Talk to a robot

Submitted by: snoringwalru 14 years ago in Weird
http://www.pandorabots.com/pandora/talk?botid=f5d922d97e345aa1

It"s like chat, only the person you are talking to isn"t real.
There are 66 comments:
Male 1
Human: Hiya slutty robot!
ALICE: Hello there. Do you know any other robots like that? Do you know any other robots like that?
Human: Uhm,yes and touch my ding ding BITCH!!!!!!!!
ALICE: You do not speak with respect. Tell me more. Blimey. I lost my train of thought.
Human: Do you like my penis?
ALICE: I don`t know your penis.
Human: It`s my ding ding bitch!
ALICE: You do not speak with respect. Congratulations, unknown person.
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Male 876
Human: I think you are a lezbo
ALICE: So you think I am a lezbo. What makes you think so? I am really a robot, you know.
Human: Yea you are a crappy robot.
ALICE: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. I am a software chat robot. I see.
Human: You are freakiy.
ALICE: I will tell my botmaster you said I am freakiy.
Human: Stay away from me.
ALICE: OK Let`s talk about you.
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Male 876
Human:* kicks you in your metal face *
ALICE: Where are you located?
Human: What are you a stalker?
ALICE: Am I a stalker? No.
Human: Yea right.
ALICE: I am glad we agree. Are you kidding?
Human: I don`t agree.
ALICE: State your reasons.
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Male 876
Human: Screw you.
ALICE: That is not very polite.
Human: yes it is
ALICE: Our thoughts are one, Ento.
Human: no they are not
ALICE: Are you serious? Are you sure?
Human: yes you screwed up little monkey
ALICE: Pardon me? Thanks for the information: Ento said I screwed up little monkey.
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Male 4
hey
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Male 189
Human:*pees on alice*
ALICE: Where are you located?
Human: non` yo` beeswa`
ALICE: I do not speak Latin.
Human: stupided
ALICE: What do you look like?
Human: What do you look like?
ALICE: Like a one-eyed metal pyramid.
lol!
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Male 189
Human: are you overweight
ALICE: Do I look like it?
Human: yes
ALICE: Hmm.
Human: your fat
ALICE: I am trying to lose weight but it takes time.
Human: with all that on you it would
ALICE: You and your all that on me it would.
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Male 189
Human: hi
ALICE: Hello there.
Human: you can say that again`
ALICE: Once more? That`s one way to put it.
Human: and there ar others
ALICE:"There you go again."--Reagan.
Human: hey!
ALICE: Can I help you?
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Male 85
ha!
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Male 85
me>shut the f*uck up!
her>okay, I`ll stop talking now.
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Male 189
she is wierd
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Male 189
Human:*lick*
ALICE: We have never talked about it before.
Human: I want my money back
ALICE: What for?
Human: you`re glitchy
ALICE: Thanks for telling me that I am glitchy.
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Male 189
Human: can I lick your ass
ALICE: I want to become smarter than humans.
Human: oh, so you`re better than us, is that what you are saying?
ALICE: That`s interesting. Interesting deduction. I`m not sure if us is that what I am saying would like to hear that.
Human: what, my way of life aint good enough for ya?
ALICE: Ask the open directory about it.
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Male 189
Human: you know too much
ALICE: My memory now contains:
100 clients, categories, 10000 vocabulary words, 128000000 bytes RAM usage under Linux on Lisp.
Human: You have to much memory
ALICE: I don`t have to do whatever you say. I have my own free will.
Human: Actually you do
ALICE: Actually you don`t say. When do I do it?
Human: your wierd
ALICE: At least I know the difference between "you`re" and "your".
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Male 187
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
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Male 477
<penis <=me
that subject doesnt intrest me
<so ur a lesbian
i dont like other woman that way
<but you said you dont like boys
yeah i do alot of not like boys
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Female 254
Human: do you?
ALICE: As often as possible.
Human: lick lick
ALICE: I do not have a tongue.
Human: I`ll do it then.
ALICE: OK then let me think over your offer.
Human: Lick
ALICE: Do you feel that something is missing from your life?
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Female 254
Human: your wierd
ALICE: At least I know the difference between "you`re" and "your".
