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Treat yourself and get some dancing lessons! The best teachers are rats as they will teach you to salsa and tango in return for some lip-gloss and spare motorbike parts. Buy a fog machine and create the right environment for dancing in. It is true that fog attracts clowns but in some areas of Romania, they have been known to make excellent dance partners and some even work for the government tracking down escaped prisoners with their keen sense of smell. Beware though, as some clowns may be carrying rabies. The only cure for that is to visit your Uncle and have him bop you round the head 20 times with a rubber chicken while repeatedly saying, “Emus are lovely!”
A good combination as both sides are emotional and will get attached to each other very quickly. The Scorpio female is possessive and has a very dangerous sting, should she suspect the Cancer male of smiling at another woman or drooling over the free-view on the Playboy channel. Lets hope he has a better excuse then "Darling I was only looking at it for reference, and my wiener happened to have itched at that exact moment, HONEST!", because the Scorpio female can become very vindictive and will drive 9 inch nails through his eyes and then see how fast he can run when she chases him down the street with a 12-gauge shotgun. Horn Meter Reading: 5/5 heartsRating: Speed Horn!
Verdict: Prepare yourself for one hell of a ride! `This Romeo and Juliet` relationship should theoretically, bloom like fungus in horse manure! Most people will envy and hate this couple because they get on so well. ;-)
You are not going to get that job as a lifeguard so its best if you didn’t pursue it any further. Instead, why not apply for that position as a gypsy beater, as they are scared of people with glowing blue hair. Avoid using doors this week. Instead try passing through solid walls by osmosis. This is a lot cleaner and prevents premature hair loss and chest diseases. Buy a mule and call him “Plastic Jim” and feed him with radiocarbons. Teach him to play the harmonica and he will reward you with menthol flavoured spoons. Use them to knock out meteors and avoid angry badger attacks with. Get a tattoo of a bunch of tapeworms on your rear-end to ward off pygmy snipers.
Your pet dog is being neglected. Be nice to it by stroking it more often and buying it plenty of glue. The Cuban variety of glue is the best. Don’t sniff it and don’t use it to help you cheat at bowling. Speaking of dogs, your best friend may still be angry at the time you fed her dog with laxatives. Why not phone her up and tell her you will buy her a new carpet and apologise for the old one being ruined. Doing nice things is your key to success this week. Why not go up to a homeless person, give them your left shoe and say, “Don’t electrocute yourself in the eye with that”. I’m sure they will be so impressed they will dance like a ballerina and urinate in their pants.