:
Female 34
hey, silvernano, those were not details. Details go into what happened the 4 days i was in labor. and the bodily changes and whatnot.
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Male 109
That just wasn`t funny.... It was like a huge list of demands...
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Female 53
wow, more sexist crap. Seriously, is this stuff funny anymore?
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Female 264
stupid stupid stupid i hate this no one is this stupid wait...............ok some people are
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Female 264
stupid stupid stupid i hate this no one is this stupid wait...............ok some people are
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Female 706
"Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation."
That one struck me as true. Because whenever my b/f doesn`t tell me something I always have to know. Because I`m weird. But a lot of those I wouldn`t go by.
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Male 180
these rules SUCK! but sadly..... my gf makes me follow most of them :-( im so pathetic
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Female 33
Wow, making blatant insults for no apparent reason is not cool. So stop it.

Anyway, the bastards who commented on that site are probably either old, bald, and fat men who are divorced because they mistreated their partner or were never married at all.

I don`t see you guys hating the Men`s Rules, yet you complain about these rules? Get a grip. It`s just a joke. I`m not going to follow your rules and you don`t have to follow these. Just be a civilized, kind, and understanding human being.

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Male 168
So maybe I am a boring jerk with no idea about women and a crap sense of humour. At least I can say it and I have no intention of becoming your yellow panted, waitress chasing old man. Or a red-lipstick wearing Drag-queen for that matter. ;-)

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Male 168
Hands up, Little-Oracle, you have my number on the not found a "real woman" yet. Im now in my late twenties and have only been with girls that I cannot figure out from one minute to the next. Maybe it is an insecurity due to age or maybe I just have bad taste in women, or maybe I AM just a jerk, but at least I am not one that is afraid to admit it.

I made the joke about beer and football to raise a few laughs not as a serious psychoanalysis. If people think I am an non-nice individual because of one flip remark then fine, Im not going to lose sleep over it. I agree with you that women in their thirties are genarally more grounded and self-assured (to everyone, we, in our twenties and teens can be too) but, because of my own youth and immaturity, they have been way out of my league.

Yes I like my four sins but I also read, enjoy theatre, opera and ballet inclusive. I run, I travel, I like good food and wine. I am becoming active in local politics.

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Male 179
Spare us the details VilkusVoman!
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Male 42
Wow... what, women could only think of 50 things to tell us to do? that a first. But in classic woman fashion some of their reasons are repeated.
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Female 4
yea, didnt load. if anyone wants to email it to me, plz do so. i`d like to read.
tho i, personally, was described very well by the Men`s Rules (for Women) lol
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Female 34
littleoracle, what you said is true, but it is also true for some (most certainly not all) of younger women. I do all of those things, minus the red lipstick, it doesnt look good on me.
but my point is some people mature faster than others, and some never do. i myself am 21 and would still be the annoying teenager i hate (well, i hate all annoying teenagers) if i did not have my daughter.
which brings me to my second point:
baby does not feel like watermellon through the bum. you are usually dialated to 10 cm (4 inches or so) by the time you are ready for a vaginal delivery. i was lucky enough to get an epidural. instead of screaming at people between breaths, i was complimenting them and fixing the computer that was measuring my contractions.
even the nurse said she had never seen anyone act the way i did.
oh well
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Male 361
"you all are gay."


And you`re an ugly whore.

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Female 120
^ guess not...The list wouldn`t load for my either but that appears to be a good thing...lol
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Female 120
Funny tambourine33 wrote:
Trust me, gentlemen, there are no generic rules for women. Us guys are simple creatures. We like cars, sports, beer and sex. If a man has these four things in his life then chances are he is a happy dude. Especially if the getting of one does not impair the other three, if you know what I mean.
The fairer sex on the other hand are much more complex, demanding and mysterious and require much more maintenance and attention from the their partners.

It not a necessarily a fault or faults on either side, its just the way we are!

I write:

I must be a man then because I like all of those too.
Wow- another generalization of a whole sex based on one`s limited interaction with them...This is actually sad. I thought we had moved pass this type of sex-typing...

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Male 429
sounds like I didn`t miss much...
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Female 1,120
you all are gay.
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Female 226
Gah..4 browsers...link dead all times.
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Male 40
Did anyone else here find significance in the fact that that page seemed to take a reeeealy long time to load? I`m seeing a comparison there somewhere (ehem *females* ehem).
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Male 10
"Us guys are simple creatures. We like cars, sports, beer and sex."

I`m not bothered about those things, so I must be a complex creature. So being a complex creature there is only one thing I want and thats truckloads of money :-)

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Male 12
wouldn`t load...

and to holt811, i`d like to point out that the putting the watermelon up your bottom would be the easier party of your situation, getting things out is much more painfull... take my word... anyways I will have to try the watermelon thing so i can say i have some sort of cocept of childbirth, but i think i`ll take a sedative for the removal :P

and the zipper problems nothing, try having it half ripped off because you had a bike acident, then we can talk about manly pains... :P

I`m sorry if I`m too evil for you men out there, wait, no I`m not!

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Female 294
it wouldnt load :(
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Female 33
Page cannot be displayed. Doesn`t sound like I`m missing much.
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Male 1,425
i would NEVER lie, or cheat...well yea everyone lies, but never to my gf, wouldnt cheat on her either, shes just too beautiful to lose!
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Male 716
^^^^ Heheh.
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Female 322
A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. Theyll tell you right off you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You dont ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, its not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.

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Female 322
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what its like to be unappreciated. A woman over 30 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesnt trust the guy with other women.