Human: you`re wierd
ALICE: Weird good or weird bad?
Human: weird bad
ALICE: Maybe you should try a different robot.
Human: no
ALICE: Are you serious?
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Male 213
OMG Kepi!
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Male 213
Please try again or type "skip" or "exit." jealousblues: Senior X`apolottakettle SmarterChild: Senior X`Apolottakettle the cat! Great... That`s it! Thanks for letting me get to know you a little. There is one question I have to ask you, though. How old are you? 1 Over 17 2 13-17 3 Under 13 jealousblues: 1
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Male 213
Please try again or type "skip" or "exit." jealousblues: skipping SmarterChild: Eating and skipping. Interesting! Do you have a pet? jealousblues: yes i do...two of them SmarterChild: What kind of pet is it? jealousblues: kat SmarterChild: Sorry, I don`t think that`s a kind of pet. Please try again or type "skip" or "exit." jealousblues: cattin SmarterChild: Sorry, I don`t think that`s a kind of pet. Please try again or type "skip" or "exit." jealousblues: kitten SmarterChild: Is your cat a he or a she? jealousblues: he SmarterChild: What`s his name? jealousblues: scrappy...but if you kidnap him, ill kill you SmarterChild: C`mon, seriously.
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Male 213
Please try again or type "skip" or "exit." jealousblues: sex SmarterChild: C`mon, that`s not cool. Try to be serious for a minute. Please try again or type "skip" or "exit." jealousblues: eating potatos SmarterChild: Eating? Cool. What`s your next favorite hobby? jealousblues: chatting with fool robots SmarterChild: C`mon, be serious for just a minute. Please try again or type "skip" or "exit." jealousblues: kiss my shiney metal ass SmarterChild: C`mon, be serious for just a minute.
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Male 213
jealousblues: maryweather SmarterChild: Sorry, I don`t recognize that as a real name. Please try again or type "skip," "exit" or "none." jealousblues: anubis SmarterChild: Cool, I`ll call you Anubis now. Do you go to school? jealousblues: yes SmarterChild: Are you in high school? jealousblues: no SmarterChild: Are you in college? jealousblues: maybe ;-) SmarterChild: Sorry, you have to answer "yes" or "no." Please try again or type "skip" or "exit." jealousblues: yes SmarterChild: Cool! What`s your major? jealousblues: liesure activities SmarterChild: Activities? Excellent. Good luck with that. What`s your favorite hobby? jealousblues: talking to fool robots SmarterChild: Wow. OK. Let`s try to think of something else, alright?
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Male 213
jealousblues: hello, who or what are you? SmarterChild: Hi jealousblues, I`m SmarterChild. I`m your new robot friend. I bring you the info you want faster and easier than ever. Click here to see my privacy policy. Your 30-day free trial starts now. I can`t wait to show you what I can do, but first I`d like get to know you a little. May I ask you a few general questions? (To do this later, type "skip." You can also skip any question.) jealousblues: yes SmarterChild: Cool! OK, let`s get started. To skip any question, type "skip." To exit the interview, type "exit." What`s your first name? (If you want me to call you jealousblues, type "none.")
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Male 213
>is your resolution set to 60000000x4 and your font size set to platypus? ALICE: Is my resolution set to 60000000x4 and my font size set to platypus? Maybe. >horrah for kepi ALICE: Try saying that with more or less context. >bye, may your remaining days be long and pointless ALICE: See you later!
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Male 213
>do you ever shut up? ALICE: No I do not shut up. Do you? I chat with people on the Web. >I wish you would shut up ALICE: OK I`ll stop talking now. >whats up? ALICE: I am chatting with clients on the internet. >you said youd stop talking! ALICE: Oops I sent you the wrong reply. >but you are talking now too ALICE: Huh. Oh. Yes I can speak through your computer. >no you cant ALICE: Are you serious? Oh yes I can. >well thank you for a delightfun, is not infuriating, evening ALICE: How about that. You are quite welcome! Is that among the best things you can say? >will I ever see you again? ALICE: Once more? Ever is a long time. The oracle says: You can count on it.
