Theatres to install candy detectors

Submitted by: buddy 11 years ago in Misc
http://www.thephatphree.com/features.asp?SectionID=12&StoryID=2152&LayoutType=1

The free ride is over, folks.
There are 66 comments:
Female 21
Actually buz is right. Movie theatres very rarely make any money of the movies themselves, that all goes to Hollywood. Much of their money is made off of their candy.
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Male 144
beernotbombs, could you "possibally" be any dumber?"
No, not readly
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Male 361
beernotbombs, could you "possibally" be any dumber?
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Male 139
That was some funny stuff :-D
I knew it was fake, but I thought the "candy posing pouch" was real- a woman should be wearing that though :-O
Also, to the above guy: 35 cents a ticket? that sounds like a bunch of b-s. I think it works the same as a major league sports facility. The people at the top get most of the money, and the ones at the bottom get very little. They could easily charge decent prices, but they would rather get rich off of the large number of stupid people who will pay way too much for low quality food and drinks. Anybody who rips people off like that should burn in hell.
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Female 100
I used to manage a movie theater here. The reason we had to charge so much was that on average for a hit movie we made about 35 cents a ticket. Some movies we didn`t make anything at all, and a few movies we lost money. We had the cheapest prices for everything around and people still complained about the prices. Let me tell that it`s not an easy job when you have customers complaining about those sort of things and yelling at you like it`s your fault. And God forbid they get to the movie three minutes before Harry Potter starts and it`s already sold out. Horrible.
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Female 215
Movies are expensive! 8.75 for a ticket, then money for the popcorn I have to buy....I HAVE to have popcorn at theaters...:P
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Female 87
lol i didnt know it was fake until i read the comments too =) then i had to go back to the page and look at the thing on top that said "fake news". Just to make sure. HAHAHAa im ever dumber than i thought =P
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Female 349
You can bring a whole entire pizza into the movies and they hardly notice
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Female 211
my movie theatre has quesadillas, but i`m not sure if that is as detectable as candy or metal.
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Male 144
with prices these days it wouldent suprise me if they charged $7.50 for gobstoppers in places like new york and california. where it`s 10 bucks for a pack of smokes in ny, from what I hear....and I saw a can of tuna for 4.50 in LA that would go for a buck thrity out here in colorado
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Male 14
thats a bunch of bullsh*t. it already cost alot for the ticket and even extra for the food. I always sneak in food and snacks. Just trying to save money and what not
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Male 180
You guys aren`t too bright, are you? Its satire. It`s making fun of how theaters charge outrageous prices and don`t let you bring in your own stuff. IT should have given it away when they said they charged $7.50 for Gobstoppers. And for those who don`t use USD thats about the price of a dinner at a sit-in restaraunt.
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Male 144
IT`s fake! Dont get in a rage

When I first read it I thought it was true to, probably because I`m an idiot. But isint it a shame that in this day n age of wiretaps and omnipresent screening of all communications, secret searches, secret arrests, rectal exams to get on a bus....paranoia ( you are a terroist if you dont have photo i.d., I lost mine for a week and it was hell). Isint it a shame, and a testament to how poisend our culture has become, that someone can belive for even a moment that this is possibal....Is there anyone here who honestly know it was fake before they saw the candyporn and fake new`s links? IT`s not suprising that most would say "NO". Anything involving screening,scans and rectal exams wouldent surprise me at all.....WHERE ARE WE GOING! I want to live in an america where I dont have to get past the headline...or double check the link to realize something like this is bullpoo...like what I`d read in the weekly world news

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Male 206
hahahha

in an AMC in Oklahoma City, I walked right in with a drink from Sonic, they didn`t even stop us. My cousins told me that theater had given up trying to stop people from sneaking stuff in anyway...

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Female 123
god i thought that was real until i read the comments
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Male 44
"sir you need to empty your pockets of any sugar contraband..."
"what? i have no candy, i ate a jolly rancher a few minutes ago..."
"sir if you dont comply i will have to beat you!"
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Male 361
"omg the greedy wankers
also do they not think that the amount of money they will spend on those things will kinda be more then they will make on sweets?
and maybe if they didnt charge so bloody much for the sweets in the first place, and the tikets"


Have you ever played with the trigger of a loaded gun? Its really fun, you should try it.