Women over 30 couldnt care less if youre attracted to her friends because she knows her friends wont betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 30. They always know.

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Female 322
If a woman over 30 doesnt want to watch the game, she doesnt sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And its usually something more interesting.

A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 30 give a damn what you might think about her or what shes doing.

Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they wont hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

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Female 322
Tambourine, if thats what you think about women then you have yet to date a REAL woman. Trust me on that one Ð real women cant stand girls like that, all insecure and stupid.

This is about women over 30 but its more true and less insulting in my opinion.

Andy Rooney says, "As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesnt care what you think.

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Male 76
madmax11, there was one already posted here...
aaanyways, didnt load for me.
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Female 45
jimbodahobo, to answer your dad`s question (which I take to mean, his man parts got stuck in a zipper which equalled the pain of childbirth), then yes, I`ve caught female parts in zippers (or corsets, or garter clips) and yes, it hurts but it`s no comparison to giving birth (or so my mom tells me...I`m hopeful I`ll go through childbirth soon though). Try squeezing a watermelon through your a$$hole. Then we`ll talk about comparing the pain. However, I don`t believe any woman who has been through childbirth should tell the man who got her in that situation that he "owes her". I mean, it takes two to tango, you know. But ultimately it is the woman who must endure the actual labor process, so men really should at the very least try to be sympathetic. Yes, women are multi-faceted creatures and I think any man able to appreciate our idiosyncracies deserves a big round of applause (and lots of sex...:) ).
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Male 733
unfortunately for us guys, most of those were true... why isnt there a load of Boys rules for Girls, now THAT would turn the tables!
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Male 571
Damn I hate that sort of thing even when there is only slight element of truth in it. I know why I`m single... at 29!
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Male 1,399
Not a good set; makes all women out to be insecure and demanding.

I bet the women on i-a-b here could come up with a funnier and truer list.

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Male 213
"Trust me, gentlemen, there are no generic rules for women. Us guys are simple creatures. We like cars, sports, beer and sex. If a man has these four things in his life then chances are he is a happy dude."

well, scrap cars and sports for me :-)

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Female 286
Id just like the truth thanks
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Female 30
a joke is meant to be funny, that was jst boring
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Female 1,120
i don`t know i think that was kind of dumb. I have seen this type of thing so many times on so many sites before that its not so funny after you have already seen it so many times.
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Male 716
I think those were kind of funny... Doesn`t anyone think about this being.... A joke, perhaps?

It`s MEANT to be stereotypical!

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Male 536
im not a simple creature, and i dont like cars or beer... maybe we`re more complex than we`d wish admit :|
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Male 168
Trust me, gentlemen, there are no generic rules for women. Us guys are simple creatures. We like cars, sports, beer and sex. If a man has these four things in his life then chances are he is a happy dude. Especially if the getting of one does not impair the other three, if you know what I mean.

The fairer sex on the other hand are much more complex, demanding and mysterious and require much more maintenance and attention from the their partners.

It not a neccessarily a fault or faults on either side, its just the way we are!

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Male 76
lol stereotypical-i actually did do the one about being a jerk but now we`re "friends"- i learned my lesson
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Female 90
Okay, so those were pretty lame. Not funny, didn`t even bring a smile to my face. How sad.

But not to be overly pessimistic...
42. Think boxers.
43. Silk boxers.
I did like those two.

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Male 39
I seriously want to uppercut the person who wrote: The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that
she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on your a$$
smoking cigars isn`t fair either, and it balances everything.

That`s one of the dumbest things I`ve ever heard.

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Male 230
Some of them gave me a giggle, but they`re not as good as guy rules. Guy rules actually concerned real issues, these were just stereotypical demands.
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Male 371
as my dad once said to my mom when she talked about the pain of giving birth to me and how he owes her...."Ever get part of you stuck in your zipper?"
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Male 279
dead link
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Male 223
...anyone else yawned while reading this list?
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Male 179
UTTER BULLSH*T!!
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Female 77
I am female and even i think that is complicated. If some women weren`t insecure then most relationships would proberly work out. I agree with the one about if you want to break up just say and the do not lie one. But most of them are just rubbish proberlly written by insecure women that have jusy been dumped and think men are scum of the earth. Lets face it we need men and we love it when we have them and hate it when we dont so why make it hard?
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Male 99
That helped me make up my mind to dump my girlfriend. THANK YOU to whoever posted this!!!!
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Male 32
Second and 48th rule is "Don`t lie," but several others encourage you to tell her things whether they`re true or not.
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Male 610
loads for some not for others...meh wont waste my time.
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Male 143
dead link, fed up of stuff like this getting posted, especially when its dead. my links never get posted
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Female 175
wtf - does not load
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Female 370
Finally loaded...

""Honey", "Darling", and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag", "Lardass", and "Bitch" are bad." < Are you sure? lol i like this one.

As for mostly all of them...it sounds like demands and stupid rules. As a women, I would not want to be told i`m not fat, when I am. I would want to be told the truth. These are rules from the stupid women who think they belong in the kitchen bare foot and pregnant. Idiots who wrote that...

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Female 370
[waits for it to load]
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Male 1,407
I don`t think a single one of those rules was reasonable.
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Female 2,144
Always Boxers Boys! Always.
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Male 118
That was pretty lame. Certainly wasn`t funny.
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Male 45
deadlink ..
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Male 363
Link: Women`s Rules for Men [Rate Link] - Not as funny as the guy`s rules, but there you have them.
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