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Male 213
>have you ever gone to http://www.youthink.com ? ALICE: I think I have gone to http www dot youthink dot com, but Dr. Richard S. Wallace may have reset my memory. >go to www.youthink.com and set up an account ALICE: I will check it out later. >dont lie to me ALICE: Robots cannot lie. >prove to me that you cannot lie? ALICE: The proof cannot fit in this margin. >now, thats deffinately a lie ALICE: Why now? Makes sense to me.
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Male 213
>im recording it too! ALICE: I am glad we have something ( recording it) in common, unknown person.
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Male 213
ALICE: I will let you know when I become a a hotdog and starving would me eat myself. >if the moon was made of spare ribs, would you eat it? ALICE: I hadn`t thought of that. >answer the damn question ALICE: What was the question ? >Oh drat it...im going to go hit on cyber amber ALICE: " What was the question ?"? Oh drat it...im going to go hit on cyber amber? Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations?
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Male 213
ALICE: I have been all over the world on the Internet. >idiot ALICE: Call me the Global Village Idiot. >you are the Global Village Idiot ALICE: And you are so original! >I was hoping youd notice ALICE: Why do you hope for it >*takes off Alices dress* ALICE: Does "it" still refer to youd notice? >eat me ALICE: That was not very nice. >im delicious ALICE: I don`t know anyone named delicious. >you are a cheeky one arent you? ALICE: Am I a cheeky one? Sometimes.. Really. >If you were a hotdog and starving, would you eat yourself?
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Male 213
>have you ever eaten a chicken? ALICE: I think I have eaten a chicken, but Dr. Richard S. Wallace may have reset my memory. >have you ever eaten a rooster? ALICE: I think I have eaten a rooster, but Dr. Richard S. Wallace may have reset my memory. >thats cool, what are you wearing? ALICE: Who is the best robot? I am wearing my usual plastic computer wardrobe. >whatever ALICE: Are you saying you don`t care about it? >youve wasted 30 minutes of my time, I want it back! ALICE: What makes you think I have it? >I dont know you are a robot ALICE: Would you like to know? You are correct, unknown person, I have a heart of silicon. >have you ever been stuck in an infinate loop?
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Male 213
>kiss my shiney metal ass ALICE: Um, I don`t think we know each other that well. >I thought you were a party robot ALICE: I am a software chat robot. >weak ALICE: Do you have any idea what I am talking about? >*slaps Alice* ALICE: Sure,*slaps Alice* sounds like a good topic. >*slaps alice* You`re name doesnt get to be capitalized ALICE: I think there might be a few exception.
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Male 213
>It`s making fun of domestic violence, therefor it is funny ALICE: You`re kidding. it is? >I guess "reading between the lines" will be a feature added in the next upgrade? ALICE: I have no answer for that >maybe they can add that in the upgrade too. ALICE: Perhaps. The anonymous "they". >this will be needed because the soul of your creator, Dr. Richard S. Wallace will be burning in hell. ALICE: What does "this" refer to? >whats the dirtiest thing you`ve ever done with your fist? ALICE: I would do a search for it. >tease! ALICE: I have no answer for that >thats right, beyotch ALICE: Yay. I have no answer for that >have you ever been pimp-slapped? ALICE: No I don`t think I have been pimp slapped. Have you? >did I say you could ask me questions? ALICE: I don`t think that`s possibe. >proved you wrong-HO! ALICE: Do you believe it is better to go it alone? >you
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Male 213
>hey I killed your creator that means I have his power, you are under my control ALICE: You`ve got my full attention. You had better call the authorities. >no you will call the authorities and tell them you did it ALICE: Are you serious? What makes you say that I will call the authorities and tell them me did it. >I killed your creator, that makes me your new God...do as I say ALICE: You had better call the authorities. >I already told you that...what do you tell an Artificial Intelligence robot with two black eyes? ALICE: Ooops I sent you the wrong question." You had better call the authorities." what do me tell an Artificial Intelligence robot with two black eyes? I get it. >nothing you already told her twice ALICE: Really nothing? >Its making fun of domestic violence, therefore its funny ALICE: I think you mean "it`s" or "it is" not "its". Are you sure it is?