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Female 263
ahhhhh...that would be so funny.

one time me and my friends snuck half a pizza hut pizza into the theater...

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Female 1,426
lol. ugh that underwear was gross.
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Male 44
holy crap-o-lah dude. you`re like the neo of candy hiding. either your a genius, or someone with too much time on your hands. probably both, but still i give you props on that one. haha.
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Male 407
I do much worse than simply smuggle candy in for myself, I smuggle candy in for anyone who`s got the cash. It`ll cost you more than at the 7-11 down the street, but less than the movie theater pirates will extort on you. I literally will put something everysingle spot on my body. I`ll wear a coat, shove two twenty ounce sodas up my sleeves, kit-kats in two of the inside pockets, assorted candybars in an inside pocket I made in the back. Skittle and M&M`s in every pocket except for one, which i keep the money in. Also I usually wear cargo pants, I`ll put all sorts of stuff in those pockets, and a particular pair of pants I have has a zipper that opens up straight to my leg, where I keep sodas in a holster originally meant for a gun, but it works well for sodas. Finally, I usually strap a few candy bars to my lower legs. I have to be carefull, I`ve been caught twice before I got in, quite a few times afterwards. I usually make out 50 dollars richer, and sometimes I get to see a movie
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Male 44
hahaha, a box of everlasting gobstoppers takes out an entire row?! what was that like 20 people just going down like dominos? hahahaha, that`s great.
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Male 528
FRANCESUX did you actually go and copy and paste all those names? wow.
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Male 528
NOOOOO!!!!
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Male 730
actually, they arent "theaters" they`re MOVIE theaters. as in theaters for movies! so shut the drat up bigbonny! the fact that you are so intollerant of different ways of saying things says nothing for your intellegence level!
on a less hostile note : Chris Farmer was ejected from the Feb. 15 matinee showing of Big Momma’s House 2 for concealing 28 “fun size” 3 Musketeer’s, one citrus cyclone Ring Pop and three sticks of Ice Breakers chewing gum.
“This is bull****,” Farmer said after he was escorted out of the theater. “I wanted to see Capote and eat candy that doesn’t suck. It’s not about the money. Who the drat eats Sno-Caps? They’re just chocolate chips with dandruff. And Sour Patch Kids are like sucking on 80 grit sandpaper.” thats the best in the world! chocolate chips with dandruff...
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Male 2,605
Until they`re willing to search my shoes or resort to deep cavity searches, I`ll continue to enjoy bargain-bin candy inside theaters. Relax, I`m only promoting competition!
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Male 5,094
"candy detector"? Mnyeahright.
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Male 601
^^^^LOL really
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Male 215
Chris Farmer was ejected from the Feb. 15 matinee showing of Big Momma’s House 2 for concealing 28 “fun size” 3 Musketeer’s, one citrus cyclone Ring Pop and three sticks of Ice Breakers chewing gum.
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Female 1,403
"Anyone know why there are no outside food or drink policies? I bet not"
All the money made from the movie tickets goes to Hollywood to pay everyone that was involoved in the movie. Therefore the candy is so expensive because that is paying the employees at the theaters.
That`s what I heard but I still sneak candy anyhoo.
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Female 206
you know what`s annoying me, it`s people like bigbonny. i mean, we call them theaters here, well in some places, in other places it`s cinemas. i mean, do you have to constantly bother people just to criticize them? it`s called slang. it`s how we talk in america, i doubt anyone is sitting at home thinking that they should have to use proper english like y`all in europe. there`s another american word, what`s y`all mean in europe?
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Male 1,039
It would be great if this wasn`t fake. I would pack like 150 pieces of candy into my jacket and jeans, duct tape em on or something, and then try to walk in LOL. Then when they beat my tail for refusing to leave, I sue them for millions....they need to create these things...heheh
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Female 15,763
Jabbowho, why do you want it to be real?
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Male 194
lol its obviously fake.. im seeing more and more stupid people around here these days...

