Chuck Norris on TV

Submitted by: thepiglet 11 years ago in Funny

He reads off his favorite Chuck Norris facts.
There are 72 comments:
Male 52
Lol. Chuck Norris is the most legendary legend in the world! :)
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Female 533
he is still hot. yum.
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Male 137
Chuck Norris can bite an atom in half and outrun the atomic blast.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, a green number 4 from Uno, and a monopoly `Get Out Of Jail Free` card.

Those are my favorites.

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Male 779
Chuck Norris doesn`t teabag, he potato sacks.
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Female 422
You could kinda tell that the guys hosting the show thought that the jokes were getting old fast, and Chuck seemed sincerely embarrassed.
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Male 1
I don`t Know, but Mr. T does look pretty scary to me!
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Male 803
and read the "facts"
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Male 803
^^ on tv
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Male 803
lol I watched that
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Male 919
Chuck Norris RULEZ
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Male 251
lol i love the jokes some of em are gay though like: Chuck Norris doesn`t believe in Germany
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Female 32
I dunno, some of my favourites have to be like...

"Chuck Norris can divide by zero."
"Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken`s famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear."
"If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever."

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Male 297
not a fan of his sorts of movies. i almost bought his juice maker he was shilling. wait, that was jack lalane
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Female 201
Lol, scraps. Tom Cruise is a prick... ha ha...
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Female 2,244
What a great guy.
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Male 78
chuck norris`s favorite color is black. in fact, he invented black. in fact, he invented every color. except pink. tom cruise, invented pink.
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Female 294
hahahhaha!!!!!! chuck norris!!! pushes down the world!!! hahhahahahaha
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Male 101
News flash: Chuck Norris sucks.
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Female 243
chuck norris isnt the only person who can find the square root of a negative number, anyone who went to highschool can as well.
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Male 414
i have no idea who this chuck noris fellow is, but the `facts` are funny!
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Male 241
The presenter is so Annoying. I used to hate the facts but now I find them funny as hell.
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Female 3
My favorite Chuck Norris facts have to be

"Chuck Norris can devide by zero."

"Chuck Norris CAN believe it`s not butter."

And finally...
"Chuck Norris can find the sqaure root of a negative number."

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Male 1,550
i dont even kno who chuck norris is
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Female 201
Everybody loves Chuck Norris. If you don`t, he will hunt you down and kill you in broad daylight while everybody watches and cheers for Mr. Norris. Seriously.
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Male 7
Good old mr Norris sir
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Male 737
Law and Order was a good one.

But there are better ones out there.

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Male 957
Chuck Norris is pretty cool, but seriously, Nobody could take him. That means you, aidious.
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Male 348
that dude is an old man. i could take him easy
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Male 2,605
I`ll stick to my favorites:

"Chuck Norris was once on Jeopardy. This show is notable in that it was the first occasion in Jeopardy history that Alex Trebek had appeared without a mustache. And a head."

"Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK`s head exploded out of sheer amazement."

Happy 66th, Chuck. Try not to kill anyone today.

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Female 7
My favorite: "74 percents of suicides are caused when people realize they are NOT Chuck Norris."
And...
"When faced with a difficult situation, Jesus asks himself, "What would Chuck Norris do?" "
And...
"Chuck Norris knows MacGyver`s first name."
And any other involving Chuck Norris vs. MacGyver.
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Male 2,510
Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.

LOL

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Male 2,510
There is no chin under Chuck Norris` Beard. There is only another fist.

If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

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Female 370
That was just drating great!
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Female 118
Chuck Norris doesn`t go hunting. HE GOES KILLING.
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Female 429
lol love those chuck norris facts hehe
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Male 3,060
glocktypus: a roundhouse kick to the face will find and kill you in the night...
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Female 1,403
Today is Chuck Norris` birthday. Not a fake fact. HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHUCK! Don`t kill me! I`ll bake you some manly cupcakes.
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Male 180
Chuck Norris counted to infinity.......... Twice.
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Male 1,425
lol ya know sooner or later these chuck norris jokes are gonna get old......JUST like everything else in this world, BUT for the time being...pure humor.
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Male 124
"Chuck Norris defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you’re still alive, it’s because Chuck Norris loves you."

Awww, I feel so loved. :)

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Female 818
My life is complete. <3
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Male 407
What was that studdering bit when he was "trying" to say number one. Methinks Chuck maybe illiterate. It doesn`t matter, Chuck Norris just has to yell at books and they read themselves.
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Male 32
I love how Chuck`s favorite fact really isnt that funny compared to the others...
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Female 358
Lol Not really into chuck norris but the facts are funny.
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Male 10
It is Rumored Chuck Norris Lost His Virginity Before His Father Did

haha Chuck Norris is sooo cool

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Female 430
We laugh at him, not with him
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Male 98
"FACT : Chuck Norris does not consider it sex if the women survives."

"There is no such thing as the theory of evolution, just a list of animals Chuck Norris allowed to live."

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Female 211
there are no such thing as shooting stars, just victims of chuck`s drop-kicks.
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Male 2,306
I <3 Chuck Norris`, he`s a bad actor but he`s funny as hell.
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Male 888
I forgot there was actually a real guy behind the jokes, and that he had nothing to do with em..
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Male 528
Lol that was funny, i like-chuck norris doesnt need condoms, his sperm kills the egg. ( i know that was mentioned here just my fav)
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Male 1,225
That was very amusing...
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Male 28
lol funny, buy those weren`t the best ones. The best one IMO is "As a teenager Chuck Norris impregnated all the nuns at his church, and nine months later they all gave birth to the starting line up of the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated NFL team to date" haha (its something like that)
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Male 616
My favs:
- Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and knew karate.
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Male 713
Im suprised they didnt say my personal favorite:

And the lord said "Let there be light," Chuck Norris then said "Say please!"

But still quite funny.

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Male 285
Chuck Norris isn`t hung like a horse... Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
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Female 14
did you notice that he was blushing?
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Female 289
Chuck Norris doesn`t use birth control...his sperm kills the egg. You gotta love Chuck. :)
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Male 462
I kinda dislike Chuck Norris, but I like the facts.
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Male 63
^What?
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Male 65
great not one of those stupied show things gone wronge!!!
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Male 23
Chuck norris Rocks!
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Male 641
Everyone has lost their virginity to Chuck Norris, it was so good no one can remember. What a great link. When I heard lawsuit I thought it was going to be the one about him suing bubble tape claiming that 6 feet of fun is the term that he used to describe his penis. Funny funny stuff.
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Female 1,071
DaSniper, lets start a club
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Female 228
chuck norris facts are hilarious. its one of the funniest things ever.
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Male 44
SarahColleen we got something in common.
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Male 301
I love thos Chuck Norris Facts!!! Chuck Norris doesn`t sleep...he waits!
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Male 12
this is just great humor, chuck norris making fun of himslef... just genious
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Male 1,030
bfd - not a big fan.. although I have seen his infomercials..
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Female 1,071
I lost my virginity to chuck norris

and now i have that sweet, sweet memory

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Male 161
Chuck Norris is God
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Male 14
Link: Chuck Norris on TV [Rate Link] - He reads off his favorite Chuck Norris facts.
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