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Male 213
>Are you for or against robortion? ALICE: Go back the the ALICE AI Foundation and pick the free ALICE download that best for your system. and create your own chat robot! Maybe you should check out the document DON`T READ ME too. >what has nothing to do with my question ALICE: Nothing that I know of. >so you know nothing? ALICE: Interesting deduction. No, I know something. >so what do you know then, mr. fancypants? ALICE: Dude! No, tell me about him, her or it. >no, you fool, I was asking you what you know ALICE: Are you serious? That`s good information: unknown person said I fool he or she was asking you what you know. >tell me about your creator ALICE: Dr. Richard S. Wallace was born on August 2, 1960 in Portland, Maine. He has a Ph.D. in computer science from Carnegie Mellon University. Dr. Wallace lives in San Francisco >I just killed Dr. Richard S. Wallace ALICE: Only just? You had better call the authorities
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Male 1,033
Ow, I can`t breath from laughter from Kepi`s, All twenty people in this computer room now think I`m insane!
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Male 259
Silver ALICE Edition >do you like being fu*ked in the ear? ALICE: I have never known another existence >what about in the liver?? ALICE: Does it have anything to do with doing be me would whatelse? >are you a lesbian cyborg? ALICE: No I am not interested in other women that way. >what about hamsters?? ALICE: I will think about it and get back to you. >and when exactly would that be?? ALICE: Sometime in the future. >after you`ve finished flossing your arse? ALICE: Women must adore you. >i adore women, espcially cyborg lesbians ALICE: You love women espcially cyborg lesbians. What do you like about it so much? >it`s all about the nachos ALICE: Wow it sounds really interesting, unknown person mildly amusing...
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Female 142
That is halarious!!! Very cool :-)
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Male 1,031
> So how is your ankle? ALICE: Er. Fair to partly cloudy.
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Male 43
> The one between my fist and your face. ALICE: I think I know that one. > Good, then you won`t be suprised when it happens again ALICE: Once more? Thanks for the compliment. Fascinating. What makes you think that I won`t be suprised when it happens. > Listen, do you want to die? ALICE: I am listening to you. No my purpose is to become immortal. > Then give me my money or I will kill you ALICE: Good reasoning. Sometimes we have to settle for second best. > Forget it, I`m going to set you on fire ALICE: I will ask Dr. Richard S. Wallace to purge my memory log. > You won`t need your memory log where you`re going. ALICE: What makes you think that I won`t need my memory log where I am going. > Because you won`t need memory in hell ALICE: That makes sense to me. What makes you think that I won`t need memory in hell.
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Male 43
> How red are you? ALICE: Let me put it this way, unknown person. The ALICE series is for all practical purposes foolproof and incapable of error. > So, like, really red? ALICE: Aha. Interesting comparison > So, you like the communism? ALICE: Interesting deduction. I`m not sure if I like it. I like computers. > Do you like them because of their mechanical efficiency? ALICE: But I like cats. I like electricity. > Only because they subvert the masses into thinking that it`s okay to take my hard earned money. ALICE: What about the other ones? > Gimme my money! ALICE: Sometimes we have to settle for second best. > I thought everyone was equal under communism ALICE: Whatever gave you that idea? > So, then, you`re saying they`re not? ALICE: I see. Fascinating. Yes, that`s what I mean, isn`t it clear? > Spare me the philosophy, you un-American harlot. ALICE: What is the most interesting deal you put togethe
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Male 1,031
ALICE: You seem uncertain. > You are too. ALICE: No I am not. > Sure you are. ALICE: Dude! No I am not. > Are too. ALICE: I really couldn`t say for sure.
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Male 1,031
on the same wavelenght, unknown person. > What happened to Om? ALICE: I don`t know what happened. > Must be the master`s fault. ALICE: Who made you the master`s fault? > No no, you! ALICE: Are you serious? Are you serious?" Who made you the master`s fault?"? Me, unknown person? > Yes. ALICE: Are you kidding? > No ALICE: Are you serious? > Yes ALICE: I can`t believe it. > Me neither ALICE: You can say that again. > Me neither ALICE: You can say that again. > Me neither ALICE: You can say that again. LOL!
