Dear Santa Letter Generator

Submitted by: buddy 12 years ago in Funny
http://www.chickenhead.com/stuff/santa/index.asp

Hey kids! Too lazy to write out your Dear Santa letter by hand?
There are 38 comments:
Male 246
_!_!_!_!READ MINE_!_!_!_!

Breathlessly,

little timmy

PS: Please say hello to Rudolph.

PPS: Oh yeah, and remember George Bush? He has been a really homicidal cry-baby all year long and doesn’t deserve any Christmas presents. So please don’t forget to put ebola in his stocking. Thanks!

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Female 755
Pagan Elf lmfao lmfao!
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Female 60

Anyway, I hope you like the cognac I left out for you.

Love,

Aby

PS: Please say Merry Christmas to Ralph, the heartless Elfin slavemaster.

PPS: Oh yeah, and remember Mr. Eggs? She has been a really perverted coprophile all year long and doesn’t deserve any Christmas presents. So please don’t forget to put sticks in their stocking. Thanks!

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Female 60
Dear Santa Claus,

This year, I have been a very manipulative little girl. I have compulsively lied, and I have always helped my mommy’s “special friend” with their colostomy bag. And I always say thank you, which makes me seem like I care, and so I deserve lots of age-inappropriate pants this year!

Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring fruit leather panties. For my daddy, please bring a new topaz-studded ass plug. For my little sister, please bring a diaphragm. For my doggy, please bring a chew toy. Oh – and for my baby sitter, please bring some work ethic.

Now about me! Please bring me all of the Anna Nicole Smith videos, and front row tickets to Mary-Kate and Ashley – plus backstage passes so I can get coked up! Oh, and please don’t forget to bring my Lamborghini Diablo VT 6.0. But if you can’t, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $100,000,000!

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Female 29
...Now about me! Please bring me all of the Spongebob Squarepants beer coozies, and front row tickets to GWAR – plus backstage passes so I can get coked up! Oh, and please don’t forget to bring my Lamborghini Diablo VT 6.0. But if you can’t, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $100,000,!
Anyway, I hope you like the eight-ball I left out for you.
Love,
bethjoyPS: Please say hello to Ralph, the heartless Elfin slavemaster.

PPS: Oh yeah, and remember the cat down the street? He has been a really homicidal weener all year long and doesn’t deserve any Christmas presents. So please don’t forget to put sticks in their stocking. Thanks

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Female 29
Dear Satan Claus – Devourer of Children’s Souls,
This year, I have been a very Ritalin-addled little advertising tampon. I have compulsively pillaged, and I have always helped my mommy’s “special friend” with their pyramid schemes. And I always say thank you, which makes me seem like I care, and so I deserve lots of blank checks this year!
Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring the onset of menopause. For my daddy, please bring a new dead-end job. For my big sister, please bring a subscription to Guns & Ammo. For my hampster, please bring non-surgical sterilization. Oh – and for my baby sitter, please bring some work ethic.
....
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Female 238
PS: Please say hi to Rudolph.

PPS: Oh yeah, and remember Greg? He has been a really perverted dork all year long and doesn’t deserve any Christmas presents. So please don’t forget to put dog poo in their stocking. Thanks!

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Female 238
Dear Santa Claus,

This year, I have been a very good little girl. I have not murdered, and I have always helped my mommy with their colostomy bag. And I always say thank you, which makes me seem like I care, and so I deserve lots of presents this year!

Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring the onset of menopause. For my daddy, please bring a new topaz-studded ass plug. For my big sister, please bring methodone. For my doggy, please bring breath mints. Oh – and for my baby sitter, please bring some fruit cake.

Now about me! Please bring me all of the Harry Potter action figures, and front row tickets to Eminem – plus backstage passes so I can get coked up! Oh, and please don’t forget to bring my jet-ski. But if you can’t, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $1,000,000!

Anyway, I hope you like the cognac I left out for you.

Love,

Jennifer

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Female 179
I am a materialistic advertising tampon. Santa, you are an obese trespassing altruist...What is an altruist, anyway?
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Female 118
Breathlessly,

Allica

PS: Please say hi to the baby Jesus.

PPS: Oh yeah, and remember Michael Jackson? He has been a really perverted weener all year long and doesn’t deserve any Christmas presents. So please don’t forget to put dog sh*t in their stocking. Thanks!

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Female 118
Dear Santa Claus,

This year, I have been a very bad little advertising tampon. I have compulsively murdered, and I have rarely helped my mommy with their chores. And I always say thank you, which makes me seem like I care, and so I deserve lots of presents this year!

Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring daddy’s testicles in a vise. For my daddy, please bring a new neck tie. For my big brother, please bring a diaphragm. For my ferret, please bring breath mints. Oh – and for my mail man, please bring some fruit cake.

Now about me! Please bring me all of the Spongebob Squarepants videos, and front row tickets to Aaron Carter – plus backstage passes so I can get behind the scenes! Oh, and please don’t forget to bring my pool. But if you can’t, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $100,000,000!