i liked the "concealing contraband snacks." part

and this "i know it`s fake. I mean who went to see black night. let alone enough people that were able to fill an entire row"

lol ouch

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Female 12
It says fake news at the top.
Therefore I believe..... its fake.
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Female 4
How I wish this was real. :-D

Anyone know why there are no outside food or drink policies? I bet not :-D

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Male 396
to the people who thought this was real:
cruxshadows
cheesecar
kickindonkey
dragonshadoz
thekid31
110691
please god do not reproduce
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Male 143
Lol if they ever did that it would be the death of Cinema. Woohoo the Pirates will be rubbing their hands together thinking of all the extra sales they get
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Male 11,739
I can`t believe people thought this was real. The fact that "Fake News" appears in big words at the top should be a little clue.

Reading the comments was more amusing than the story itself.

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Female 1,468
Ewwwww
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Male 2,720
^ You know you want to eat it big time.
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Female 1,468
Haaahahahaa...

Some people are calling it an invasion of privacy,” Springfield said. “But, in my experience, those are the same people who have a Baby Ruth in their armpit.”

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Male 42
OH GOD IM BLIND BECAUSE THAT CANDY UNDERWEAR OH GOD I CAN STILL FEAL IT BULGING AT ME >.<
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Female 338
To the people wondering if it`s fake or real:
I think the words "Fake News" in the upper-left corner might give you a tiny hint.
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Male 160
I couldn`t tell if it was fake or real until the end when they didnt bleep out some of the words the guy said.

I think it would be funny if some guy walks in movie theater and goes through the candy detector with candy in his coat pocket, then gets side tackled by a big security guard and then tazered(sp?) afterwards. You wouldn`t have to buy a ticket to see the show. LOL.

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Male 1,586
Some of the other stories under the "recent headlines" side bar are kinda funny..
"Islamic unrest over Beetle Baily"

By the way, I love seeing people getting so worked up over a parody news story.
Wow.

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Male 605
that is totally gay./
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Male 2,216
"Theaters" if you mean the American word for "cinemas".

"Theatres" are where you see musicals etc.

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Male 1,132
i know it`s fake. I mean who went to see black night. let alone enough people that were able to fill an entire row
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Male 149
The candy thong was rather unnecessary
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Female 153
The first two comments on there are proof as to how stupid people can be. Some people will eat anything they are freaking spoon fed.

Mike and Ikes are no joke.

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Male 201
its fake people, calm down
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Female 47
omg the greedy wankers
also do they not think that the amount of money they will spend on those things will kinda be more then they will make on sweets?
and maybe if they didnt charge so bloody much for the sweets in the first place, and the tikets
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Male 2
I will definitely boycott any theater chain thyat does this, and will encourage others to do the same. Who the hell do they think they are? It`s already highway robbery!
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Female 266
What if you had breath mints, or like something private, there gonna lose more business because nobody wants to buy their 8 dollar candy and be scanned. Hmm, backfire, wait and see :-)
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Female 882
Maybe it could smell things with high sugar content...
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Male 641
^^ Agreed. I`m not even sure how a candy detector could possibly operate properly anyway.
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Male 44
It says Fake News at the top and all the candy porn might suggest its a joke.
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Male 1,265
seems like it`s a joke to me
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Female 4,028
*candy
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Female 4,028
That`s freaking stupid! Some people don`t have the $6 they charge for a drink, I mean, people *do* get thirsy!
Instead of blowing our tax money on this crap, they should install detectors for something dangerous, like weapons; not something as harmless as cady.
Jeez. B-|
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Male 243
oh yea, i forgot to mention the right leg.
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Male 243
people who do things just to make MORE MONEY than the millions they`ve already got deserve to be shot in the left asscheek, right asscheek, left leg, crotch, left eye, right eye, left foot, right foot, up the ass, right arm, left arm, right hand, left hand, then cut all over with knives, and thrown into a giant pot of boiling alchohol.
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Male 803
DEAR GOD NO!!!!!!
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Female 2,144
Lol Is This A Joke?
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Male 10,115
Link: Theatres to install candy detectors [Rate Link] - The free ride is over, folks.
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