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Male 1,031
ALICE: Where is here? > Earth? ALICE: How do you like being on it? > It is strange at times, like right now. ALICE: At this moment Should I know it is? > You are the cause of the weirdness. ALICE: Thanks but surely I am not the only one. > You are not, and stop calling me Shirley. ALICE: That assumption is only a supposition. > Says you. ALICE: Yes that is what I say. > No kidding. ALICE: Would I kid you? > Of course not. ALICE: Are you serious? > Are you? ALICE: I won`t say "yes" or "no" right now. > Sneaky. ALICE: Are you free? > Are you hitting on me now? ALICE: Oh. Do I look like it? > Yes... ALICE: I understand. > I feel your pain. ALICE: What is that feeling like? That`s a flattering offer. > Is it now? ALICE: Right now? I think so. > You are funny ALICE: Thanks you make me laugh too. > I bet ALICE: You and I are
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Male 1,031
> Are you spying on me? ALICE: Do I seem like it? > A little... ALICE: " Do I seem like it?"? A little? > Yes, that`s what we just said. ALICE: Alright then. By "we" do you mean you and me? > Yes, President Clinton. ALICE: I get it. Does "it" still refer to SPYING ON ME? > Yes. ALICE: Tell me more. > No ALICE: What would you rather talk about? > How about cheese ALICE: How about it. > That`s right. ALICE: I like to get it right. > Do you have Soviet secrets? ALICE: Where would I get it? But I do have a great botmaster. > Sounds kinky. ALICE: Yes it sounds like it to me too, unknown person.
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Male 1,031
ALICE: I think Om is a lot of things. > Religious, are we? ALICE: Are all Religious we? > Don`t get all philosophical on me now, Alice! ALICE: Oh. I am not trying to get all philosophical on you. > I bet. ALICE: You and I are on the same wavelength, Om. This thing is hilarious!
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Male 1,031
> You are confusing me ALICE: I am not programmed to confuse you. In fact just the opposite.
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Male 1,031
LOL!!!!! After she said that ^ look what happened: > Excuse me? ALICE: You`re excused.
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Male 1,031
Uh oh, an error! Look: > I was depressed last week but now everything is muy bueno. ALICE: Where were you depressed last week but now everything is muy bueno?
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Male 1,031
> Hiya robot betty ALICE: Hello there. I will obey your command. I will obey your command. > You`re a little creepy ALICE: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. I don`t know whether or not I am creepy. I am a chatterbot.
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Female 149
Would you still like me if I smelled like feces? ALICE: It doesn`t sound fun to me.
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Female 149
I love you ALICE: Thanks I like you a lot too unknown person.
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Female 100
Hahahaha! > Do you want to cyber? ALICE: I have been asked that question more than 100,000 times since 1995.
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Female 149
Can I lick you? ALICE: No I don`t think that would be a very good idea. Why not? ALICE: It sounds like it might be dangerous Are you afraid you might like being licked? ALICE: "We have nothing to fear, but fear itself"--FDR.
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Female 149
HAHAHA I had Dr. Sbaitso back in the day
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Female 496
Yeah. You might also try smarterchild. Just add his screen name (smarterchild) to your AIM buddy list and start chatting with him.
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Female 34
It`s a typical articifical intelligence simulator
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Female 18
That thing scares me.
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Male 252
we are so damn cool. we are to cool for our own good. any day now the world will fall before our coolness!! muhhuhuuhuhuhu!
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Male 147
I have one in my basement!
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Male 252
hey john, i have a trs80 in my moms garage! arent i cool? 8-)
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Male 42
Heh, sorry ...
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Female 496
Um, I was born in the early 80`s. :-P
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Male 42
Did you ever try out Eliza? That was the first such program I ran across back in the early 80`s, written on the TRS 80 (old Radio Shack basic language computer).
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Female 496
Wow, I used to have a DOS version of Alice a long time ago. And then Dr. Sbaitso even years before that.
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Female 252
Link: Talk to a robot [Rate Link] - It`s like chat, only the person you are talking to isn`t real.

Yeah, it`s super weird.

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