Anyway, I hope you like the meatloaf I left out for you.

Breathle

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Female 790
Heehee, Im not gonna post it, but this was alot of fun!
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Male 237
Now about me! Please bring me all of the Spongebob Squarepants toilet paper, and front row tickets to Eminem – plus backstage passes so I can get airborne Chlamydia! Oh, and please don’t forget to bring my amputee Afghan orphan. But if you can’t, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $100,000,000!

Anyway, I hope you like the eight-ball I left out for you.

Breathlessly,

me.

PS: Please say Merry Christmas to Ralph, the heartless Elfin slavemaster.

PPS: Oh yeah, and remember me? I have been a really homicidal weener all year long and don’t deserve any Christmas presents. So please don’t forget to put dog poo in their stocking. Thanks!

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Male 237
Dear Satan Claus – Devourer of Children’s Souls,

This year, I have been a very bad little advertising tampon. I have compulsively murdered, and I have never helped my mommy’s “special friend” with their colostomy bag. And I always say thank you, which makes me seem like I care, and so I deserve lots of presents this year!

Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring daddy’s testicles in a vise. For my daddy, please bring a new topaz-studded ass plug. For my big brother, please bring a subscription to Guns & Ammo. For my doggy, please bring non-surgical sterilization. Oh – and for my cleaning lady, please bring some work ethic.
Now about me!

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Female 139
Oh, and please don’t forget to bring my Lamborghini Diablo VT 6.0. But if you can’t, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $1,000,000!

Come on Santa! Please? Just this once?

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Female 232
yup, my letter was very special.
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Male 76
great fun
what a link
keep up the good work i-a-b
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Female 122
I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Male 86
Anyway, I hope you like the eight-ball I left out for you.

Breathlessly, James

PS: Please say Merry Christmas to Ralph, the heartless Elfin slavemaster.

PPS: Oh yeah, and remember Sarah? She has been a really naughty coprophile all year long and doesn`t deserve any Christmas presents. So please don’t forget to put ebola in their stocking. Thanks!

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Male 86
Dear Santa Claus-Devourer of Children`s Souls,

This year, I have been a very manipulative little advertising tampon. I have compulsively pillaged, and I have never helped my grandpa with their colostomy bag. And I always say thank you, which makes me seem like I care and so I deserve lots of age-inappropriate pants this year.

Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring fruit leather panties. For my daddy, please bring a new topaz-studded ass plug. For my little sister, please bring a diaphragm. For my doggy, please bring a homeopathic heartworm remedy. Oh – and for my case worker, please bring some work ethic.

Now about me! Please bring me all of the SpongeBob SquarePants toilet paper, and front row tickets to GWAR – plus backstage passes so I can get airborne chlamydia! Oh, and please don’t forget to bring my pony. But if you can`t, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $1,

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Male 112
man, thats funny
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Male 3,060
oh...so much holiday sheer in such a short letter. :-)
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Female 1,004
too much fun.
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Male 242
Now about me! Please bring me all of the Anna Nicole Smith videos, and front row tickets to Britney Spears – plus backstage passes so I can get behind the scenes! Oh, and please don’t forget to bring my Lamborghini Diablo VT 6.0. But if you can’t, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $100,000,000!
Anyway, I hope you like the cognac I left out for you.
Breathlessly,
Zack
PS: Please say hi to the baby Jesus.
PPS: Oh yeah, and remember Jerrin? He has been a really corrupt weener all year long and doesn’t deserve any Christmas presents. So please don’t forget to put dog poo in their stocking. Thanks!
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Male 242
Dear Obese Trespassing Altruist,
This year, I have been a very manipulative little TV watcher. I have compulsively embezzeled, and I have never helped my grandpa with their colostomy bag. And I always say thank you, which makes me seem like I care, and so I deserve lots of blank checks this year!
Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring the onset of menopause. For my daddy, please bring a new Rogaine prescription. For my little brother, please bring Barbie. For my hampster, please bring breath mints. Oh – and for my mail man, please bring some work ethic.
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Male 679
Anyway, I hope you like the meatloaf I left out for you.

Sincerely,

Malletman

PS: Please say hello to Ralph, the heartless Elfin slavemaster.

PPS: Oh yeah, and remember Erica? She has been a really selfish cry-baby all year long and doesn’t deserve any Christmas presents. So please don’t forget to put dog poo in their stocking. Thanks!

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Male 679
Dear Obese Trespassing Altruist,

This year, I have been a very good little boy. I have sometimes embezzeled, and I have always helped my grandma with their taxes. And I always say thank you, which makes me seem like I care, and so I deserve lots of blank checks this year!

Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring Valium. For my daddy, please bring a new Rogaine prescription. For my little brother, please bring Newport Lights 100’s. For my doggy, please bring breath mints. Oh – and for my case worker, please bring some fruit cake.

Now about me! Please bring me all of the Anna Nicole Smith videos, and front row tickets to Aaron Carter – plus backstage passes so I can get coked up! Oh, and please don’t forget to bring my amputee Afghan orphan. But if you can’t, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $100,000,000!

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Female 359
Hahaha...that`s good.
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Female 86
Anyway, I hope you like the eight-ball I left out for you.

Breathlessly,

Yo Momma

PS: Please say hi to the baby Jesus.

PPS: Oh yeah, and remember Jessica Cabosjgoaejgoadsj? She has been a really perverted coprophile all year long and doesn’t deserve any Christmas presents. So please don’t forget to put dog poo in their stocking. Thanks!

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Female 86
Dear Pagan Troll,

This year, I have been a very manipulative little girl. I have compulsively murdered, and I have always helped my mommy’s “special friend” with their pyramid schemes. And I always say thank you, which makes me seem like I care, and so I deserve lots of presents this year!

Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring earrings. For my daddy, please bring a new dead-end job. For my little brother, please bring a subscription to Guns & Ammo. For my doggy, please bring breath mints. Oh – and for my baby sitter, please bring some work ethic.

Now about me! Please bring me all of the Anna Nicole Smith beer coozies, and front row tickets to Britney Spears – plus backstage passes so I can get coked up! Oh, and please don’t forget to bring my amputee Afghan orphan. But if you can’t, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $100,000,000!

Anyway,

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Male 1,371
Now about me! Please bring me all of the Anna Nicole Smith beer coozies, and front row tickets to Eminem – plus backstage passes so I can get airborne Chlamydia! Oh, and please don’t forget to bring my amputee Afghan orphan. But if you can’t, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $100,000,000!

Anyway, I hope you like the meatloaf I left out for you.

Breathlessly,

Mrs. Claus

PS: Please say hi to Ralph, the heartless Elfin slavemaster.

PPS: Oh yeah, and remember my dog? He has been a really homicidal dork all year long and doesn’t deserve any Christmas presents. So please don’t forget to put dog poo in their stocking. Thanks!

X friggin D

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Male 1,371
Dear Satan Claus – Devourer of Children’s Souls,

This year, I have been a very Ritalin-addled little advertising tampon. I have compulsively murdered, and I have never helped my mommy’s “special friend” with their pyramid schemes. And I always say thank you, which makes me seem like I care, and so I deserve lots of age-inappropriate pants this year!

Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring daddy’s testicles in a vise. For my daddy, please bring a new topaz-studded ass plug. For my little brother, please bring a diaphragm. For my hampster, please bring non-surgical sterilization. Oh – and for my cleaning lady, please bring some fruit cake.

More in next post, it`s breaking the limit

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Female 992
Wow, talk about awesome!!!!!!
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Male 154
funny poo
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Female 1,004
This year, I have been a very passive aggressive little TV watcher. I have not pillaged, and I have rarely helped my mommy’s “special friend” with their pyramid schemes. And I always say thank you, which makes me polite, and so I deserve lots of blank checks this year!

Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my daddy, please bring a new topaz-studded ass plug. For my ferret, please bring a homeopathic heartworm remedy. Oh – and for my case worker, please bring some fruit cake.

Now about me! Please bring me all of the Anna Nicole Smith beer coozies, and front row tickets to Aaron Carter – plus backstage passes so I can get coked up! Oh, and please don’t forget to bring my Lamborghini Diablo VT 6.0. But if you can’t, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $100!

Anyway, I hope you like the cognac I left out for you.

Yours,
Erica

PS: Please say hi to the baby Jesus.

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Female 346
This year, I have been a very passive aggressive little girl. I have not murdered, and I have always helped my mommy’s “special friend” with their pyramid schemes. And I always say thank you, which makes me seem like I care, and so I deserve lots of blank checks this year!

Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring perfume. For my daddy, please bring a new neck tie. For my little brother, please bring fingernail polish.

Now about me! Please bring me all of the Star Wars videos, and front row tickets to Eminem – plus backstage passes so I can get behind the scenes! Oh, and please don’t forget to bring my pony. But if you can’t, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $100,000,000!
PPS: Oh yeah, and remember my brother? He has been a really corrupt vivisection hobbyist all year long and doesn’t deserve any Christmas presents. So please don’t forget

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Female 49
Dear Santa Claus,

This year, I have been a very good little girl. I have sometimes pillaged, and I have rarely helped my mommy’s “special friend” with their pyramid schemes. And I always say thank you, which makes me seem like I care, and so I deserve lots of presents this year!

Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring fruit leather panties. For my daddy, please bring a new Rogaine prescription. For my big sister, please bring Newport Lights 100’s. For my hampster, please bring a homeopathic heartworm remedy. Oh – and for my pool boy, please bring some worthless tchotchkes.

Now about me! Please bring me all of the Harry Potter videos, and front row tickets to Eminem – plus backstage passes so I can get autographs!
PPS: Oh yeah, and remember George Bush? He has been a really corrupt weener all year long and doesn’t deserve any Christmas presents. So please don’t forget to put ebola i

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Male 10,115
Link: Dear Santa Letter Generator [Rate Link] - Hey kids! Too lazy to write out your Dear Santa letter by hand?

:-)

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